Fathering Autism #18

[Mother2]

Just wait.
He's gonna claim it's the PICA.

He always makes these bullshit excuses for everything she does and I can't figure out if he actually believes what he saying or he is just saying it to try and convince others. She ate the dirt bc, she ate the dirt. It dosen't really go any further than that. Her IDD makes her act like a very young infant and eating dirt is something that infants do. He can call it whatever he wants but, no matter what he calls it, it still is what it is. Eating dirt at 14 years old.

Yeah...that amazing progress!!!
I think all professional people in the field would agree.
When someone with Abbie's diagnosis progresses to the level of eating dirt...
It's time to stop ALL the therapy.
She's damn near independent!!
/sarcasm

Of course! Of course!! Like I have said before, "typical teenagers" don't need all that therapy!! Hell, drop her off at the mall so she can go shopping by herself! She'll be alright! Let her be a teenager!

 

[cucumber]

She will be 15 next month, that’s old enough not to post her in this manner on Instagram.

Oh I agree!
(I was kinda like talking to the humpers)

 

[KeepinItReal516]

@lovesis i know your ABA question was directed towards someone else... but just wanted to put in my thoughts on the topic. In college, I wanted to major in psychology but “intro to psychology” was very off putting... when they began to teach us about ABA and EST. So I turned my back on that field. The way I’ve seen it is that ABA resembles dog training. Now, when you train a dog, do you consistently give them a treat for taking a tit outside instead of indoors? Do you continue to give them treats when they behave and don’t tear up your furniture (basically everyday you come home and you everything is intact.) When you ask them to sit and they sit, you wouldn’t give them a treat. That defeats the purpose of their training. The point is to get them to act and behave in a desired manner, and then treats become “treats” rather than “reinforcers.”
The way these people “control” Abbie is through treats and this will never stop. She completes anything in the world and asks for treats. So, in my eyes, she’s associated every activity and task with a treat. In one vlog, Ass has to bribe her with a treat just to her in the car. WTF! They also will give her cereal or whatever she wants just because she “communicates effectively” asking for everything she normally does ... bathroom (to escape their weird asses), car ride, pretzel... etc. I’ll find that particular vlog and post in on here so everyone knows what I’m talking about!

 

[erised2020]

I guess the questions regarding ABA is in Abbie's case, if they do not use ABA what should they do? just let her run wild? this is an honest question that I have been thinking about as well, I see the reason why people dislike ABA, but what can you do for a child like Abby if not ABA? I think if I did have a child like Abby I would do ABA. but I would like to hear the people that are against ABA what should be done with a child like Abby instead of ABA?

 

[Hotographer512]

I guess the questions regarding ABA is in Abbie's case, if they do not use ABA what should they do? just let her run wild? this is an honest question that I have been thinking about as well, I see the reason why people dislike ABA, but what can you do for a child like Abby if not ABA? I think if I did have a child like Abby I would do ABA. but I would like to hear the people that are against ABA what should be done with a child like Abby instead of ABA?

You pick your choice and stick to it.
Be consistent.
Abbie is left to run wild 95% of the time, IMO.
5% ABA with 0% follow through.
No telling how badly confused she is.
If these percentages were reversed, maybe there's a 50% chance she might actually "learn".
IMO
Hope that makes sense.

 

[sachairiah]

He always makes these bullshit excuses for everything she does and I can't figure out if he actually believes what he saying or he is just saying it to try and convince others. She ate the dirt bc, she ate the dirt. It dosen't really go any further than that. Her IDD makes her act like a very young infant and eating dirt is something that infants do. He can call it whatever he wants but, no matter what he calls it, it still is what it is. Eating dirt at 14 years old.


Of course! Of course!! Like I have said before, "typical teenagers" don't need all that therapy!! Hell, drop her off at the mall so she can go shopping by herself! She'll be alright! Let her be a teenager!

I think Asa and Priscilla have been telling themselves these little lies for so long that they actually believe them now.

I think it's a lot of denial. Imagine how discouraging it must be to really realise that you will someday be parenting a 30yo infant?

I dont really watch them anymore but when I do, it's because I can see a lot in common between Abbie and my 3yo. I remember watching a vlog about a year ago (dont remember what one) but abbie was running around, yelling and flailing, putting everything in her mouth.

At the time, my then 2yo would chew on rocks, metal, the table, you name it. He still does occasionally. He absolutely destroyed his teeth doing it too (I was fast, but not fast enough!)

Anyway. I broke down crying watching that video. The idea that I could be still doing what I'm doing now ten years from now was... heavy. I know this is mean. I just sometimes am not sure if I have the fortitude for it.

Not sure where I'm going with this but wanted to share. I think this is partly why I still feel bad for them sometimes. I see the years ahead of them stretching out, endless, with little progress or change and it's like... no wonder they drink. No wonder they struggle with their weight.

 

[KeepinItReal516]

What would really happen if she doesn’t get rewarded with a treat or damn break every time she wants it? Yep... she’d throw a tantrum. So, why don’t they teach her that throwing a tantrum is not the answer to everything and that she won’t get a treat for simply going to the bathroom? Or after matching colors successfully?

After all these years, they haven’t been successful in even hinting to her that a tantrum doesn’t get you out of doing things you don’t want to do.

 

[erised2020]

You pick your choice and stick to it.
Be consistent.
Abbie is left to run wild 95% of the time, IMO.
5% ABA with 0% follow through.
No telling how badly confused she is.
If these percentages were reversed, maybe there's a 50% chance she might actually "learn".
IMO
Hope that makes sense.

She has to be SO confused! because they are NOT consistent...I just wonder where should we be if they had been consistent since the diagnosis.. who knows

 

[PhartBlossom]

I think Asa and Priscilla have been telling themselves these little lies for so long that they actually believe them now.

I think it's a lot of denial. Imagine how discouraging it must be to really realise that you will someday be parenting a 30yo infant?

I dont really watch them anymore but when I do, it's because I can see a lot in common between Abbie and my 3yo. I remember watching a vlog about a year ago (dont remember what one) but abbie was running around, yelling and flailing, putting everything in her mouth.

At the time, my then 2yo would chew on rocks, metal, the table, you name it. He still does occasionally. He absolutely destroyed his teeth doing it too (I was fast, but not fast enough!)

Anyway. I broke down crying watching that video. The idea that I could be still doing what I'm doing now ten years from now was... heavy. I know this is mean. I just sometimes am not sure if I have the fortitude for it.

Not sure where I'm going with this but wanted to share. I think this is partly why I still feel bad for them sometimes. I see the years ahead of them stretching out, endless, with little progress or change and it's like... no wonder they drink. No wonder they struggle with their weight.

Hang in there....you can do this. I know it's hard and it hurts your heart for your child.

 

[sachairiah]

What would really happen if she doesn’t get rewarded with a treat or damn break every time she wants it? Yep... she’d throw a tantrum. So, why don’t they teach her that throwing a tantrum is not the answer to everything and that she won’t get a treat for simply going to the bathroom? Or after matching colors successfully?

After all these years, they haven’t been successful in even hinting to her that a tantrum doesn’t get you out doing things you don’t want to do.

Exactly. You are supposed to fade out the reinforcers but they really seem to enjoy giving her treats for absolutely everything. I only give treats to my kids for finishing supper (so, dessert) or for a particularly difficult task. Even then, I mostly rely on verbal praise and such. I've never liked food as a reinforcer as I feel it can lead to eating issues later BUT if that that is the only thing that truly motivates them then you gotta do what you gotta do.

Abbie doesnt seem to care about verbal praise or physical affection. She doesnt really seem to care for sensory activities etc. She does like stuff in her mouth tho.

