Does anyone hate their job?

[toetoetoe88]

Warning - bit of a word-vomit dump. I’m already looking, but just need to get my thoughts together in writing:

Started a new role in January as an Assistant I’ve done it before, it’s not the most exciting but it paid the bills and I got on with the role (plus one of the MDs I supported was class in general - understanding, detailed and the dream to support). However, the role I was in wasn’t for very long - contract up until May this year due for renewal (so no guarantee if extended). I also supported another MD who approached me a month later asking if I would be interested in stepping up into a role becoming vacant as the previous person was stepping into another internal promotion in the same team. A much longer contract, so longer job security and on paper the job sounded really interesting. Yup, I’m interested after reading a quick job spec, negotiated a start date, small increase in salary etc. Good MD was sad, but happy for progression and he checks in now and then.

Start the new role, then get Covid VERY bad after a few days. Was off two weeks and my team checked in now and again (but no harassment, they knew how ill I was).

I come back to the company with lingering symptoms of brain-fog, dizziness (I also have pre-existing health conditions so they really do NOT complement each other). At this point it turns out a whole chunk of us in the company caught it at a work event, I’m one of the few who had it the worst.

At this point something…changed? I’ve worked in places where something of this manner permits a Return to Work interview and something in writing which didn’t happen (….and hasn’t happened despite me asking). I got asked if I was okay in a meeting, disclosed how I felt and suggested changing ways of working. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I had a week where I could not concentrate or do anything, struggled with the basics. I felt awful as I felt I wasn’t pulling my weight.

The job itself on paper sounds good but OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED. It's dull!!!!! I'm nearly pulling my hair out.

Plus the training I’ve had has been very ad-hoc and bitty. Nothing is in writing and we don’t have guides (we use four different systems that all operate differently) which is a tad concerning. Overall I’m not feeling confident. I’m pulled into meetings one after another every other day where I really don’t understand what is going on (acronyms, buzz-words, injokes). I ask for clarification and it’s just…a weird reaction.

In the meantime a lot of people (and I mean a lot - new and old) have slowly disclosed how bizarre and unhappy this place makes people. I’ve heard a few horror stories that when I’ve managed people in the past, it would be instant written warnings and actual procedures. When I do go in the office (we have hybrid) it is a VERY odd atmosphere.

After repeatedly asking for one I’m finally having a one to one next Friday with my new manager who has barely said three words to me. It’s taken a month and a half to acknowledge this and actually get something in the diary.

I’m unsure if its a symptom of the sheer volume people are expected to do (and from what people have disclosed….the salaries don’t reflect the workload) or if people have just given up. It’s public sector under a sheen of corporate.

I have made some really good connections with people there (who I wish I could work with) but overall just not happy. I’ve felt really ignored by my new team and if no-one is checking in with me, I’m not confident the work that I’m doing is any good?!

(I also somehow passed probation - had a random letter on my doorstep last week yet no-one…told me to my face?)

We’re also providing some major work as a contract with the Commonwealth Games and there has also been a proverbial shitstorm as rather than hire an agency/contractors to support with crucial front-line work it’s been dropped on the company that we are expected to help out with all teams, there is a blanket ban on ALL holiday July - September (but they did say those with children have an exception - but in the tone of those without have nothing on) and there is an expectation to work from morning to end of day.

Sadly my old job has been filled so I can’t step back into that, but actively looking (along with 90% of the company lol). Just debating on how professionally angry I can be in my FIRST meeting with my manager with a lot of ongoing issues (and a lot I haven’t put down here, but its enough to make a lot of people I know shake their head in disgust).

