Friends (or lack of)

[Em112]

hello everyone! Just stumbled across this thread, I am exactly the same. I have a few old friends I keep in touch with and see a couple of times a year but that’s about it. My other half is the total opposite, it does get me down sometimes but generally I quite like being a loner, too much social interaction exhausts me I had a baby in the first lockdown though and really wanted to meet some new mum friends but just not been able to with covid and what not. Anyways, hi

Hi again everyone! I’ve not been on here for weeks, no reason in particular but it seems like every 6/8weeks or so I get all fed up about no friends again, then a few weeks later il just accept it haha it’s a vicious circle
Your definitely right making new friends as an adult is harder than dating, I also cannot deal with the apps and the statements it suggests you put on your profile and crappy ‘5 fun facts about me!’
Bank holiday Monday was a wash out literally, other half didn’t want to do anything understandably because of the rain and it somehow ended up me sulking all day telling him he’d never understand how lonely it is sometimes cos he has so many friends and I’ve got no one haha don’t ask me how I turned that around to be his fault poor bloke

why can’t we all just go on a massive meet up are any of us near each other? I’m West Yorkshire x

I am West Yorks too

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

Hello, long time lurker - first time posting!

I discovered this thread over the weekend and as someone with very few friends, it really spoke to me.

I used to be very outgoing in my early 20s and wouldn't think twice about going out to a party by myself to meet friends. But after struggling with severe anxiety for a few years, I don't even recognise myself today.

My lack of friends really dawned on me over the past year when I received no invites to Zoom socials (I set up a few for some friends but probably wouldn't have been asked in return) and now with pubs/bars reopening I haven't been invited out at all. I guess I'm an introvert who enjoys my own company, but I don't know, it really gets to me when I start to think about it.

Despite being in a long-term relationship, I feel very lonely and isolated which increases my anxiety so my feelings go full circle.

To try and combat this, over lockdown I set up a local online book club in my area but feel so conscious about meeting up in person as I just don't feel confident enough to do it. I really want to try and work up my confidence but after putting on a lot of weight I just can't bring myself round to do it. It feels so much more difficult making friends as an adult without kids - I have literally no idea where to even start.

Thank you to OP for posting - I thought I was pretty alone in this so while it's not great to see others struggling with it, it's nice to know we can chat about this together

I’m in your boat. No kids so I don’t really fit in anywhere. I’ve got friends of all age groups but working in London, we’re spread all over the place so there’s no one local. I’ve got my other half, but we don’t live together but we do do fun things. Your book club sounds like a great idea. You should go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that you don’t meet anyone you click with, but you might make a really nice friend. And one will make all the difference. X

 

[Bobbleowl90]

hello everyone! Just stumbled across this thread, I am exactly the same. I have a few old friends I keep in touch with and see a couple of times a year but that’s about it. My other half is the total opposite, it does get me down sometimes but generally I quite like being a loner, too much social interaction exhausts me I had a baby in the first lockdown though and really wanted to meet some new mum friends but just not been able to with covid and what not. Anyways, hi




I am West Yorks too

I had my baby just before lockdown and I was so excited for my maternity and to meet new mums, I feel so sad it hasn’t happened. I’m local to you too!

 

[eggbutty]

So glad I stumbled across this thread. I could've written the first post myself!

I'm very content being on my own, always have been. I have 1 friend that I see very rarely, had a group of friends at high school but those relationships didn't carry on after I left.

I'm often conflicted with how I feel about being a 'loner'. On one hand I'm fine with it, I value my own time and I'm not one for drama. I also find it quite exhausting interacting with people!
On the other hand I do think "Is there something wrong with me? Am I a crap person? Why are a lot of people from school still friends but I'm not?" Etc.

My boyfriend on the other hand has loads of friends!
I had a baby 6 months ago which would have been a perfect opportunity to meet other women but obv theres no groups on atm!

All in all I'm content with being friendless, but there is that little niggle!

 

[Em112]

I had my baby just before lockdown and I was so excited for my maternity and to meet new mums, I feel so sad it hasn’t happened. I’m local to you too!

Its hard isn’t it, baby groups are re opening but I feel like I’ve missed our chance and she’s too old now anyway. Feel free to message me if you fancy a chat (if DMs are even a thing on here haha)

 

[d0llhouse]

Pretty crap that we can't even DM each other on here, no?

I'm outwardly gregarious, but definitely an introvert - I deeply value my own time and company, feel drained when I spend too long around others and rarely crave social interaction. If I'm honest, I've done a tit job of keeping in touch with people over the years because of it.

I do think it's important not to be completely dependent on your partner (life often doesn't go as planned), so I find I value genuine friendship more as I get older.

 

[Just having a nose]

hello everyone! Just stumbled across this thread, I am exactly the same. I have a few old friends I keep in touch with and see a couple of times a year but that’s about it. My other half is the total opposite, it does get me down sometimes but generally I quite like being a loner, too much social interaction exhausts me I had a baby in the first lockdown though and really wanted to meet some new mum friends but just not been able to with covid and what not. Anyways, hi




I am West Yorks too

Could have written this myself! I also had a baby in the first lockdown and have been consumed with loneliness ever since. I have two friends both who live far away and both who don’t have children. When I see other mums on Instagram meeting up with each other who I once knew it does make me sad but mainly for my baby who doesn’t have any baby friends or interaction. I know I am suffering with post natal depression, I phoned my GP all geared up ready to ask for help but he was so rude to me when I was asking for help with an issue for my daughter i bottled it, I’m so stubborn I would rather suffer in silence than be made to feel like a fool.

I was trying to plan our wedding ceremony not long ago (we are already married but we eloped and are having a blessing next year) they said to my husband ‘you can invite all of your friends, and you (me) can invite..your family!’ It was meant in jest but it stuck with me if she could see it then so could everyone else after all, who wants to be friends with the girl who has no friends?

overall I feel stupid writing this, I’m so extremely grateful for my husband and children, they are my whole life. I am healthy and so are those close to me I have a lot to be thankful for. I am hoping to go back into nursing next year so perhaps I can meet some new friends there.

 

[Rxt156]

I don’t have many friends. I’m ok with it. It only bothers me a bit when I think how it looks to others. Do they think I’m a loner? Then I remember how much I love my free time and being home alone in the peace and quiet

 

[KoffeeKate]

hello everyone! Just stumbled across this thread, I am exactly the same. I have a few old friends I keep in touch with and see a couple of times a year but that’s about it. My other half is the total opposite, it does get me down sometimes but generally I quite like being a loner, too much social interaction exhausts me I had a baby in the first lockdown though and really wanted to meet some new mum friends but just not been able to with covid and what not. Anyways, hi




I am West Yorks too

Hahha to be fair I am the same especially in big groups I don’t say anything I just look and listen to everyone I just never know what to say probably why I haven’t got any friends
Aha! Wahoo West Yorks...and my youngest was 4 months when lockdown started so we’ve not met any other babies for him either
Ugh I know why isn’t DMing a thing on here ? X

I had my baby just before lockdown and I was so excited for my maternity and to meet new mums, I feel so sad it hasn’t happened. I’m local to you too!

I had my second just before lockdown too, I had no success with my first born making friends at groups but I thought I might be a bit more confident with my second as it wasn’t all so new to me but Covid had other plans I’m West Yorkshire too round me there’s hardly any baby groups anyway but soft play and a coffee would have worked haha x

 

[theweekend]

I think a lot of people lose friends once they get into relationships but for me it was the opposite. When I was single I was making 80% of the effort with a lot of my friends - calls, texts, making plans and just generally checking in and keeping the friendship going. It was tit but I'm just a v sociable person and really value my friendships so making a lot of effort comes naturally to me. Once I met my boyfriend he was obviously a big drain on my time and tbh it was an opportunity for me to have a bit more pride and stop chasing people that really weren't giving the same energy back.