 

[Hotographer512]

What would really happen if she doesn’t get rewarded with a treat or damn break every time she wants it? Yep... she’d throw a tantrum. So, why don’t they teach her that throwing a tantrum is not the answer to everything and that she won’t get a treat for simply going to the bathroom? Or after matching colors successfully?

My honest opinion to that is, she's too severely IDD to actually "learn" much of anything.
They have tried for years (inconsistently of course) but have gotten very little progress from their lazy efforts.
It would be very interesting to see her IEPs throughout the years.
I am curious about what the "experts" have accomplished with her over the years in the school that she attends.

 

[KeepinItReal516]

And they act like “punishment” aka sending her to her room is such a bad thing. I’m done hearing him explain “why” they send her to “timeout” or that sending her to the room to yell “is not a punishment.” How the duck do you discipline a child without being comfortable to punish them? So dumb. I mean... if your dog was to act out, wouldn’t you sent them to their crate? Yea... if you’re normal, then you would. They need to let her brain associate bad behavior with repercussions instead of “completing tasks” for rewards.

 

[Hannah'sMama]

With kids like Abbie you use the same strategies that you should be using with other kids - just at a slower pace. So modeling, consistency (ex: not letting Abbie take food from P's plate & then punishing her for doing it at other times), repetition, intermittent positive reinforcement (which others have mentioned), breaking things down into multiple tiny steps, minimizing high stress situations (not taking your autistic kid to Walmart when it's not necessary - focus on going to the doctor, hairdresser, etc). And perhaps most importantly - TEACHING TO SELF-SOOTHE! Kiddo is stressed, having a panic attack or meltdown? Teach them to remove themselves from the situation/signal to you that they need to leave, breathing exercises, distraction (use of a sensory toy, etc).

Now keep in mind that this is coming from a "high functioning" (even though I hate that term, too) autistic mom of a teenage daughter with an adjusted cognitive age of approx. 5 years old. So I'm not in as challenging of a situation as it must be with Abbie.

 

[PhartBlossom]

So I was just making a meat loaf and I can tell you I am FAR from being a chef....or even a great cook. I mean I can cook and it's usually decent, but like I wouldn't be giving anyone any lessons. I was thinking about Priscilla having a cooking channel and even thought of opening a food truck. She uses premade mashed potatoes( thought about that as I was just peeling a bunch for home made mashed ones). She doesn't even buy good cheese and grate it herself and she covers everything in it. Do her fans really think she is some fantastic cook? Lord have mercy.

I had my hands all in the ground beef mixture and again thought P doing this and rubbing a hand all the way up her face with the goo. Or Abbie taking a big ole bite of raw ground beef. heh.

 

[sachairiah]

Hang in there....you can do this. I know it's hard and it hurts your heart for your child.

Thank you so much. I really feel like you get where I'm coming from.

I think that's what attracted me to the Maass's in the first place. Asa used to talk about the struggle, struggling with hopelessness and helplessness. Even when I was reading thru his blog that was posted here. That was relatable and real. I miss those people.

I tell myself, my kids are seven and three. I have time. It'll be okay. I wonder if they said the same things to themselves. (Obviously I am in a very contemplative mood today)

They used to seem more honest about abbie and how she would be. They have gone in complete denial. It's sad but they've talked about the difficulty before in giving up/ the death of dreams. You have these hopes and dreams for your children and when the diagnosis comes in, it completely changes. You have the same child, obviously. But suddenly those dreams may seem more impossible.

Sorry for long post/ bringing down anyone's mood. I appreciate you all listening haha

 

[Sweetums]

I didn't understand why Summer was in "the office" while she was in class on zoom! and they knew this and continued to shoot her with nerf gun while shes in class...how embarrassing..I felt bad for her for a second, until I realized she chose to do her homework on zoom in the house! with all the yelling, screaming, all the things..why didn't she just work in the she shed...smh these people are weird

It looked so set up to me. Cilla got off her chair and attempted to run away before Asa even got into the office. Ab nowhere to be found, locked in pantry, smiling and chewing as fast as possible. They probably rehearsed this with Thummer pretending to be in class. Fools.

