I think after watching her for a while I feel sorry for her.
I lost 5 stone a few years ago a bit via CC and then i joined SW and lost 3.5 stone unfortunately it took me 11 months! I went from a size 18 to a 10 and I must say the confidence being that size 10 was brilliant. I then fell pregnant by accident and put on about 4 stone with my pregnancy and the mentality that SW had put in me I was ashamed and therefore went back to group a week after my son was born and to be fair I lost 2.5 stone pretty quickly, but it ruined the time I was off with my son as I had body issues and food issues MASSIVE ONES. When he was 15 months old I started seeing a PT, and explained everything in my first consultation, she was great she knew where I was coming from, understood my issues and also what i was trying to achieve. However she asked me a question SW would never ask.... WHY? Why do you want to get back to that 10, why?
I didn’t have an answer for her.... I have trained with her ever since so nearly 2 years now and in that time I think I have lost 10kgs with her and I’m a size 12, a toned, curvy size 12, with a brilliant bum! (Even she is jealous of it - its my lower half I carry more weigh so we have worked we that) I have a happy relationship with food, and enjoy a takeaway once a week and treats with my son and new partner. I understand what will nourish my body and what are whole foods, I train (when the gyms are open) 4 times a week pre-work and I took the decision this lock down to give my body that break and yes I’ve put on a couple of 2kgs but so what!
Nikki Ryan you are still searching for what will make you happy! You think that being a certain size will? Or weight? Or being young? Pretty? Amazing? Gorgeous! You also try and fill that void with buying ‘stuff’ but nothing will make you happy until you sit down and work out/understand what it is you want! I don’t think Chris makes you happy - i think you think the status of being married does, you couldn’t have children (which i won’t try and understand the hurt this causes - but have witnessed in friends) so you found a way to - but i don’t think those children have brought you as much happiness as your thought they would because they are bloody hard work!
I’m 5 years younger than you Nikki and i have found my happy place! Try and find yours because you can see you are not!