Fezza Chit Chat #2 ✌🏻✌🏻

[dartsmokingpony]

Howdy fezzas! If anyone remembers my life crumbling at the start of the year here is an update and a question about what my new career should be ? I apologise in advance about the ramble of thoughts.

Sorry I hadn't replied to the last messages checking in to see if I was ok, i really appreciated the thoughts.
Honestly, everything's been shit. The husband has fully checked out of all parenting, our family and kids lives completely. Like none of the past 15 years ever happened.

It turns out all "our" assets are actually owned in with his families trusts or something, I don't understand and feel so stupid about. So I'm without my car, out of our house, with 4 kids. I'm staying with my parents but my mum has gotten unwell suddenly and is now palliative, so that's a shit blow.

My adorable baby fezza is now 3 months old and gorgeous, she is so very loved and adored and it breaks my heart her father has checked out of our life.
my postpartum cardiomyopathy is now deemed chronic heart failure and the pulmonary embolisms are still being treated with massive doses of clexane twice a day, my entire abdomen and thighs are black and blue with bruises. I can't pay for specialist appointments because the accounts I had access too have been emptied.

Im poor, essentially homeless, desperately sad, heartbroken about losing my mum soon, chronically unwell, 3 months postpartum and trying my best to provide a happy life to my4 beautiful children, who are all amazing and deserve the world

I can't go back to work just yet as I'm receiving ppl , and I've realised I won't be able to return to my employment of rotating shift work , night shift, double shifts and overtime as a single mum with no support.

So now that I have had a whinge and a pity party for myself , if you've made it this far, I would like to brain storm with you diverse and intelligent fezzas to what my new career could be ?

I have a couple of Bachelor degrees and postgrad diplomas however, without doxing myself, my current employment is in a very niche area. But broadly speaking, what would a RN be able to change work to that is not in nursing at all ? 9-5, work from home, minimal stress, etc etc .

Rural and regional location make it limiting, and I'm definitly not interesting, beautiful or talented like Emmy, so I won't be able to make it as an influencer

 

[rulebreaker101]

Hi beautifuls, happy Mother’s Day! (Even if you have pets)! It’s a special day - I haven’t stopped crying lol (not bcos of PPD , just bcos I’m so happy)! Have a wonderful day, love you xxxx
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Ps. I’m still catching up on the threads, just takes a while. Sometimes she sleeps on the boob bcos I’m reading lol

 

[dartsmokingpony]

Hi Fezzas, thanks so much for the love. I havnt been able to sum up what has happened, sorry its taken me so long to reply. Its been a big few days. Everything is a mess.

Basically I asked him gently about it, and he immediately got angry with me, apparently I read it out of context and no matter what he says I will think he's guilty so I will do whatever I want. He contacted the guy and made me call him, apparently it's all one sided and this guy loves my husband, but not in love with him. And says he is a lonely alcoholic, I ended up apologising to him. Then one of my husbands other friends contacted me and had a go because now she is worried about their friend and I'm an arsehole.

My husband wouldn't speak to me about it, was just really angry and I'm an arsehole. Apparently to his friends I'm always keeping him on a short leash and never letting him do anything and he always has to run everything by me, and I am always having major mental health issues and causing drama.
Which all couldn't be further from the truth.

Sure I have minor depression and anxiety and am medicated but so is half the planet. I have multiple children, I work shift work mostly nights and weekends in a physical and emotionally taxing career. I'm highly educated, and I never tell him he can't do anything. Ive actively encouraged him to have a social life because I know it's good for him. I don't have a social life because if I'm not at work I'm looking after my kids.

And then he asked me to leave, and he wants 50/50.

So I've been organising accomodation, the house car and assets are in his name.

Baby girl due Wednesday, so I've been focusing on that and making sure my other kids are good.

It's a mess. And apparently I'm the arsehole, for questioning some inappropriate messages.

Thank you all for the love and support fezzas, I really appreciate it. You are a brilliant bunch

 

[HumptyDumptyLou]

Random but happy news. I’ve been to dinner with my adult son and his bf and am so happy for them both. They’ve been together for a few years but it’s a long distance relationship because his bf is American and this is the first time he’s been to Australia. He’s a great guy and he and my son have a lot in common, and it’s so wonderful to see. I’d better start saving because their plan is my son will move to the states once he’s had a few more years experience in his job.

 

[dartsmokingpony]

How’s the baby?! Hope you’re doing well.
Also, has anyone used Robe Haircare? I might buy but it’s spenny AF so want some Fezza feedback.

Hi fezzas! Babyfezza is beautiful but unfortunately glowing yellow. We've been in hospital since Monday I have been unwell with postpartum cardiomyopathy and baby fezza has developed jaundice.
Feeling a bit better now , and have managed tocatch up on a few threads ! You fezzas sure have been busy! Emmylou just keeps on providing the cringe. It's almost painful to watch !

Also for thinning hair I really like kerastase Genesis range. I noticed a massive improvement with hair fall and thickness.

 

[rulebreaker101]

YAY! I have made it to 6 weeks pregnant this week !!!! lets see what my bloods say tomorrow after the hassle with the doc!

 

[BeachBaby]

Who would have thought that an online forum of "trolls" would be such a source of comfort to someone in their time of need? Those influencers who criticise us can all go and get fucked.

 

[rulebreaker101]

She passed peacefully

 

[rulebreaker101]

How are you feeling today? X

I am feeling good, nauseous here and there but all good overall! My results were great!! My HCG is 111200, which means I am 6 weeks pregnant. I need to do more bloods and go in for a dating scan!!! But I was too happy to hear her say go in at 6 or 8 weeks lol…whoops…hahah !! SO HAPPY! How are you?

 

[babe#3]

@dartsmokingpony first a huge congratulations on the safe arrival of little TC! She is one lucky little lady with a Mumma as strong as you.

Second, get some legal advice on any kind of separation agreement. Your partner is NOT entitled to 50% of everything - even when the house and car are in his name. The Court will look at who has the children and what their needs are first and foremost. He may only be eligible for 30% (unless there is a prenup and even then your lawyer can argue for your children to whom the prenup does not apply).

Do not let him get into your head that this is all your fault - mental health is not a defence for his to misuse. The Court will frown upon him and his friends using that against you.

Remember that honesty is something you are entitled to and the fact that he could not sit down and have an adult conversation about this man with you is his problem and not yours. For the time being, just enjoy the newborn baby’s snuggles and recover from your c-section.

Remember you are not alone and there are many great women here who are more than happy to support you.

 

[rulebreaker101]

Good luck to you @rulebreaker101, you must be very close to meeting your little one now or maybe she is here already.

She hasn’t arrived yet! I collected colostrum today, twice! Got 1.5ml in total. Last week I got next to nothing! So I’m impressed. It was therapeutic lol, watched my fav show (crimina minds) had a shower, heat pack from Kmart (breast heating and cooling pack) and I was chill. Can’t wait to try again in a few days. For now need to rest up as they hurt after a while lol. Definitely will tell you all when she’s here. Can’t wait to meet her !!!!

 

[Scaredweirdlittleguy]

As this year wraps up and I get more and more sentimental, I’d like to thank you guys here for patiently dealing with my blerg when I needed to just let it all out!

I hope 2024 treats you fezzas kindly and with lots of joy.

Now I have to make my annual pavlova base that has never ever looked pretty and makes me crazy. Tastes amazing though and everyone always asks me to make it, but just once I’d appreciate it looking like I haven’t dropped it on the floor! I reckon I’ll treat the fam to Portuguese custard tarts with the leftover yolks too.

 

[BeachBaby]

I'm doing OK, will be glad when next week is over. Sitting here at almost 1 week since it all happened so pretty emotional. I keep thinking I am lucky really, I didn't lose a child or anything, we had 40 years together but it still sucks.

 

[HumptyDumptyLou]

How are you travelling @HumptyDumptyLou

I’m doing ok, thanks so much @Super Cute

I did okay at the vets until I got back in my car and then I lost it. The vet, who had treated him for years, was also emotional and was so kind and caring for Monty and for me.

The thing that has kept me going this week was the anger I felt towards the former husband. When I moved out in October Monty stayed in the family home because he’s comfortable there and I worried the stress of moving would impact on his health, so the husband and our son looked after him and I visited every week and missed Monty a lot. The vet told them in November that the kindest thing we could do was to say goodbye while he was still happy. She said that if it was left too late it makes it heartbreaking for everyone and I’d told them that I would take him to her if they didn’t want to or couldn’t do it.

But he left Monty for a couple more months and then called me on Sunday while our son is away in the US for two weeks. He complained about Monty constantly and even more when he was the only person there to look after him, and he told me on Sunday that Monty wasn’t good at all. I went over there to see him every day this week and when I went to pick Monty up on Thursday morning, the husband made it *all about him*, talking about how this is another loss after I left him, and that he will never get over the grief blah blah blah. It’s typical manipulative behaviour and now he’s a victim too. Never mind that I made the appt, took Monty there etc, old dickehead is a victim in all of this.

If nothing else, the husband’s drama made me want to do the right thing for Monty more than ever and I didn’t allow him to talk me around unlike the previous 20-something years of living with him.

Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful comments, I just love this group of fezzas and wish we could meet up and get to know each other IRL

 

[Kalesmoothie]

No replies to that from my husbands side, but I can't tell if anything has been deleted.
Obviously there is more issues , but I was snooping because I was suss on his drug use. He tells me it's just a joint occasionally and some beers, but ive been suspecting ita been more. Which has pretty much been confirmed. I don't care if people enjoy recreational nose beers. I used to be fun once upon a time. I just would prefer not to be lied to about it. But obviously curiosity has killed the cat, and now I've found myself on the verge of my world falling apart.

What state are you in??? If you’re in Vic i’ll come to your c section with you if you need a calm and collected voice of reason and don’t actually want to go through it alone.

 

[rulebreaker101]

Telling the entire family we are pregnant even though we are 18 weeks it’s been our bubble for a while. hopefully they don’t get too angry we are late to tell them

 

[rulebreaker101]

My partners family are disappointed we aren’t married but my family are so excited. So we feel our news got tainted on his side. I feel for him, he is hurting

 

[BeachBaby]

Oh I am so sorry to hear. Sending fezza love to you. Do you have close supports around you?

I do thank you. My kids live a few hours away, one is coming tomorrow and the other i will see during the week. But I have wonderful neighbours and friends who showed up in minutes to help, even in the middle of the night. I live in a fantastic small street and we all are very close.
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Thank you fezzas for the love, it is very much felt and appreciated.

 

[HumptyDumptyLou]

I’m so sorry @dartsmokingpony for everything that’s being thrown at you in life! With your beautiful 3 month old Fezza I hope you can get by without needing to go back to paid employment for a while longer so that you can recover physically and emotionally.

If you can, please find someone in the legal field to help you because while your ex may have checked out of being a parent to your kids he still has a financial responsibility to provide for their health and wellbeing regardless of family trusts and whatever other bollocks he might try.

I wish you all the best and you, your mum and dad, and your kids are in our thoughts

PS your ex might not have changed his will yet so let me know if you want contact details for a good hitman

 

[dartsmokingpony]

Thanks for the replies everyone. You've given me some good points to think about.
You bunch of fezzas are the absolute best

Also what do we think of Emmylou (one word) as a name for baby girl ?


Joking joking.