You got mud on your face, you big disgrace
Kicking your can all over the place





sorry, been in my head every since I saw the pic...could not help myself

And now....I can't get that song out of my head. The perfect song for the typical teen.

Thank you so much. I really feel like you get where I'm coming from.

I think that's what attracted me to the Maass's in the first place. Asa used to talk about the struggle, struggling with hopelessness and helplessness. Even when I was reading thru his blog that was posted here. That was relatable and real. I miss those people.

I tell myself, my kids are seven and three. I have time. It'll be okay. I wonder if they said the same things to themselves. (Obviously I am in a very contemplative mood today)

They used to seem more honest about abbie and how she would be. They have gone in complete denial. It's sad but they've talked about the difficulty before in giving up/ the death of dreams. You have these hopes and dreams for your children and when the diagnosis comes in, it completely changes. You have the same child, obviously. But suddenly those dreams may seem more impossible.

Sorry for long post/ bringing down anyone's mood. I appreciate you all listening haha

I agree...they made us turn against them when they turned.

 

[Hotographer512]

Remember this?

Not normal behavior!!
IMO

 

[erised2020]

Remember this?

Not normal behavior!!
IMO

RIP to Isaiahs back,,,LMAO

 

[KeepinItReal516]

With kids like Abbie you use the same strategies that you should be using with other kids - just at a slower pace. So modeling, consistency (ex: not letting Abbie take food from P's plate & then punishing her for doing it at other times), repetition, intermittent positive reinforcement (which others have mentioned), breaking things down into multiple tiny steps, minimizing high stress situations (not taking your autistic kid to Walmart when it's not necessary - focus on going to the doctor, hairdresser, etc). And perhaps most importantly - TEACHING TO SELF-SOOTHE! Kiddo is stressed, having a panic attack or meltdown? Teach them to remove themselves from the situation/signal to you that they need to leave, breathing exercises, distraction (use of a sensory toy, etc).

Now keep in mind that this is coming from a "high functioning" (even though I hate that term, too) autistic mom of a teenage daughter with an adjusted cognitive age of approx. 5 years old. So I'm not in as challenging of a situation as it must be with Abbie.

For what it’s worth... I absolutely HATE Walmart and will do anything to avoid that place. I actually hate driving too ... due to a horrible accident that nearly had me dead. Unfortunately I have to drive and sometimes have to go in Walmart. I fee my panic attacks coming on HOURS before they start. All the pharmaceutical drugs in the world that I’ve tried won’t help with this. Sorry for anyone too conservative or that doesn’t wanna hear it ... but my only escape has been shrooms. Micro dosing works wonders for me. I also know people who are dealing with their depression and anxiety using ketamine - which is highly controversial, but it works. I would try that too if I didn’t have a disdain for drugs like that. I just prefer to rely on natural remedies. Reason why I’m talking about this, is that I myself am NT... and I know when and how to try and calm my nerves... what works for me, etc. So if they know that she hates Walmart ... why are they always testing her? Seems like abuse to me. Even in other situations where I don’t want to be in, at least I have a voice to say “I need to go outside real quick.” She doesn’t have that option... the only way she knows how is to ask for the bathroom. Which also, I do escape to the bathroom when I’m in uncomfortable situations due to my high anxiety. So I get her wanting to do that all the time... cause they always love to put her in those situations to test her limits. For all we and they know, the drugs they’re using on her probably have an adverse effect. And he’s so reluctant to listen to experts and doctors, so there is probably no way that they will get her the right treatment she needs to actually regulate her emotions and moods.

 

[therealamylynn]

I wonder if they ever just let her have a tantrum. What would happen? She'd figure out throwing a tantrum doesn't get her what she wants.