 

[Codiaeum]

I told my manager I was leaving today and it was one of the worst things I ever did.
He asked whether he could talk to me today and opened the chat by telling me that another person, the same role as me, was leaving. Saw my "chance" and jumped in right there, before he tried to delegate any work to me. It was sooo horrible, the expression on his face, slumping on his chair Of course, he wanted to know the whys and what the company could offer to make me stay, but I'm not... I signed the contract already and I also explained why I don't want to stay, all the things that led to this have been "we need to change this" things for a while and it's simply not going to happen.
Well, at least that is off the table now, couldn't sleep last night as my mind was spinning about how that conversation would go and I had only expected it to happen tomorrow. 1/10 though, wouldn't recommend, if you truly like your team and manager, it feels like a betrayal. And I'll have to do this a couple of more times with my immediate teammates.

 

[House of Tea]

I told my manager I was leaving today and it was one of the worst things I ever did.
He asked whether he could talk to me today and opened the chat by telling me that another person, the same role as me, was leaving. Saw my "chance" and jumped in right there, before he tried to delegate any work to me. It was sooo horrible, the expression on his face, slumping on his chair Of course, he wanted to know the whys and what the company could offer to make me stay, but I'm not... I signed the contract already and I also explained why I don't want to stay, all the things that led to this have been "we need to change this" things for a while and it's simply not going to happen.
Well, at least that is off the table now, couldn't sleep last night as my mind was spinning about how that conversation would go and I had only expected it to happen tomorrow. 1/10 though, wouldn't recommend, if you truly like your team and manager, it feels like a betrayal. And I'll have to do this a couple of more times with my immediate teammates.

I am a bit blunt speaking. Repeat to yourself, I am a unit of work. If they have to make people redundant, they would do it in a heartbeat. You have every right to take your labour elsewhere. It isn’t a betrayal, it’s life. You exchange your labour for money to live. You can like people at work, but 9/10 they are just acquaintances made at work, and the friendships don’t last outside the workplace. To be honest, you are being too emotional. Nobody is indispensable, however much we like to think we are.Life and work will go on in your present company. You leaving will not wreck the business, your manager has already started the recruitment ball rolling. Your immediate teammates will probably miss you but very doubtful they will feel betrayed. And if for some reason they do, they will soon get over it. Good luck in your new role.

 

[Codiaeum]

I am a bit blunt speaking. Repeat to yourself, I am a unit of work. If they have to make people redundant, they would do it in a heartbeat. You have every right to take your labour elsewhere. It isn’t a betrayal, it’s life. You exchange your labour for money to live. You can like people at work, but 9/10 they are just acquaintances made at work, and the friendships don’t last outside the workplace. To be honest, you are being too emotional. Nobody is indispensable, however much we like to think we are.Life and work will go on in your present company. You leaving will not wreck the business, your manager has already started the recruitment ball rolling. Your immediate teammates will probably miss you but very doubtful they will feel betrayed. And if for some reason they do, they will soon get over it. Good luck in your new role.

You are absolutely right and I really need to it tell to myself and mean it. The people were a big part of why I stayed so long, the other side is that this job was consuming. I sometimes felt that everything I did came back to this and that's not healthy. Unfortunately it was and is how the team works and while we made some cool stuff with that mentality, it ultimately now also is the biggest reason for leaving it behind.
I'm sure they will find a replacement, it's a big company. I'm equally sure that some of the higher ups will need a meeting with HR as a lot of people in the same role have recently left, so there must be common factors (hint: massive work overload and working hours) behind it.

 

[House of Tea]

You are absolutely right and I really need to it tell to myself and mean it. The people were a big part of why I stayed so long, the other side is that this job was consuming. I sometimes felt that everything I did came back to this and that's not healthy. Unfortunately it was and is how the team works and while we made some cool stuff with that mentality, it ultimately now also is the biggest reason for leaving it behind.
I'm sure they will find a replacement, it's a big company. I'm equally sure that some of the higher ups will need a meeting with HR as a lot of people in the same role have recently left, so there must be common factors (hint: massive work overload and working hours) behind it.

