For anybody struggling ❤

Be kond · Feb 21, 2023

Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

Pumpkin84 · Feb 21, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
I think it's fair to say that for some people talking therapies aren't always the right route at certain times or because of trust issues, I hear you @InTheDollsHouse - having to build up trust with someone in the same profession as may of caused the trauma originally is a right old head feck. There are so many different types of self care and therapy.

* Hypnotism for anxiety really helped me after my friend went missing/killed and stopped the feelings of threat. A friend has hugely good credentials in it so I was very lucky.

* PTSD/CPTSD? Gabor Mate - He rocks

* There are some vids on youtube about Childhood PTSD which they call CPTSD in the US sometimes to confuse matters. Another tattler put me on to them. She identifies what experiences in childhood would affect us in adulthood unhealthily, how and what you can do about them. Handy. She's called the Crappy Childhood Fairy which is a name I imagine puts people off, a shame, she dunnae mention fairies ok and she really put my head straight on a few matters which a traditional counsellor just won't do.

Thanks I'm definitly going to check these things out. Kids are on half term break this week so hands are full but will start having a look next week. I'm also going to read up on perimenopause, as I think it's effecting me too. I ordered a load of vitamins the other day and they came today. Got full spectrum magnesium, vit d, zinc and ashwagandha and some highstrength, full spectrum cbd capsules, so I'm hoping they help somewhat as I know how crucial they are and our bodies very often lack these things. I ordered a cbd oil that you spray under your tongue which came yesterday and I got a much more restful sleep lastnight. I recommend it to anyone who is struggling to sleep.

Layla29 · Feb 21, 2023

Squittel said:
Hi all, reporting in from a now closed thread (that I actually miss because although the subject matter was tragic, the people in there were lovely). This thread is a lovely idea and I’m reading through posts in here and hope everyone is ok Hang in there.

I’d also like to recommend Samaritans. I was very low about this time last year and they really helped me. The number is 116 123.

I actually miss it too. There were lovely laughs amongst the sadness

Dotty Merton · Feb 21, 2023

Be kond said:
Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

Hello luvly, I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. That sounds like some really heavy confusing feelings to carry. You've been through such a lot these last few years plus covid plus another baby. You sound very strong and brave. I'm sure someone with closer experience will be along soon I just wanted to send some good vibes your way, I was a young Mum too and it can be everso hard.

mRsKbRoOkS · Feb 21, 2023

Squittel said:
Honestly, therapy. Therapy to help me realise how serious losing my mum was. I was young when it happened and as I became older I built this fortress around it where I could talk about it without much emotion and told myself that although it was tragic it didn’t effect me too much.

The fact that I didn’t allow myself to get too close to my own daughter in her first year on this Earth? Nope. That had nothing to do with being scared of leaving her. The fact that I worry constantly about people in my family dying and if they don’t answer the phone straightaway I would assume they were dead? Nope. Completely normal. The fact that I used to spend a good portion of my time worrying that my daughter would die? Nope. Nothing to do with my mum.

Therapy actually drummed into me that it’s ok that it hurts. That I am a disaster planner and that I sometimes need to stop imagining all the worst case scenarios but also that it’s natural that I do because what is the worst thing a child can imagine? Losing their mother usually. And the worst thing did happen to me, so why shouldn’t it happen again? I had to always feel constantly prepared for EVERYTHING and that was exhausting.

Therapy also helped me realise that my mother loved me and it wasn’t a choice she made. It was also not my fault, that I wasn’t a “bad” child which I had believed for a long time. It helped me to grieve for her a second time, but this time more healthily. It helped me to speak to her sisters (my aunts) about her instead of just never talking about her and find out more about her as an adult and what she was like, without the last few months of her life hanging over me.

Last year I became older than my mum when she died. That was a weird one. But it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could never imagine being older than her. I felt certain I would die somehow too. But I didn’t. I’m still here.

What about you? How have you coped?

This broke my heart just wanted say lots of love to you. You are awesome what beautifully raw post.

Dotty Merton · Feb 21, 2023

Pumpkin84 said:
Thanks I'm definitly going to check these things out. Kids are on half term break this week so hands are full but will start having a look next week. I'm also going to read up on perimenopause, as I think it's effecting me too. I ordered a load of vitamins the other day and they came today. Got full spectrum magnesium, vit d, zinc and ashwagandha and some highstrength, full spectrum cbd capsules, so I'm hoping they help somewhat as I know how crucial they are and our bodies very often lack these things. I ordered a cbd oil that you spray under your tongue which came yesterday and I got a much more restful sleep lastnight. I recommend it to anyone who is struggling to sleep.

