That's very difficult. You're not stupid, I imagine every day is hard for you in a teeny way. I feel for you. Good for you for making a go of things if that's what you want xx
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It took a lot for me to stay, in hindsight leaving would have been the easier option emotionally just not financially. At the time we had a one year old. It’s hard and some days are harder than others but it’s always there in the back of my mind xx
I can imagine. I hope you find true happiness for you one day.
Thank you, me too xx
this actually makes so much sense to me, I’m 37 weeks pregnant as well so another layer added. We have a house and other kids it would have been a massive upheaval splitting up and then shared access at weekends etc. I understand completely about tiny things triggering and then it’s a bad few days while I clear my head again.Can you give an idea of the content?
I'm a little shocked he was texting while on his honeymoonthat time should be exclusive.
This doesn't seem right.
I'm sorry you went through this, its the most heartbreaking and damaging thing imaginable.
I understand why you are staying, it's easy for people to say otherwise but like everything there are layers.
I really hope you can begin to trust again.
For me I couldn't and years later I'm no further on
I wanted to try after the 1st time for many reasons including, I loved him, a mortgage we had just taken, my mental health had been serverly affected, I was (as I now know) love bombed and made promises, my parents had divorced, I wanted to not be them and as sad as this is I didn't want the other girl to think she had won.
Unfortunately the trust was so broken it was a real struggle, I would be OK for periods and then something would trigger me and I'd be back reliving things, anything like watching a movie and someone finding a text would send me backwards.
I'd stop having sex as a way to protect myself, I would have this image he was thinking of her while we had sex and it would make me sick.
I got pregnant, another layer added, and then here I am in the same situation. I don't believe men change, I think it's their nature, if it's in them they will continue to do it.
I had exactly the same thoughts about her “winning” she’s actually said to a few of my friends she’s gutted because she expected to be a step mum to my child. I do think that people can change and even if we had split up I’d probably still have the same issues in the next relationship I doubt they’d just vanish.
That’s the same with me, I’m all for girls supporting girls but she’s bleeping weird her personality shines through every pore she has. I’m not anything special either but definitely look better. They never cheat with prettier, always easier xxNo I agree, I feel this would continue into another relationship, it would have to be a very special and understanding man to make me feel differently, I'd need constant reassuring and that would probably be a lot for someone to deal with. Though right now I'm still in the middle of things, I won't rule out a happy ending as there are good people out there, not everyman needs to look elsewhere. Best of it was, on both occasions they weren't anything special, I am definitely more attractivehe was always told he was punching.
Work relationships are easy to slip into. For eight hours a day you are normally working with someone, and that’s more time in a day than you probably would ever speak to your spouse. Add to that work pressures and stresses and becoming a two against the world so to speak, then you are more likely to bond. Making that extra step forward and start socialising is when trouble begins.
Ok
Because I'm closer to him bar anyone else in my life, with the exception of my partner.
Nothing sexual, just the type mates would text (like work, sport, how you etc).Can you give an idea of the content?
I'm a little shocked he was texting while on his honeymoon
This doesn't seem right.
Similar to above, I feel so close to him and as nothing sexual in the messages I've convinced myself it's a 'friendship' even though it's probably too much contact for 2 people in relationships and when I first read about emotional affairs it ticked every box.
This happened to me exactly
To be honest it does sound more of a friendship, maybe you are still hoping for more but that's definitely stuff you chat about with mates.
He wife mustn't see it as much of a threat or something would have been said by now?
I'm not sure tbh. His wife probably doesn't see his messages and he's away a lot with work, busy lives.
An emotional affair by definition isn't explicitly sexual: "An emotional affair can be defined as: "A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse that affects the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage."
I really don't know, he talks very little about his wife. Regarding me and my partner I don't think it has created an emotional distance between us, as if something good or bad happens I confide in both my partner and my friend, I'm not keeping secrets from my partner other than these messages
He is of a similar age and social background to my partner but both are very different, I like them both in different ways
Do you acknowledge and accept that what you are Doing is wrong?
If you hide it, keep it secret, you know it is wrong.
That poor wife, and your partner too. Get a backbone.
That poor wife, and your partner too. Get a backbone.
How would you feel if your partner shared as much of him with someone other than you? Genuinely, would it bother you? If the roles were reversed?
I'm saying to myself that there is nothing wrong because the messages are not sexual, but the fact I don't want my partner seeing the message thread makes it feel wrong. I have other male friends who I text maybe weekly and would have no problem with my partner seeing those messages, this one feels different.
If it was a childhood friend or something maybe I would feel ok about it, but if it was a colleague who looked and acted like my partner's usual "type" I would get worried
I guess the question is, are you happy with your partner? What leads you to have this friendship that you know is more than friendship, on an emotional level? Is anything missing in your current relationship that leads you to this man, or do you just enjoy his attention? No judgement btw. We don't know either of your situations and like I say there's always a reason/context to affairs in my opinion. Don't have to answer either
No, it IS wrong.
The very fact that you are hiding the messages and keeping it a secret is proof of that. For the love of god - HE IS MARRIED. You are in a relationship, you shouldn’t have this kind of “connection” with someone outside of your relationship. You were exchanging messages with this man on his honeymoon.
Jesus Christ. Get a grip.
in the nicest possible way, it “feels wrong” because it IS wrong. in your heart you know it. you said in your original post that you were heartbroken when he got married, that you imagine the two of you together, that you messaged on his honeymoon. this is what crosses the line into it being wrong. you admit this by saying that your partner and his wife would be upset if they saw the messages. you say you’re not keeping secrets from your partner but you are.
you’re both with other people, for consideration of them, if nothing else, you need to stop this.
This. 100% this. What you're doing is wrong, selfish and stupid. Putting so much at risk. I feel for "his" wife. I'd hate to be married to the likes of him.
I think the kindest thing to do would be to let your partner go, he deserves to be with someone who wouldn't do this on him. He deserves to be treated with enough respect that nothing is hidden in a bid to not upset him.
You obviously have feelings for a married man, you were heartbroken, you get a thrill when a txt comes through, you imagine life with him, you feel chemistry.
Honestly I can't believe you are doing this, at 1st I actually thought you where trolling this thread!
This thread has people who have had their marriage ruined by this exact thing