Thought I was doing well so far, this the first Christmas, without my lovely husband then my daughter posts this on Fb and I'm a bubbling wreck .........
Happy Christmas Dad
Happy Christmas Dad
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Be kind to yourself and let it out. It's still early days. You can't rush grief, you just have to go through the stages and accept you may never get over the loss completely. Your daughter posted a beautiful image and I'm sure she didn't intend to set you off. You are both feeling sad. I hope you feel OK tomorrow and try and enjoy the day. Sending hugs
Sending love to all here today. I hope the day is treating you gently. I kept everyone in my prayers last night and will continue to do so.
I am so sad to read this, no matter what you do for your friend, if he has that black knot inside him, the danger will always be there. If the worse was to happen, it would not be because you failed him in any way. It would not negate all the love and support you gave him. When we are on the precipice of despair, it takes very little to tip us over. You may never know the extent of how you have supported him, more than you will never know possibly. And he can obviously talk to you without being judged, you listen. That is the thing that depressed people want more than anything. How many never get the chance to open up their innermost feelings to others.?
Do not change the way you are. There are not enough people in the world who do what you do, who really listen and try to help. How many people do we know that just talk about themselves ? They are never going to see a need in others. Gradually, I have been distancing myself from them, and sometimes I think being a hermit sounds enticing. maybe more than sometimes. I cannot tell you how often I lock the door and pretend I am out if I manage to see certain self obsessed friends approach my house. I am too old to hear about expensive trips and look at photographs on tiny screens . At least I don’t bore myself to death
The good thing about friends on here is they don’t arrive at the door, when you are in the middle of a good book, then sit and eat all the Chunky KitKats . We have a common interest, we have a moan and a laugh. Sometimes, someone we don’t like arrivEd and it is acceptable to stop them in their tracks and tell them to duck right off. What’s not to like?
That is what makes me happiest, children and dogs. Are you fit ? I walk a couple of dogs for my neighbours who work. Not far, just around the park. Some years ago, for a while, I was trying to raise money for charity, so I offered my services, such as dog walking , baby sitting, old folk sitting. There were lots of takers. But then COVID hit, but I still do the dogs. They give me such pleasure. I have another wee one who gets upset if left alone, so her owner drops her off to me if she has to go out. This week, I have two gorgeous dogs staying while their owners are on holiday. I also go up to the local school to help out with their little garden. Schools and nurseries are often open to visits from members of the community. To help, to tell stories etc., Initially, you will have to fill in a firm for a PVG, but then you could be ready to go.
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Oh @HairyWeeTerrier I've just seen your reply from Friday ......
"Put on Puff The Magic Dragon, have a good cry, eat chocolate, and explore your memories. Enforced joy is no joy at all. One day you might feel that you can cope with it all, but till then, indulge yourself . I expect you can feel him beside you still, you had something very precious.
"
Did you remember my late hubby's favourite song to sing to our kids was 'Puff the Magic Dragon' from my post on the H&M thread after he died? How lovely of you!
I am getting through this Christmas by taking the good advice that some of you wonderful Tattlers gave me a few weeks ago. So far I've had ups and downs ..... Christmas Eve watching the Carol Service alone made me weepy but when my daughter posted that image on Fb the flood gates opened ..... never cried so much since he passed away.
Yesterday was so busy I had no time to think ..... Christmas dinner at my daughters, buffet tea later at my sons! People asking how I was coping but I didn't get upset so that was good. Glad I crammed it all into the one day, as somebody on here suggested, as I now have the day to myself and, of course, my friends on here.
I was going to watch the TV all day today while eating chocolates, but there's FA on. Seeing @HairyWeeTerrier's recent post I have decided to listen to music instead (still while eating chocolates of course) and playing all the old songs which were mine and my husband's favourites ...... 'Puff the Magic Dragon' of course plus 'Save the Last Dance for Me' by The Drifters which brings back so many happy memories. Why? Don't want to bore you so I'll try to keep it short ..... My friend and I used to go dancing on Saturday night and these two boys used to stand watching us at the edge of the dance floor, pints in hand. At the end of the night, when the DJ announced it was the last dance, they used to both put their drinks down and come over for the last dance (always a slow one!). This happened for a couple of weeks until one week they finally decided to walk us home .... however they never actually made a date with us just kept saying "see you next week inside the dance hall" but always expected the last dance and the walk home! Tight gits didn't want to pay for us to get in to the place! One week we decided to call their bluff and said we were going to try somewhere else the next week so they decided to take us out officially. The rest is history ..... we both married those boys who wanted us to "Save the Last Dance for Me'.
Off to play the music now .... no doubt the tears will fall again but they will be for the happy memories that I will always have. Thanks to everyone on here who have helped me
"Put on Puff The Magic Dragon, have a good cry, eat chocolate, and explore your memories. Enforced joy is no joy at all. One day you might feel that you can cope with it all, but till then, indulge yourself . I expect you can feel him beside you still, you had something very precious.
"Did you remember my late hubby's favourite song to sing to our kids was 'Puff the Magic Dragon' from my post on the H&M thread after he died? How lovely of you!
I am getting through this Christmas by taking the good advice that some of you wonderful Tattlers gave me a few weeks ago. So far I've had ups and downs ..... Christmas Eve watching the Carol Service alone made me weepy but when my daughter posted that image on Fb the flood gates opened ..... never cried so much since he passed away.
Yesterday was so busy I had no time to think ..... Christmas dinner at my daughters, buffet tea later at my sons! People asking how I was coping but I didn't get upset so that was good. Glad I crammed it all into the one day, as somebody on here suggested, as I now have the day to myself and, of course, my friends on here.
I was going to watch the TV all day today while eating chocolates, but there's FA on. Seeing @HairyWeeTerrier's recent post I have decided to listen to music instead (still while eating chocolates of course) and playing all the old songs which were mine and my husband's favourites ...... 'Puff the Magic Dragon' of course plus 'Save the Last Dance for Me' by The Drifters which brings back so many happy memories. Why? Don't want to bore you so I'll try to keep it short ..... My friend and I used to go dancing on Saturday night and these two boys used to stand watching us at the edge of the dance floor, pints in hand. At the end of the night, when the DJ announced it was the last dance, they used to both put their drinks down and come over for the last dance (always a slow one!). This happened for a couple of weeks until one week they finally decided to walk us home .... however they never actually made a date with us just kept saying "see you next week inside the dance hall" but always expected the last dance and the walk home! Tight gits didn't want to pay for us to get in to the place! One week we decided to call their bluff and said we were going to try somewhere else the next week so they decided to take us out officially. The rest is history ..... we both married those boys who wanted us to "Save the Last Dance for Me'.
Off to play the music now .... no doubt the tears will fall again but they will be for the happy memories that I will always have. Thanks to everyone on here who have helped me
You have made my Christmas . Thank youOh @HairyWeeTerrier I've just seen your reply from Friday ......
"Put on Puff The Magic Dragon, have a good cry, eat chocolate, and explore your memories. Enforced joy is no joy at all. One day you might feel that you can cope with it all, but till then, indulge yourself . I expect you can feel him beside you still, you had something very precious.
Did you remember my late hubby's favourite song to sing to our kids was 'Puff the Magic Dragon' from my post on the H&M thread after he died? How lovely of you!
I am getting through this Christmas by taking the good advice that some of you wonderful Tattlers gave me a few weeks ago. So far I've had ups and downs ..... Christmas Eve watching the Carol Service alone made me weepy but when my daughter posted that image on Fb the flood gates opened ..... never cried so much since he passed away.
Yesterday was so busy I had no time to think ..... Christmas dinner at my daughters, buffet tea later at my sons! People asking how I was coping but I didn't get upset so that was good. Glad I crammed it all into the one day, as somebody on here suggested, as I now have the day to myself and, of course, my friends on here.
I was going to watch the TV all day today while eating chocolates, but there's FA on. Seeing @HairyWeeTerrier's recent post I have decided to listen to music instead (still while eating chocolates of course) and playing all the old songs which were mine and my husband's favourites ...... 'Puff the Magic Dragon' of course plus 'Save the Last Dance for Me' by The Drifters which brings back so many happy memories. Why? Don't want to bore you so I'll try to keep it short ..... My friend and I used to go dancing on Saturday night and these two boys used to stand watching us at the edge of the dance floor, pints in hand. At the end of the night, when the DJ announced it was the last dance, they used to both put their drinks down and come over for the last dance (always a slow one!). This happened for a couple of weeks until one week they finally decided to walk us home .... however they never actually made a date with us just kept saying "see you next week inside the dance hall" but always expected the last dance and the walk home! Tight gits didn't want to pay for us to get in to the place! One week we decided to call their bluff and said we were going to try somewhere else the next week so they decided to take us out officially. The rest is history ..... we both married those boys who wanted us to "Save the Last Dance for Me'.
Off to play the music now .... no doubt the tears will fall again but they will be for the happy memories that I will always have. Thanks to everyone on here who have helped me
Love to you all.
Nobody knows what people are coping with behind the painted smile.
And as we've said, at least when we are being hermits, we don't have to paint that smile on if we don't feel like it.
I spent Christmas day pretending to be jolly.Today I don't have to.
I'm dreading next year because if it's more of the same despair I don't know how I'm going to keep my loved ones going.
When there's hope, you can always carry on, but things are getting worse out there. Im running out of silver linings to remind them of.
And there's only so many doodles you can draw. Sooner or later, the ink runs dry.
I wish I had a magic wand and a jackpot win on the lottery.
Nobody knows what people are coping with behind the painted smile.
And as we've said, at least when we are being hermits, we don't have to paint that smile on if we don't feel like it.
I spent Christmas day pretending to be jolly.Today I don't have to.
I'm dreading next year because if it's more of the same despair I don't know how I'm going to keep my loved ones going.
When there's hope, you can always carry on, but things are getting worse out there. Im running out of silver linings to remind them of.
And there's only so many doodles you can draw. Sooner or later, the ink runs dry.
I wish I had a magic wand and a jackpot win on the lottery.
It’s upsetting to think that someone who has helped/is helping other people, is feeling like this. Your doodles make hundreds smile and your advice a few weeks ago helped me
immensely. A few words or a touch of your hand means the world to people but don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring or it will make you ill. Take each day as it comes, it probably won’t be as bad as you are imagining it will be. If you feel up to helping those who might need it - then do so, but take a step back if you can’t and let somebody else help. Think that you have done your share for the time being and need time to yourself to recuperate. Pretending to be jolly is hard work when you don’t feel like it. Do what makes you feel good and when you feel good in yourself then, and only then, is the time you can consider helping others.
“It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” ….. Mandy Hale
Thanks @wisebutwild that's a lovely post.
I'm a tough old broad. My default is to see the silver lining/say, well it coulda been worse!
And I know Im not a Charity but someone once told me that those of us who are strong must help those who are not strong.
And I try to, but I get exasperated when they don't make any progress or dont try.
But when you love people, you are just programmed to try and help them, despite their inability or unwillingness to help themselves you know?
I may have my crappo days but I do bounce back. And I will always try to help. Then if I get wrung out with it all, I step away and go into my cave.
Its just Christmas and New Year. They magnify everything and make it all harder to deal with.
They bring back thoughts of the people we've lost and whom we miss so much.
They make us think of regrets we might have and feel upset about things we have failed at or about things that went wrong.
And they times all of that stuff by ten.
If I could hibernate from Christmas Day to the second week in January it would be better!!!
I do love Christmas Eve though. For me it is still a day of magic and hope.
PS
My ink hasn't run dry yet.
And I don't have to paint on a smile again until New Year's Eve. I am lazing about until then. Reading Tattle. Watching telly and eating nice things.
hi everyone, just thought I’d come in here and share rather than telling my real life family. Long story short I’m having a few health issues while I’m going through menopause. Started on HRT to stop the crazy, which led to increased blood pressure, which led to anxiety (father died of a heart attack), which led to a panic attack and being put onto anti anxiety meds. Suddenly I now have chronic gastric issues, which may or may not be caused by the meds.
I hate every part of my health problems right now. Most of all I’m embarrassed about the anxiety regarding my health. This is not me, and I hate asking for medical help.
I’ve always felt my doctor is patient and kind with me. She was concerned enough about gastric issues to refer me for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Didn’t show anything but now we are thinking gall bladder so she’s referred me to for an ultrasound. All her doing, I haven‘t asked outright for anything.
when I got the referral form for the ultrasound she had written a lot of medical stuff for the ultrasound technician to check for, plus also wrote ‘hypochondriac‘ on it. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but I was really hurt by this. I don’t want to be doing all this stuff. Maybe medically I am a bit OTT right now and sure, type it into my notes but I can’t for the life of me see how telling an ultrasound technician is going to help. I’m super embarrassed about fronting up and having the technician read that about me.
Thanks for listening. I feel quite let down by my doctor. I’m in a small town with a real lack of medical access and for the most part she‘s very good. So I cant/won’t be changing to another one,
I hate every part of my health problems right now. Most of all I’m embarrassed about the anxiety regarding my health. This is not me, and I hate asking for medical help.
I’ve always felt my doctor is patient and kind with me. She was concerned enough about gastric issues to refer me for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Didn’t show anything but now we are thinking gall bladder so she’s referred me to for an ultrasound. All her doing, I haven‘t asked outright for anything.
when I got the referral form for the ultrasound she had written a lot of medical stuff for the ultrasound technician to check for, plus also wrote ‘hypochondriac‘ on it. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but I was really hurt by this. I don’t want to be doing all this stuff. Maybe medically I am a bit OTT right now and sure, type it into my notes but I can’t for the life of me see how telling an ultrasound technician is going to help. I’m super embarrassed about fronting up and having the technician read that about me.
Thanks for listening. I feel quite let down by my doctor. I’m in a small town with a real lack of medical access and for the most part she‘s very good. So I cant/won’t be changing to another one,
I’m sorry to hear that. I would make an appointment to see her and ask her exactly why she thinks that.
She must have put you on HRT for medical reasons, and if you had increased blood pressure, she must have the readings in your notes to back that up.
If the medication might be causing the gastric issues, is it possible to change medications? Maybe you need to see a dietician for your gastric issues?
She must have put you on HRT for medical reasons, and if you had increased blood pressure, she must have the readings in your notes to back that up.
If the medication might be causing the gastric issues, is it possible to change medications? Maybe you need to see a dietician for your gastric issues?
I had my gallbladder out about ten years ago, and had both a colonoscopy/endoscopy and an ultrasound in the run up to it. My gallstone pains were generally triggered by eating fatty things and drinking caffeine (I discovered that marshmallows are fat free during that time lol). It's very stressful to know that something is wrong but waiting for the diagnosis, I hope it all gets sorted soon for you @amalah
I hope you get it sorted.
As @JAR21 says, another appointment needs making so you can discuss everything.
The hypochondriac note needs addressing.
Even hypochondriacs have some real ailments.
Get her to remove that comment and apologise.
I would be livid if I read that on my notes. You are certainly not being over sensitive, I cannot imagine anyone reading that being okay with it. If you are suffering from anxiety, it is the last thing you want to hear. If your doctor believes you are a hypochondriac, she should surely be referring you to someone in mental health. I would have thought that a hypochondriac was a symptom rather than a diagnosis. If all of your tests, examinations turn out negative, can you ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist or something ?
You do have a magic wand, it is disguised as your fingers. And remember Chita, that you can only do so much for people. If they don’t have that little spark inside themselves, none of the care you lavish on them will fan it into a fire. You are creative, you will always have that little flame, no matter how tiny it becomes sometimes. But don’t neglect it by becoming despondent over others. Spoil yourself a little, buy two lottery tickets
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I’m sorry for all the sadness, concerns, loneliness, and loss going around this time of year. My mother passed on December 6th, and the HolI days are so hard without her. Sending love and good thoughts to each of you. I’m so sorry for all the loss. That picture is beautiful @wisebutwild but I don’t think any of us could keep a dry eye after seeing it. I hold on to the belief that we’ll all be together again. And that keeps me going. believing taking one’s own life bars us ftom entering Heaven, no matter how bleak things seem, that just can’t be one of my menu options.
if someone holds that belief, you can remind them, and maybe get it off their menu as well. I feel enriched by meeting you all, and just know that when I pray, or send good thoughts into the universe, you’re all under my umbrella of love. I feel so old. And lonlely, which is terribly ironic with MPD. Then
I come here, and suddenly I feel ashamed for being self centered. I hate feeling I share qualities with either of the 5s. It makes me want to be a better person. But I[m disabled and can’t really get out to volunteer like I used to.
. Sorry for the self pity . You guys really Rock.
if someone holds that belief, you can remind them, and maybe get it off their menu as well. I feel enriched by meeting you all, and just know that when I pray, or send good thoughts into the universe, you’re all under my umbrella of love.
I feel so old. And lonlely, which is terribly ironic with MPD. ThenI come here, and suddenly I feel ashamed for being self centered. I hate feeling I share qualities with either of the 5s. It makes me want to be a better person. But I[m disabled and can’t really get out to volunteer like I used to.
. Sorry for the self pity . You guys really Rock.I’m sorry for all the sadness, concerns, loneliness, and loss going around this time of year. My mother passed on December 6th, and the HolI days are so hard without her. Sending love and good thoughts to each of you. I’m so sorry for all the loss. That picture is beautiful @wisebutwild but I don’t think any of us could keep a dry eye after seeing it. I hold on to the belief that we’ll all be together again. And that keeps me going. believing taking one’s own life bars us ftom entering Heaven, no matter how bleak things seem, that just can’t be one of my menu options.
if someone holds that belief, you can remind them, and maybe get it off their menu as well. I feel enriched by meeting you all, and just know that when I pray, or send good thoughts into the universe, you’re all under my umbrella of love.
I come here, and suddenly I feel ashamed for being self centered. I hate feeling I share qualities with either of the 5s. It makes me want to be a better person. But I[m disabled and can’t really get out to volunteer like I used to.
Self pity is allowed.
But for no more than two days in a row.
After 2 days, it becomes "wallowing" and wallowers get their arses kicked on day 3.
So sorry to hear that this is happening to you @amalah and you deserve better. I can only speak from my own experience with my daughter who had suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for years and when she has these she also has major gastric issues. She has even been hospitalised on more than one occasion and had all the cameras, up and down, scans etc and nothing was found. She was also once accused by a consultant of being anorexic and was bringing all the gastric issues on herself! You can imagine how that made her feel.
It may be that your anxiety is also causing your other health issues and it is snowballing ..... you are anxious therefore you have gastric problems, which makes you more anxious .....you read your doctor thinks you could be a hypochondriac, which makes you more anxious, which causes more gastric problems. It's a vicious circle.
This is what my daughter put up with for years and we didn't know how to help her until she finally got some therapy and talked to a specialist about her anxiety and panic attacks. I can only suggest that you try this route, it may save you months of worrying.
My daughter still takes anti anxiety meds daily and has stronger ones to take if and when needed but she has it all under control now. I feared the worse when my husband, her father, passed away in July but even when we sat at his beside for 3 days watching him slowly leave us and were with him when he took his last breath, she was brilliant. I was amazed at how well she coped and she was a tower of strength for me.
Try not to be anxious, tell your doctor you are not happy with the 'hypochondriac' comment and that it is all very real to you, even mention what I have written above if you want and ask if you can be referred to somebody who you can talk to. Doctors are busy people and sometimes just push pills at you rather than getting to the root of the matter.
I wish you all the best and hope you will fully recover and 2023 will see you back to your old self again
So sorry to hear that this is happening to you @amalah and you deserve better. I can only speak from my own experience with my daughter who had suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for years and when she has these she also has major gastric issues. She has even been hospitalised on more than one occasion and had all the cameras, up and down, scans etc and nothing was found. She was also once accused by a consultant of being anorexic and was bringing all the gastric issues on herself! You can imagine how that made her feel.
It may be that your anxiety is also causing your other health issues and it is snowballing ..... you are anxious therefore you have gastric problems, which makes you more anxious .....you read your doctor thinks you could be a hypochondriac, which makes you more anxious, which causes more gastric problems. It's a vicious circle.
This is what my daughter put up with for years and we didn't know how to help her until she finally got some therapy and talked to a specialist about her anxiety and panic attacks. I can only suggest that you try this route, it may save you months of worrying.
My daughter still takes anti anxiety meds daily and has stronger ones to take if and when needed but she has it all under control now. I feared the worse when my husband, her father, passed away in July but even when we sat at his beside for 3 days watching him slowly leave us and were with him when he took his last breath, she was brilliant. I was amazed at how well she coped and she was a tower of strength for me.
Try not to be anxious, tell your doctor you are not happy with the 'hypochondriac' comment and that it is all very real to you, even mention what I have written above if you want and ask if you can be referred to somebody who you can talk to. Doctors are busy people and sometimes just push pills at you rather than getting to the root of the matter.
I wish you all the best and hope you will fully recover and 2023 will see you back to your old self again
What a fab post.
Great advice from someone who has experienced similar.
What a lovely post @VioletButterfly. I am so sorry to hear you lost your mother so near to Christmas making it especially hard for you at this time of year. It is not easy any time an anniversary of a loved one comes around but is even more so when others are jolly and having a good time.I’m sorry for all the sadness, concerns, loneliness, and loss going around this time of year. My mother passed on December 6th, and the HolI days are so hard without her. Sending love and good thoughts to each of you. I’m so sorry for all the loss. That picture is beautiful @wisebutwild but I don’t think any of us could keep a dry eye after seeing it. I hold on to the belief that we’ll all be together again. And that keeps me going. believing taking one’s own life bars us ftom entering Heaven, no matter how bleak things seem, that just can’t be one of my menu options.
if someone holds that belief, you can remind them, and maybe get it off their menu as well. I feel enriched by meeting you all, and just know that when I pray, or send good thoughts into the universe, you’re all under my umbrella of love.
I come here, and suddenly I feel ashamed for being self centered. I hate feeling I share qualities with either of the 5s. It makes me want to be a better person. But I[m disabled and can’t really get out to volunteer like I used to.
Please do not feel you are being self centered and I'm certain without a doubt that you do not share any qualities the 5s have. I can tell you are a good person, you don't need to strive to be a better person, you are already there! Someone once said "Kindness is doing what you can, where you are, with what you have" ..... you may not be able to get out to volunteer any longer but your smile or a kind word written on here or another site by you could just change someone's world forever.
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