Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[SnickerOnTheFritz]

Confession time - Ménière’s hit me hard several years ago, and the night I discovered the H&M thread happened to be recovering from a nasty couple of vertigo/headache/eye strain weeks. And for the first time (other than grandbaby FaceTime calls) forgot to be a whiner** and couldn’t stop sniggling (yes. snort giggling/laughing is part of the charm I bring to the table).

I fell a little bit in love with all of you that night. You make me laugh, you make me think, and most importantly everyone is welcomed and accepted with open minds and treated with respect regardless of location or opinion. It’s hard to find a place that’s safe to ‘just be you’ these days. Since then I read as regularly as I’m able, contribute when I can’t muzzle the need to speak my mind, and when it’s not too hard to concentrate even login to likeheart/laugh at posts.

Thank you for you for this new thread. You’re all pretty amazing, in case you weren’t aware.

**I reallyreallyreally hate being a whiner… being a whiner just stomps on my nerve like you’d not believe, so I taught my granddaughters to mock my whining after the broken arm incident because it’s fuuun.

 

[Pom Bear]

Hello from Pom ...I be popping in later..Great idea and a lovely name xx.

 

[Just_me1954]

Thank you for staring the thread Chita

 

[Cassandra333]

Hi Everyone, I'm just going to lurk for a bit. I'm triggered so I have to withdraw and concentrate on getting out of it. I've got a whole day of 'My Kitchen Rules' lined up, I'm going to sit on the sofa and not do a thing. If that doesn't work, I'll move on to stage Two.
I've got lots of tips for getting out of the horrible moods but I'll type them out in a couple of days. It's taken me half an hour to type this...ridiculous. Back soon

 

[Doodlebug005]

Thanks for the thread @Chita ! Looking forward to getting to know tattlers better and not being off topic!!

 

[Summer house]

I have been awake most of the night because of the heat. Thankfully its getting cooler now.
I am so happy I could cry that I have found this page. I need this page in my life.
I'm very insecure and have very low self esteem and feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. I don't want to say why right now as it would take all morning. Its great to know this page is here as the thought of speaking to people in person terrifies me. I feel more comfortable speaking on here anonymously.
It took me nearly 1 hour to write this because I couldn't find the right words, that is how much my mind is racing at the moment. Hope it all makes sense.

 

[Doodlebug005]

Morning everyone Great idea for a new thread Chita @Chita.

I'm getting myself a bit worked up this week, as after looking after my Mum for 6 months since my Dad died in January (she has very severe mental health problems and has undergone ECT during this period and threatened suicide nearly every day!) I've finally had to relinquish her care to a 24 hour carer at home. They are due to start mid week but we haven't even been introduced to them yet. I've got all sorts of worries going through my mind from trying to keep her Covid safe to will the carer simply 'Be kind'? I've been trying to keep my business afloat at the same time but it has had to take a back seat in the last few weeks - it will be strange having the time to get back on with life again.

The H&M thread was the only bit of light relief I had - so thanks you lovely lot I promise to try and not make it all about Me..me..me!

I bring victoria sponge and decaf tea (sorry - caffeine give me the jitters!)

Oh @spangly you have been through it... You did great, mum is safe. Shows how much this thread is needed. All the upset and you still wowed us with great thread titles and brilliant posts... I hope you are good to yourself you deserve some "me me me"

 

[Summer house]

I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight .

 

[Chita]

I've always struggled with mental health, now I'm older it's my physical health that's the issue...which causes more mental health issues! I've been sick for about 6 years so my husband and friends are probably tired of hearing about it now, I usually keep it quiet and self-medicate with my lovely cats and their cuddles. My husband sends me cute YouTube clips of animals when he senses I'm not doing well but nothing beats a good chat when you're down!

We all worry people may get tired of listening, but thats because we are nice people and we consider others as well as ourselves.

Thats why I think its good to talk (or rant) about other stuff because distraction is a good way to help cope.

 

[Chita]

I must say, this group feels like a lovely soft cushiony place already!

Glad I started it then.

I am hoping that it will also allow us to discuss stuff happening in the world that isnt just about mental health
.
Individual threads are fab, but we often want to go off topic as conversations will inevitably drift off - so in here we can do that as well.


Ps
I have managed to move my arse and get up. I will wear make up to the supermarket which I'm sure will be good for the staff because they won't be frightened by my face!
They have endured enough.

 

[spangly]

Glad I started it then.

I am hoping that it will also allow us to discuss stuff happening in the world that isnt just about mental health
.
Individual threads are fab, but we often want to go off topic as conversations will inevitably drift off - so in here we can do that as well.


Ps
I have managed to move my arse and get up. I will wear make up to the supermarket which I'm sure will be good for the staff because they won't be frightened by my face!
They have endured enough.

