Anyway, seeing as now we haven’t had a Play for Today, for many a long month, here is my overdue attempt:
Phone ringing….
“Good morning, GMC, how can I direct your call?”
“Complaints department please”
“Hold the line” (receptionist can be heard telling her colleagues close by that she has a Nutjob on line one)
“Complaints, can I help?”
“Do you know who I am?”
“No madam, I’m sorry, I don’t. Is that your complaint? That we don’t know who you are?”
“Well, no, but I just thought you might have heard of me. I’m an internet sensation, the name is Alice Br… I do have many other names, but this is today’s name”
“Ok, how can I help?”
“Well, there’s been a number of really well qualified medics taking the piss out of me on Insta and Tik tok and I want you to tell them off”
(Telephone operator stares blankly into space. She has worked for the GMC since she left school in 1975 and she has no clue what this call is about.)
“I’m sorry madam, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you been the victim of a medical negligence? Has your doctor done something wrong?”
“No, they’re not my doctors, I’m not registered with a doctor, If I’m poorly I cure myself with erbs, supplements (I’ve got my own brand if you fancy any), sunning my bum hole, eating soil, shaving my head and eating coco pops. The doctors I’m complaining about are dead naughty and clever, and they’ve made a right fuckin show of me. It’s not on you know, I have a living to make online and
tit like this can hurt my pocket”
“Oh, I see. Well, you know what, it sounds like something we would not get involved in. Why don’t you just have a word with them and ask them to stop being naughty?”
At this point, the caller goes completely mental and screams down the phone, “You’re all in this together, you’re as bad as Boris Johnson, big Pharma and anyone who has ever had a vaccination of any bastarding description. I hate you all. Don’t even log my complaint, I’ll just do a live and then send my buddies after them. That’ll show you”
At this point, the lovely little lady from the GMC breaths a deep sigh and says, “Oh, just
duck off will you”.