I’m finding the money aspect of the mother thread triggery, I’m in a hell of a lot of self inflicted debt from a few years of v poor mental health where I spent huge amounts on credit cards and took unsupportable loans. Am on a plan with step change now so have faced up to it, but I can see clear as day that JM spends to make herself feel better temporarily then the realisation hits. It’s making my guilt come back over what I’ve done as I had family help and squandered it too. Anyway I might not be on as much and also feel I want to try having some early nights and taking some exercise to help my brain. I love all you Fraus though but will just jump on for a bit at sensible times to catch up
Are you on insta? Look at @myfrugalyear on there, she talks a LOT about this in a really lovely and non shame-y way but basically debt isn't a moral reflection on a person at all, it's shockingly easy to fall into debt and they're only making it easier & easier with these buy now pay later schemes. Any time I go on any site it's always asking me if I want to divide my retinol purchase into 3 payments of £1.27, some default to a klarna checkout option, like it's a
bleeping minefield to navigate. Then you've got influencers not declaring
tit so these ridiculously premium lifestyles feel totally normal & obtainable, so women (and it is largely targeted at us!!!) end up getting into trouble trying to keep up. It's especially insidious if you're sad or feel less than, and see these women living these lovely lifestyles and you think that just another house plant / made.com lamp / etc will make you feel that way too? Then there's so much shame & secrecy around money no one talks about it, and we should. Sorry to be evangelical but it really winds me up, it's why I love tattle and calling out these influencers because they're living a 1% lifestyle and not declaring diddly and it causes proper grief for actual humans at the end of the day.
Myfrugalyear's book is brilliant btw, you likely won't need the third chapter as step change are brill so will have you on the best path possible but it's like therapy. I genuinely believe I've had to re-program my brain to not be influenced by social media or triggered to buy, I've pre-emptively blocked all the big mama accounts so I don't end up buying £££ stuff (the savvy ladies in the SODs threads warned me about this), like influencers created a boiled frogs scenario where none of us realised what was happening and couldn't see the woods for the trees uno? So it's hard work to actually think, hold up she's only telling me this is fab because they've paid her £20k for this grid post and given it her for free? She's actually selling it on her depop 3 months later??
Sorry for the rant but honestly, please don't let this bother you JM is a
bleeping moron. I found it incredibly triggering yesterday and didn't really want to go into why cos it felt like overshare but we had a horrid time early this year, I think it must have been Jan's tax bill, where I was unwell (with tumours lolz not 'burn out' for a self employed lazy bones!) last year I was lucky enough my husband took loads of time off to be with me. Our accountant was clearly
tit & lazy and didn't forewarn us of this massive sum due, usually we were always cushty as like most self employed people you leave a
bleeping buffer in the account as HMRC are non stop on you, anyway he clearly wasn't checking in on us? Anyway my husband has a history of quite bad depression and idk why but this really
bleeping upset him, it was a really dark 2 week period as we tried to solve it (it took all of our personal savings we'd built post buying our house) but I couldn't have cared less about the money, I genuinely at points was terrified he'd do the very worst as he was saying such scary
tit to me (about guilt/shame/why would I want to be with him) where he was so sad, I was really early in my pregnancy and worried the worry would ruin that too. I didn't want to go to work and leave him, was crying on the tube in, crying in the loos, cried in a subway once mid sandwich order in front of a colleague. I didn't realise JM had bothered me til he came up last night and asked why I looked so sad, it must have shown on my face but I was just shaking my head at the whole thing mouth agape cos she really doesn't have a
bleeping clue. She's clearly manicly overspent because she's just a spoilt brat, maybe thought Louisa would come around so she didn't need to save 50% of the rent, and has just realised she's got to grow the
duck up and make trade offs like the rest of us?!! She's an actual
bleep.
I hope he is better at giving himself a jolly good wash nowadays.
) it would explain a few things and I feel I’ve done my time with periods now. Still no sign (nor sniff of cock)
I now make my own as I taught myself how (Jackie and Lloyd Grossman style) as I saved the ingredient sticker in one of my many notebooks. I can post the recipe if anyone’s interested? I’m having that later with some roasted chicken (on the bone breast and wings) with a salt, pepper and fennel seed rub done on my Kamado bbq (fancy! But the Aldi version not the £££££££s green egg)
ALERT ALERT ALERT
. Am making Kung pao prawn stir-fry tonight with some veggies from the garden.
thank you x
