Morning tattlers - big squishes to you all
Just wanted to offload something. I'm still looking after Mum during the day and my Brother and my Son look after her at night (10 months after Dad died) and she just can't appreciate how fortunate she is being looked after 24 hours a day. I know she suffers from severe depression but she spends a lot of her time just wallowing in that black hole. Nearly everyone around me (myself included) suffers from mental health conditions but we all try to pick ourselves up in some way - just to keep ourselves going but she seems incapable and relies on other people for her own happiness and entertainment. Whilst that's quite frustrating (she's on every medication available and has a mental health team around her who no longer seem to have any idea what to do with her), It's her total lack of compassion and ability to take accountability for anything that is really pushing my buttons.
Whilst we've been caring for my Mum, my Brother and I don't feel we've had a moment to even start grieving for our Dad yet.
I keep dreaming about my Dad and in the dreams he is always talking but not really giving any great advice - he doesn't really interact with me in the dreams. When I try to see if he is alive or just a ghost, I go to hug him and I can feel him but he never hugs me back - it feels like rejection and I feel so upset.
This dream happens quite a few times a week.
I don't really need any advice, just wanted to get it off my chest and write it down somewhere as I just keep bottling it up. I am so lucky that Mr Spangly is going above and beyond in this situation and he does so much for my Mum which does ease the physical burden but psychologically, it is really taking it's toll!
It’s so difficult isn’t it ? We want to be kind ,loving and dutiful but it can be at great cost to ourselves. I took my parents in when they were elderly, and really put my life on hold, when my mother was alive, it was fine, but once she died, my father just thought I should pander to his every wish, my mother had spoiled him his whole life. Eventually I didn’t want to get up in the morning. I felt resentful because Dad didn’t recognise that I was older and tired, fed up etc., This may sound like a platitude, but it comes from the heart, because my father died and I became free again. This situation you find yourself in won’t last forever, try to stay afloat as best you can. And when you are free, you will know that you did your very best, under very difficult circumstances, so you will never have to feel that terrible guilt that would haunt you if you had neglected your Mum. I have bad dreams too, a bit like yours, they are upsetting. My friend was in the same situation, and her story is the same. That doesn’t make it easier for you at all, but many of us will be able to understand . The trouble is, we are perhaps one of the first generations to go through this, because our parents probably never had to do it, because their parents died a lot younger.
I have quite a small circle of people I love and who I am close to.
There are several others on the outskirts of that whom I care about but I don't let them in real close.
One of the real close ones has had suicidal thoughts on a few occasions but I have managed to keep lifting him up but all the mental struggles and lack of sleep etc etc is showing on his face and behind his eyes so I know those dark thoughts haven't gone away.
A friend in the not-so-close category took his own life this year.
His widow has now started dating a new man.
I think its a bit soon - and wonder if maybe she was cheating before now and that might have contributed to the suicide.
I don't know and who am I to judge anyway - but now, this development has started my loved one thinking that people soon forget a person when they die and will recover from the loss with little effect and move on to new people.
So all the work I've done to keep him from the edge and to dispel his dark thoughts is now unravelling.
I'm struggling myself to keep positive after my work being decimated by all the lockdowns for all this time - so this is all I need.
I sometimes think it's better to be a hermit and keep away from real people and just live a solitary life and use places like Tattle for company.
Oh to feel happy every day and have the inner circle of loved ones feel the same.
So sorry to hear this Chita, but you are a creative so it shouldn’t surprise me. I am often surprised at how quickly people move on sometimes, but then it was pointed out to me, that the happier a person has been in a relationship, the quicker they move on because there is such a void left in their life. Whereas people who have been unhappy might be inwardly relieved at the loss of their partner, and be thrilled to be free. It is difficult trying to keep someone happy, if not nearly impossible. You can only do your best. I am a bit of a hermit too, I wonder how many of us are that way ? Take care, keep drawing
I’ve been feeling a bit down so forced myself out of the house and into the local park every morning for a short walk. It’s really perked me up, such a good start to the day. The park is full of toddlers and dogs and they both behave exactly the same. It was really windy yesterday and it was snowing leaves, it looked magical. I’m planning to go for another walk this afternoon and listen to the Archers omnibus. I’ve been dwelling on all my problems and feeling miserable but this simple change to my day has really made a difference. If any one has any other suggestions I could try, they have to be cheap or free lol as money is tight at the moment.
I love dogs and children, they really take me out of myself. I now take a few dogs in, either overnight or even just for a few hours. Recently, a young girl has started to come to me for sewing lessons, she is a joy. I started doing little jobs like this to raise money for charity, babysitting, dog sitting, I called it “Rent a Gran “ and advertised on Facebook.
Here's a story for you; I haven't taken my vaccine yet - not due to any conspiracy theories, just cautious about a rushed solution. Many vaccines we welcome have been tested over several years
Btw, I'm covid-free - just done the test!
I love the conspiracy theories, and can believe most of the ones about the big pharmaceutical companies, though I did give in to vaccination. If it had been left to me, I would have taken my chances, but my daughter was worried.
My grandfather’s health has been slowly declining. I spoke to him this week and for the first time ever, he didn’t sound like he was upset about getting older. It’s made it much easier to handle his declining health. Something happened today though which forced me to imagine a world without him in it and it’s made me really teary. I thought I already came to terms with the fact that he won’t be around much longer. The truth is he’s going to leave an enormous hole when he’s gone.
Try to see that as a positive. How much more awful would it be if he died and there was no hole ?
