That's understandable....just take comfort in reading our posts, hopefully you'll find something to benefit you and join in when you're up to it.I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight.
Post when you are ready.Thank youI'm reading through them now and have already laughed a little at some of them. Some serious, some funny, that's a good mix
Does your sister mediate or does she side with your Mother?My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be any way for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.
Families are hard. If only we could pick them like we do our friends.My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.
Ooh, struck a chord there!Families are hard. If only we could pick them like we do our friends.
I often feel there is always a favoured child.
Good for you!Ooh, struck a chord there!
Me: Firstborn, miracle baby, arrived two months early, weighed 2lbs. Growing up I was a serious, quiet, well behaved child, did well at school.
My sister: Born full term, one year after my arrival. Growing up she was a cheeky, mischievous and obstinate child, did less well at school, always got her own way, was favoured by both parents who’d laugh at her naughtiness, the talking back, the rudeness.
I remember coming downstairs one night to get a drink of water from the kitchen (I was 11/12 years old), parents were in front room with door slightly open. As I passed from the bottom step across the hall to the kitchen, I overheard my mother say to my father...”You don’t like (my name) very much do you?” Wow, what the hell???
Fifty years later that memory is as strong as the day it happened. I’ve never told a soul about it.
I left home at 20 and went to work abroad, loved it and had a great time. Returned to U.K. after a few years but now live a safe distance from parental home...400 miles!
Sorry to read this.My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.
Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.
Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.
My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.
It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.
Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.
My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?
Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.
Can you stop giving your mother a response when she criticises and blames you? Just say something like "if that's what you want to believe/if that's what you want to tell yourself" and just walk away. Practise grey rocking her.My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.
Hope you are feeling better in the daylight.I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight.
I just want to boop that snoot! And those eyes are so beautiful. I don't need and ice cube as it's winter where I live, but I'm smiling anyway. Virtual kisses and pats from Oz.I catch up later today
Hot weather gone at last, alot cooler now
I brought everyone an ice cube today...if I did last week it would have melted by the time everyone got one
I couldn't anyway as this thread weren't around then lol
Love from Pom
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This is what I need to try I think because I think my main issue is I feed into the criticism because it upsets me that I'm being blamed and then I become shouty because I'm so frustrated at the lack of belief.Can you stop giving your mother a response when she criticises and blames you? Just say something like "if that's what you want to believe/if that's what you want to tell yourself" and just walk away. Practise grey rocking her.
Just open up and let it go we are all sympathetic on here use as much bad language as you want we all hav e a good laugh on hereI'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight.
That sounds awful I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you as well.Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.
My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.
It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.
Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.
My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?
Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.
I'm in my 20s and yes I do live at home at the minute which worsens the situationSorry to read this.
My Dad had a mother like that and my best friend‘s parents are like that too.
Sadly they both found the only option was to walk away from the situation, cease all contact and never look back.
It wasn’t easy but they had no choice. My Dad was the most fantastic father because he didn’t want history repeating itself with his own children.
How old are you? Do you still live at home? Hugs xx
Edit: we really do need a “care” reaction on here. When I “love” a sad post, it means I’m sending lovenot that I love the contents. A care reaction would be much more appropriate.
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