None of them called, texted or made any plans with me once I pulled back. But they also behind my back (and sometimes to my face) said that I had ditched them for my boyfriend. Like ??? It's a 2 way street. Making out like they were heartbroken at the loss of our friendship yet still never took it upon themselves to actually reach out to me for a change. I think they just liked the attention and always having someone on the backburner if they didn't have anything better to do. I have a boyfriend that actually loves me and wants to spend time with me versus 'friends' that don't give a tit... No brainer really

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I wasn’t sure what thread to post this in but I figured here would be ok.

There’s this one mum at my kids school who I’m slightly intimidated by. I can’t put my finger on why, but she’s quite loud and bolshy, she tends to take ‘center stage’ on the playground and dominates conversations. She will also walk right past me on the path and blank me, whereas the other mums will say hi but for some reason we both just avoid each others gazes. You know how you pretend to look somewhere else or be distracted by the kids as someone is coming past to avoid them, I think we both do it and now can’t stop

I dunno she’s quite blunt and I’ve heard her gossiping with the other mums and she seems very “doesn’t suffer fools” if that makes sense. I feel like she’s one of those people who has very little patience with others, gets on more with the people who are also outgoing and loud. Doesn’t really bother with the quieter/awkward people. I dunno why this bothers me because I don’t really want to be friends with her. But would like to be friendly with her if that makes sense? I feel like it’s good for my kids for me to have a good rapport with the other parents in their classes and makes organising things for them less awkward and for the most part I do. I don’t have beef with any of the other mums or even with her really, I guess I can’t seem to work her out? Maybe she just dislikes me, which is fine. But I’ve done nothing wrong to my knowledge

 

[eggbutty]

I wasn’t sure what thread to post this in but I figured here would be ok.

There’s this one mum at my kids school who I’m slightly intimidated by. I can’t put my finger on why, but she’s quite loud and bolshy, she tends to take ‘center stage’ on the playground and dominates conversations. She will also walk right past me on the path and blank me, whereas the other mums will say hi but for some reason we both just avoid each others gazes. You know how you pretend to look somewhere else or be distracted by the kids as someone is coming past to avoid them, I think we both do it and now can’t stop


I dunno she’s quite blunt and I’ve heard her gossiping with the other mums and she seems very “doesn’t suffer fools” if that makes sense. I feel like she’s one of those people who has very little patience with others, gets on more with the people who are also outgoing and loud. Doesn’t really bother with the quieter/awkward people. I dunno why this bothers me because I don’t really want to be friends with her. But would like to be friendly with her if that makes sense? I feel like it’s good for my kids for me to have a good rapport with the other parents in their classes and makes organising things for them less awkward and for the most part I do. I don’t have beef with any of the other mums or even with her really, I guess I can’t seem to work her out? Maybe she just dislikes me, which is fine. But I’ve done nothing wrong to my knowledge

I get where you're coming from!

I've been told on a few occasions that because I'm awkward & shy, I can come across 'stuck up' & 'unapproachable'. Which funnily enough, makes me feel even more awkward... I can't help how I am!

It is especially obvious to the more outgoing people tho.
I always remember a friend's mum at high school saying right in front of my face 'I don't like shy people'
She was the loud & gobby type.

Maybe this mum is the same? She just doesn't like more reserved people?

Although even if that is the case, it's a bit rude to blank you. I'm shy af and still manage to make eye contact & say hi to people. (Even ones I don't particularly like!)

Maybe just try and break the 'avoidance' habit somehow and just say hello to her, she'll have to make eye contact eventually

I don't have school age kids so sorry I couldn't be of more specific help but hopefully she'll be receptive. If not, then at least you know you made SOME effort.

