Emma Drew #22 I don’t know why I'm accused of neglect, I arranged a click and collect

[Katykatykaty]

The whole presents thing has really really wound me up! Who on earth would be thinking of what birthday presents they could get from a relative who is so ill and clearly can’t think for themselves? Emma is a selfish, spoilt brat and nothing can convince me otherwise!

My grandma would shower her two children, their partners, her 5 grand children and their partners and her great grandchildren with tons of gifts at every Christmas and birthday but in recent years we’ve all received a box of biscuits or chocolates. My Aunty took over my grandma’s finances and although my grandma didn’t really know who we were before she went in the home, if my Aunty said it was someone’s birthday/Christmas she knew she had to give a present. A £3 box of biscuits per family ticked the box without delving into my grandma’s finances and robbing her of money she had no idea who it was being spent on. And you know what, the last box of biscuits I got now stores some of my craft supplies and it makes me smile everytime I get it out knowing it came from my grandma!

An old biscuit tin would never bring Emma any happiness as it doesn’t have a big designer label on, can’t be kept cluttered on a shelf and then resold on eBay for ridiculous prices.

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

The whole presents thing has really really wound me up! Who on earth would be thinking of what birthday presents they could get from a relative who is so ill and clearly can’t think for themselves? Emma is a selfish, spoilt brat and nothing can convince me otherwise!

The DVD player thing has me wound up.

Emma has publicly admitted that her dad's memory is rapidly deteriorating, but she has no issues taking his belongings to sell on eBay knowing that he's not compos mentis (in her words). It makes me feel sick.

 

[Pixlepuff]

Long time lurker.

I am struggling a bit today, her storied hit a nerve and then when I read through here I felt quite down.

I was a carer for a my nonna for many years. She had a whole host of issues before she developed dementia. I had to step away from it. I felt awful, like I had let her down.

I had a young child, hubs worked so I could stay at home with the child, he was 3 at the time, and I would take him with me every day to go and sort things out for her. One day she didn't recognise him. He kept telling her who she was in this tiny sweet voice, but she just said that I don't have children. We left that day and we both cried. I cried for him and he cried because he couldn't understand why the lady that called him her little man wasn't calling him her little man anymore. I kept trying and some days she knew him and others she didn't. I had to make a choice to step away and it has killed me to this day. She passed 10 years ago now and I still wish I could have worked something out, I still feel like i failed her and I still miss the time I could have/should have spent with her.

I wish I was in the position Emma is in. I wish I could have weathered the bad days just for the days that were good. I miss cooking for her as she would sit in the kitchen with me and tell me she remembers when I cooked with her, stood on the stool that she still had in that kitchen.

 

[Fishwife]

She said he had his diagnosis in 2019. She has had plenty of time to get in touch with relevant charities, carer support groups etc. She could also have visited local EMI homes to see what was available should he need more care than she was prepared to give him. It should never have reached this stage.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I hate the way she said ‘my story, our story’. Both my grandparents had dementia, as a family looked after them and all their needs even before we knew it was official. I am even more horrified by her behaviour since she’s had this news for so long. I don’t believe she got a good enough care package in place for him, and she clearly had no idea of he quality as she never checked.

She is so woe is me, sending Tony because she can’t face it. I don’t believe that for a second, it’s because she’s lazy! It’s hard but if you love that person you just do it.

 

[LucyLu2]

So much I want to say her, but not quite sure how to form it all clearly (especially whilst trying to home school!) but here goes.

I think we're all in agreement that losing a relative to dementia is awful and heartbreaking. I think we're also all I'm agreement that Emma is making some awful choices here and as a result her father is suffering even more than he should.