I so need to sort out my vitamin and fruit/veg intake. I default to sugar often, no good for mood crashes. Thanks for the reminder. I wish there was just one magic pill for all the meno stuff, so many different things to think of. I have found CBD to be useful too and use a very low dose HRT. I've had a period for a week now and am getting really tired but managed to bung some fancy stuff in my hair and some magic cream on my face after my shower. When I swept the winter leaves in the garden earlier (the hedgehogs are waking up) I found a beautiful blue hyacinth flowering in a really shitty shady corner and och, it made me smile like a kid so it did. I've put it on the step so I can see it in the morning. Little things. Spring is coming, it's just hiding under the leaves. Hold tight all.

whisperchat · Feb 21, 2023

I am really struggling today, I feel so low and I can't get out of it..

or JusRollWithIt · Feb 21, 2023

Be kond said:
Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

Don’t underestimate the impact a traumatic birth can have. My first child was born under traumatic circumstances and I still struggle with aspects of it, 21 years later. Part of the way we cope is by moving on as life with little ones is busy and generally not easy to take time out to address things as needed. But it sounds like with all the added pressures of a second child and one who requires more from you in addition to the changes in your social network of friends and family dynamics… it’s a lot you have going on and it’s understandable to feel the way you do. With PND with your first, do you think you can have this conversation with your doctor now about what you’re going through? It’s hard, I know, because you feel drained and put yourself at the bottom of the priority list, but it may really help. I’m so glad you have a supportive partner. Take care of you.
---

Dotty Merton said:
I so need to sort out my vitamin and fruit/veg intake. I default to sugar often, no good for mood crashes. Thanks for the reminder. I wish there was just one magic pill for all the meno stuff, so many different things to think of. I have found CBD to be useful too and use a very low dose HRT. I've had a period for a week now and am getting really tired but managed to bung some fancy stuff in my hair and some magic cream on my face after my shower. When I swept the winter leaves in the garden earlier (the hedgehogs are waking up) I found a beautiful blue hyacinth flowering in a really shitty shady corner and och, it made me smile like a kid so it did. I've put it on the step so I can see it in the morning. Little things. Spring is coming, it's just hiding under the leaves. Hold tight all.

There really is something so powerful in making an effort to look for the little things. The little snippets and beauty that’s around us, but hard for us to see when we are in a dark place. It’s like exercising a muscle that helps bring the light back in.

Pumpkin84 · Feb 21, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
I so need to sort out my vitamin and fruit/veg intake. I default to sugar often, no good for mood crashes. Thanks for the reminder. I wish there was just one magic pill for all the meno stuff, so many different things to think of. I have found CBD to be useful too and use a very low dose HRT. I've had a period for a week now and am getting really tired but managed to bung some fancy stuff in my hair and some magic cream on my face after my shower. When I swept the winter leaves in the garden earlier (the hedgehogs are waking up) I found a beautiful blue hyacinth flowering in a really shitty shady corner and och, it made me smile like a kid so it did. I've put it on the step so I can see it in the morning. Little things. Spring is coming, it's just hiding under the leaves. Hold tight all.

Vitamins are a funny thing, you dont feel they are doing anything until you stop taking them!
Im also having a week long period with no end in sight, its shit isnt it.
Ive got a lot of new growth in my herb garden, made me feel a little bit excited (sad I know )
We have hedgehogs too at the bottom of the garden, my husband built them a little house, you'd laugh if you saw it, its very cute

Toffeebythesea · Feb 21, 2023

whisperchat said:
I am really struggling today, I feel so low and I can't get out of it..

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. How can we help? Would it help to share with us what you're struggling with?

Dotty Merton · Feb 21, 2023

or JusRollWithIt said:
There really is something so powerful in making an effort to look for the little things. The little snippets and beauty that’s around us, but hard for us to see when we are in a dark place. It’s like exercising a muscle that helps bring the light back in.

Thats beautiful 'exercising a muscle that helps brings the light back in.'

Layla29 · Feb 21, 2023

Jwren said:
I had CBT so a little different to EMDR.
That’s a bummer, I had the same happen to me when the AD’s I’d taken for years on and off were pulled off the market, it took a little while to find ones that worked for me. So it might just be a little more time on your new AD’s will really help and then you’ll be able to continue but if you feel the new ones are not working do let your GP know. xx

Sorry if you’ve always answered but what did you make of the CBT it has been recommended to me by my GP but have never really heard about it before

MeghanSnarkle · Feb 21, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
I think that person is confused about what the word beneficiary means, it doesn't mean PA set it up, his work colleague did. I actually trust that one more than the other that had some link to the council. I'm trying not to watch the story too much today but I was left concerned about a couple of other issues, I appreciate why the other thread was stopped but somewhere we can debrief without going off topic on this thread would be good.