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

Do you ever feel stuck. No motivation, tired, can’t be arsed. Adult life just seems hard. I’m 31. Feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m just tired. I’m sick of bills, my step mum has cancer and waiting on results to see how bad it is and if it’s spread etc. I’m tired of working hard on a shit salary. My friends are all on at least 10k above me. I don’t begrudge them, they work hard. But so do I.
Sorry I know it’s nothing compared to what some people deal with.

 

[Chita]

I’m mid 20’s! I do think whatever it is, hormones are mixed in with it. But it’s not something that comes and goes with TOTM The doctor I spoke to wasn’t great, the vibe I got was that unless I’m suicidal they don’t really care

Anti depressants arent always the answer.
Sometimes you just have to accept that you will have days where you feel like Eeyore from winnie the pooh.

I call them Eeyore days.
I just tell myself the Eeyore feeling will pass.
I allow myself no more than 2 days of it and then I kick my own arse and shift myself.

When eeyore is here, I do what I did yesterday and just look at stuff online.
The hours pass and eventually eeyore buggers off.



If you feel you do need to try tablets, remember, if you don't like them you just wean yourself off them after a minimum of 6 months.



I have found distracting myself from all the feelings you describe works best for me.

I took anti depressants some years ago and I also saw a psychologist for a year.
So I have tried both things.




What I have no experience with is insomnia.
Sorry I cant offer any help regarding that.
If I get the odd night when I cant sleep its usually because theres something on my mind that needs doing and once its done I can sleep again.
And until its done if I cant sleep I come downstairs and draw pictures or go on the computer for a bit.

But actual insomnia isnt something Ive had.
Sorry - but im sure there will be others who can help.

The main thing is that the bad feelings will pass.

When I was at school I had a crush on Roger Taylor from Queen. I read in a music paper that his favourite book was a sci fi novel called Dune.
So I got the book and read it.
It was fabulous.
In the Dune universe is a Sisterhood of women with special powers.
And throughout the book and the follow on novels in the series, the characters quote what they call the litany.
I have always found it to be useful to learn and repeat as a mantra.
In my head, I replace the word "fear" with "depression" but either works.

Here it is -

 

[Mock Turtle]

My mum had a carer, she put her in the bath and I decided to strip the bed. After a short time I heard...
"wash yer penny"
I literally ran downstairs with the sheets and died. It really tickled me

I’ve never forgotten the years when Granny (who had dementia and lived with my aunt) would come stay for holidays. I was at Uni still but would come home when she did because she needed total help bathing and could never bring herself to let that non family dignity thing slip with my mum, her daughter-in-law, but would happily let me, her granddaughter, help. We would laugh till the tears rolled because she had this list of names for Fanny that just had me in stitches - cha cha, tutu, there was a different one every time! It always made what could have been awkward, utterly enjoyable and bonding. I do miss her, even 15 years on, daft old coot

 

[Ilovemusic]

Families are hard. If only we could pick them like we do our friends.
I often feel there is always a favoured child.

Ooh, struck a chord there!

Me: Firstborn, miracle baby, arrived two months early, weighed 2lbs. Growing up I was a serious, quiet, well behaved child, did well at school.
My sister: Born full term, one year after my arrival. Growing up she was a cheeky, mischievous and obstinate child, did less well at school, always got her own way, was favoured by both parents who’d laugh at her naughtiness, the talking back, the rudeness.

I remember coming downstairs one night to get a drink of water from the kitchen (I was 11/12 years old), parents were in front room with door slightly open. As I passed from the bottom step across the hall to the kitchen, I overheard my mother say to my father...”You don’t like (my name) very much do you?” Wow, what the hell???
Fifty years later that memory is as strong as the day it happened. I’ve never told a soul about it.
I left home at 20 and went to work abroad, loved it and had a great time. Returned to U.K. after a few years but now live a safe distance from parental home...400 miles!

 

[Chita]

Well, the bad news is, there IS a Weight Watchers in-person meeting open in my nearest town so now I'm going to have to bloody well go, aren't I?


Oh bugger.

 

[Chita]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

You want to fix them, but if they don't want to be fixed there is nothing more you can do except to say when they feel ready to get help you will be there to support them.


You have to look after you.
So if you feel you need therapy yourself and can access it, why not try a few sessions and see if you feel better.

Although you sound pretty together from what you've said.

And you certainly have guts to call out this person.
Well done.
Often such people have no clue how they are perceived or how thay make others feel and calling them out can sometimes be all that is needed to solve the problem because they will go away, mull it over and try their best to change because at the end of the day they just want to be liked/loved.

I know from personal experience how hard it is trying to persuade someone else to get professional help when they are resistant to it

 

[Louk]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

 

[Chita]

And here's a good quote ......

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I thought I'd add the mental health website for Australia in case there's a fellow Aussie or two needing support. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines