Fathering Autism #14

[Sweetums]

I can see off camera P just getting frustrated with her and disregarding her

She's all for show god thed camera folks. Asa just puts in the few good shots. I moticed he does not record the complete tasks amymore. Just select bits and pieces. I am sure when the camera stops rolling, she could care less about Ab and vice versa.

 

[erised2020]

Abby didn't go on the lazy river tubing. She stayed back at the hotel. The picture I posted of her trying to drown Pilla was from the 'tit on the boat' cruise.

Does she or doesn't she have shorts on, lol.

Ok I LOVE wearing short shorts like that with big hoodies...BUT! BUT if only if I’m alone and or my hubby is here I would NEVER rock that with two other men around ever! I don’t understand her wearing short a shorts like that or having her jeans ride up her crotch in front of men that are not her bf or husband or even family members for that matter..smh lol hope this made since I’m in pain so bad in my damn tooth

 

[RocketQueen]

Abby didn't go on the lazy river tubing. She stayed back at the hotel. The picture I posted of her trying to drown Pilla was from the 'tit on the boat' cruise.

Does she or doesn't she have shorts on, lol.

Abbie is in the pic. ??
I am not talking about the tube trip with the REAL river, I am talking about when they visited a water park with slides and pools and a lazy river....which looks like the picture posted but I was wrong about that. Either way, its hysterical if you havent seen it def watch!

 

[WoahThatsCrazy]

I think that also goes back to the parents not following through at home with her.

She gets out of it what they put into it.

They put nothing into her therapies. The other day when Abbie was demanding food at the fridge, she was so focused and she was vocalizing and frustrated, I was in suspense, I thought she was about to start talking like, "No idiot, I'm hungry! I don't want mac n cheese or anymore garbage leftovers"! It was the perfect opportunity for her to use her iPad, no no Assy just stood at the fridge and talked at her as if she has enough words to communicate. It was so frustrating even for me!
They teach and encourage her to be aggressive through rough play, wrestling, she kicks and pushes....now the new stupidity was to push her into the pool. Really, that's funny Slummer?? Will it be if she does it to Sandy, someone's child, her grandparents or someone who can't swim? Not only do they neglect her therapies, they impede them.


They can't homeschool her, in my opinion. They are too lazy and will eventually just give up and give in. Probably allowing her to become a 600lb couch ornament while they drink, travel and do all the things. They are really hoping to have Slummer and Becca around for the long haul.

Someone posted a video a few threads back from Robby's(RIP) Mom. The mother seemed very invested, dedicated and involved in her son's care. He lived into his twenties and sadly passed away from a seizure while at a group home. She said in one of their vlogs that some families see progression with their ASD children, but despite everything that they did for him and with him, he remained at the same level of about a one year old. He was non-verbal, needed help toileting and was sometimes violent and emotional (according to the vlog). But she and her family accepted him and embraced him for who he was. They did place him in a group home when he got older in his twenties, but they were still very involved with him, visited him and took him on outings. The mom was even aware when Robby was assigned a caregiver that he didn't like/respond well to, she was so involved and kept complaining to the admin and company to have the worker reassigned.

Their example showed that even in a group home setting, families have to be very active and invested in their child's care for them to benefit and be safe.


Caregivers can press charges and sue if injuries happen.

The Maass failure and neglect in Abbie's care is really a big problem for her now and in the future. All the lying and fakery is just putting her at more of a disadvantage. They have so many resources at their fingertips yet they sit on their butts and think "she is set for life". Because of money?? Yeah guess what, that money can all disappear in medical, Court and settlement fees to the caregiver that breaks her back after Abbie pushes her down the stairs.

Maybe one of the members here with an Autistic relative, or one of the professionals in the field can tell us:

Can a child with IDD and/or on the Spectrum always be expected to progress/advance or reach a higher level with their understanding, skills and behavior??

Re your sentence "Maybe one of the members here with an Autistic relative, or one of the professionals in the field can tell us" don't forget, there's #ActuallyAutistic people on this forum too
Yes they can if they get the right kind of support, the right kind of communciation devices etc AND IF THE AUTISTIC PERSON'S FAMILY LISTENS TO AUTISTIC ADULTS FOR ADVICE!

 

[erised2020]

Just started the vlog and first thing they show is Isiah doing homework in his room lol we have discussed that so much here lol...ok back to the tit show

 

[Mother2]

Notice how when Asa asked her to pick up that plate today she did it....hmm I wonder why. She understands somewhat and she just either likes to play the role or regresses to a child like state.

Ok, watched it. It was really boring and didn't really even deserve to be watched. I did see what you are referring to though. Yes, she picked it up right when he told her to. I think she can sense that her mother is weak and that's why she takes advantage of her so much. I'm not quite sure why she even likes to throw things like that in the floor if they have always made her pick it up? I would think that after so many years of being taught not to do that, that she would've caught on by now. Could be a number of things I guess. All in all...it was ......a vlog. That's all I can say.

 

[WoahThatsCrazy]

I 100% agree. I think a lot of the "bully" behavior people reference here is just frustration over her lack of ability to communicate with those around her.

A really good example of Abbie communicating and no one listening to her can be seen in yesterday's video. This is going to be long, but I swear there's a point to this post. She starts by signing "eat", to which Asa responds "sweetheart, you don't need another meal." She then tried pulling his hand, then signing "come" and tapping on his shoulder, all in rapid succession. He says "I wanted to get you communicating" probably meaning he wanted to film her using her signs. To which she nods and signs "all done" and goes to grab his hand with the camera in it (to me this seemed to mean, 'yeah you filmed it now listen to me' but that's just my interpretation) regardless, she wanted him to come with her. She then signs "come" again while Asa says "I'm all done you want me to come with you" so he clearly understands what she wants. Then he immediately asks "what?" She responds "all done", which he repeats aloud and she nods in confirmation. He then says "what do you need though?" She told him that at the beginning of the conversation. She signs "break" and "snack". I think she meant "open" and "snack", because she sometimes has trouble distinguishing break and open as they are very similar signs, this (to me) would mean "open the pantry, I want a snack." He says "you want me to take a break and get you food" both interpretations give the same message. She nods yes to this and begins to walk towards the kitchen, probably thinking he finally understood her. When he doesn't follow she grabs his hand and guides him to the kitchen where she finally gets her snack.

It took 40 seconds for him to listen to what she had clearly requested within the first 10 seconds of the clip. I know that that doesn't seem like a huge gap of time, but imagine if it took everyone 4x as long to understand what you say every day. All the while asking you repetitive questions. It's no wonder that she grabs and pulls at people, she is trying to communicate when they won't listen to her signs. It doesn't help that Asa only left his chair once she went back to grab him after walking off alone, that is reinforcing the pulling.

I also think Abbie understands quite a lot more words than people think she does. In a volg from their old house Priscilla tells Abbie to put something in her pocket, which Ab then does. Asa asks Priscilla "did you know she knew what pocket meant?" to which Priscilla says no. I think it's kind of weird that she told Abbie to put something in her pocket while not thinking she knew what a pocket is, but I digress. This shows Abbie knows words that not even the people around her daily expect her to know.

I really think Abbie would be really successful if her caregivers shifted their focus to teaching her more words (through the ipad or sign language). She seems to be looking for new ways to use the signs she has to expand her vocabulary in a way (such as signing 'all done' to tell other people to stop doing something when she was only taught to her as a way to say that she's done with an activity). I know Summer is generally disliked around here, but I genuinely think she's a good caregiver who Abbie has a special bond with. Of course it isn't a typical friendship, because Abbie is atypical so it makes sense that she would have atypical relationships. I'm sure that all of you have (or have had) friendships that would look odd from the outside looking in, I know I do. Anyway, in the video about how Summer and Abbie talk she says that Abbie signs things she doesn't necessarily mean in order to just say something. She clearly wants to communicate further with those around her but has not been given the tools to do so.

Also, I think it's really important to remind ourselves that Abbie is a human being. She has wants and needs and likes and dislikes, just like all of us. Just because she doesn't function at the level that we all might have at her age doesn't mean she is undeserving of a good life. She is also held to a different standard than the average 14 year old, and that's okay. She should be held to her own standard because she is her own person.

I applaud you! (Also yes, I was just thinking about the "pocket" moment myself when reading some of the comments on here!)

 

[Sweetums]

Abbie is in the pic. ??
I am not talking about the tube trip with the REAL river, I am talking about when they visited a water park with slides and pools and a lazy river....which looks like the picture posted but I was wrong about that. Either way, its hysterical if you havent seen it def watch!

Rocket Queen...I thought it was the one when she almost drowned going over the rocks. That was pretty funny too. You're right this is from the water park.

Ok, watched it. It was really boring and didn't really even deserve to be watched. I did see what you are referring to though. Yes, she picked it up right when he told her to. I think she can sense that her mother is weak and that's why she takes advantage of her so much. I'm not quite sure why she even likes to throw things like that in the floor if they have always made her pick it up? I would think that after so many years of being taught not to do that, that she would've caught on by now. Could be a number of things I guess. All in all...it was ......a vlog. That's all I can say.

Well they let her throw all the couch cushions and pillows and her Ipad on the floor, why not a plate or two, lol. Again sending her mixed messages.

 

[RocketQueen]

Rocket Queen...I thought it was the one when she almost drowned going over the rocks. That was pretty funny too. You're right this is from the water park.


Well they let her throw all the couch cushions and pillows and her Ipad on the floor, why not a plate or two, lol. Again sending her mixed messages.

Yep, right after her told her to put her ipad on "any surface but the floor", the next shot is him walking in the liv room with the pillows, and ipad on the floor and he never said a word.

 

[Coreander]

Good evening, everyone (it's evening here, anyhow).

Did they delete their much talked about vlog where Asa admits to having the other child? I don't see it anywhere on their channel list of videos.

When I first saw the thumbnail after they posted that vlog, I assumed they were going to announce their divorce. It had that separation aura to it. I knew nothing of the brewing controversy happening online about the reveal of another child.

Did anyone else here have that initial impression, only to be surprised by the true contents?

Early on, they began doing product placements for things never to be seen or heard of again. One of their first product placements was for a wrist tether to keep kids with Autism from eloping. Asa promoted it; but never used it. Abbie has run away from him numerous times since then (eg. the Lowes parking lot).

This to me was one of the first hints that they weren't being especially honest. I mean why promote a product you clearly have no interest in using or buying for yourself? They'll say anything for cash, I guess.

One of the best promotions anyone can give a product it is to amply use it and/or buy one yourself. Look at how they plug Dunkin's. No need to persuade them there.

But the wrist tether (which Asa claimed was great at the time); the Sensory Theraplay Box that I'm certain they don't actually subscribe to in any real capacity; the meal boxes which they only appear to use when given for free but otherwise don't purchase (despite having money to burn) - these all signal to me their greed and dishonesty.

If they can't be bothered buying these things once they come into cash, then I hope their subscribers will give serious pause to taking their promotions seriously. Back then, they were much poorer. They had an excuse, I suppose. But now, they don't.

Am I wrong here? Or did they actually purchase some of these things after the fact with their own money (as opposed to being given a free sample to promote)?

If memory serves me correctly, I believe in the early days, Asa even claimed to be embarassed about doing promotions, claiming they wouldn't become some regular thing. Is my memory failing here?

And now look at them.

 

[cucumber]

Good evening, everyone (it's evening here, anyhow).

Did they delete their much talked about vlog where Asa admits to having the other child? I don't see it anywhere on their channel list of videos.

When I first saw the thumbnail after they posted that vlog, I assumed they were going to announce their divorce. It had that separation aura to it. I knew nothing of the brewing controversy happening online about the reveal of another child.

Did anyone else here have that initial impression, only to be surprised by the true contents?

Early on, they began doing product placements for things never to be seen or heard of again. One of their first product placements was for a wrist tether to keep kids with Autism from eloping. Asa promoted it; but never used it. Abbie has run away from him numerous times since then (eg. the Lowes parking lot).

This to me was one of the first hints that they weren't being especially honest. I mean why promote a product you clearly have no interest in using or buying for yourself? They'll say anything for cash, I guess.

One of the best promotions anyone can give a product it is to amply use it and/or buy one yourself. Look at how they plug Dunkin's. No need to persuade them there.

But the wrist tether (which Asa claimed was great at the time); the Sensory Theraplay Box that I'm certain they don't actually subscribe to in any real capacity; the meal boxes which they only appear to use when given for free but otherwise don't purchase (despite having money to burn) - these all signal to me their greed and dishonesty.

If they can't be bothered buying these things once they come into cash, then I hope their subscribers will give serious pause to taking their promotions seriously. Back then, they were much poorer. They had an excuse, I suppose. But now, they don't.

Am I wrong here? Or did they actually purchase some of these things after the fact with their own money (as opposed to being given a free sample to promote)?

If memory serves me correctly, I believe in the early days, Asa even claimed to be embarassed about doing promotions, claiming they wouldn't become some regular thing. Is my memory failing here?

And now look at them.

Nope they only were using the Butcher meat boxes because they were free! So true for everything, I would guess!

 

[WoahThatsCrazy]

Hello to everyone here. I'm a lurker who found this site after the whole "other daughter" controversy broke. Even before that, I was very much on my way out the door as far was watching their channel was concerned. Their noticeable inconsistency regarding healthy diet and disciplining Abbie was starting to get to me even before their big move into the new house.

Anyways, I decided I wanted to add my two sense on some of Abbie's behaviours. While I'm aware Abbie is I.D.D and Autism, the likes of Carly Fleischmann were also thought to have significant intellectual impairments. Many of Carly's behaviours mirror Abbie's, from the food stealing, to the ripping sheets off of beds, to the eloping, staring off into space, and so forth.

Here is quote from her father Arthur Fleischmann, who gave a talk at Holland-Bloorview hospital in Toronto on the subject of Carly:
"Carly talked a bit about the early days when she would hit herself, and she would say, 'Sometimes it was because I was in pins and needles. I was in a lot of pain; but sometimes, I was trying to stop myself from doing what I knew I wasn't supposed to do. So if I had the urge to dump something or break something, you would see me hit myself, and it's cause I didn't want to do it'. And she would cry, and say 'I'm so upset because I know I'm not supposed to do it'. And everyone's telling me, 'That's naughty. Don't do that, Carly. Don't do that". And again, she's going, 'I know. Like I know not to do it. Can't you help me stop doing it'. And so you can imagine the frustration of a life where she's compelled to do these things, and everyone's scolds her like she's naughty, and like, that's not helping. So she's scolding herself, and she's frustrated, and in pain.."

Mr Fleischmann mentions in the same speech that the food stealing and ripping sheets off of beds thing was a compulsion Carly's brain was screaming at her, rather than the impulsive bad behaviour of a younger child. If she didn't obey the compulsion, it would physically hurt her.

There have been times in previous vlogs where Abbie is hitting herself for seemingly no reason. In one old vlog, Brandy is over for therapy. Cilla is next to Abbie who is hitting herself off camera (Asa says as much). They claim they hadn't denied her anything; yet here she is banging on her legs. Is it for the same reason as Carly? Who knows. Maybe she's trying to resist a compulsion like Carly was. We can't say for certain she wasn't. We just don't know.

Carly herself gave an interview where she said the following:
Question: Can you describe how you feel inside? Do you think this is different from kids who don't have Autism?
Carly: The problem is I don't know what other kids without autism are feeling. I have fights with myself every day. Right when I wake up to when I go to sleep. I can't even go in the washroom without telling myself not to pick up the soap and smell it or fight with myself not to empty all the shampoo bottles."

So again, we must ask ourselves the question: how many of Abbie's behaviours is she really unaware of? When she dumps things over or constantly grabs other people's food, she may be more aware than we're willing to admit.

Carly also ventures onto the topic of why Autistic kids appear to cry or laugh for no reason.
Question: Do you ever scream for what seemed like no reason? Like you showed a happy face, and everything was calm and relaxed, but you just start screaming? My daughter sometimes does it and I am trying to figure out why. Thanks!
Carly: I love this question. She is audio filtering and breaking down sounds noises and conversation throughout the day. Other than screaming, you might see crying or laughing fits and even anger. It's our reaction from finally understanding things that were said and done last min; last day, last month. She is fine and tell her to keep it up.

How many times have we seen this with Abbie? The laughing fits and crying for no apparent reason (eg. the fairground vlog, where she's crying at the end, where Asa says Abbie all of a sudden got upset for no reason).

Special needs activist and documentary film maker Dan Habib has always said, "Assume competency". His son Samuel has cerebral palsy, and is wheelchair bound. People constantly talk to Samuel like he's a child, which apparently pisses him off to no end. Dan Habib has encountered many special needs individuals, including those with I.D.D and Autism, throughout his career, who were talked to like babies when they were absorbing everything.

Cilla, Assa, and Summer constantly speak to Abbie like she's a baby. More so Cilla and Summer, than Asa. If it ever comes out that Abbie is more aware, God will they feel badly, and so they should.

Furthermore, Temple Grandin's mother has stressed the importance of consistency when it comes to schooling kids with Autism, like her daughter. Something A and P sorely lack.

Yes, this! I always think of Carly when I think of Abigail and do occasionally find myself wondering whether (even though Abbie does seem to have IDD) she could be the next Carly! I remember the Maa$$' saying one time on the couch in their old house that they (apparently) had once tried to teach Abigail to type "just like Carly Fleischmann". I wonder what Carly would think of Abbie...and this is exactly why autistic voices are needed for understanding autism, particularly non-verbal autism, as we now have people like Amy Sequinza, Carly, Ido Kedar etc

 

[Noir Fan]

I actually really love grey hair on women. (Some men look nice with it as well.) Alot of ppl try and cover it but, I wouldn't if I had it. I'm losing my hair so, I don't think I'll have to worry about it much longer. Its really depressing bc, no doctor can tell me why.


