I didn't get the job - booo! Someone with a masters did but she doesn't have the experience I do or the skills. Oh well. Something else out there.
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Just been told I have made a mistake at work. Not huge but basically a finance calculation has gone wrong and its cumulative over a few months 
Iv already gone back to boss and apologised and highlighted where i have gone wrong.
Funny how I do not like my job and am filled with fear, anxiety and stress everyday but now I'm catastrophising. Im panicking that I'm going to get fired. I had an interview for a new job this week and now I'm panicking about references too. I hate my brain sometimes.
I also have holiday now so get to panic about this over a long weekend
.
Anyone got any tips on coping and perspective?
Iv already gone back to boss and apologised and highlighted where i have gone wrong.
Funny how I do not like my job and am filled with fear, anxiety and stress everyday but now I'm catastrophising. Im panicking that I'm going to get fired. I had an interview for a new job this week and now I'm panicking about references too. I hate my brain sometimes.
I also have holiday now so get to panic about this over a long weekend
. Anyone got any tips on coping and perspective?
Hey folks, looking for some insight.
I'm off on long term sick with my mental health. I've been with the organisation since last summer. The people are great, and I have a passion for the work. However, I'm tit at my job - I'm constantly unmotivated, always missing details and forgetting to do things. I manage 5 people and know I'm letting them down all the time, and equally don't have the confidence in my own knowledge/understanding to shape them the way they need. In short, I'm out of my depth. A lot of this is tied to my mental health (either being caused by it, or making me more ill).
I've been off since January and it feels like tit-or-get-off-the-pot time. My mental health collapse has been a looooong time coming, and I know I'm not getting better. But I feel I can't keep expecting work to pay me when I'm off. I've looked at my benefit situation, and with UC and a bit of help from my parents I think I could afford not to work while I try to sort myself out...but I'm scared. Scared I've overestimated how much benefit I'd get, scared of burning my bridges with the organisation (cos its a great one) and scared a gap in my career may make getting back to work much harder.
I know I could try a phased return or reduce my hours, but I've been so unwell and off so long that the thought of that makes me feel sick.
What would you do?
I'm off on long term sick with my mental health. I've been with the organisation since last summer. The people are great, and I have a passion for the work. However, I'm tit at my job - I'm constantly unmotivated, always missing details and forgetting to do things. I manage 5 people and know I'm letting them down all the time, and equally don't have the confidence in my own knowledge/understanding to shape them the way they need. In short, I'm out of my depth. A lot of this is tied to my mental health (either being caused by it, or making me more ill).
I've been off since January and it feels like tit-or-get-off-the-pot time. My mental health collapse has been a looooong time coming, and I know I'm not getting better. But I feel I can't keep expecting work to pay me when I'm off. I've looked at my benefit situation, and with UC and a bit of help from my parents I think I could afford not to work while I try to sort myself out...but I'm scared. Scared I've overestimated how much benefit I'd get, scared of burning my bridges with the organisation (cos its a great one) and scared a gap in my career may make getting back to work much harder.
I know I could try a phased return or reduce my hours, but I've been so unwell and off so long that the thought of that makes me feel sick.
What would you do?
@JCMSadie can you talk to your own employer/manager about your options? I know some health issues are sensitive and you may not wish them to know the extent or nature of why you’re out, but if that’s not the case here then could you approach them? To have an honest conversation (either informally or formally) about what you can/can’t do at the moment and what you’re able to commit to for the future? The alternative is to stay off and focus on getting well and your employer will do whatever is required by their own policies and procedures. I’m not in the UK but I would imagine if you’re medically certified you can be off indefinitely? They might stop paying you if their policies allow it but you’d still be eligible for statutory sick pay.
Urgh, a horrible situation to be in. But you've owned up and apologised, which is all you can do. If you have a proposed solution, that might be a good way to try and amend. But even if you don't, people make mistakes, and you can't turn back time. You've done what you can, and now you need to see what your work does with the situation. In my experience, it's rarely as bad as you fear, and any decent employer would look at training etc way before they considered sacking someone.Just been told I have made a mistake at work. Not huge but basically a finance calculation has gone wrong and its cumulative over a few months
Iv already gone back to boss and apologised and highlighted where i have gone wrong.
Funny how I do not like my job and am filled with fear, anxiety and stress everyday but now I'm catastrophising. Im panicking that I'm going to get fired. I had an interview for a new job this week and now I'm panicking about references too. I hate my brain sometimes.
I also have holiday now so get to panic about this over a long weekend
Anyone got any tips on coping and perspective?
As for references, employers aren't allowed to give bad ones any more (I'm sure...), so it wouldn't follow you that way.
Thank you for replying!
I did go back and explain why it happened. I also have a lot of stuff going on externally and I can see it's starting to have an effect on my work so this has given me the push I need to seek some help externally. Yeah in the light of day I can see it's not a critical mistake that will impact alot. It's a calculation that is an estimate at best anyway.
I just feel terrible about it and have a hard time not beating myself up!.
I just didn't want to have any disciplinary action taken for poor performance and have that show up on a reference. I hope that's true!
I know it's easier said than done and I don't know your industry but are you able to take a step back in your career? Maybe it would allow you to build your confidence back up without having to manage multiple people and a bit less responsibility
I've been invited to the "next round", a chat with the hiring manager and someone from the team. Next Friday is the day!
At the same time, I got informed of a quite substantial raise in my current job this week, which is slightly higher than what I put up as my "salary request" for the job I'm being interviewed for. So in a sense, maybe I should have asked for more. But otoh... if that doesn't work out, I'll at least have the raise. Good thing it is, with the inflation...
At the same time, I got informed of a quite substantial raise in my current job this week, which is slightly higher than what I put up as my "salary request" for the job I'm being interviewed for. So in a sense, maybe I should have asked for more. But otoh... if that doesn't work out, I'll at least have the raise. Good thing it is, with the inflation...
I'm sick to death (physically) and tomorrow is a bank holiday, but I will be in nonetheless. Someone just pinged me at 6.30pm asking me to write an entire report that takes a week to write and deliver it by tomorrow EOD. Tomorrow is an off day for most people over here and in the US. That's an absolutely insane ask. Additionally, I'm pretty sure that even if I kill myself this evening and tomorrow to deliver it, it won't be read until Monday or Tuesday at the earliest.
If you need something urgently, you give me at least 48 hours notice. Asking me to do a 3 days week in 1 is unreasonable, especially as this report goes to senior management, so if I botch it, I'm in for a ride.
I'm not one to push back, but I had to say this is simply not feasible. If they want to get rid of me, they can go ahead. I've worked like a crazy person for two years and not even a single thank you, so I'm standing my ground now.
I'm still mad at them for the way they treated me after my dad died in December ..slamming me with work on my first day back as if nothing had happened and not even one person asking me if I'm OK. It was a complete disinterest. Not one single manager scheduled a catch-up after my return from compassionate leave or has pinged me to ask how I'm doing. I'm not a slave and I'm standing my ground.
If you need something urgently, you give me at least 48 hours notice. Asking me to do a 3 days week in 1 is unreasonable, especially as this report goes to senior management, so if I botch it, I'm in for a ride.
I'm not one to push back, but I had to say this is simply not feasible. If they want to get rid of me, they can go ahead. I've worked like a crazy person for two years and not even a single thank you, so I'm standing my ground now.
I'm still mad at them for the way they treated me after my dad died in December ..slamming me with work on my first day back as if nothing had happened and not even one person asking me if I'm OK. It was a complete disinterest. Not one single manager scheduled a catch-up after my return from compassionate leave or has pinged me to ask how I'm doing. I'm not a slave and I'm standing my ground.
Good for you. Sounds like they don't appreciate or deserve you.
I was going to suggest this
Good for you standing your ground. People will absolutely take the piss if you let them. They must’ve been aware of the amount of work it’d take so my question is why didn’t they ask sooner and give a more reasonable time frame? Not your fault, it’s theirs.
Love my job, hate my colleagues
I’d love more detail here!
Hell is other people.
I suppose 'hate' is a bit strong. It's just that I feel my job would be more enjoyable and easier to bear if I didn't have such annoying, witchy, difficult colleagues.
Exactly. They should have asked sooner.
The fact that this person approached me after business hours (6.30pm) is already not OK. I could have ignored, but I was polite enough to respond. Asking me to provide such a deliverable by EOD the following day knowing the following day is a holiday and no one is in. What is this? Then, they had the audacity to say "well, this is adding more pressure". Well, I don't care at all. It's your problem to fix, not mine.
I think this person expected me to stay until midnight to deliver this because I did it once when someone had botched the work and I was forced to re-do it. However, it was exceptional and the circumstances were different. It hasn't even been 4 months since my dad was buried, so working until midnight is the last thing I want to do at this stage. People in other companies get a progressive return to work after an immediate death and I'm asked to work insane hours when I'm at the lowest level of the corporate ladder. This is utter nonsense.
I'm so sorry to read this all and got angry on your behalf. you did the right thing in refusing, you are not there to save somebody's butt after they cocked up. That they need the report likely was well known in advance, expecting an impossible turnaround time, on a holiday, after hours is just showing that they did not do their work and are now trying to use you to cover it up. The audacity of some employers....
And, I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you are getting through it
As much of a good person you are, please please get assertive with those boundaries and not reply to such requests. You’ve been through so much and I was in a similar place to you when my dad died, with a bully who had such a hold on me I was back in the office two weeks after I’d lost him
I’ve learned the long and hard way that these people won’t care if I set myself on fire to make them happy.I can’t believe I’m sitting here rooting for you all and yet I’m in a place where I can’t even take my own advice. I’ve been put on a godawful project and was crawling to the end of office hours on Thursday with two calls left. I tried to cry off them and was told I could but not until I produced yet another document of the same old stuff but in a different format for a different audience. I wanted to cry. This project is supposed to end this month and I’ve been trying to sit tight but I’m genuinely in fear for my health right now and don’t actually think I can go back to it. I’m furious that my manager has put me in this position and furious that the culture here is one of making you do anything but your job description. I don’t feel ready for sick leave yet but I sure as hell feel ready to unleash hell in my own way when I go back.
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Thank you for your kind words. I an really sorry for your lossAs much of a good person you are, please please get assertive with those boundaries and not reply to such requests. You’ve been through so much and I was in a similar place to you when my dad died, with a bully who had such a hold on me I was back in the office two weeks after I’d lost him
I can’t believe I’m sitting here rooting for you all and yet I’m in a place where I can’t even take my own advice. I’ve been put on a godawful project and was crawling to the end of office hours on Thursday with two calls left. I tried to cry off them and was told I could but not until I produced yet another document of the same old stuff but in a different format for a different audience. I wanted to cry. This project is supposed to end this month and I’ve been trying to sit tight but I’m genuinely in fear for my health right now and don’t actually think I can go back to it. I’m furious that my manager has put me in this position and furious that the culture here is one of making you do anything but your job description. I don’t feel ready for sick leave yet but I sure as hell feel ready to unleash hell in my own way when I go back.
Know you can take a step back whenever you feel like it and sick leave is a good option for your own sake. You need to put your health first because these people don't care. All they care about is the bottom line. They'll replace you in a minute the day you leave. The more you deliver, the more they will expect is what I noticed. I can completely relate to your struggle. I understand deliverables and expectations have to be met, but you have to be human in your approach. If all you care about is self-progression while treating everyone like they're your own servant, it's eventually going to backfire. Some people are so obsessed with self-progression that they will push other people beyond what is acceptable and it's not right at all. Some people will take advantage of loyal and hardworking individuals because they know such people never say "no" to anything, so all they do is increase their demands without any ounce of appreciation. Humanity in the workplace is something people seem to throw out the window really easily. Truth is, there wouldn't be any company or any revenue without people!
I really hope you will manage to manoeuvre this and things settle for you after this project. Know you always have the choice to move on or take a break if you can. No one will cherish your health and well-being more than you would for yourself
As an update: I politely pinged this person the following morning and they had an attitude with me. Worse, I normally delivery my report in a particular format that they will then use as basis for them to add more comprehensive information based on their own knowledge and send it to their manager for approval. When I pinged them on Friday (even though it was a holiday), they said Tuesday is "fine" , but I need to draft the report including the portion of the analysis they normally do as it has to go straight to their manager for approval. That's not how it works. They now want me to do their job for them. This is utter nonsense. All they'll get from me is my usual analysis which is more than comprehensive and they will have to do their own work as usual. I refuse to accept this type of behaviour. I'm happy to bend over and backwards for people who treat me with respect and decency, but if you treat me like your own servant, then absolutely not.
This is the same person who told me "this is life" when I told them I had to handle a lot after my dad's passing. This, in addition to them pestering me at 9am on my first day back from bereavement leave asking me to do something "asap" (when they knew why I was off). Last week, I was on lunch break and they sent me an email during my break, I hadn't even had the chance to turn on my computer after my break that they jumped at my desk asking me if I'd seen their email. They truly think I'm their servant when I don't even report into them, they're just one of many stakeholders I deal with.
I have now decided that from 9am-10am I will be in "do not disturb", so that I can read my emails and get some proper work done. Then, comes 5pm, I'm putting myself in do not disturb until I log off at 5.30pm. I'm never letting this type of situation happen ever again. I also think with this particular individual, it is best I do not respond to his queries on Skype anymore and instead ask him to send me an email instead - that will make him double-think about acting like I'm at his disposal and coming up with ludicrous requests after hours.
This person keeps bragging that he always stays late until 9-10pm and he's alone in the office. It's not something to brag about to be honest. You think it makes you look good, but truth be told is it's on you, no one gives a toss that you choose to stay late until 10pm. He thinks because I work with him on some projects, I need to do the same (except we're not in the same pay bracket). Then again, he's the type of person who keeps saying he only takes care of the financial aspect of his household, the rest (kids, chores etc) are left to his wife because it's how it's done "culturally". It says a lot about his character.
I did digress a bit, but I had to let it all out because this person has me so worked up. The thought of heading back to work on Tuesday to deal with them is daunting.
Oh, you’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head with my situation, my manager put me in this position in order to progress their own cause further, and that infuriates me even more.Thank you for your kind words. I an really sorry for your loss
I understand deliverables and expectations have to be met, but you have to be human in your approach. If all you care about is self-progression while treating everyone like they're your own servant, it's eventually going to backfire. Some people are so obsessed with self-progression that they will push other people beyond what is acceptable and it's not right at all. Some people will take advantage of loyal and hardworking individuals because they know such people never say "no" to anything, so all they do is increase their demands without any ounce of appreciation. Humanity in the workplace is something people seem to throw out the window really easily. Truth is, there wouldn't be any company or any revenue without people!
I really hope you will manage to manoeuvre this and things settle for you after this project. Know you always have the choice to move on or take a break if you can. No one will cherish your health and well-being more than you would for yourself
As an update: I politely pinged this person the following morning and they had an attitude with me. Worse, I normally delivery my report in a particular format that they will then use as basis for them to add more comprehensive information based on their own knowledge and send it to their manager for approval. When I pinged them on Friday (even though it was a holiday), they said Tuesday is "fine" , but I need to draft the report including the portion of the analysis they normally do as it has to go straight to their manager for approval. That's not how it works. They now want me to do their job for them. This is utter nonsense. All they'll get from me is my usual analysis which is more than comprehensive and they will have to do their own work as usual. I refuse to accept this type of behaviour. I'm happy to bend over and backwards for people who treat me with respect and decency, but if you treat me like your own servant, then absolutely not.
This is the same person who told me "this is life" when I told them I had to handle a lot after my dad's passing. This, in addition to them pestering me at 9am on my first day back from bereavement leave asking me to do something "asap" (when they knew why I was off). Last week, I was on lunch break and they sent me an email during my break, I hadn't even had the chance to turn on my computer after my break that they jumped at my desk asking me if I'd seen their email. They truly think I'm their servant when I don't even report into them, they're just one of many stakeholders I deal with.
I have now decided that from 9am-10am I will be in "do not disturb", so that I can read my emails and get some proper work done. Then, comes 5pm, I'm putting myself in do not disturb until I log off at 5.30pm. I'm never letting this type of situation happen ever again. I also think with this particular individual, it is best I do not respond to his queries on Skype anymore and instead ask him to send me an email instead - that will make him double-think about acting like I'm at his disposal and coming up with ludicrous requests after hours.
This person keeps bragging that he always stays late until 9-10pm and he's alone in the office. It's not something to brag about to be honest. You think it makes you look good, but truth be told is it's on you, no one gives a toss that you choose to stay late until 10pm. He thinks because I work with him on some projects, I need to do the same (except we're not in the same pay bracket). Then again, he's the type of person who keeps saying he only takes care of the financial aspect of his household, the rest (kids, chores etc) are left to his wife because it's how it's done "culturally". It says a lot about his character.
I did digress a bit, but I had to let it all out because this person has me so worked up. The thought of heading back to work on Tuesday to deal with them is daunting.
But I’m really pleased to see how you are pushing back with your work nemesis, I’m going to be reading your post as a regular reminder to get me through the week ahead
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