Yes, you are moving on. Mantra for life, look forward, not back. Put your focus on your future, the problems in your present company are not your problems any more. If there is an exodus that is for them to address. If they don’t, that is their look out. The recruitment process is expensive and time consuming, so if there are a lot of people leaving, the amount of £ spent on recruiting will give them pause for thought. So, miss the people, but not the job, and enjoy your new role.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I told my manager I was leaving today and it was one of the worst things I ever did.
He asked whether he could talk to me today and opened the chat by telling me that another person, the same role as me, was leaving. Saw my "chance" and jumped in right there, before he tried to delegate any work to me. It was sooo horrible, the expression on his face, slumping on his chair Of course, he wanted to know the whys and what the company could offer to make me stay, but I'm not... I signed the contract already and I also explained why I don't want to stay, all the things that led to this have been "we need to change this" things for a while and it's simply not going to happen.
Well, at least that is off the table now, couldn't sleep last night as my mind was spinning about how that conversation would go and I had only expected it to happen tomorrow. 1/10 though, wouldn't recommend, if you truly like your team and manager, it feels like a betrayal. And I'll have to do this a couple of more times with my immediate teammates.

That’s what worries me about leaving my place… they’ll offer me x, y, z to stay. I hate letting people down and leaving them in the lurch… there are only 3 of us. I haven’t looked at any jobs elsewhere as sometimes it’s not too bad at work.. and other times… but, you have to think of yourself! (Easier said than done….)

 

[RJF]

I have this terribly annoying work colleague who is only in two days a week. He comes from a moneyed back around so can afford to do this.

However, we all obviously have much more responsibilities than he does because we are in five days. So every time he comes in, he messages us a list of demands that needs to be done “with urgency”. He fully expects us to drop the other parts of our much more extensive job descriptions on the days that he is in. He is also one of those colleagues who asks people to do things that he could easily do himself. It’s so annoying.

I work in an industry weird things cropped up all the time and, although I have a relatively fixed daily routine in many respects, no two days are the same. It’s so bloody irritating to accommodate him but he has been part of the furniture for years and you just get a sense that he set in his ways.

Sorry for the rant but he is the part of my job that is particularly irksome this week.

 

[JustmeKC]

I have this terribly annoying work colleague who is only in two days a week. He comes from a moneyed back around so can afford to do this.

However, we all obviously have much more responsibilities than he does because we are in five days. So every time he comes in, he messages us a list of demands that needs to be done “with urgency”. He fully expects us to drop the other parts of our much more extensive job descriptions on the days that he is in. He is also one of those colleagues who asks people to do things that he could easily do himself. It’s so annoying.

I work in an industry weird things cropped up all the time and, although I have a relatively fixed daily routine in many respects, no two days are the same. It’s so bloody irritating to accommodate him but he has been part of the furniture for years and you just get a sense that he set in his ways.

Sorry for the rant but he is the part of my job that is particularly irksome this week.

Unless you’re his PA surely you can say no?

 

[bcfc999]

I told my manager I was leaving today and it was one of the worst things I ever did.
He asked whether he could talk to me today and opened the chat by telling me that another person, the same role as me, was leaving. Saw my "chance" and jumped in right there, before he tried to delegate any work to me. It was sooo horrible, the expression on his face, slumping on his chair Of course, he wanted to know the whys and what the company could offer to make me stay, but I'm not... I signed the contract already and I also explained why I don't want to stay, all the things that led to this have been "we need to change this" things for a while and it's simply not going to happen.
Well, at least that is off the table now, couldn't sleep last night as my mind was spinning about how that conversation would go and I had only expected it to happen tomorrow. 1/10 though, wouldn't recommend, if you truly like your team and manager, it feels like a betrayal. And I'll have to do this a couple of more times with my immediate teammates.

Completely agree with what House of Tea has said to you, although I know I'd struggle with this too. I think you also need to try and remember that although you have good relationships, his primary motivator is finding someone to cover the workload, and he had no hesitation in trying to shunt that all over to you. You're perfectly well within your rights to have found something better elsewhere and I know it feels like you're letting people down but it might be better for them in the long run, as like you say, HR will surely be looking into the staff turnover and hopefully that will result in some positive changes. Congratulations on your new job!

 

[xbxbx]

I’ve been off sick the past few days and I hate that I feel guilty about it. It’s the first time I’ve been unwell since around 2018 and it has floored me. I feel slightly better today, not 100% but I’m definitely on the mend and I just know my colleagues are gonna be pissed because I’m off for a third day. There’s only one of us in each of our roles when there should be 2 minimum due the demand of the department, so it means if someone is off sick the rest have to scramble and cover whilst doing their own jobs as well. NHS are giving all the excuses about how there’s ‘no money in the budget’ to hire anyone else so we just have to put up with it, but that’s a whole other story.

I never hold a grudge against anyone that’s off sick and I’m always the first to encourage people to use up their sick days (we get them for a reason!) but yet I feel guilty when I do it myself?? I need to get a grip. Haven’t had a sick day in 4 years, have survived a whole arse pandemic without even so much as a sniffle. I deserve to take a few days off to recover without having to worry about what shitshow I’m going back to.

I did see another job advertised within the NHS that I’m interested in. Not sure if it’s a ‘grass is greener’ moment though. It’s for a non emergency call handler, less hours than I do now but more money plus enhanced rates for weekend, late nights and public holidays. Seems like they offer and encourage development opportunities (my current department certainly do not..), I guess it could lead to becoming a 999 operator or dispatcher or maybe within the ambulance service. I’ll have to think about it a bit more. I definitely do want to leave my current post and have done for a while but I’ve never known what I want to do next.

 

[House of Tea]

I’ve been off sick the past few days and I hate that I feel guilty about it. It’s the first time I’ve been unwell since around 2018 and it has floored me. I feel slightly better today, not 100% but I’m definitely on the mend and I just know my colleagues are gonna be pissed because I’m off for a third day. There’s only one of us in each of our roles when there should be 2 minimum due the demand of the department, so it means if someone is off sick the rest have to scramble and cover whilst doing their own jobs as well. NHS are giving all the excuses about how there’s ‘no money in the budget’ to hire anyone else so we just have to put up with it, but that’s a whole other story.

I never hold a grudge against anyone that’s off sick and I’m always the first to encourage people to use up their sick days (we get them for a reason!) but yet I feel guilty when I do it myself?? I need to get a grip. Haven’t had a sick day in 4 years, have survived a whole arse pandemic without even so much as a sniffle. I deserve to take a few days off to recover without having to worry about what shitshow I’m going back to.

I did see another job advertised within the NHS that I’m interested in. Not sure if it’s a ‘grass is greener’ moment though. It’s for a non emergency call handler, less hours than I do now but more money plus enhanced rates for weekend, late nights and public holidays. Seems like they offer and encourage development opportunities (my current department certainly do not..), I guess it could lead to becoming a 999 operator or dispatcher or maybe within the ambulance service. I’ll have to think about it a bit more. I definitely do want to leave my current post and have done for a while but I’ve never known what I want to do next.

If you are sick, you are sick. Just take the time to recover. But on the proviso you don’t think about work. If you are thinking about work you may as well go in, as long as you are not contagious. Use the time to think about your next work move.

 

[TheGlossy]

I'm going to lose my mind with these people.

We work on a mandatory project + continuous monitoring + ad hoc project basis. In the last year alone, I had 4 small to large mandatory projects + my continuous monitoring tasks + 4 ad hoc projects. Some people in my team have had only continuous monitoring for the past year or two - meaning a light workload.

Meanwhile, I was swamped with back to back and simultaneous projects as stated above. The management always said they make sure no one has back to back projects because they're very heavy, but of course, they never applied that rule for me.

Anyways - someone who has not had a project in two years has decided to take their summer holidays off exactly during the most critical part of their project and has reached out to myself and another person to ask if we could absorb in their absence! Are you joking? I just finished a cycle of back to back projects while the rest of the team was doing routine work and the day a project comes this person's way, they decide to go on leave an offload this on me?

I lost my dad less than 4 months ago and I'm still grieving, yet this company has offered me zero support and they're expect me to on top of this spread myself thin when they allow someone to take time off during their first project in two years? Eff off.

So, I politely talked about the situation with a colleague and tried to explain why I could not absorb this person's work. Then I was met with a "we all have things going on".

It really hurt my feelings because I opened up about my grief-related stress / anxiety which is difficult for me to talk about and I don't want people thinking I'm milking this. We work from the office twice a week and every single time I'm there, I burst into tears and have to hide in the bathroom to cry (no one knows about this, but it's enough for me to feel more than overwhelmed when I'm hit with someone else's work).

I'm really hurt right now at the lack of humanity. "We all have things going on" is not something to say to someone who is grieving.

 

[House of Tea]

So, I politely talked about the situation with a colleague and tried to explain why I could not absorb this person's work. Then I was met with a "we all have things going on".

It really hurt my feelings because I opened up about my grief-related stress / anxiety which is difficult for me to talk about and I don't want people thinking I'm milking this. We work from the office twice a week and every single time I'm there, I burst into tears and have to hide in the bathroom to cry (no one knows about this, but it's enough for me to feel more than overwhelmed when I'm hit with someone else's work).

I'm really hurt right now at the lack of humanity. "We all have things going on" is not something to say to someone who is grieving.

I am sorry you are not getting the support you need from your employers. To be totally honest, it sounds like you are not going to get it. I think you need to concentrate your efforts in finding a new job rather than trying to look to them for help and sympathy. The thing is, the comment about all things going on comment, is she/he are right. You don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives, the last few years have been brutal in a lot of ways, and people’s capacity to empathise has been sorely tested. It has occurred to me that I no longer say much of a personal nature at work. If I have to off load I go online rather than expect colleagues to understand. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is.

 

[TheGlossy]

I am sorry you are not getting the support you need from your employers. To be totally honest, it sounds like you are not going to get it. I think you need to concentrate your efforts in finding a new job rather than trying to look to them for help and sympathy. The thing is, the comment about all things going on comment, is she/he are right. You don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives, the last few years have been brutal in a lot of ways, and people’s capacity to empathise has been sorely tested. It has occurred to me that I no longer say much of a personal nature at work. If I have to off load I go online rather than expect colleagues to understand. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is.

No, I understand. I don't know what is going on in people's lives, I agree. However, they could have phrased it differently. It's about the delivery, not the actual content of what they said.

It was simply meant as a confidential conversation with this individual (who is not my manager or boss, just a work friend). I wasn't looking for them to provide me with anything really, but I wanted to discuss that I could not cope with extra workload. It was just a conversation between two colleagues. I didn't even address this with my manager.

As far as looking for a new job - it is an entirely different question and it is something I'm working on.

 

[House of Tea]

No, I understand. I don't know what is going on in people's lives, I agree. However, they could have phrased it differently. It's about the delivery, not the actual content of what they said.

It was simply meant as a confidential conversation with this individual (who is not my manager or boss, just a work friend). I wasn't looking for them to provide me with anything really, but I wanted to discuss that I could not cope with extra workload. It was just a conversation between two colleagues. I didn't even address this with my manager.

As far as looking for a new job - it is an entirely different question and it is something I'm working on.

She may have things on her mind, been busy, or she might be just self centred. Lesson learned there. If she wants a sympathetic ear anytime maybe she will regret her lack of support. I would be equally unresponsive back.

One thing that has helped me navigate what has been quite a tit working experience in the last few years, is not to take things personally. Even if it feels personal, depersonalise it. That way you can compartmentalise it and leave it in the back of your mind. I have someone who is tricky to deal with, so when he is being a dick, I keep my dealings with him to the bare minimum, I am very business like with him, I process the thought that the guy is just a complete dick, and carry on. It’s hard but what I used to do was get angry and upset with said individual and then react in kind, making the situation worse, and giving him much larger headspace than necessary and for longer. Now when he kicks off I just feel sorry for the sad tosspot. Mentally it gives me the upper hand. I know this is not your scenario but it is is an example where I have managed to flip it. He is still a dick but my response to him as made him easier to deal with and less stress for me.