I haven't had a chance to watch today's vlog yet, let me watch it and I'll get back with ya here.....

When my hair grew back from bald it became a really nice silver/white. I received loads of compliments, but I still colored it when it was long enough to. Right now I may have an inch or so of hair, kinda a pixie cut. I use to love my long hair and colored it every 3 weeks. Now I realize it’s not that important to me. Who knows, I might let the silver grow back in.

 

[Coreander]

I would love to see Asa's own recorded words thrown back at him.
If anyone here has a mountain of time to go through old vlogs, find the ones where he claims promotions won't become regular and also compile a list of products they have promoted with how many times they've actually used/talked about it since.

I'm sure the excuses we'll hear from Asa on this will be highly entertaining.

That being said, I thought I'd share a few more Carly Fleischmann quotes which may or may not give insight into some of Abbie's behaviours. I know some people here are skeptical about what's going on inside of her head. I don't claim to know for certain any of it. So take from this what you will.

Question: Do you understand everything people say the first time? Sometimes it appears you don't understand what you're being asked - is there a lag?
Carly answers: I do understand everything the first time. It's just hard to do what people want me to do right away. I might be standing really still or doing something and it takes time for me to get out of it without me exploding. A lot of times I have fits and people say I can control them but what they don't get is they started them. It takes time for me to switch what I am doing. Even if it does not look like I am doing anything, I am. And when you rush me, I can't help but explode.

Question: Carly, I have a question. Not sure if you could help. But would you know why my 4 year old (who has autism) screams in the car every time we come to a stop light or stop sign? He's fine and happy as long as the car keeps moving, but once it stops, he flips out screaming. An uncontrollable tantrum.
Carly answers: I love long long car rides. It's a great way to stim without doing anything yourself. The car motion, the visual scenery flashing by, it allows you to block out all other sensory imput and focus in on one. My advice is to get a massage chair cover and put it on the seat so when the car stops, he is still feeling motion and not just stopping abruptly. You can even put a dvd on in the car of moving scenery.

 

[Jamiebeth]

Abbie will never forget how to get to her food though. And she’ll always have a hand in opening & closing things. So I think she’ll be fine in that department. As for going back to school, she flipped out one other time, so good chance that’ll happen again.

I‘m sure all schools will just stay closed till Fall, or when they would normally open ( think Fla goes back in August?) That’s a long a time, P has got to be freaking out at that thought

My favorite part was Nala sticking her paw over the railing ... I do have to say in their defense to constantly have to lock everything up like the upstairs doors and everything else has got to be exhausting... I would be afraid she would do something severe damage wise to their house or belongings

What Nala gonna do when I leaves for school,she needs him...

Ok, watched it. It was really boring and didn't really even deserve to be watched. I did see what you are referring to though. Yes, she picked it up right when he told her to. I think she can sense that her mother is weak and that's why she takes advantage of her so much. I'm not quite sure why she even likes to throw things like that in the floor if they have always made her pick it up? I would think that after so many years of being taught not to do that, that she would've caught on by now. Could be a number of things I guess. All in all...it was ......a vlog. That's all I can say.

And why didn’t he tell her to throw the plate in the trash! #Garbagepeople

 

[Sam-I-Am]

Yes Assa did say those doors have been like that for 2 months.
It looked different tho like they added more straps?
Did they remove the gate?
Interesting.

Wait! The baby gate is gone?!?
Asa made mention that since Abbie was a teenager, she was to lazy to try and climb over it...
I don’t see her climbing over it..
I see it as another “Perfect Priscilla’s teenage girl room” which we all know would never include a baby gate...
Again, this is one less safety protection from the pool now... She just literally has a side door to get through, in the middle of the night... I pray there is loud doors alarms on those bay doors too..

 

[Lumoss]

Oh wow I think that video is deleted

 

[Take no prisoners]

Some comments to recent vlogs:


Not sure what kinda whackadoodle that person is!
Not quite "China MA Midnight" whacked but whacked nonetheless.

I had to laugh at this one:


And telling it like it is:

 

[cucumber]

When my hair grew back from bald it became a really nice silver/white. I received loads of compliments, but I still colored it when it was long enough to. Right now I may have an inch or so of hair, kinda a pixie cut. I use to love my long hair and colored it every 3 weeks. Now I realize it’s not that important to me. Who knows, I might let the silver grow back in.

Priorities change, don't they, as we travel thru life

 

[Scwid]

Nothing on the internet goes away...