Escape into the tea & sympathy chat room #3

[DanDanTheIceCreamMan]

Thanks @Doodlebug005 I heartily agree about laundry

 

[Chita]

thankyou @Zippy2000
He/she is a little cutie.

 

[ChaoticArtist]

You are so interesting! I will be googling “ havans” later! They won’t accuse me of racism - one of my family is married to a girl whose grandparents were from India- their kids are often here after school & overnight- My hubby has a huge industrial fan in his workshop- I can’t imagine him pushing it up the path to send the smoke over the fence Hopefully it won’t come to that

No no, the fan doesn't have to do that. If you angle it right, the smoke can be directed to a third (open) side. Don't even have to place it anywhere close to wherever they've got the fire going. If it's a havan, blowing the air back on to them would in any case be considered inauspicious. The idea is just to keep it away from your windows/the washing.

You might want to search for 'havan' - it's a Hindi word so won't have the 's' at the end

 

[ChaoticArtist]

Yup and they are sharp lol am already covered in scratches

We're marked as their territory My three dogs left single (accidental) marks on me, but this one puts a few new ones every other day - mostly not accidentally I say that it's because the other three belonged to me and I belong to this one


Ope you've got some nice antiseptic ointment though - some of the scratches might need a bit of attention. There's one on my face (he did it just before an office party in December) that still hasn't healed and keeps getting infected.

 

[lilyannrose]

How did you fall though? Tripped over something or was it a random fall?

I honestly don't know! I was on my face on the floor before I realised what had even happened, it's why I'm still so spooked by it months later. No dizziness before hand or anything.

If my GP surgery still saw patients, I'd have gone and got checked out but there's no point. I have healed up okay, thankfully, it was just the tooth thing that needed intervention.

Am home now and feeling okay. Knackered but otherwise not too bad. Going to have a nap and then watch some favourite films later. I appreciate your undertanding, I think any sort of surgery for any reason is just an ugh thing when it is looming in your future.

 

[Doodlebug005]

Do they have a big garden? Could you ask them to burn it further away from the house?

Yes a long wide garden- but they are burning near the house- I don’t think they take the wind direction into consideration either Their outside tap is near the house so there is no water down the end of garden if things get out of control- yup going to have to try and say something- we don’t see them often- my other neighbour is sick of it too but it’s so hard to bring up the subject- I don’t know how to describe them- we say hello- are we friends with them? no.

edit- will they be friends with us if we say something… definitely not🫣

 

[JAR21]

Yes a long wide garden- but they are burning near the house- I don’t think they take the wind direction into consideration either Their outside tap is near the house so there is no water down the end of garden if things get out of control- yup going to have to try and say something- we don’t see them often- my other neighbour is sick of it too but it’s so hard to bring up the subject- I don’t know how to describe them- we say hello- are we friends with them? no.

edit- will they be friends with us if we say something… definitely not🫣

You'll have to pussy foot around and say something like 'I'm sure you don't realise but....., so would it be possible to....'

 

[Miscanthus]

Dad's in the hospital right now. In emergency. Pray, please.

Sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you all.

 

[ChaoticArtist]

I bet you’re wondering this lovely Sunday afternoon
“What does our Doodlebug smell like?
A hint of sweetpea ? Delicious scented Roses? A hint of Gardenia? Ylang Ylang?”
Nope….

I smell of campfire- the bloody neighbours are burning rubbish again
I went near our shared fence and started coughing… I doubt it will stop them doing it again-
I am fairly annoyed now…

other than that I hope everyone doing ok How are things going @Miscanthus ?

That's one more place that I need to pray for rain for for ASAP. I don't know how to fix that sentence right now.

Did you make the complaint?