With regard to your workload issues. Could you be less conscientious or meticulous. I like to do thinks to an exemplar standard. It has caused me stress. An old CEO told me not to do everything perfectly, sometimes a that will do attitude is enough. I still try to make everything 100 percent perfect but more and more, when I can, I take a that will do approach. The work still gets done, just I have cut a few corners, out of necessity, in order to keep on top of things/keep stress manageable.

 

[Codiaeum]

With regard to your workload issues. Could you be less conscientious or meticulous. I like to do thinks to an exemplar standard. It has caused me stress. An old CEO told me not to do everything perfectly, sometimes a that will do attitude is enough. I still try to make everything 100 percent perfect but more and more, when I can, I take a that will do approach. The work still gets done, just I have cut a few corners, out of necessity, in order to keep on top of things/keep stress manageable.

This! Of course, it depends on the job, e.g. if you're a doctor, I'd hope that they do the job 100% every time. But for stuff like my job, keeping track of a gazillion things while sitting on my bum all day, I've found that my sanity is lasting much longer if I don't try to do it perfectly every time. and that, honestly, there are no gold stars handed out if I do. 80% or 90% seems to be sufficient in many cases. It is not my preferred style of working, but I should do it more often or should have done this sooner for some projects.

 

[House of Tea]

This! Of course, it depends on the job, e.g. if you're a doctor, I'd hope that they do the job 100% every time. But for stuff like my job, keeping track of a gazillion things while sitting on my bum all day, I've found that my sanity is lasting much longer if I don't try to do it perfectly every time. and that, honestly, there are no gold stars handed out if I do. 80% or 90% seems to be sufficient in many cases. It is not my preferred style of working, but I should do it more often or should have done this sooner for some projects.

Yes, it goes against the grain for me too. I am naturally all in, but this 80 -90 per cent has saved me a lot of time and stress. At first the fact that I wasn’t all in stressed me a bit, but it soon dissipated. Nobody but you really notices or realises.

 

[JustmeKC]

I left my awful job (tbh it was management not the job itself that was problematic) a while ago and the new one I started couldn’t be more different. As a result, I’m a different much happier person in only a few weeks and feel like I’m walking around in a cloud most of the time. It’s made me realise the detrimental impact the previous role had on my physical health, my mental health, my self worth, my confidence, my sleeping pattern, my general mood. Life’s too short to be miserable in work, and while I fully appreciate the majority of us NEED our income from work to live, if you’re really unhappy, nothing is changing despite raising your concerns, maybe think about leaving anyway and giving yourself a break. Your health is worth it.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I concur I left teaching as it was making me so stressed and ill. I loved the job just not all the bureaucracy that went with it. It got so bad I used to drive to work hoping I’d get into an accident so I didn’t have to go in again.
The one thing I now realise years later is that I should have walked away, and granted I was unemployed for 6 months after and really financially struggling, but nothing is worth getting to a point where you are sick every morning or becoming poorly. You get no thanks for beating yourself up so be kind to yourself if it’s really awful. My new job is still in education but no marking or exams. The pay is a good £10k below what I was earning but I’m not dreading every day.

 

[House of Tea]

I concur I left teaching as it was making me so stressed and ill. I loved the job just not all the bureaucracy that went with it. It got so bad I used to drive to work hoping I’d get into an accident so I didn’t have to go in again.
The one thing I now realise years later is that I should have walked away, and granted I was unemployed for 6 months after and really financially struggling, but nothing is worth getting to a point where you are sick every morning or becoming poorly. You get no thanks for beating yourself up so be kind to yourself if it’s really awful. My new job is still in education but no marking or exams. The pay is a good £10k below what I was earning but I’m not dreading every day.

I think there will be a massive shortage of teachers soon. Lots leaving. Mainly for health.