I did set a thread up earlier for debrief, aftermath of yesterdays news and general respectful chat on NB ( in no way trying to take over or anything just thought it was worth continuing some elements of what will unfold next if that makes sense) X

Be kond · Feb 21, 2023

or JusRollWithIt said:
Don’t underestimate the impact a traumatic birth can have. My first child was born under traumatic circumstances and I still struggle with aspects of it, 21 years later. Part of the way we cope is by moving on as life with little ones is busy and generally not easy to take time out to address things as needed. But it sounds like with all the added pressures of a second child and one who requires more from you in addition to the changes in your social network of friends and family dynamics… it’s a lot you have going on and it’s understandable to feel the way you do. With PND with your first, do you think you can have this conversation with your doctor now about what you’re going through? It’s hard, I know, because you feel drained and put yourself at the bottom of the priority list, but it may really help. I’m so glad you have a supportive partner. Take care of you.
---

There really is something so powerful in making an effort to look for the little things. The little snippets and beauty that’s around us, but hard for us to see when we are in a dark place. It’s like exercising a muscle that helps bring the light back in.

I did reach out once, I did an econsult and immediately regretted it, i dont know why, so when they rang I said I’m sure I’ll be okay and that was it. And my partners parents are good with the children too, but because I feel so shite I don’t feel like I’m having a break, which seems awful because I do have a break often. A big thing for me is worrying what people think of me, or saying the wrong thing, even a simple saying hello to someone will tip me iver and I’ll think about it for weeks, thinking by saying hello I looked like a dick. I want help, I want to help myself, but I almost don’t feel ready to do it?

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 21, 2023

Be kond said:
Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

I had a traumatic birth 4 years ago. I found that I almost bonded extra-hard with my baby afterwards, more so than with my older child whose birth was basically textbook.
I wonder if that’s what you might be finding a bit?
Also a bit of confused guilt that you had an ‘easy’ birth this time, and weren’t separated from your baby at all, unlike the first time, so also subconsciously you’re feeling sad about that too, mourning what you didn’t have the last time.
You’re going through grief for what you missed out on with your first birth - little things but important things - and that’s making your brain switch off from the now as a way to protect itself.

Hormones are weird things, and they mess with our heads.
So does trauma, and that’s what you went through.

This isn’t your fault.

You love your children. Both of them. You deserve to be happy and you deserve support and help to find the way out of this.

Layla29 · Feb 21, 2023

Be kond said:
Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

I’m so sorry to read this, I could’ve wrote this post a few months ago. My little boy is 6 months and for the first couple of months he never stopped crying like ever. I honestly accepted that he was a newborn and they cry but it just chipped away with me. It turns out he actually had a muscle pulled in his neck from his birth, my labour was awful. I was 15 days overdue and he was delivered by foreceps and they pulled his neck so hard.

In what way is your little one difficult if you don’t mind me asking, of course

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 21, 2023

Be kond said:
I did reach out once, I did an econsult and immediately regretted it, i dont know why, so when they rang I said I’m sure I’ll be okay and that was it. And my partners parents are good with the children too, but because I feel so shite I don’t feel like I’m having a break, which seems awful because I do have a break often. A big thing for me is worrying what people think of me, or saying the wrong thing, even a simple saying hello to someone will tip me iver and I’ll think about it for weeks, thinking by saying hello I looked like a dick. I want help, I want to help myself, but I almost don’t feel ready to do it?

Not feeling ready is something I absolutely understand. It feels terrifying taking that step, but you’ve already taken it by doing that econsult.

Do you know what you were frightened of after you submitted it? (There’s no right or wrong answer here, and there’s also no stupid answer xx)

Toffeebythesea · Feb 21, 2023

MeghanSnarkle said:
I did set a thread up earlier for debrief, aftermath of yesterdays news and general respectful chat on NB ( in no way trying to take over or anything just thought it was worth continuing some elements of what will unfold next if that makes sense) X

Could you please link it? x

Dotty Merton · Feb 21, 2023

MeghanSnarkle said:
I did set a thread up earlier for debrief, aftermath of yesterdays news and general respectful chat on NB ( in no way trying to take over or anything just thought it was worth continuing some elements of what will unfold next if that makes sense) X

I will pop by for a nosey and be sure to come blab my pov at some point once I've sorted out my wibble, thanks Snarkle.

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 21, 2023

MeghanSnarkle said:
I did set a thread up earlier for debrief, aftermath of yesterdays news and general respectful chat on NB ( in no way trying to take over or anything just thought it was worth continuing some elements of what will unfold next if that makes sense) X

Love this idea. We’ll need to be *very* careful what’s discussed and the tone or it’ll get shut down. If it causes mods any work I don’t think we’ll get any grace.

For anybody struggling ❤

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency