Does anyone hate their job? #3

[ThisIsMyDragName]

I have a new job to go to and I thought I’d feel great about it, but I don’t. I finally got the go ahead to ‘announce’ my departure today. Even that has been a total fuckabout. And I was only able to do so because I put my foot down. I’d rather just disappear completely to be honest but that’s really not the right thing to do.

I feel like I failed at this job completely and utterly. I spent most of the day in tears. I don’t even know why I care but I do. My team hate me and have no respect for me. I’ve absolutely burned myself out trying to make things tick along doing about 4 people’s jobs and there’s basically nothing left of me and I have nothing to show for it. I achieved nothing in this place except to gain weight, lose a tonne of my hair and age myself about 10 years. I don’t even know if this move to the new job is a good idea, any confidence I had in my abilities has been totally and utterly shattered. The new job is bigger which is good and bad. Good because there is more resource and I don’t have to be everyone at the same time. Bad because, well, I couldn’t even keep this small place ticking along.

I’ve got three weeks off between jobs and I’m basically flying straight out on holiday for a week when I’m done which I hope will help me start to resolve all of this in my head and pick myself back up off the floor and dust myself down. I’ve got three weeks left to do. I just have to go hour by hour if I can’t go day by day.

 

[LifeOfMog]

So today was the last straw, and proved to me that I do in fact need to leave this company.
I have a very sick nan (dementia & cancer) and to help with her dementia we keep in routines and make sure she sees at least one family member a day alongside her carers - this weekend my parents need to visit family, so I have requested wfh Monday to make sure I can visit my nan around my lunch break to ensure she keeps within her routine ... this was fine until today - I have just received an email saying 'please make sure you have work for this day, and if you do not complete it this will be taken off your annual leave'

I get wfh is about trust, and there have been times in the past where similar situations have raised and they have been totally fine with it, but again this is another 'issue' even though their policy states they offer wfh.

I'm just at a loss and desperately want out :/

 

[Jadejones9596]

Hi all

I’ve posted to this thread before. It’s important to note I don’t hate my job. When I have work I love it. My boss is the best, really supportive and flexible, the team are lovely and the work when I get it is great. But my workload is non existent some days and I have nothing to do!
There are 2 managers on the team who clearly dislike me, one has been gaslighting me and saying “I’m sensitive” but she treats me differently to the rest of the team, she’s cold rude and unkind and she rubs this off on another manager. They don’t respect me at all and therefore won’t give me any work. I’ve raised all my issues but not a lot gets done.

I’ve just fallen out of love with working after so many tit jobs and being mistreated I just don’t like working anymore. I just want a free life where I can focus on me! I see all these influencers having it so easy and living the dream life with stacks of money and it makes me so sad

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Hi all

I’ve posted to this thread before. It’s important to note I don’t hate my job. When I have work I love it. My boss is the best, really supportive and flexible, the team are lovely and the work when I get it is great. But my workload is non existent some days and I have nothing to do!
There are 2 managers on the team who clearly dislike me, one has been gaslighting me and saying “I’m sensitive” but she treats me differently to the rest of the team, she’s cold rude and unkind and she rubs this off on another manager. They don’t respect me at all and therefore won’t give me any work. I’ve raised all my issues but not a lot gets done.

I’ve just fallen out of love with working after so many tit jobs and being mistreated I just don’t like working anymore. I just want a free life where I can focus on me! I see all these influencers having it so easy and living the dream life with stacks of money and it makes me so sad

BIB - Me too, me too! Seems crazy that if you catch the wave of a social media site you can make a huge amount of money doing very little these days. But then I think - would I really be happy selling my soul, lying and scamming people out of their own hard earned money to get my big house? Let's be real, very few of them are genuine and almost all of them would sell their mum for a quick buck...

 

[katyazamo]

So today was the last straw, and proved to me that I do in fact need to leave this company.
I have a very sick nan (dementia & cancer) and to help with her dementia we keep in routines and make sure she sees at least one family member a day alongside her carers - this weekend my parents need to visit family, so I have requested wfh Monday to make sure I can visit my nan around my lunch break to ensure she keeps within her routine ... this was fine until today - I have just received an email saying 'please make sure you have work for this day, and if you do not complete it this will be taken off your annual leave'

I get wfh is about trust, and there have been times in the past where similar situations have raised and they have been totally fine with it, but again this is another 'issue' even though their policy states they offer wfh.

I'm just at a loss and desperately want out :/

Work from home anyway. It's not their business. Get your work done as normal and don't give them any reason to question it.

I would not tell them anything to do with your grandmother or the reasons why you need to WFH. It just gives them more ammo to use against you. I'm certain they'd hit you with the "but she isn't a dependant" BS.

 

[LifeOfMog]

Work from home anyway. It's not their business. Get your work done as normal and don't give them any reason to question it.

I would not tell them anything to do with your grandmother or the reasons why you need to WFH. It just gives them more ammo to use against you. I'm certain they'd hit you with the "but she isn't a dependant" BS.

We have to give reasons for wfh requests - this is the issue.

I have been looking for reasons other than losing my spark to leave, and not having complete flexibility is one of the main points I'll be making!!

 

[laughing]

New laws have just come into force regarding flexible working last week.

So ensure you are up to speed with them.

Change to paternity working patterns also.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Do you have any recommendations / help for those looking to get into tech??

Been trying so hard for years, but I'm on a higher salary for my age and I kinda need it (house deposit, 4 legged son & a shopping addiction) so I'm finding it hard for companies to take on someone with no prior experience, and a £38k salary

As another poster pointed out - there’s tech - and then there’s tech.

Stuff with “peoply” skills doesn’t need to be particularly technically minded - although your logic should be stronger than your average bear. Even industry standard qualifications are more rigorous within pure tech imo - eg PMP v Prince.

A lot of tech which requires learning/study (whether within an institution or self-taught) is at risk of AI. 15 years ago techies we’re losing work to the sub-continent - soon it’ll be to the machines.

And then there’s the “hard” stuff you can’t fake and tbh is probably too late for you. Machine learning - ie, someone’s got to steer the AI and data architecture should be safe for now.

Honestly I’m steering my own kids away from a career in tech as I think it’s vulnerable to being not what it was. I started in 99 on 24k and matched your 38 by 2003(?).

 

[Codiaeum]

I'm so over my job. Lack of clarity and direction, massive middle-management problem, etc. I've been hired on a wrong promise, I was told I'd be working on something I am really passionate about and in the end, it was midly adjacent to it (aka, in my head, using something and working on the actual thing aren't identical). Now, twice again, I was told I would get to work on something I'm interested in, skilled in etc, only to hear two weeks later that it won't happen but I get to inherit a bunch of stuff I really couldn't care less about.

Objectively, my salary is very good. Subjectively, I want more, just as compensation for the crap I've been faced with at this company on a personal and process level (regular migraines are not something I had before this job). I really want to get out of the company in general, as I've lost faith that is is a problem specific in my area there, just from talking to people it's obvious that many people feel the same. It'll be difficult to match the salary I#m on, which scares me a little bit. I'm prepared to take a hit, but not a massive one. I have a colelague who recently left without a job lined up and from talking to her I got the impression she left for the same reasons and out of frustration and no future in the company.
Really hope one of my contacts can help out with a referral, I had applied there before and was rejected.

 

[lucyloo11]

I’ve been in my current role for the last 10 years. I don’t hate it but like any job in the social care sector it can be very stressful and very demanding.
The service I work for is poorly managed and morale is on the floor most of the time.
Last year I tried a secondment in a different department and absolutely hated it. The grass wasn’t greener and I returned to my previous role.
Every day I have to remind myself I tried something new and it didn’t work out so be grateful for what I do have. It’s hard though of course.

 

[RoryGilmore_]

YES!! I am constantly being gaslighted by my manager however I speak up and call her out on her sh*t when needed. We’ve had a couple of blowups and every time she has cried and played victim. She is your typical covert narcissist. Nice to everyone else but deep down a bad person. She only thinks about herself and loves to feel power. She is jealous of me and it’s scary now. I hate being around her but besides from her I love my job so I have no choice for now. I also suffer from GAD so I understand how you feel.

Has anyone had experience of being gaslighted by a boss/manager in work?
I’ve expressed concerns that I feel I’ve been treated unprofessionally and it’s caused me severe anxiety and rather than support I’ve been told it’s my anxiety making me think I'm being treated this way. Don’t dismiss and undermine my experiences, I know how I’m being spoken to/treated and how rude and unprofessional it is.

 

[ImDavidBrent]

YES!! I am constantly being gaslighted by my manager however I speak up and call her out on her sh*t when needed. We’ve had a couple of blowups and every time she has cried and played victim. She is your typical covert narcissist. Nice to everyone else but deep down a bad person. She only thinks about herself and loves to feel power. She is jealous of me and it’s scary now. I hate being around her but besides from her I love my job so I have no choice for now. I also suffer from GAD so I understand how you feel.

Sorry you’re experiencing this. I hope others can see through her false BS. It’s a shame these sorts of people get into managerial positions, but they always seem to!

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Back to work tomorrow after nearly 15 months off on maternity leave.

I'm struggling with ideas of where to look for a new job. My current role is very niche in healthcare (a small AHP profession) and my previous role where my passion lies is in an even smaller niche. I think I mentioned on here before that aside from the hospital I work in, there are only 2 other places in my county to do what I did before maternity leave, and neither realistically have any vacancies coming up any time soon. I'm accepting now that that part of my career is completely dead and there's no point fighting it any more.

Looking outside the NHS, I'd love something more chill, working from home as an option (though accept that this isn't realistic all the time) with some sense of purpose (I.E. not IT, sales or something highly corporate). Trouble is I need to match my current salary which is take home of ~£1400 a month on 22.5 hours. I could potentially go up to 26 hours but I'd have childcare issues otherwise.

 

[TheGlossy]

YES!! I am constantly being gaslighted by my manager however I speak up and call her out on her sh*t when needed. We’ve had a couple of blowups and every time she has cried and played victim. She is your typical covert narcissist. Nice to everyone else but deep down a bad person. She only thinks about herself and loves to feel power. She is jealous of me and it’s scary now. I hate being around her but besides from her I love my job so I have no choice for now. I also suffer from GAD so I understand how you feel.

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. It’s honestly an awful experience to go through.

I’m in a similar boat. Being around my manager just triggers my anxiety. They’re intense and get into overdrive mode when things don’t go their way.

They speak so highly about themselves and how great they are, it’s nauseating. They have a huge sense of entitlement to boot.

There’s so many instances where I was treated like a second class citizen, I can’t even count.

I moved into this role to expand my skill-set but it was a mistake. This person completely shattered my confidence to the point where I’m probably going to have PTSD from being made to feel I’m not good enough and will need to rebuild my confidence before thinking of moving up the ladder (that’s if I don’t decide to quit the industry altogether).

Some people are very good at having multiple personalities and selling themselves. That’s how they end up in people management when they shouldn’t be anywhere near that.

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

This is a hard thread to be on when you are a manager. Haha! Suffice to say, I wish I had the gift of the gab. I wish I could wander about acting like a big dick. I’ve never acted like I’m amazing. I absolutely know without a shadow of a doubt that I am the biggest failure of all time.

 

[tomato_paste]

My team lead is really pushing my confidence to zero with his code reviews. When I do things well there's never any praise but holy tit he is so bleeping nitpicky with every. single. pull request. And I'm so tired of it, my confidence is shot to zero. And it's not because I'm doing things wrong but because I'm not doing things the exact way he wants them done. Then program them yourself??????

Yeah I learned a lot from him but can't he just bleeping let my code be for once? I'm starting to feel singled out, like he doesn't trust me to do things well, and it's quite hurtful tbh.

 

[TheGlossy]

Has anyone noticed that people who do the most rarely get praise and those who don’t do much get praise the minute they lift a tiny finger?

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Has anyone noticed that people who do the most rarely get praise and those who don’t do much get praise the minute they lift a tiny finger?

That's why an ex boss made me promise as she was leaving, that I would announce everything I did in my next boss's hearing. She thought I hid my light under a bushel and didn't make it obvious what I was doing.
I found it really awkward but I got a pay increase at the end of the following year.

 

[xbxbx]

Has anyone noticed that people who do the most rarely get praise and those who don’t do much get praise the minute they lift a tiny finger?

Ohhh yes. I have a colleague that does nothing except scroll on her phone all day, doesn’t even do the basic parts of her job and has an excuse for absolutely everything but always gets told ‘you’re such an amazing addition to the team’ ‘you’re brilliant’ ‘so good at your job’ ‘a natural’. Whereas I have to pick up everything she doesn’t do so our department can function (an NHS hospital department), I ran the place on my own for over 6 months while they recruited, continuously do things outside of my job description at the request of management, help everyone with their million and one queries that I have already answered and shown them what to do plus so much more.. and I get told ‘well it’s all just part of the job’ no thanks whatsoever.

I’m not even a kiss-arse or someone that wants to go above and beyond, I literally just want to do my job and want my colleagues to do theirs. I’ve worked with so many people that seem to think just showing up to work is more than enough. They forget about the whole ‘being paid to carry out certain duties’ part of a job.

 

[Sheeeet]

Ohhh yes. I have a colleague that does nothing except scroll on her phone all day, doesn’t even do the basic parts of her job and has an excuse for absolutely everything but always gets told ‘you’re such an amazing addition to the team’ ‘you’re brilliant’ ‘so good at your job’ ‘a natural’. Whereas I have to pick up everything she doesn’t do so our department can function (an NHS hospital department), I ran the place on my own for over 6 months while they recruited, continuously do things outside of my job description at the request of management, help everyone with their million and one queries that I have already answered and shown them what to do plus so much more.. and I get told ‘well it’s all just part of the job’ no thanks whatsoever.

I’m not even a kiss-arse or someone that wants to go above and beyond, I literally just want to do my job and want my colleagues to do theirs. I’ve worked with so many people that seem to think just showing up to work is more than enough. They forget about the whole ‘being paid to carry out certain duties’ part of a job.

I've been in that situation, office mate literally writing essays on whatsapp for 40 minutes at a time and scrolling all day - it's a management problem. So many useless, ineffectual managers in the NHS! The only way to deal with it is by moving jobs for your own sanity (luckily I moved to a similar fully remote role, I'll never work in an office again if I can help it!)