Eva in the City

[thisregistration]

Until you are in situation like she is in, none of us knows how they would cope. Having said that, if after quite a while I’d still be in such a state I’d hope some of my friends/family will try & help me by suggesting therapy etc.
While I know she has a support group of mums who experienced similar thing, maybe moving to and individual counselling would help as potentially those mums can be in similar state to Eva.

by all means, not forget about Olive, but buying constantly things ‚ from Olive’ ‚ about Olive is getting out of control. Some reminders of Olive of course but she gives her sister angel with Olive’s birthstone, photos & other things is too much.

Apologies if I’m way out of line here because maybe I’d be similar if it happened to me but. like I said, I would hope someone would see & get me help.

 

[Snazzycat]

The dancing TikToks are bit weird.

 

[thisregistration]

The dancing TikToks are bit weird.

I thought so too. Seems like she is so deep in grief she doesn’t know the way back

 

[Open-door]

Her stories are now showing a cute (toddler size) cardigan that she is 'going to get Olive for Christmas'. Just wrong on many levels. I begin to worry about how another child, if she and Alen have one in the future will suffer emotionally, for being in the shadow of this mythical Olive.

 

[call.me.coco]

I hope Alen is okay.

Eva heavily relies on him. She struggles on the one day he’s at the office. You can imagine the constant calls/messages as she had shown in a previous vlog.

He strikes me as someone who internalises things. I just hope he has someone he can talk to about all of this.

I think going back to work will help Eva. Even if it’s for 1-2 days a week from home. It would give her day some structure and introduce some normality.

 

[Snazzycat]

I'm actually finding a lot of her content quite disturbing to watch. I think she would be better off not being on social media and like others have said going back to work or volunteering.
I don't think buying clothes or Christmas presents for Olive is healthy and ultimately won't make Eva feel better, there are many ways of keeping her memory alive but the buying of material objects just because it's olive green or has her name on it seems futile to me.

 

[sheleg]

I was told during grief counselling when my partner died that there’s a point when you have to switch gears with grief, recontextualise it after the initial shock and mourning. Otherwise it “stagnates” and poisons everything else in your life.

Losing a child (and a parent at almost the same time) can’t be compared to losing a partner, but I hope Eva is getting some sort of counselling that would gently suggest to her that it’s time to find another focus. Not to forget Olive, but to start functioning again.

 

[pasta900]

Did anyone think her reply to someone’s DM was a bit much? Almost bullying in my opinion! I felt sorry for the poor soul who thought they were just trying to help!
I was really cringy to see the message on her stories!

 

[Open-door]

I was told during grief counselling when my partner died that there’s a point when you have to switch gears with grief, recontextualise it after the initial shock and mourning. Otherwise it “stagnates” and poisons everything else in your life.

Losing a child (and a parent at almost the same time) can’t be compared to losing a partner, but I hope Eva is getting some sort of counselling that would gently suggest to her that it’s time to find another focus. Not to forget Olive, but to start functioning again.

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, I don't think there is any 'priority' of people who it is heart-breaking to lose. A partner is different but every bit as much a loss as a child or parent. I totally agree with your insight about switching gears. Grief can become self-indulgent and I do feel Eva is in need of some 'tough love' in getting her to function as something other than a bereaved mother.

Did anyone think her reply to someone’s DM was a bit much? Almost bullying in my opinion! I felt sorry for the poor soul who thought they were just trying to help!
I was really cringy to see the message on her stories!

I didn't see it but I can imagine. Eva has made comments repeatedly which seem borderline hostile to people plainly trying to lift her spirits who don't buy into her particular narrative of grief.

 

[thisregistration]

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, I don't think there is any 'priority' of people who it is heart-breaking to lose. A partner is different but every bit as much a loss as a child or parent. I totally agree with your insight about switching gears. Grief can become self-indulgent and I do feel Eva is in need of some 'tough love' in getting her to function as something other than a bereaved mother.


I didn't see it but I can imagine. Eva has made comments repeatedly which seem borderline hostile to people plainly trying to lift her spirits who don't buy into her particular narrative of grief.

Absolutely.
I do wonder about Allen. She is so self absorbed with grief and heavily reliant on him, it must be extremely hard for him
There is no deadline nor the right way of grieving, but there need to be a point in which you have to start functioning again.

It’s heartbreaking but, like one of you said, there is a point to switch gears otherwise you will be fully consumed by it.

@sheleg
I’m so sorry for your loss. Secondly, it’s not a competition or priority who can or should feel the pain more. It’s both extremely hard and well done for seeing help!

Absolutely.
I do wonder about Allen. She is so self absorbed with grief and heavily reliant on him, it must be extremely hard for him
There is no deadline nor the right way of grieving, but there need to be a point in which you have to start functioning again.

It’s heartbreaking but, like one of you said, there is a point to switch gears otherwise you will be fully consumed by it.

@sheleg
I’m so sorry for your loss. Secondly, it’s not a competition or priority who can or should feel the pain more. It’s both extremely hard and well done for seeking help!

 

[declinespecificinformatio]

I get the impression back then that she followed her guru gossip thread, so eva if you're reading this, please consider meditating even just using apps or free resources online. To prevent you from going down the hole of despair. Just 12 minutes a day is effective

 

[perksofbeingmoi]

She definitely needs to do some volunteer work and seek therapy. Being by yourself 24-7 when dealing with grief is the worst .

 

[Open-door]

She definitely needs to do some volunteer work and seek therapy. Being by yourself 24-7 when dealing with grief is the worst .

I agree. Having some function (other than this mythical Mummy bear she is stuck on) might improve her self-esteem. I question the use of the 'therapy' group she is in. Seems to be just reinforcing her destructive thoughts. She needs a proper therapist who can deliver tough love. It isn't a bad thing to be distracted from thoughts of grief and Olive by everyday concerns - life goes on - as long as there is also room to acknowledge her grief from time to time. She seems to have problems controlling intrusive thoughts and some CBT would probably help here. But going out buying pandas for a dead baby is not healthy and nor is sitting at home 'being kind to myself'. Poor Alen - this must be a nightmare.

 

[thisregistration]

I agree. Having some function (other than this mythical Mummy bear she is stuck on) might improve her self-esteem. I question the use of the 'therapy' group she is in. Seems to be just reinforcing her destructive thoughts. She needs a proper therapist who can deliver tough love. It isn't a bad thing to be distracted from thoughts of grief and Olive by everyday concerns - life goes on - as long as there is also room to acknowledge her grief from time to time. She seems to have problems controlling intrusive thoughts and some CBT would probably help here. But going out buying pandas for a dead baby is not healthy and nor is sitting at home 'being kind to myself'. Poor Alen - this must be a nightmare.

Fully agree! It must be so tough for them, but calling Allen at work to ask which panda to buy.. bit much. Like you said, all revolves around her being a mum.

It’s not to be mean, it is heartbreaking to watch but she is not helping herself. This group might be a bit enabling, she could use one to one counselling.

She has potential, she is young, has a loving husband, I’m sure she could do it




I can’t help but feel bad for Allen

 

[declinespecificinformatio]

Eva uploaded on her ig story that grief is normal and outward expression of it is fine and that people should stop blaming grieving people for making them feel uncomfortable.

 

[Cloudycoffee501]

I agree with some elements of what she’s saying actually. Different people deal with things differently. If buying things for Olive and being surrounded by her things are what is comforting to her I don’t think I’m at all placed to say that’s wrong and not how she should grieve. It’s not like there is ever going to be a “fix” for what has happened to them.

No matter what people are saying here 6 months is super early days.

 

[thisregistration]

I agree with some elements of what she’s saying actually. Different people deal with things differently. If buying things for Olive and being surrounded by her things are what is comforting to her I don’t think I’m at all placed to say that’s wrong and not how she should grieve. It’s not like there is ever going to be a “fix” for what has happened to them.

No matter what people are saying here 6 months is super early days.

You are right, I feel bad now. My intention was not to judge her.

My point was really that it seems to be no improvement but we don’t know how she feels really, all we can go by is what she shows us.

Absolutely nothing wrong with grieving in whatever way feels right, but to me it looks like she is immersing herself in grief and it doesn’t seem to be improving. And if something doesn’t work, then maybe different approach is needed.

I believe she could benefit from counselling but maybe 121.

I hope I’m explaining myself well, as you can probably tell English is not my first language.

 

[perksofbeingmoi]

You are right, I feel bad now. My intention was not to judge her.

My point was really that it seems to be no improvement but we don’t know how she feels really, all we can go by is what she shows us.

Absolutely nothing wrong with grieving in whatever way feels right, but to me it looks like she is immersing herself in grief and it doesn’t seem to be improving. And if something doesn’t work, then maybe different approach is needed.

I believe she could benefit from counselling but maybe 121.

I hope I’m explaining myself well, as you can probably tell English is not my first language.

Explained yourself perfectly by the way 1-2-1 counselling and probably doing a part time job will keep her going x

 

[greenbear]

I think the issue with Eva is that she appears to suffer from depression, and her terrible loses have exaggerated it. She has needed therapy for years.
I don't believe Alen and her to be happy more like co dependant.
Neither seem to be getting their needs meet and I always found even in older videos Eva to be very passive aggressive towards him.

 

[sheleg]

Her content is heartbreaking at the moment. I think Christmas is going to be very tough for her.

I’m expecting in a few weeks, and every time I look at my unborn baby’s clothes in his cupboard I imagine what Eva is going through.

I hope 2023 brings her peace.