Absolutely. All welcome.
Its a bit quiet at present.
A lot of members are suffering.
But we check in to see if anyone needs a chat.
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Its a bit quiet at present.
A lot of members are suffering.
But we check in to see if anyone needs a chat.
I think I said before that I kept the tabs in a drawer after I came off them and if I started to feel anxious I would look at them and remind myself of that dark place. I was determined not to go back there even when my parents both died so I was proud of myself.
Welcome. Always checking in if somebody wants to chat.
Hi there, does anyone mind if I pour out my heart a little bit?
In the previous thread, I mentioned a friend of my partner and I, and the struggles we had to get him into hospital. We finally got him admitted, he spent 21 days there. When he came out, he started deteriorating again. In the past 4 years, he has been in and out of hospital, but has never really been diagnosed with anything.
This all changed just after Christmas, when he had to be admitted to hospital again. He has been diagnosed with prostate cancer which has spread to his bones. He has been in an awful lot of pain for months.
I don't want to dwell on the ineptitude of his Doctor's surgery, infact our friend is a classic case of someone who has slipped through the welfare net, if I were to think about it too deeply, it would be quite depressing.
The situation has become deeply upsettimg, because since 18th December, the hospital has not allowed any visitors because of Covid. He would really benefit from having visitors, before his health deteriorated he was a gregarious person.
What makes it worse, is that the staff on the ward in which the friend is staying, are reluctant to update us on his condition, because we are not family. I contacted PALS on Friday, to see if they could help. They were helpful, when our friend was in hospital a few months ago. We'll just have to wait and see what transpires.
In the previous thread, I mentioned a friend of my partner and I, and the struggles we had to get him into hospital. We finally got him admitted, he spent 21 days there. When he came out, he started deteriorating again. In the past 4 years, he has been in and out of hospital, but has never really been diagnosed with anything.
This all changed just after Christmas, when he had to be admitted to hospital again. He has been diagnosed with prostate cancer which has spread to his bones. He has been in an awful lot of pain for months.
I don't want to dwell on the ineptitude of his Doctor's surgery, infact our friend is a classic case of someone who has slipped through the welfare net, if I were to think about it too deeply, it would be quite depressing.
The situation has become deeply upsettimg, because since 18th December, the hospital has not allowed any visitors because of Covid. He would really benefit from having visitors, before his health deteriorated he was a gregarious person.
What makes it worse, is that the staff on the ward in which the friend is staying, are reluctant to update us on his condition, because we are not family. I contacted PALS on Friday, to see if they could help. They were helpful, when our friend was in hospital a few months ago. We'll just have to wait and see what transpires.
That's terrible. So sorry to hear that. Can you speak to Macmillan or Marie Curie and see if they can advise? Are you able to send anything to the hospital so he knows you are thinking of him?
Say, because of Covid this is probably happening a lot.
I had to google PALS.
That sounds like a good plan to talk to them.
And as @Miscanthus says Marie Curie and Macmillan too.
I would also talk to Citizen's Advice to ask how to circumvent the 'not next of kin or family' red tape crap.
Data protection is necessary of course but FFS all the nursing staff have to do is ask him if he gives permission for you to be updated, surely?
I hope you get someone to help you out here.
The poor guy cannot be allowed to suffer alone.
That sounds like a good plan to talk to them.
And as @Miscanthus says Marie Curie and Macmillan too.
I would also talk to Citizen's Advice to ask how to circumvent the 'not next of kin or family' red tape crap.
Data protection is necessary of course but FFS all the nursing staff have to do is ask him if he gives permission for you to be updated, surely?
I hope you get someone to help you out here.
The poor guy cannot be allowed to suffer alone.
An update.
I feel like I want to scream!
Contacted PALS - they said we need to speak to the staff on the ward!
Contacted Macmillan, who were helpful, but they said their "hands were tied!"
I really hate that expression.
Meanwhile over the weekend, our friend tried to contact us by phone. We managed to speak to him last night, he was quite depressed. It was a really upsetting conversation. My Partner was brilliant though, he was really supportive to the friend. We managed to tell him, we are thinking of him and are still here for him.
This morning we received a phonecall from him, he could barely string a sentence together. We really are worried about him.
Sorry to barge in on this thread.
I feel like I want to scream!
Contacted PALS - they said we need to speak to the staff on the ward!
Contacted Macmillan, who were helpful, but they said their "hands were tied!"
I really hate that expression.
Meanwhile over the weekend, our friend tried to contact us by phone. We managed to speak to him last night, he was quite depressed. It was a really upsetting conversation. My Partner was brilliant though, he was really supportive to the friend. We managed to tell him, we are thinking of him and are still here for him.
This morning we received a phonecall from him, he could barely string a sentence together. We really are worried about him.
Sorry to barge in on this thread.
Speaking of barging in - I think its time for you to barge into the ward at visiting time.
Go to the desk/nurses station.
Maybe turn up and explain he's phoned you asking for you to come because he is vulnerable and ALONE and needs your help.
Insist.
Then surely they can go and ask him if he wants to see you.
Hopefully he will say yes and then you can get the staff to make notes so you can stay in contact.
TBH all these restrictions are utter bollox and I think its more important for a lonely vulnerable and ill person to see his friends than to be isolated.
Of course you will agree to use sanitiser and wear a mask and whatever the hell else they want you to do and even if they will only allow one of you to visit him and speak in person then thats better than nothing.
But turn up together - strength in numbers.
I think its time you played hardball.
I really do.
Thank you so much for your reply. I like the idea of direct action.
Happy to listen and offer support.
Its alright being patient and being put off but at the end of the day we have a guy here who needs his friends and has some friends waiting in the wings to support and help him while he is in.
The NHS can be amazing but it can also be crap and you have to push to get anything done.
There's been enough twatting about by the sounds of it and every second counts so I really think you need to kick some arse.
It doesnt have to be full on confrontation and all guns blazing - but it does have to be gritted teeth, feet firmly on the ground refusing to budge until you see your friend and not taking no for an answer.
And if the ward staff won't play ball - stay strong (and calm and polite) and ask to see the highest ranking person there.
Push them.
You are not going to like this, but I bottled out of going to the hospital. Instead I opted for telephoning the ward, to speak to someone about our friend.
As I was too angry to speak to the nurse, I passed the phone to my partner, who managed to get across the important points.
I know it is not the best way of dealing with it, but it is all I could manage at the time.
Please don't have a go at me, I feel enough of a failure at the moment.
As I was too angry to speak to the nurse, I passed the phone to my partner, who managed to get across the important points.
I know it is not the best way of dealing with it, but it is all I could manage at the time.
Please don't have a go at me, I feel enough of a failure at the moment.
I think that is amazing that you did that. Not a failure at all.
Failure would be to not try.
You did try and you managed to speak to someone. That's a huge achievement in itself!!!!!
Ok, it wasn't the arse kicking I suggested but has it, at least made the ward staff stop brick-walling you and actually working with you?
I hope so.
The arse kicking can be reserved for later.
Let's hope it won't be necessary.
Well done today. You did good.
Thank you so much.
Keep us informed.Thank you so much.
Hope your friend gets all the help he needs and hope you can be allowed to visit him.
Nobody is going to have a go at you! You and your partner are amazing. Not many people would be advocating for a friend in need like you are doing.
He is probably medicated to the eyeballs which is why he couldn't string a sentence together.
In my experience patients are treated much better when the nursing staff know that they (the patient) have people looking out for them.
I apologise to anybody in the nursing profession but it's true. You need to make your presence felt, as @Chita said and if it's a phone call in the current Covid circumstances then that's good.
Thinking of you. Stay strong
Many thanks to both of you.
My Partner contacted the ward today, and received some not very good news. Our friend has had another diagnosis, but we don't know what it is because we are not next of kin. We think it is quite serious though, because, he will probably be moved into a care home facility, in the next couple of weeks.
If he survives that long, the person that spoke to my partner, indicated that it might be a matter of weeks not months. So we may or may not, be able to see him before he passes. He has deteriorated to a point, where he is barely able to communicate with us.
If he survives that long, the person that spoke to my partner, indicated that it might be a matter of weeks not months. So we may or may not, be able to see him before he passes. He has deteriorated to a point, where he is barely able to communicate with us.
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So sorry to hear this. It's very sad. Does he have family? If he's in a care home will you be told which one, will you be able to visit?
He has no living relatives, we are the closest thing he has to a relative. We will make sure that we know which home he will go to, they can't deny us that.
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