Food & Drink #3

[GrunkaLunka]

@Alansbigplate genius thread title. I'm so glad yours won.

Omg on the previous thread someone mentioned Jack Whitehall's dick.

My friend is his ex and she told me his dick was slender. The worst thing is that if she ever finds out there's a site with "Jack Whitehall slender penis" quotes, it will be SO OBVIOUS it was me.
If Jack becomes aware of it, I just want to say "Jack, I'm so sorry I keep telling people about your slender dick. I am always careful to correct people when they wrongly assume it is small. Also, you did knock a full glass of wine into my lap so we are even now right."

 

[crystaleyesd]

Congrats to Mr Flumps and that cake is amazing

I don't wish to disappoint my fraus but I really didn't fancy any heavy French food tonight as I am still feeling un petit *delicate* so I'm eating dan dan noodles in bed with iced mochi and Anthony Bourdain.

I did have a crepe in Montmartre though!

 

[crystaleyesd]

Thank you fraus for all your kind words and insight! This place is the best

@crystaleyesd
Rather selfishly I properly loved your Paris updates so you made a sad old Francophile Frau very happy.

can more people go to Paris and tell me about it please. When I actually go to Paris I get a bit weird and overwhelmed so I much prefer other people to go for me!

OK then, just for you @Fenella - the most Parisian scene ever

The man in the beret started painting me and I was tres flattered, and then he showed it me and it was me in my corona mask with the word OBEDIENCE in big black letters - turned out he was a conspiracy theorist...

Also I do think society as a whole is geared against women flourishing, but ESPECIALLY with money. There's so much bullshit from the fucking wage GULF (a gap is too small a descriptor for it tbh) we endure, the maternity discrimination, age discrim, the fact someone decided you need 35 years NI contributions for full state pension but we have primary caring responsibilities, the value of women's unpaid labour, the marriage premium WE confer onto men, women tend to be the resident parent in separated families which is ££ and career limiting, our pensions which are a % of a lifetime of lower salaries/part time work/gaps in employment, blah blah blah. Then you layer on top ~consumerism and how women are under constant scrutiny for their looks, their homes, their kids' appearance, everything, this is now exacerbated through social media, is it any surprise women end up getting into debt to fund what they're literally told they should be doing else they're a piece of shit? Or not one of the cool girls~ on insta, why aren't you cool and carefree like this mum that gets £300 jumpsuits for free???

Sorry for the essay but I've been feeling this a LOT recently because of my antenatal classes / wanky positive birthing classes I've felt like the only way to safeguard yourself from other people's judgment and the slippery slope into using stuff to fix your internal shit is to take a step back from people altogether, but I worry I'll turn into some weirdo? My first (NHS, ffs!!) antenatal class I had some idiot going on about her £300 hypnobirthing class as if it actually meant anything beyond status signalling/some sort of weird cat pissing up a wall assertion of dominance in the group? I just thought great what an unenjoyable way to set the tone of this class for everyone else u actual loser? The subsequent class was horrid it was all middle class older mums one upping each other preaching evangelically about their desires for natural births (as if the rest of us are ravaging smackheads dying for a bit of recreational anaesthetic? why are medical interventions moralised?), at home in a pool, it went round robin style so when they got to me I was like yep don't really have a choice have to go to the labour ward, just hoping both of us are happy and alive by the end of it )) I'm so grateful for covid that no one has been able to arrange the meet ups they chat about on the whatsapp groups cos fuuuuck thaaaat!

@heretoreaditall2019 this is so true and astute. Your posts are always *chefs kiss*

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Thank you so much guys reading this has been really soothing, as soon as I got into my consiltant’s room I was crying like mad I felt so bad for wasting a professional’s time. I will reply properly when I’m at my laptop I’m just waiting for my final (I think / hope) appt of getting run through everything by a midwife.

they’ve decided to do an elective c section, luckily the surgeon doing it is my cancer x pregnancy consultant and she was in my tumour operation!! So I’m over the moon and know it’ll be okay cos she’s already had a rummage in my internal goods It’s a bit shit and I wish my husband could stay overnight but covid lol. Also I had a MUCH bigger cut (over top of belly button to pubic bone) for that so I’m not scared about it or recov, I have asked about medicine to help with my anxiety though but they can only give it post delivery.

sorry I don’t mean to make the thread mumsnet at all, I’m waiting for my final appt I hope / think, also I have to have a fucking covid test gaaaaaggg xx

 

[Flumps]

Omg you’re brilliant at it - I know what you mean it definitely is a cottage industry and I’ve seen some real shockers advertised locally, but yours are honestly amazing?! Have you ever though about selling them?

I love the artsy~ cakes with pastel smudges and edible flowers too, am aware this is v basic

I had a small business doing it for a while (with a punny name and everythin but it was so hard to charge the prices you need to charge to make it profitable, let alone to pay myself a reasonable salary. I did it in the evenings and weekends and just never got anywhere close to being able to make a leap to full-time. Sadly these were pre-Patreon/Crowdfunder days

I peaked around 2011 when a few of my cakes got featured in a book of cake decorating ideas. Which was cool but also a bit silly, just loads of pictures of cakes madeby different bakers. I’m not sure how useful it was to anyone who bought it. But it was kinda cool to pretend I was proper published

Then the market got saturated with loads of people who were hobbyists, which isn’t to say they were crap, not at all (though some were, and dishonest, I had some businesses steal my photos to pass off as my own, that was fun. One had the bare faced cheek to claim it wasn’t my photo, but their cake inspired by mine. Bizarre early social media gaslighting there) but because they didn’t need to make a lot of money from it, they were doing it for fun, it made the market incredibly hard to be profitable in.

So, in the end, I had to give it up as a business because it was driving me crazy from lack of sleep, I couldn’t see it going anywhere, I also was ill for a while then ran away from my marriage and it all got too much

I love edible flowers too. Here have some pretty ones @heretoreaditall2019

I’m off to bed, and will restrain from excessive cake photos in the future. You are all lovely to be so nice to me about them, I have fond memories of them as I lost myself in making them and they were a joy to me in a shitty time. x

 

[Breakdance Badass]

It was longer ago than that, I know that NI have taytos but i’m not sure up in scotland around motherwell there were some crisps.

Ah i’m terrible at this. I never screenshotted the twitter hoohaa so I can’t remember the handle.

I think in Motherwell they do have crisps, but they aren’t very mellow. The mellow crisps are more of an English concoction that I think is enjoyed with its friend some ham

 

[crystaleyesd]

OMG @crystaleyesd I am in awe - proper food porn I still don't know why you didn't just go to Five Guys but this is very close second I suppose.

I flippin' love truffle-flavoured stuff because I am a FANCY lady Is that Jessie Wallace (equiv) slightly out of shot?

Don't worry, I'm saving Five Guys for half an hour before it closes - (not a) chain fast food always tastes so much better when you have to run for it.

I usually find truffles overpowering but this was *chefs kiss* magnifique! And no that is not Jesse, that's my friend who lives in Paris (who I'm also a bit in love with but he's married so I just gazed adoringly and then went back to my hotel room alone to sigh dramatically and gallically)

 

[Raker]

So. Many. Things. To. Reply. To.... overwhelmed.

Introverts - love all the MB tests coming through, and that were pretty much all I*** somethings. I love forums because they’re introvert friendly and you can approach at your own speed, bookmark and consider at will — unless you’re madly keeping up with a HelloJackie chaos and then you’re tossed around at sea — or more like Christie, the very first victim in Jaws, being pushed around by an uncontrollable force from underneath

You don’t have to be a grandstanding centre of attention to be as funny AF as you all are *chef’s kiss*

donuts — this will be niche for the NI crew, but long ago before Tesco and Sainsbury’s came and homogenised our landscape we had our own chains (more than 10 so JM evaluation criteria met ) of Stewart’s and KrazyPrices dotted around. Most of the bigger ones that had the rotisserie chicken thing in store also made fresh ring donuts constantly throughout the day — we call them gravy rings for some reason — so the shops always smelled like fresh donuts. I’ve never had nicer. Fairground type very close second.

Soffrito mix — @Veronicaaa yes you can freeze it. Our Waitrose item has the pre-chopped bags reduced and I whack them in the freezer, in preparation for flinging and bunging into things at my own leisure...

Mother Thread — yes, been there in real time since Thread 2, judging in my introverted way, apparently. I hope it’s just a consequence of the weekends drama that things are a bit skewwhiff at the moment, resettling — I seem to recall it was a bit like that the first time, maybe the lingering scent of ham in the air? But then it settled into seeds and recipes and Big Love Support again. But now most of that has moved over here, with gifs aplenty (love yiz all ), and HelloJackie is thankfully for her own sake taking a break and providing less original content, I’m not sure how it will all shake out over there...

Celebrity chef gossip — for the love of god
please don’t tell me there’s another thread to keep on top of? I had to give up on MOD/FOD months ago as HelloJackie was taking up my entire life (has FOD really gone for good? What about House of Horrors Hoopers?)

I’m sure there’s more but I need to get back to work ...

 

[HarderFaster]

I sometimes press the wrong reaction like a when I mean or a when I mean and then think, shit!

Yes and, as per Mother Thread today, God forbid one should laugh at anything another does not deem acceptable ()

To go back slightly - I already mentioned how happy I was to see so many introverts on this thread, and while part of me feels bad for being in what is probably the (nice!) mean girl motherthread supergroup we've got going on over here (I play the tambourine at the back and occasionally sing the dominant seventh of a backing vocal) I'm also super pathetically pleased to be part of it.

