I guess it depends which industry you are in as some does need employees to be sociable.I don’t hate my job but the culture doesn’t seem to fit my personality.
People enjoy being in people’s business all the time. People over share and some do not respect boundaries. Everything you say or do will be fed to the next person. They do everything together (lunch/breakfast/afternoon tea and even exit the office together in the evening).
If we turn our camera off for 5 minutes during a large conference call with 300 or more people, we get a pinged being told ‘please keep your camera on’.
Apparently, there’s also been talks about people being encouraged to have lunch together as an effort to socialize. Lunch is an unpaid hour and therefore should be off limits.
If you join a generic call with about 20 other people and you don’t ask questions, the host of that call will inform you manager that you haven’t engaged during the call even if you’re actively listening. Then your manager will start asking you why you didn’t ask questions.
I was told today to be more ‘open’. I’m very professional and to the point, but apparently I’m not open enough (i.e, don’t spend my time making small talk and cracking jokes).
These are minor examples, but I feel this is like a frat in the workplace and is disguised micro-management. They’re making me feel bad to be who I am (professional but private and not a cling on).
I’m contemplating looking for a new job but I don’t really know what to do.
Thank you.@TheGlossy that sounds aweful, I’m sorry that you have to keep up with that every day. I doubt it’s a personality thing as it does sound like a very controlling environment! I think I would start looking as well, it’s not the sort of thing that will change, especially if it’s cult-like “we are all family here”…. That never gets better.
Hmmm, what's the worst that could happen? Keep looking, apply for stuff you like the sound of and see what you feel like doing when you have some more options. If you are feeling physically sick at the thought of going back to work, what do you really have to lose by looking outside?Was off for a week and couldn't really switch off work at all because of the crap stuff going on there. It's a good company (mostly) and the work would actually be cool as well if it wasn't for the inter-personal stuff. I've never felt this before, but I'm dreading tomorrow so much that I feel physically sick from itI'm looking for something else, but haven't yet found anything and I also am scared of applying for "something".
My company is like that, and honestly, if I were related to the majority of them I would move countries immediately and not tell them my address (I am looking for a new job but am in quite a niche industry so it's a bit of a waiting game). The whole 'we are like family' is a MAJOR red flag, means there are no (or very limited) boundaries and you are expected to put up with constant crap. I work with some absolute C U next Tuesday's and senior managements view is, oh, that's just how that person is, when in fact, they need managing properly and someone to tell them that being an arsehole simply isn't on.@TheGlossy that sounds aweful, I’m sorry that you have to keep up with that every day. I doubt it’s a personality thing as it does sound like a very controlling environment! I think I would start looking as well, it’s not the sort of thing that will change, especially if it’s cult-like “we are all family here”…. That never gets better.
Oh my goodness, this sounds exactly like a conversation that I had the other day. My manager called me in & said she had concerns around my leadership but that there were no actual examples she could give me. I’ve just come out the other side of being involved in a grievance case & literally getting back on my feet after it knocked my confidence a little, and she said she was worried that I wasn’t aware & didn’t take in what was going on because I had appeared to show it no emotion or I was handling it well or putting on a front?! Said she was concerned she was getting the genuine me & that other managers had commented on my personality on random day of the week when we all went bowling on the back of a meeting and said how much fun & craic I’d seemed to be having. I wasn’t long back from Mat Leave at that time. When I returned from Mat Leave I returned with a spring in my step as I genuinely love my job & I got told to be careful as I can come across as being patronising?! The ironic thing is although it was a talk about me not showing emotion, I felt so frustrated I burst into tears & broke down in front of my manager, she literally just sat there and looked at me didn’t get up to give me a hug or anything not that I wanted one, but you know, if that was one my own team I’d have been up off my seat. So 3 months ago I got told to be careful as I can come across patronising & now 12 weeks later it’s turned into concerns around my leadership? She also told me how ‘nice’ of a time my team had with the manager who covered me on Mat leave whilst I was off (what a way to make me feel good about myself, not), although my team told me a different story. So yeah, think I might report it to HR in the morning as it has upset me all weekend. She also told me I have the ‘professional hat’ on all the time? What’s wrong with that exactly? I’m at my work, I get the job done. I’m dumbfounded if anything and it has given me serious red flags & concerns around her own Leadership towards me or the lack of. I’m feeling very uncomfortable.I don’t hate my job but the culture doesn’t seem to fit my personality.
People enjoy being in people’s business all the time. People over share and some do not respect boundaries. Everything you say or do will be fed to the next person. They do everything together (lunch/breakfast/afternoon tea and even exit the office together in the evening).
If we turn our camera off for 5 minutes during a large conference call with 300 or more people, we get a pinged being told ‘please keep your camera on’.
Apparently, there’s also been talks about people being encouraged to have lunch together as an effort to socialize. Lunch is an unpaid hour and therefore should be off limits.
