Food and Drink #39

[EddieBeds]

Thank you for the thoughts .

Spoiler: Update - tw mental health

Mr Beds is still not in a great place. He’s told me (and others) he’s not taking his medication as he doesn’t need it. Medication isn’t necessary for everyone but is part of his jigsaw. Also makes it feel really uncertain as to how much longer this mania will last when he’s not on medication - other episodes he’s not gone cold turkey from medication so hasn’t been so prolonged. At the moment it’s a watch and wait as he will eventually run out of steam.

I also get for him there is complex feelings wrapped up in it all from unresolved stuff from his childhood etc and imagine it must feel wearing to have to take medication, not just the stigma but also side effects etc. While I’ve had to be on medication/self manage conditions which are ‘invisible’ it’s not been shrouded in stigma like mental health can be.

His friends have been in touch telling me he doesn’t sound like him in the way he’s talking/acting with them but none of them know what else I/we can do when he won’t engage. Bipolar UK have been really supportive, they’ve said his decision to end things is very impulsive and ‘typical’ of behaviour when in mania but doesn’t make it any less hurtful. They’ve also got some resources for further down the road.

Had the first Early Help appointment this week so feel there is something happening while waiting for the above to settle but it’s just hard, especially because he’s lost insight he doesn’t like anything I say re safeguarding the kids. Again I get it on a level because he’s convinced himself of another reality but makes interactions really hard when I get a volley of verbal aggression. I just miss him and want the ‘imposter’ to go if that makes sense.

Sending hugs to those who want/need them.

I did a mock exam for my course and passed with flying colours - just hoping it’s the same when I get to the real thing in a few weeks.

 

[Captainmouse]

 

[Django]

Meet St. Gertrude, cat lady of the Catholic Church

The patron saint of cats is a woman named Gertrude of Nivelles. In the age of viral cat videos, it’s no surprise cats have a saint of their own.

uscatholic.org

Happy St Gertrude's Day you glorious ninnies, apropos of nothing here is one of my outdoor kittens, little Prettyboy doesn't know how handsome he is.

 

[mince]

Clems are very good at looking dead when they're not tho so fingers xd!

I have a fuchsia that does this too, so don’t despair, MB. My loss tally for the big freeze was four frogs .

No boiler maintenance for me today, but yesterday there was a right honk™ in the kitchen so I chucked all sorts down the drains (not the bobbly or coconut ones, they’re my favourite). Smell went away but I got a little gust this morning so thought I’d adult and check the trap. Emptied the cupboard under the sink and put a small towel and Pyrex in because I thought it would be full of water. Ninnies, it was and I felt proud verging on smug to catch every drop in the Pyrex bowl… which I promptly lifted up and tipped down the trapless sink. Asking self how I could such a daft fuck and live, and being glad of the towel, I noticed the trap could do with a bit of a clean, so I stood up, grabbed the fairy liquid, turned on the tap, and gave it a scrub, right down the sink. Twice, ninnies. Paul and Barry (RIP) Chuckle would never.

 

[veryfondoftea]

Happy Caturday from this silly sausage who has decided he likes to get in the bath!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Caturday is brought to you by Susan's toe beans.

 

[I'm not actually here]

rescue cats, recently spayed and neutered. I have brought them inside to try to socialise them. Wish me luck!!!
---

My love - I’m so sorry and sending love. No one is unloveable not even a complete dickhead who says things like that to someone else, sorry to be rude about them but sounds like they’re projecting some shit, lack accountability, and are centred in ego which is a miserable existence to have. Who tf are they to class anyone as unloveable? The fucking love jury? What a fucking loser chuck that sentence straight in the bin.

I haven’t dated or even gotten to 35+ lol so no help there but honestly the shit I read on mums groups you’re so so so so so much better off with a quality angel of a partner that comes later than you’d wanted/expected than everything ticked off and some of the vile cretins you read about. I know not everyone wants kids so not suggesting that but anyway, what’s meant for you will not pass you by and you’ll get through this and into better things

Trying to catch-up. Being single isn't as bad as anybody makes out. I promise. I didn't choose to be, but my oh died 4 years ago and I've had to reinvent my life. You can do it, too. Especially with the help of the fab folk here. X

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I went to a large building (think very pointy and full of god) today and in the café someone was doing some work with a fully asleep cat on their lap. It was the chillest cat I've ever seen, looking like it was having the time of its life getting strokes and just hanging out. Shout out to that cat. Thinking about it is making me slightly less annoyed about the fact my care co-ordinator asked me to call her this afternoon so I spent 20 minutes on hold to the clinic only for her to not be available. I asked the receptionist to get her to call me back but she sent me a text at ten past four saying she was done for the day and would call me tomorrow. WHY ASK ME TO CALL THIS AFTERNOON THEN?? She knows I hate making phone calls as well. Sorry I'm just rambling now. I was awake until 3:30 again because I couldn't go to bed until I'd drawn ten snakes.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

No need to outsource shitty robots Hotes, that's fully in my wheelhouse.

 

[Captainmouse]

I know you guys will like this

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Eh, lads, my old man has had another stroke. He's at home recuperating by watching Father Ted, Ghosts and Cunk on Earth. Thankfully it was very mild but this is the third in less than two years so it's a bit of a worry.
I'll be heading down to see him in a fortnight or so, I get a free train ticket every year from Disability Services so I'll be getting a train to a larger town near the border then a coach to his town.
The coach ride is nice on the way down, it goes along the coast and through some gorgeous forested areas. Last time I saw a wallaby and a koala leaving the forest together which was really cute. I just have to wait until my payment comes through so I can book my tickets.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Yes!! Good on you for saying something - women are socialised to be agreeable and compliant and to ignore our gut instinct. People who’ve narrowly escaped serial offenders have described having a gut feeling that they listened to early and bolted and that was their saving grace!

I had a bit of an encounter the other week (very scary to me but pales in comparison to some of the other fraus experiences) and I'm so glad that I've started taking the "give less fucks about being rude to creeps" lesson to heart from my older female friends

Spoiler: Long

Walking home about 11pm.

A guy about my age stopped me on the street and said hi really warmly and familiarly as if I knew him. Im terrible with names and faces so I say hi back and stop to chat, I'm trying to place him, maybe he's a former flatmate or someone I work with but haven't seen since pre-covid? This guy then tells me he is being followed by 2 men and he was scared but stopped me as "I seemed like a safe person"

I'm normally always down to chat to strangers if they're friendly but this guy set off inner alarm bells, super twitchy, constantly putting his hands in his pockets, then taking them out, touching his pockets from outside, then putting hands back in - as if he had something in there that was on his mind. He kept stepping closer to me as well every time I moved away from him.

To my right is just a big wall from a building, to my left is a road with shops and offices on the other side but they're all closed and empty at this time of night. There's no one else around unfortunately.

The guy pointed behind me to where these men supposedly were but as I turned to look I saw him start putting his hand in his pockets and he was very close so I stopped and just kind of stepped backwards and rotated around him instead so I could see behind where I was whilst also putting some space between us (also put myself closer than him to the road now on my right, I was hoping that gave me more options for a quick exit if necessary)

I was basically like well don't worry I've looked and they're gone, there's no one there now you're safe, and then he asked for my age.

Once upon a time I would have given it out of politeness and probably had a chat with him but he'd freaked me out and tonight for some reason I had that voice in my head like "you have no obligation to be nice to this guy" so I got quite aggro and I was like "why is that relevant to you being followed? Why are you asking me my age? How old are YOU?" He didn't get angry though he just told me his age and how he was walking to place but scared to do it alone.

Probably was hoping I'd offer to come with him but all he got from me was "ah it's a shame that I'm going in the opposite direction but good luck, walk quickly, bye " and I crossed the road & started power walking away.

It was probably just some poor guy paranoid and high on drugs but rightly or wrongly something in my brain was just like "he has a knife in his pocket " and I decided to listen to my gut rather than risk finding out!