 

[Doodlebug005]

Sending best wishes and prayers

 

[JAR21]

Just posted this in wrong thread🫣

What would you guys do in this situation…
Newish neighbours ( approaching a year)have no bins- they have taken to burning rubbish in their back garden- choking us and the elderly neighbour the other side with thick smoke on a few occasions- reporting them is not an option as it will either be the elderly neighbour or us- in rural setting we are their nearest neighbours- it annoys the hell out of me that they don’t pay for bins- we are about a mile from town- plenty of recycling options there- also the bin collection comes every second friday- the neighbour can be a bit abrupt - how would you tackle it?

Don't you get wheelie bins as standard and then pay extra for garden waste?

 

[JAR21]

Dad's in the hospital right now. In emergency. Pray, please.

Hope all goes well and your Mother doesn't get hysterical. x

 

[ChaoticArtist]

They are Indian - They say they are Christians - perhaps an Indian faith also ( forgive my lack of knowledge) they Celebrate xmas for sure and I have heard them chanting ( praying) in their language- the fires are not at a regular time or date- it is most likely burning rubbish- that’s what it smells like- their baby grandkids were there today - their house must have been as smoky as ours was- I did find incense sticks removed the smell of smoke eventually- I will keep track of the dates but I don’t see ourselves or the other neighbour reporting them- maybe next time I will ring them “panicked” and ask if they need the firebrigade

That changes things. A complaint might give rise to accusations of racism. And although the Indian Christians I know don't perform havans etc, I can't stand by that statement in general because the world seems to have gone crazy these last few years. We've got a Sikh family here performing all kinds of havans and calling in black magic practitioners, even though that goes against the tenets of Sikhism, which was founded basically in reaction to the ritualistic practices of Hinduism and (those led to great corruption, repression of the poor etc).

Havans are meant to be cleansing and the stuff (samagri) that goes into the sacred fire is made up of all natural, nice-smelling and good-for-environment materials, but I can see how it would not smell nice to someone who's not used to it. And it's not great for people with any sort of allergies and respiratory issues either. Also, these are meant to be performed at certain times and in certain directions (I'm a Hindu but my parents and I don't perform most rituals so I don't know exactly).

That being said, we don't know if that's what they're doing. And either way, burning stuff close to your fence isn't polite or safe.

The call might help, I don't know. At least you're now equipped if they say it's a religious thing. Just say you understand but the smoke is not helping your respiratory issues, so it would be nice if they could at least move it away from your fence.

Otherwise you can get those outdoor fans I'd mentioned before, if feasible. The religious/cultural minority angle makes this tricky.


P s. If they're performing havans, they might argue that these are environment-friendly and meant to purify the air and keep away bugs etc, so the smoke won't harm you. Just hold firm on the respiratory distress angle.

 

[JAR21]

My other neighbour popped in this evening- she has been trying to put a conversation together but she said - by pointing out it’s illegal and there is a 5k fine- it sounds like a threat- it is true- the last thing we need is bad blood- although she will probably have smothered us all with toxic fumes and smoke before we can fall out with her oh sorry for moaning again-

I meant that 'they probably didn't realise' that the smoke is too close to the house, blowing in the house, blowing all over the washing or whatever phrase you want to use. And could they move the fire to the end of the garden etc.

I know you can't report them. Although maybe an Electoral Candidate could?!

 

[ChaoticArtist]

I had a near miss with what would have been a nasty tripping accident in my room. My mother's response? Told me to stop whining and what about me with blah blah blah.

She doesn't really have bad health at all for the most part but her attitude in recent years is becoming horrendous when it comes to any time I say anything that she might get away with calling "whining"... and I really don't much.

I wish my nana was still here so I could get a hug.

My dad ended up in the hospital last week partially due to mum's attitude in general (no one else is sick or is allowed to rest) and because she shouted and berated him a lot that day - he skipped meals because he was upset, his electrolyte balance went out of whack and the doctors guessed that his brain just took the chance to shut down. She partially realised her fault and promised to do better. This lasted for maybe five hours.

Some people are just like that

Friend also had a conversation with her mother regarding similar behaviour as your mother's yesterday - the mom is hating having to deal with the same thing from her own mother for a few days. She refused to acknowledge that she behaves like that as well you can imagine the frustration

And we're surrounded by people who keep crying about any inconvenience in their life but tell us off for saying anything other than "I'm fine and everything is fine". They just don't want to know so they'll start saying "oh stop whining" or "don't start whining now" if we even open our mouths.

No idea what's the solution. Maybe your mum's not keeping well mentally? Or needs something constructive to occupy her? She needs to acknowledge what she's doing and resolve to do better (my mum knows what she's doing but refuses to be nicer), only then there will be a change. You could maybe grey rock her and tell her that you aren't interested in hearing her whine either - although that's a pretty nuclear option

Until then, you're not alone here Your pain, worries, fears etc are all valid, and expressing these things is good and healthy.


P.s. You fell again? Do you remember why?

 

[ChaoticArtist]

Ya it is tricky- i felt for our elderly neighbour she had 2 lines of sheets/ duvet covers drying when the last fire was lit- not fair- Will see how things go- Hubby who is unwell atm says when he sees her he will let her know there is a €5,000 fine for burning rubbish🫣 - You may see a post in the future saying that I am moving

Definitely tricky No chance that your local council or whatever authority you have could take "suo moto" notice?

 

[Doodlebug005]

That's quite troublesome. Wish you could have someone who could do something about it (an official of some sort) over for tea when they're burning stuff so they could take suo moto notice.

Inconsiderate neighbours are the worst nightmare. One would rather have ghosts

I suppose I could only suggest lighting some beeswax/soy wax candles - they really help mitigate the effects of pollutants at least inside the house. We were surrounded by neighbours who were chainsmokers, and most families here still perform havans (prayers with sacred bonfires) every day, plus people smoke 24×7 at the bus stop the city has built right below my window. The candles help a lot. Maybe large portable fans outside to keep the smoke away from your yard? If they complain, you can say it's for "this weird stench"/bugs.

They are Indian - They say they are Christians - perhaps an Indian faith also ( forgive my lack of knowledge) they Celebrate xmas for sure and I have heard them chanting ( praying) in their language- the fires are not at a regular time or date- it is most likely burning rubbish- that’s what it smells like- their baby grandkids were there today - their house must have been as smoky as ours was- I did find incense sticks removed the smell of smoke eventually- I will keep track of the dates but I don’t see ourselves or the other neighbour reporting them- maybe next time I will ring them “panicked” and ask if they need the firebrigade

 

[Doodlebug005]

Don't you get wheelie bins as standard and then pay extra for garden waste?

No not in Ireland - it’s up to each household to get a bin or not - €300ish a year for a recycling bin and a non recycling bin- we only have private bin collectors no council bins anymore- no one collects garden waste- i have compost bin so not an issue - there are massive bins in various places- i think it is €10 per black bag of waste- we also have a deposit return scheme on plastic bottles - and we can recycle glass free at recycling points.

 

[Doodlebug005]

You'll have to pussy foot around and say something like 'I'm sure you don't realise but....., so would it be possible to....'

My other neighbour popped in this evening- she has been trying to put a conversation together but she said - by pointing out it’s illegal and there is a 5k fine- it sounds like a threat- it is true- the last thing we need is bad blood- although she will probably have smothered us all with toxic fumes and smoke before we can fall out with her oh sorry for moaning again-

 

[Doodlebug005]

Just posted this in wrong thread🫣

What would you guys do in this situation…
Newish neighbours ( approaching a year)have no bins- they have taken to burning rubbish in their back garden- choking us and the elderly neighbour the other side with thick smoke on a few occasions- reporting them is not an option as it will either be the elderly neighbour or us- in rural setting we are their nearest neighbours- it annoys the hell out of me that they don’t pay for bins- we are about a mile from town- plenty of recycling options there- also the bin collection comes every second friday- the neighbour can be a bit abrupt - how would you tackle it?