Food and Drink #39

[EllaEm87]

Hello Frauen, sorry to be the bringer of sad vibes but …

Spoiler: Sads

mr em dumped me on Sunday completely out of the blue. Said he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve been totally pathetic since, can’t work, get out of bed, stop crying. I know it will pass in time but right now it’s SO HARD and my self worth is rock bottom. I feel like I’m just fundamentally unlovable (an ex once told me that) and I just cannot get it together. I saw no warning signs, nothing. Please tell me dating at 35+ isn’t going to be a complete nightmare. I thought mr em was my future I feel like my whole world has imploded on me

 

[EddieBeds]

Spoiler: Update tw

Mr Beds has ended things with me. Claims he’s not ill and it’s all just a relationship issue and I’ve denied him access to the children etc (I’ve been facilitating him seeing them).

I’ve followed all the advice given around safeguarding the kids and been actively trying to get things in place to support his return home (we’ve been allocated an Early Help worker). I know it’s not him per say but I’m heartbroken.

 

[EllaEm87]

Just to clarify it was a different ex who said it but it’s like the most recent ex falling out of love kind of confirms it, ya know? I know it happens, and it’s horrible, but it’s not his fault really. It just hurts a fucking lot right now. Crying at all your kind responses, thank you. I’ve not felt like eating, mashed potato or otherwise, and you’ll be pleased to hear I’ve changed pjs a grand total of once since Sunday. I can’t sleep and have zero energy. The ladies have been lovely but even that presents a problem in that Maisie is both of ours. And we were due to buy together later this year. My work have kindly given me leave this week as I don’t think patients need me sobbing over them! I’m genuinely heartbroken.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Thanks for the kind words lads, I'm going to try and keep up with at least reacting to posts on this thread. I'll leave you with this image of sideboardcat.exe crashing earlier.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Happy Caturday, one and all.

 

[Lurkeryaar]

Hello my name is Dolly Pawton and I already love jumping on EVERYTHING

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Happy Caturday from the biggest derp in the northern hemisphere.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I am about lads, just silently observing Sorry for not reacting to posts and then coming storming in with a me-rail.

Spoiler: me-rail

The meds increase hasn't helped and I'm turning in on myself. I've been ringing up the community mental health team and the crisis team to talk to them which is absolutely unprecedented but I still feel awful and like I'm wasting everyone's time.

Just for you dear heart KCC:

 

[Falkor]

I am wearing Badger and she is toasty Squigged myself for anonymity!

-8 with the windchill factored in and only my nose is cold out walking the dogs.

 

[EllaEm87]

Thank you for thinking of me, I’m ok. Not crying daily anymore, just every second day. My heart still hurts but I’m seeing a counsellor for a first session tomorrow to help me come to terms with it all and other things

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Can you imagine how much easier the world would be if men just called
each other out and kept and eye on the ones being weirdos and creeps, fucking hell,,as women we’re checking our behaviour when it should be men checking on themselves and each other.

I cycle in London a lot, and have had some nasty experiences with street harassment (bloody love living near a football stadium on matchdays, honest. Hang on, no, not love, the other thing, absolutely despise with every fibre of my being). Anyway...

Couple of weeks ago I was cycling to work, and it's London, and it's early, so there's a real gender imbalance on the streets. I'm waiting at the lights, and a couple of construction workers are walking towards me.

"TITS!" says one, pointing (I'm wearing a massively over-engineered sports bra and a winter weight cycle jersey so good luck with that), and I flinch and inwardly think "oh shit, here we go," start looking around to see if there's any chance of the lights changing soon so I can make a getaway, or if I can hop off the bike and walk over the crossing or...

And his mate punches him on the arm and said "will you fucking stop talking about women like that I'm fucking sick of it, you stupid fucker."

So that was nice.

 

[Falkor]

Apparently snow is quite comfy enough for a snooze. We tried to roll a bale out for them this morning and they're frozen solid to the pallets, so we've just taken the end pallets away so they can at least eat the end.

Sunny today, but this was yesterday with a fresh band of snow on its way from the north.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Just a cat and her avocado friend from today. She refused to go to bed before me last night so I had to give in to stop her rampaging about the flat at gone midnight. I was still awake at 3:30, she was tucked up on the sofa fast asleep.

 

[Britney Spiers Morgan]

I’m a long-time lurker on here and the MT and I always really love reading all your chat but am usually too far behind to contribute. I felt compelled to reply to @EllaEm87 though as I’m going through something similar.

It’s a different set of circumstances in that the warning signs were there. My partner had been telling me for months - via long, long texts - that there were things he was unhappy about and how it was affecting him but we have very different communication styles and I buried my head in the sand and hoped that everything would magically be okay somehow.

He eventually ended things about a month ago and it’s been the worst time of my life. I feel bereft and then feel guilty for even thinking that it’s similar, especially as a woman I work with recently lost her husband to cancer. My confidence is at rock bottom and I’ve been tearful and achingly sad for much of the time. I’m also a little bit angry that he’s given up on me and on us. He says he still loves me and always will and in many ways, that makes it harder.

Sorry for totally me-railing but your post just really resonated. Like you, I have a small circle of friends and I’ve let those friendships slide in the last few years (I have a daughter from my failed marriage and the only time I don’t have her has been spent with my partner). I know I won’t always feel like this and things will get better but that doesn’t make the here and now any less shit. Sending love.

 

[Lucy Aeroplane]

Ah ninnies, this thread has been nice to catch up on. The news today has been really upsetting, so I came to read F&D for a bit of warmth and levity, which you’ve provided

Had to go to the doc today, where I got roundly bollocked (in a nice way but still very much told off) for not going in sooner. Turns out the annoying cough/sinusy stuff I’ve had going on since about Christmas is a bit worse than I’d thought.

You know how at some times in your life you just feel a bit shit, and you get used to feeling a bit shit, and it just becomes your normal? Well, I’ve got a toddler so that’s just how I feel anyway, plus it’s been January and February so the offspring’s been bringing home every virus going, because that’s what they do, the little bastards. I have a lot on work wise and have separately been a bit miserable for various reasons, so haven’t been too focused on my general health.

And now it turns out I have actual pneumonia because I didn’t bother going to the doctor sooner about my annoying cough/cold thing. Hopefully my nice mega strength antibiotics will start to have an effect soon. Doc wants to see me again at the end of next week. Definitely wasn’t expecting that when I went out this morning. Somehow, being diagnosed with pneumonia has made me feel worse than I did the last couple of months!

big hugs to everyone having a tough time at the moment, am happy to see you’re getting some moral and practical support. And thanks to everyone providing animal photos, they’re lovely. xxx

 

[MaineCoonMama]

My mood today is Pooh.
I've been feeling like shit the past few days so he's been smothering me with Pooh medicine including almost suffocating me by sleeping on my chest, drooling on my glasses and booping my phone while I'm trying to read.

 

[Lurkeryaar]

Spoiler: Sad cancer stuff

I found out today that a friend of mine died last week, following her cancer relapse. We met at a support group when I was first in remission and then stayed Instagram friends after that and whilst we'd never met, I'm really gutted. She was only 27 and was on the road to great things. It's not fair that she went through all the horrible new chemo and pain related to a stem cell transplant yet it still got her. Life is cruel sometimes.

 

[EddieBeds]

Hope you’re doing ok @EddieBeds x

Neither of my cats are fussed about Dreamies - treat-wise one only bothers with cooked chicken (preferably thighs) and the other can’t be bribed with anything. Grumpy old bastard.

My mum and dad’s cats go mad for Dreamies though, it’s a bit alarming/scary to see how fixated they get! What do the manufacturers put in them? My dad says it’s powdered mouse, but I’m not sure he knows that for a fact.

I’m worried little aeroplane might be brewing a bug, there have been no symptoms yet and LA seems fine (is asleep now of course), but grumpy bastard cat seems to hang around in close proximity every time there’s some sickness happening. And right now he’s under LA’s bed instead of on mine

Spoiler: Update - tw mental health

Not sure where to start with this update. A month on and Mr Beds still isn’t home. He’s really not well still and doesn’t appear to want to engage either which is obviously making things hard.



I’m basically being painted as all sorts of outrageous stuff - I really get that’s he’s ill as ordinarily he would never be saying these things (not just about me but in general about anyone else) but it’s really hurtful and tiring. I’m trying to just let it slide over me but it feels relentless and it’s exacerbated by the fact his family would rather believe that than the fact he’s unwell so indulge his reality.



His behaviour is still agitated towards me at best, aggressive (verbally) at worse. Lots of micro aggressions in between because I’m following advice re safeguarding he doesn’t like. He’s never made me feel unsafe before but I do now as he’s so unpredictable at the moment. It makes me dread most interactions as a result and because I’m holding that boundary the cycle continues. He’s also really cold with me - which I get is because of all of the above but he’s always been affectionate and told me he loves me etc but currently nothing. It’s like he’s a stranger.



I’m waiting on Children’s Service’s to confirm in what capacity they can help. They have been really reassuring and understanding. Mind and Bipolar UK have reassured me too but I feel in limbo waiting for this nightmare to end and knowing there isn’t much more I can do as Mr Beds has to be the one to engage.



Also in the midst of this I’ve been offered a place on my course - it’s a two year course and I’m getting nervous about whether to accept. I think this is because of the current instability in my life but just making me question if I’m good enough to do it, whether I can do the juggle of work/course/child care and the fact I’ll likely be doing it on my own as even if the current situation comes to an end I know Mr Beds has a lot of recovery ahead.

And @EllaEm87 sending my love - we’re all here for you.

 

[Falkor]

I've had to learn a lot about external oil boilers because both the holiday lets have them - I can run through all the basic checks now and the firm of heating engineers I use will often give me a list of things to check for them before deciding whether they need a callout or not, because the one 17 miles west of where we live is now a £150 callout charge due to it being 45 miles from where they are and just over an hour's drive partly on single track roads. The other one, in the same village we live in, has developed a leak and they did drop in as they were passing last week to have a look at it, but it was raining and it's extremely hard to see if there's water where there shouldn't be when everything's getting wet as soon as you unscrew the lid. So I got left with a list of things to check in the dry, which I did yesterday, and I've found the source of the problem. In theory should be still under warranty as well, which is a big relief, because I've had a really bad run of repair bills at the time of year when reserves are at their lowest!

Found this when I was tidying up some folders in Dropbox - Junior and my old boy we lost last summer, they were such good friends

 

[EddieBeds]

Thank you for the comforting words . My dad is here by chance and has put a bolt on the front door and fitted a lock to the garden to prevent access. I’ll keep moving forward with the Early Help stuff in the hopes he comes round at some point and to ensure safety plans are in place too.