Don't get me wrong, I have IRL friends, but sometimes you just can't say all the things you want to ("your baby is boring"; "I hate your sofa"; "your partner is fucking useless") and it's so nice having supportive candour.

ETA: @Badlyplatedflapjacks legend! Well done. Smegs all around (on you) x

 

[Flumps]

Hello lovely fraus. I have caught up here, but not the JM thread because I've been BUSY ok? Work tomorrow, so I dare say I'll find time then to catch up.

@heretoreaditall2019 - sorry your boss is being a dick. I am very excited about your twinges though. Vicarious baby watching is very fun. Hope you're feeling ok this evening.
@Breakdance Badass - someone I once had a rather torrid but fun love affair with used to call me an annoying iconoclast for refusing to watch/do/enjoy certain things everyone seemed to be into at the time, most notably Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad. Still have not, and will not, ever watch.
@Badlyplatedflapjacks - so many congratulations on the new job. How lovely. x
@colouredlines - that dress is amazing, so jealous of people who can sew and you look fucking fabulous in it.

Sorry, that's a very brief summary of the things I wanted to say, but I am exhausted and really should go to bed.

I feel everyone on the financial stuff though. I'm horribly profligate by nature and have horrible guilt about everything financial. Things are a mess there for me at the moment and I can't even focus on it, my mind just slides away from it all. My lovely other half tries to have all sorts of sensible conversations with me about money and I just cannot properly deal with it at all. It's a huge trigger. Sorry, that's not helpful at all is it, except to say I get it and ugh, the whole money thing is awful isn't it?

@Nottonightbabe - I have many courgette thoughts, but am too tired to do them all tonight. I will be back, if they would still be helpful, tomorrow though. And I will, promise, not in a JM style. Will recommend heartily @Veronicaaa's recipe for the marinated Italian veg though. It's wonderful.

We've done lots of birthday celebrating this weekend for my partner. Had a big BBQ today with family, lots of burgers, sausages, pork kebabs, big mushrooms and halloumi on the BBQ. Potato salad, celeriac remoulade, courgette salad and much crusty bread to go with it. Eve's pudding (not very summery, but we have a lot of cooking apples on the tree) and birthday carrot cake were the pudding options.

@Saint_clemmie - the dog situation sounded v stressful, glad it didn't all blow up though. It's hard when it feels like a cultural difference isn't it?

Lovely to 'see' you all and catch up. I feel like I have typed a lot, but not said anything of much substance, but I wanted to join in a bit now I'm back, but I am too tired to say anything v meaningful and the heat is making whatever is up with my hands and knee joints so much worse and I MUST SLEEP. Night all. x

 

[Flumps]

@Flumps that cake is proper amazing!! I can’t believe you have the Lego set waiting and not built it yet
I’m glad there is a few Lego fans on here. That’s another hobby that people usually laugh at me for!

I love Lego so much. It's silly (so I didn't say before), but at first I was so busy I didn't have time to do it, but now I am reserving the joy of building the Death Star until I've achieved something I'm working on (hahaha, JM style tease that, but I'm only not sharing the thing because I'm a bit embarrassed by it). It's going to be my reward for success. Sadly, the thing is taking a lot longer than I hoped, but one day I will build it.

This was one of my favourite ever cake orders - an Indiana Jones/Star Wars Lego crossover affair. I promise I will stop posting photos of cake now.

 

[Leonard]

On the mother thread issue - I agree @Grizzlybear. I’ve been following since DKL and was always my happy place to come and escape the stresses of lockdown. I didn’t comment much because I was BUSY with 3 young kids, but popping in here was like listening to a really engaging (and in some ways very niche!) podcast between a group of clever, eloquent, funny (mostly) women. It truly kept me sane in those early weeks.
Then the ALM thing happened, which was unpleasant, and the subsequent reappearance I found even more unsettling. Since then really I’ve been checking in but slightly peeping behind my fingers. I always feel a bit uncomfortable/grubby after reading there now. Not to cast aspersions on any of you lovely Fraus at all. But just feel the vibe has changed. Like it’s under new management or something.
So this is the thread for me now

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Well, mystery solved. There wasn't a bra in the boot but he slipped me his number bless him. I can stop sweating now!

I really dislike ham crisps, so just try to ignore them when they pop up.

 

[Raker]

God morgen Frauen

After a lot of debate I have travelled back to NI to see my elderly unwell parents and check that their various care packages are working (yes for the most part, but lots of social care stuff to do today)

I was really REALLY looking forward to a breakfast feast of toasted Veda, but unfortunately all of the fresh food I ordered for them last week wasn’t put in the freezer, and I was faced with an entirely grey (blue/green mould on a dark brown crust) loaf.

Upsetting about my breakfast (obviously it’s all about me, Jack Style) but even more upsetting to see how old and incapable parents have become...

 

[PoorPatrol]

Don’t all triangulate me at once, fraus! 1p discount at my rip off Sainsburys local, hurry, hurry, step right up seems a waste of a sticker

 

[Suprise!]

Omg I have a new name but the spelling is wrong . I’m a total spelling pedant! That serves me right for freaking out and quickly asking admin to give me a nice ‘suprise’

 

[Alansbigplate]

Fraus may also appreciate the best croque monsieur I have ever eaten (it had truffles in it - FANCY).

View attachment 194364

FOREARMS FOREARM ALERT

I mean your lunch looks lush

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I’m finding the money aspect of the mother thread triggery, I’m in a hell of a lot of self inflicted debt from a few years of v poor mental health where I spent huge amounts on credit cards and took unsupportable loans. Am on a plan with step change now so have faced up to it, but I can see clear as day that JM spends to make herself feel better temporarily then the realisation hits. It’s making my guilt come back over what I’ve done as I had family help and squandered it too. Anyway I might not be on as much and also feel I want to try having some early nights and taking some exercise to help my brain. I love all you Fraus though but will just jump on for a bit at sensible times to catch up

Are you on insta? Look at @myfrugalyear on there, she talks a LOT about this in a really lovely and non shame-y way but basically debt isn't a moral reflection on a person at all, it's shockingly easy to fall into debt and they're only making it easier & easier with these buy now pay later schemes. Any time I go on any site it's always asking me if I want to divide my retinol purchase into 3 payments of £1.27, some default to a klarna checkout option, like it's a fucking minefield to navigate. Then you've got influencers not declaring shit so these ridiculously premium lifestyles feel totally normal & obtainable, so women (and it is largely targeted at us!!!) end up getting into trouble trying to keep up. It's especially insidious if you're sad or feel less than, and see these women living these lovely lifestyles and you think that just another house plant / made.com lamp / etc will make you feel that way too? Then there's so much shame & secrecy around money no one talks about it, and we should. Sorry to be evangelical but it really winds me up, it's why I love tattle and calling out these influencers because they're living a 1% lifestyle and not declaring diddly and it causes proper grief for actual humans at the end of the day.

Myfrugalyear's book is brilliant btw, you likely won't need the third chapter as step change are brill so will have you on the best path possible but it's like therapy. I genuinely believe I've had to re-program my brain to not be influenced by social media or triggered to buy, I've pre-emptively blocked all the big mama accounts so I don't end up buying £££ stuff (the savvy ladies in the SODs threads warned me about this), like influencers created a boiled frogs scenario where none of us realised what was happening and couldn't see the woods for the trees uno? So it's hard work to actually think, hold up she's only telling me this is fab because they've paid her £20k for this grid post and given it her for free? She's actually selling it on her depop 3 months later??

Sorry for the rant but honestly, please don't let this bother you JM is a fucking moron. I found it incredibly triggering yesterday and didn't really want to go into why cos it felt like overshare but we had a horrid time early this year, I think it must have been Jan's tax bill, where I was unwell (with tumours lolz not 'burn out' for a self employed lazy bones!) last year I was lucky enough my husband took loads of time off to be with me. Our accountant was clearly shit & lazy and didn't forewarn us of this massive sum due, usually we were always cushty as like most self employed people you leave a fucking buffer in the account as HMRC are non stop on you, anyway he clearly wasn't checking in on us? Anyway my husband has a history of quite bad depression and idk why but this really fucking upset him, it was a really dark 2 week period as we tried to solve it (it took all of our personal savings we'd built post buying our house) but I couldn't have cared less about the money, I genuinely at points was terrified he'd do the very worst as he was saying such scary shit to me (about guilt/shame/why would I want to be with him) where he was so sad, I was really early in my pregnancy and worried the worry would ruin that too. I didn't want to go to work and leave him, was crying on the tube in, crying in the loos, cried in a subway once mid sandwich order in front of a colleague. I didn't realise JM had bothered me til he came up last night and asked why I looked so sad, it must have shown on my face but I was just shaking my head at the whole thing mouth agape cos she really doesn't have a fucking clue. She's clearly manicly overspent because she's just a spoilt brat, maybe thought Louisa would come around so she didn't need to save 50% of the rent, and has just realised she's got to grow the fuck up and make trade offs like the rest of us?!! She's an actual cunt.

 

[NP]

Lunch today was 16 Tesco chicken nuggets and chinese curry sauce. Not feeling particularly fancy today.

 

[Flumps]

So well done to Mr @Flumps - that is fab!! More more more more more more cake pics, please????

I am (proper) worried it looks like showing off, but I proffer one more cake pic for today, though I suppose it's not very cakey.......