Food and Drink #36

[MavisBeacon]

Family related mithering

Spoiler

Just on the way home from visiting my sister who is traumatised after spending Christmas with her husband's incredibly toxic family and narc sister. She was in such a state, doubting everything about herself and her parenting and blaming herself. It was heart breaking as she is a really kind and dutiful person who just wants the best for her children and for them to be part of his family. It sounds like the evil sister spent the entire time just setting psychological landmines that everyone stepped on without realizing, just so she could go off on one, ending with a screaming row.
I don't really know what else to do except keep telling my sis it's not her fault and that it's ok to limit communication with this awful woman

 

[HotesTilaire]

Before you know it, Katch, they’ll be saying “oh I don’t need to ID you” yeah.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

There was a period of about four or five weeks over summer that I didn't get IDed and it was amazing, I felt like a proper adult. Either I looked haggard af or people could see I'm tattooed shoulder to toe and used a bit of common sense. Normal (sometimes humiliating despite wearing normal trousers) service has since resumed as when I wear a hat with my hood up I look like a 14 year old boy.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Family related mithering

Spoiler

Just on the way home from visiting my sister who is traumatised after spending Christmas with her husband's incredibly toxic family and narc sister. She was in such a state, doubting everything about herself and her parenting and blaming herself. It was heart breaking as she is a really kind and dutiful person who just wants the best for her children and for them to be part of his family. It sounds like the evil sister spent the entire time just setting psychological landmines that everyone stepped on without realizing, just so she could go off on one, ending with a screaming row.
I don't really know what else to do except keep telling my sis it's not her fault and that it's ok to limit communication with this awful woman

When she’s gathered herself, make sure to get her some resources about narcs so she can protect herself.

 

[emm]

Before you know it, Katch, they’ll be saying “oh I don’t need to ID you” yeah.

oh god, when you get out the ID and they wave it away

 

[skronkywildcat]

There was a period of about four or five weeks over summer that I didn't get IDed and it was amazing, I felt like a proper adult. Either I looked haggard af or people could see I'm tattooed shoulder to toe and used a bit of common sense. Normal (sometimes humiliating despite wearing normal trousers) service has since resumed as when I wear a hat with my hood up I look like a 14 year old boy.

Oh my god she's outed herself. Shoo ...shoo!!!

 

[kachoochoo]

thing is, i do actually keep my passport in my bag for incidences like this, but ive taken to leaving my bag in the car cos something in there keeps setting alarms off! and ive not needed it for a while, but the cashier was new and doesn't know me

also, lbr, i look good for my age, but i do not look under 25

was just kinda annoying after queuing for so long for nothing

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Before you know it, Katch, they’ll be saying “oh I don’t need to ID you” yeah.

Or as the guy in Sainsburys did to me, come over and look v intently then go “I don’t think I need to ask”

I’m telling myself it’s the permaknackered baby demeanour

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m always scared of losing my passport (and I only get ID’d once in a blue moon), so my form of ID is an ancient provisional drivers licence. It doesn’t really count as ID, but I’ve had that card since 1999, so the card itself is old enough to drink now!

 

[Nurseali]

I do like Asda self check outs. I never ever like my image or pictures of me but for some reason their screen I could lick myself very good at facetuning it is .

 

[Shimmering]

I do like Asda self check outs. I never ever like my image or pictures of me but for some reason their screen I could lick myself very good at facetuning it is .

Im like that in Sainsburys. Must be the angle or something.

 

[veryfondoftea]

I am 36 and until about 34 was always ID'd, pandemic has ruined me, but I loved it, even when I didn't have ID. I was ID'd by some teenager the other day and it made my day

Absolutely same for me, I’m 38 and am pathetically grateful for the very few times I am ID’d these days.

 

[Lurkeryaar]

I do like Asda self check outs. I never ever like my image or pictures of me but for some reason their screen I could lick myself very good at facetuning it is .

Must be why Jackie goes to Asda too!!