 

[Rxt156]

I’m quiet around people when I’m uncomfortable.

 

[slugella]

Hi everyone I seem to always seek out this thread when the loneliness gets too much! It makes me feel less alone, but I wish that none of us had to feel this way.

I feel like I've lost one of the only close friends that I did have. She's met other friends and seems to always be so busy with them but not as interested in hanging out with me. We did have plans to go for coffee, after ages of not seeing each other, and she cancelled because she had no money, but then is all over Instagram out for drinks and food with others. It has really hurt my feelings and I feel so sad and lonely today. I'm not going to make effort if it isn't reciprocated but it's still a sad situation.

 

[Raininvain]

That's not very kind of her is it? Don't be asking her again and if she asks you then I'd say I'll let you know.... and then not bother. Just try to do things with other people even if its family or people from work who you wouldn't normally consider etc. It sounds like it's time for you to move on to be honest. People can be really tit, dont let it get to you.x

 

[slugella]

That's not very kind of her is it? Don't be asking her again and if she asks you then I'd say I'll let you know.... and then not bother. Just try to do things with other people even if its family or people from work who you wouldn't normally consider etc. It sounds like it's time for you to move on to be honest. People can be really tit, dont let it get to you.x

Thank you Yeah people can be very tit! As if I can't see on Instagram that she's out with others. I am not going to bother with her now, and know I'll get over it eventually but just feels particularly sad today.

I had pizza for dinner as a cheer up, pizza will never let me down

 

[Onepotatotwopotato]

Hi everyone I seem to always seek out this thread when the loneliness gets too much! It makes me feel less alone, but I wish that none of us had to feel this way.

I feel like I've lost one of the only close friends that I did have. She's met other friends and seems to always be so busy with them but not as interested in hanging out with me. We did have plans to go for coffee, after ages of not seeing each other, and she cancelled because she had no money, but then is all over Instagram out for drinks and food with others. It has really hurt my feelings and I feel so sad and lonely today. I'm not going to make effort if it isn't reciprocated but it's still a sad situation.

The same thing happened to me, it makes you feel absolutely crap doesn't it

 

[slugella]

The same thing happened to me, it makes you feel absolutely crap doesn't it

I'm sorry - it really does! I think sometimes people get caught up in the excitement of a new friendship and forget about their old ones which is not the way to be a good friend.

 

[isabellalovescats]

Hi,
I don’t have any friends in the town I live in (I moved here last September) and I’m feeling pretty sad about that. Because it’s been lockdown after lockdown here, there just was no opportunity to meet people. I was in an isolated relationship for six months here and he was the only person I socialized with in person due to covid restrictions. That relationship really did not end well. Got dumped on Mother’s Day and I’ve been intensely craving friends. I’d rather be bawling drinking a lot of booze with a close friend or two then do it all on my own. I have intense social anxiety along with depression as well so it’s just been really hard to seek out the nonexistent socializing opportunities.
I reached out to the Chaplain in town (I’m not even religious) because I’m that desperate and he and I now go on walks. We went on two last week and I’m going on one with him tomorrow. That’s the only in person socialization I’ll have for the foreseeable future. I’m very wary and scared of people and it got heightened after the sudden breakup. So, it’s really making me self isolate even more.
One thing I don’t get is that I used to be such a social butterfly up until I was 21-22. I was always very popular and center of attention and I liked that. I moved to Canada right before I turned 22 and my social life took a 180. I’m really hoping to get out of here ASAP (in reality, that’s close to impossible due to a job contract). I’ve tried so many times but it’s just impossible to make friends here and I’ve spent 4 friendless years here.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Thank you Yeah people can be very tit! As if I can't see on Instagram that she's out with others. I am not going to bother with her now, and know I'll get over it eventually but just feels particularly sad today.

I had pizza for dinner as a cheer up, pizza will never let me down

People like this get silently removed from my life and I always feel 100% better for it.