If you join a generic call with about 20 other people and you don’t ask questions, the host of that call will inform you manager that you haven’t engaged during the call even if you’re actively listening. Then your manager will start asking you why you didn’t ask questions.
I was told today to be more ‘open’. I’m very professional and to the point, but apparently I’m not open enough (i.e, don’t spend my time making small talk and cracking jokes).
These are minor examples, but I feel this is like a frat in the workplace and is disguised micro-management. They’re making me feel bad to be who I am (professional but private and not a cling on).
I’m contemplating looking for a new job but I don’t really know what to do.
I think what follows is the last straw and shows how some managers can let power and self-obsession get to their heads.I don’t hate my job but the culture doesn’t seem to fit my personality.
People enjoy being in people’s business all the time. People over share and some do not respect boundaries. Everything you say or do will be fed to the next person. They do everything together (lunch/breakfast/afternoon tea and even exit the office together in the evening).
If we turn our camera off for 5 minutes during a large conference call with 300 or more people, we get a pinged being told ‘please keep your camera on’.
Apparently, there’s also been talks about people being encouraged to have lunch together as an effort to socialize. Lunch is an unpaid hour and therefore should be off limits.
If you join a generic call with about 20 other people and you don’t ask questions, the host of that call will inform you manager that you haven’t engaged during the call even if you’re actively listening. Then your manager will start asking you why you didn’t ask questions.
I was told today to be more ‘open’. I’m very professional and to the point, but apparently I’m not open enough (i.e, don’t spend my time making small talk and cracking jokes).
These are minor examples, but I feel this is like a frat in the workplace and is disguised micro-management. They’re making me feel bad to be who I am (professional but private and not a cling on).
I’m contemplating looking for a new job but I don’t really know what to do.
Well with CBT sometimes it's not the therapy it is the therapist that makes the treatment effectiveThey offer CBT because its cheap, just like the NHS.
It has a success rate of about 10% but trying to get proper therapy costs, NHS rarely have any consistency either. Know this from a relative who had to have a year of private therapy when the NHS psychiatrist moved and their replacement refused to treat because the patient didnt want to take drugs -just discharged them and they were put back into the CBT loop which we knew was inneffective.
Some therapists do offer reduced rates for low or no income but even £20 when on basic benefits is unaffordable for many who need it most.
Or is it when the boss is away you can do what you want.Just curiousMy boss was off site for two weeks and we had a brilliant time, no manager on site so we had to run the place ourselves and did a great job. It's led me to see it's not the job I hate its the manager and her style.
It’s always people who don’t seem to have much of a life outside of work who are like this . One of my colleagues is obsessed with making snide remarks about how I am a couple of grades below her in spite of the fact she’s a useless article who if she was managed correctly wouldn’t be in a job . There’s another colleague who seems to be emailing and doing work at nights and weekends even though it’s not that kind of industry .I think a lot of people get their validation from being at work. They think it makes them someone. And they get off on hierarchies and telling people how they should be. Managers who try to change their direct reports personality are on power trips. Critique outcomes and productivity sure, but telling you you are X or not enough Y or the team were happier when you were absent is out of line.
Hope you're having an ok day! I think if you're dreading going into work THAT much, anything will be better than staying. Unless there's some super unique benefit that will be hard to find at a different company, things can only get better.Was off for a week and couldn't really switch off work at all because of the crap stuff going on there. It's a good company (mostly) and the work would actually be cool as well if it wasn't for the inter-personal stuff. I've never felt this before, but I'm dreading tomorrow so much that I feel physically sick from itI'm looking for something else, but haven't yet found anything and I also am scared of applying for "something".
No we don't take the piss, we do the work and we do it well. We are social workers so we can't skive. The boss is quite highly stung, she'll come in while we are working on something in a panic about something else - usually something minor - and we'll all have to stop what we are doing to focus on that one thing.Or is it when the boss is away you can do what you want.Just curious
Absolutely same here. It's heaven when the boss is away. I get SO much done. Cross, cross, cross of the part of thee to do list I never usually get to.No we don't take the piss, we do the work and we do it well. We are social workers so we can't skive. The boss is quite highly stung, she'll come in while we are working on something in a panic about something else - usually something minor - and we'll all have to stop what we are doing to focus on that one thing.
While she was gone we had a rake of incidents to deal with but we managed them with calm and patience, anything that could be put off was parked while we covered the most urgent needs and it worked really well.
Oooofff, I work with a sad case like that, emailing at all hours when their actual hours are 9-5. They are always up in everyone else's business as well.It’s always people who don’t seem to have much of a life outside of work who are like this . One of my colleagues is obsessed with making snide remarks about how I am a couple of grades below her in spite of the fact she’s a useless article who if she was managed correctly wouldn’t be in a job . There’s another colleague who seems to be emailing and doing work at nights and weekends even though it’s not that kind of industry .
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