Once upon a time I think out of politeness I would have offered to take him some of the way, but looking back - he seemed super happy and gave me a big smile when he initially saw me, then when I seemed hesitant (because at that point internally I'm desperately thinking 'who IS he again?') his demeanor changed to the whole "ooh I'm so scared" also if you're being followed by two men ...let's just say I don't look like the kind of person who can bench press the queen or fight off 2 attackers! The whole situation was sketchy and i was pretty unnerved by it.

I feel terrible though because about 15 minutes later the same night I noticed another man walking behind me - and twice when I crossed a road he also crossed it a few minutes later. I tried it again by crossing onto the other side of the road when we got to a residential street near my house and he did too, I was so wound up that I just turned round and said really loudly "are you following me?!" And this poor guy was like "no" and I had to let him walk past me, turns out he was just going in the same direction

 

[kachoochoo]

look what we got today lads!

and, if anyone remembers, this is indeed the spite bedding I bought when jack was mean about otters that time

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Did you call her a flamin gallah? If not, pls do so now.

I called her a Baby Witch. I used to call her that when she was the world's naughtiest kitten.
Flamin' galah has been noted and will be utilised at a later date. (She got in trouble about an hour ago, I caught her sleeping on the dining table. I just asked " Whyyyyy? Why are you sleeping there, you bad cat?")
She's incorrigible.
---
I dug deep into Facebook to find this for you, @HotesTilaire. Tiny Susan ruining our housemate's dinner, from the series 'Susan ruins dinner' parts 1,2 and 3.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

BIB makes me a bit sad if I’m honest. I mean it’s realistic for some women but I think that makes it sadder. Women dropping their wages, holiday entitlement, pension, career opportunities, to work for free at home on their ‘day off’. Men would NEVER. And they’d never suggest to another man that doing those things on a NWD is time well spent.

ETA: I was out with friends last night and Mr Laz text me to say he’d emptied the dishwasher and washed the bathroom floor and was just about to sit down to watch a film he’s seen a hundred times. I’m trying to imagine a world where he’d be really pleased to hear I’d done the same when he was sitting having a couple of pints with his pals.

Someone shared a tweet (on here or the MT?) that said something along the lines of a woman's contribution to the home could be summed up by the fact they could never have a secret second family. It’s so true! Men can manage to do that because their contribution is (usually) just not comparable.

The notifying the world when they've done normal everyday tasks too . I went on a mini break with friends a few years ago and Mr NT was so chuffed to show me he'd tidied up and changed beds etc, so I came home to a clean house. I was pleased, don't get me wrong - but these are just normal tasks you have to do everyday when you live somewhere . But when a man does it, it's worth recognition and a pat on the back? We think we've come far in society in terms of equality, but scratch the surface and the old attitudes and expectations are still lurking there.

 

[Wooh]

I just remembered the fad for eyebrow piercings among boys when I was in Sixth Form. I personally thought it looked hot on some guys.

Funnily enough the school weren't keen, and made people cover them up with plasters. Which didn't look quite so hot.

God, teenagers are crazy!

The teenagers I know, I just agree with all their ideas, "that is a terrific idea", "I think that sounds great", "I love your hair", "Yes, I do think that being a YouTuber would be fun" and "do you want to roll down this hill?". The former wannabe YouTuber is now finishing her teaching degree, and nothing I said or didn't say has anything to do with that,
so, honestly, let's just adore the ones we know.

May I take this opportunity to tell you that I was wobbling a bit on the approach to a low/depression state, and am so relieved I have the tools to recognise and plan.

One part of the plan was to call my friends, two dads and a 9 year old, and say I need to be invited to dinner, please. Thus I spent Monday evening drawing mandalas and colouring in with Miss 9, while chatting to her and the dads. We ate delicious spaghetti bolognese. I'm pleased my brain went along with the proactive plan: it was a bit iffy at 5pm yesterday! And I had a hug. Awwwwww. I'm corny. Sorry

 

[BubbleDuck]

Hello Frauen, sorry to be the bringer of sad vibes but …

Spoiler: Sads

mr em dumped me on Sunday completely out of the blue. Said he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve been totally pathetic since, can’t work, get out of bed, stop crying. I know it will pass in time but right now it’s SO HARD and my self worth is rock bottom. I feel like I’m just fundamentally unlovable (an ex once told me that) and I just cannot get it together. I saw no warning signs, nothing. Please tell me dating at 35+ isn’t going to be a complete nightmare. I thought mr em was my future I feel like my whole world has imploded on me

Spoiler: Reply

You are 100% not fundamentally unlovable. I only know you through a screen, and I can tell you are smart, funny, kind, thoughtful and have more awesomeness in your little finger than any former mr Em. All of those qualities make you fall definitely in the loveable category.