At the end of the day though I honestly don't think Emma knows or understands that what she is doing is wrong. She's a little girl herself, with clearly no clue as to how to look after herself. She can't even remember to brush her teeth everyday. What's possibly the saddest thing in all this is that it's clear from what is happening that she has no one to help her. No one to make her realise that what she's doing is wrong. No one to point out the mistakes she's making in life or to help her make better life choices. Whether that be about her diet and health and exercise, or how to care best for her father. Tony it seems just enables whatever behaviour Emma wants. The poor guy's under the thumb and we've see from when he said a dress looked tight that she'll only ignore what he says, so he's probably staying quiet for an easy life. What about her friends and family though? Have none of them see what we've seen on social media and tried to step in to help? She's screaming out for attention (on social media) possibly because she's never had any in her life before.

She's like a lost child who doesn't know how to be a grown up, despite telling us all that she's a "girl boss". I don't know quite how old she was when her mum died, or what sort of relationship she had with her, but I get the distinct impression that she's just never been shown how to grow up. My step-daughter is much the same. Her mum treats her like a kid and has never spoken to her about hygiene, personal care, interacting with other people managing money or anything practical. She expects constant gifts and everything to be done for her. She didn't even know how to butter a slice of bread when she was 14 years old! I see Emma as being quite similar and she shows no signs of wanting to learn - possibly because she's so lazy. It's sad really.

Or, maybe I'm putting far too much thought into all this!

 

[Tiredbones]

I really hope not and I won't lie but I did think about that too. Especially when Katy shared she got a lot of lovely messages she appreciated. Emma loves attention. But I do think it is more likely she has been reading tattle and doesn't like the threats to report her for looking after her dad badly.

Both scenarios paint her in a really tit light don't they!

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

At the end of the day though I honestly don't think Emma knows or understands that what she is doing is wrong. She's a little girl herself, with clearly no clue as to how to look after herself. She can't even remember to brush her teeth everyday. What's possibly the saddest thing in all this is that it's clear from what is happening that she has no one to help her. No one to make her realise that what she's doing is wrong. No one to point out the mistakes she's making in life or to help her make better life choices. Whether that be about her diet and health and exercise, or how to care best for her father. Tony it seems just enables whatever behaviour Emma wants. The poor guy's under the thumb and we've see from when he said a dress looked tight that she'll only ignore what he says, so he's probably staying quiet for an easy life. What about her friends and family though? Have none of them see what we've seen on social media and tried to step in to help? She's screaming out for attention (on social media) possibly because she's never had any in her life before.

Emma doesn't have any friends because she treated all of them appallingly. For reference, see some posts from the lovely @Smallpotato who Emma quite frankly ended up being abusive towards. Also, if you read up on her wedding day, she blogs quite openly about how horrible she was to her bridesmaids and how she bit her dad's head off when he got emotional about her mom not being there.

There is no point in anyone trying to have a word with Emma because she just attacks anyone who dares to disagree with her and does what she wants. I do think there have been instances where Tony has tried, but it's not been worth the aggravation from Emma.

I used to try to understand why Emma behaves the way she does - now I just genuinely think she is a cruel and awful person (just ask Wisp).

 

[JoeBloggs]

@LucyLu2 I think you have hit the nail on the head, she isn’t mature enough to deal with this. She can barely clean her own house, look after herself let along care for her dad. But rather than dealing with it, she’s ignore it, like her weight loss.

She expects everyone to feel sorry for her and help her rather than seeking the help. She surely could approach Tony’s parent for advice and help? Or his siblings?

 

[JessTxxx]

He kept telling her who she was in this tiny sweet voice, but she just said that I don't have children. We left that day and we both cried. I cried for him and he cried because he couldn't understand why the lady that called him her little man wasn't calling him her little man anymore. I kept trying and some days she knew him and others she didn't.

this made me cry, dementia is cruel

 

[Letmetellya]

If she wastes money on a peloton bike I will just give up wisp will get more use out of it than her and it will only double up as a clothes hanger/cat pole

 

[Fruitleopard]

Oh yes I forgot about that! So someone came on saying they were Millie. But Millie spells her name without the e - Milli. So the authenticity was questioned. Also Millie told us things we pretty much knew about them anyway.
Did it excite me more than the thought of Tony touches? Yes. Did Millie ever return? No. Was it the real former employee of Emma? Dunno.

I also asked “Millie” if Emma was a carer for anyone, she didn’t answer my question then as we know never came back on...

 

[LucyLu2]

Emma doesn't have any friends because she treated all of them appallingly. For reference, see some posts from the lovely @Smallpotato who Emma quite frankly ended up being abusive towards. Also, if you read up on her wedding day, she blogs quite openly about how horrible she was to her bridesmaids and how she bit her dad's head off when he got emotional about her mom not being there.

There is no point in anyone trying to have a word with Emma because she just attacks anyone who dares to disagree with her and does what she wants. I do think there have been instances where Tony has tried, but it's not been worth the aggravation from Emma.

I used to try to understand why Emma behaves the way she does - now I just genuinely think she is a cruel and awful person (just ask Wisp).

Oh don't worry - long term reader here so fully know how vile she's been to people, but it does make you wonder what her childhood was like so that she wasn't every taught how to respect other people, how to take constructive criticism and how to make and keep friends.

 

[princesssparklepants]

I hate the way she said ‘my story, our story’. Both my grandparents had dementia, as a family looked after them and all their needs even before we knew it was official. I am even more horrified by her behaviour since she’s had this news for so long. I don’t believe she got a good enough care package in place for him, and she clearly had no idea of he quality as she never checked.

She is so woe is me, sending Tony because she can’t face it. I don’t believe that for a second, it’s because she’s lazy! It’s hard but if you love that person you just do it.

Exactly. If she can't do it for her father, what about if Tony needed looking after? Sad fact is she'd likely be fuming 'her' cash was going towards funding his care as she wouldn't do it and would resent it.

Imagine if you were in his position, imma and your child who you had raised and given up things for/bought a house for essentially abandoned you and you couldn't look after yourself.

 

[Katykatykaty]

The tights need throwing out and burning Emma! You are not a 4 year old going to a birthday in your party frock and tights, you are a grown adult trying to run a business.

(If anything was going to make them work it be a plain black skater dress I think but god knows what shoes you could pair with such hideous tights!)

 

[LucyLu2]

Exactly. If she can't do it for her father, what about if Tony needed looking after? Sad fact is she'd likely be fuming 'her' cash was going towards funding his care as she wouldn't do it and would resent it.

Or imagine if she had a child and he/she needed extra support. Then again, I a actually think the amount of care a baby would need would be beyond her.

 

[princesssparklepants]

God yeah, you can't have nope days with a baby or spend the day in bed.

 

[Grabspopcorn]

The tights need throwing out and burning Emma! You are not a 4 year old going to a birthday in your party frock and tights, you are a grown adult trying to run a business.

(If anything was going to make them work it be a plain black skater dress I think but god knows what shoes you could pair with such hideous tights!)

More new clothes??

 

[Anotherct]

The tights need throwing out and burning Emma! You are not a 4 year old going to a birthday in your party frock and tights, you are a grown adult trying to run a business.

(If anything was going to make them work it be a plain black skater dress I think but god knows what shoes you could pair with such hideous tights!)

When I first saw the red ones I thought she was auditioning for the wizard of oz

 

[Pixlepuff]

this made me cry, dementia is cruel

I could take her not knowing who I was, it was her not knowing the child that broke me. He was too young to understand and I couldn't put him through that. I just wish that Emma knows how lucky she is to be able to pop in and spend time with her dad. My Nonna was the backbone of our family. She was the stereotypical Italian nan. It broke me having to hand over duties.
She is so lucky to be in the position she is in. She has ample time to spend with him. Even if she wasn't caring for him, she could go there everyday and enjoy the moment. Imagine being in his position and having lucid moments, alone. It's those moments when they realise just how alone they are. Heartbroken for him.