 

[mince]

When she’s gathered herself, make sure to get her some resources about narcs so she can protect herself.

oh god, this, yes

Spoiler: Bloody awful narc-related merail

We are in a vile, heart-breaking narc-related situation right now, the result of which is my Harold is having to be civil in hope of eventually getting his dad’s ashes from his (FIL’s) narc last wife. FIL died mid-December, coroner and police (brought in by hospital) involved because, sadly, the man should not have died as and when he did, but did so because of the narc’s involvement. More sadly, not evidence enough to prove criminality. I wish I could tell you every single story about everything she has done, but I’d never stop typing, and ‘it would be condemned as improbable fiction’. They are out there, they are real, they are dangerous. Love and strength to all who are narc adjacent, or have loved ones who are

ETA: clarity that narc is FIL’s last wife, not my Harold’s. Nope. Uhuh.

 

[MavisBeacon]

oh god, this, yes

Spoiler: Bloody awful narc-related merail

We are in a vile, heart-breaking narc-related situation right now, the result of which is my Harold is having to be civil in hope of eventually getting his dad’s ashes from his (FIL’s) narc last wife. FIL died mid-December, coroner and police (brought in by hospital) involved because, sadly, the man should not have died as and when he did, but did so because of the narc’s involvement. More sadly, not evidence enough to prove criminality. I wish I could tell you every single story about everything she has done, but I’d never stop typing, and ‘it would be condemned as improbable fiction’. They are out there, they are real, they are dangerous. Love and strength to all who are narc adjacent, or have loved ones who are

ETA: clarity that narc is FIL’s last wife, not my Harold’s. Nope. Uhuh.

I'm so sorry. It's horrible watching my sister gaslight herself because she can't believe someone would behave like this.

 

[Nurseali]

Spoiler: Narc derail

I ended my 15 year marriage to a narc in February. The final straw was him giving me a curfew for my 70 year old mums hen night. I knew I just couldn't do it anymore. He has been a nightmare over Xmas with the kids but it has still been the nicest relaxed Xmas I have had in 13 years. For those who love people in relationships with narcs. They will see the light one day. My family and friends are glad to have me back. My brother nicely said if I went back he would disown me as he can't see me that unhappy again. I never will but upset me he threatened it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’m always scared of losing my passport (and I only get ID’d once in a blue moon), so my form of ID is an ancient provisional drivers licence. It doesn’t really count as ID, but I’ve had that card since 1999, so the card itself is old enough to drink now!

Babe, same! It’s just about recognisable as me to show that yes, I’m old!

So sorry for everyone’s narc experiences. Mine aren’t so severe, I do find that knowing what they are, and knowing there are others who’ve suffered the exact same helps you to understand they are master manipulators. Getting out of the FOG fear, obligation, guilt

 

[mince]

I'm so sorry. It's horrible watching my sister gaslight herself because she can't believe someone would behave like this.

I’m so sorry, Mave, and glad your sister has you. This is the narc superpower, isn’t it: they are missing a bit they know is there in others. They know how it works so they can twang the guilt and gaslight strings, but they don’t actually suffer from those bits that make people act basically (however loosely) decently to others. It’s how they can take so much for so long.

(I’ve had one narc in my life since I was born, and this current PITA one for a quarter of a century, yet I am still astounded that she has done what she has done, and is still doing what she is doing. Still!)

Sending an infinite amount of virtual marmalade sandwiches to power the Paddington bear hard stares to throw at your sister’s narc.

Spoiler: Narc derail

I ended my 15 year marriage to a narc in February. The final straw was him giving me a curfew for my 70 year old mums hen night. I knew I just couldn't do it anymore. He has been a nightmare over Xmas with the kids but it has still been the nicest relaxed Xmas I have had in 13 years. For those who love people in relationships with narcs. They will see the light one day. My family and friends are glad to have me back. My brother nicely said if I went back he would disown me as he can't see me that unhappy again. I never will but upset me he threatened it.

Nurseali, I don’t even know you yet I’m so proud of you. Well done

 

[Nurseali]

Thank you , that does mean a lot but I had tried twice before. Third time has been a charm. He hasn't tried to lovebomb me this time which has helped a lot. I think either he has another source or he even knows how miserable our marriage was.
Either way , I am sat here with a glass of wine not having to tread on eggshells and it is still amazing after 10 months.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

testing 123

I’ve been trying to comment on this thread for 24 hours I don’t think it likes long comments with multiple quotes?!