You are not being pathetic, you are grieving for the future you thought you would have . Take the time to cry, wallow, comfort eat mashed potato while wearing your grottiest pjs while watching trash tv on repeat, whatever you need to do right now. You are right, it will pass , but that doesn’t mean you should be mean to yourself until it does.



Sending you love and positive energy, and virtual hugs if you would like them . And I hope your ex stubs his little toe on every doorframe he encounters from now until eternity. And that the laundry care label in all his clothing suddenly starts causing that annoying sensory nightmare that feels like Edward scissorhands is tickling him with red hot heated finger blades .

 

[Lazarus]

Work merail here too, and to those standing up for themselves.
I started a new job in the summer, I thought it was my dream job and after a few failed applications, took advice from someone on the MT about wording my application. Anyway, their advice was great- got me to interview and I was offered the job.
I’ve got to say I haven’t been happy in the role since I was appointed. The organisation isn’t very dynamic and it reminds me of a kind of typical office environment from about 15-20 years ago. The people aren’t massively engaged either. The team who work for me are lovely and really committed; I’ve had some great feedback from them, from peers and from my manage about how I’ve brought some new opinions and ideas which have benefitted many.
However I’m not gaining any new skills and most of the learning I’ve done is on stuff which is really specific to this role and not transferable so I started looking elsewhere.
It feels knobbish to say I was head hunted. I think that’s a cuntishly arrogant thing to say, but my old manager approached me and invited me to apply for a role in a new department she’s setting up. It’s a level transfer and a pay match, but the opportunities for career progression are greater. I’ve verbally accepted but as is standard in the civil service I now need to go through lots of checks.
I’m dreading telling my boss and my team and it’s making me feel unhappy even though I know I’ll be happier when I move.

 

[Britney Spiers Morgan]

Already back at work, done one day, now into 2 nights. Feeling apprehensive but what can you do? I can’t not work.

Friends- don’t have many. None are local. Seeing one next month but I don’t have anyone in my immediate town.

HPV not an issue, already clocked that one-up from a previous dickhead. Pretty prevalent in my age group I think. Pre vaccine etc.

At the moment I’m just very sad. Sad, hurt, feeling pretty hopeless. The ladies are the only thing that are keeping me going but they aren’t exactly great conversationalists.

Just popping up again to say how much everything you’re going through resonates so much with me. I ended up writing everything I was feeling in a massive letter to him to stop it all going through my mind on repeat, in the hope I’d finally get a decent night’s sleep. It didn’t really work. He sent me a massive text in reply and some of it was so lovely, it made me cry buckets. I just can’t get my head around why he’s so resolute about it all and why he’s being so cold-hearted. I’m convinced there has to be more to it than he’s telling me but he’s adamant there Isn’t anyone else. I really don’t know what to think.

I’ve been trying to rebuild some kind of life for myself by joining a running group and I’ve signed up for a book club but I feel like I’m going through the motions and my heart isn’t any of it. I just feel really alone. I’m pursuing counselling and am waiting to be “matched” to a counsellor via my work’s occ health service but in the meantime, I’m just incredibly sad.

 

[emm]

well I think you’re really nice. And you should have a good Idahoan-fuelled wallow for the rest of the week.

I was in the same situation a couple of years ago, it is the worst feeling. This sounds awful but in a way after a really bad breakup like this I felt worse than I did when my grandma who I was very close to died. When someone (who is old and has lived a good life) dies it is obviously awful but it is something you do see coming and you are , in a way prepared, an out of the blue breakup is not at all like that. Sending and virtual tunnocks teacakes. If you can I would maybe take some time off work to rest (I called in sick when I was in the same situation tbh)