Same here! I totally agree with everything you said! In a similar situation to you. Some days I wish I'd stayed child free
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I do understand though, I’m not trying to be well meaning, I get it. My niece is 17 and severely disabled (can’t walk/talk) my sisters marriage broke down over the constant stress and care required and she has only just now managed to get her daughter into full time care that she desperately needs. My sisters mental health had suffered terribly (she herself is a clinical psychiatrist) she said that she had to make time every day for herself even if it was just 15 mins on a mediation app for herself to find some peace.Thank you, sorry all I absolutely didn’t intend for me-rail this thread. I think the ‘look after yourself first’ is well meaning but often easier said than done in reality.
I wish there was a [hug] reaction on here sometimes x
I had a similar situation but secondary school is a new dimension. Hopefully your daughter will sail through it but teenage hood is tough for a single parent with no one to share the challenges with.
I have 6
i love and adore em but wish I’d waited til ten years later to have them
i missed out on so much of my teens/20’s
i love and adore em but wish I’d waited til ten years later to have them
i missed out on so much of my teens/20’s
much love to you and yours Team JCMMy partner and I are very much in the wanting to be Child Free camp. I've never been maternal, never been interested in children at all. I've watched as my friends have had them and seen their lives flip upside down, it's only confirmed my stance to me.
A good friend and former boss and I were talking about it once, he has two grown up children, and he told me you'll regret it either way. If you have them you'll have days you wished you didn't, if you don't you'll have days you wish you did.
I just know I'd much rather be sat with the regret of not having them, consoling myself with a guilt free hangover/lie-in/spending spree. Than resenting a child who's here because of us. I have lots of pets who I adore and we both have our own hobbies which are expensive and time consuming which I can never see either of us giving up. We check in on it every few years, make sure we're still on the same page. So far, so good, I can't see it changing ever.
A good friend and former boss and I were talking about it once, he has two grown up children, and he told me you'll regret it either way. If you have them you'll have days you wished you didn't, if you don't you'll have days you wish you did.
I just know I'd much rather be sat with the regret of not having them, consoling myself with a guilt free hangover/lie-in/spending spree. Than resenting a child who's here because of us. I have lots of pets who I adore and we both have our own hobbies which are expensive and time consuming which I can never see either of us giving up. We check in on it every few years, make sure we're still on the same page. So far, so good, I can't see it changing ever.
Please don't apologise. Personally I find Tattle is a really good place to discuss stuff and says things without judgment unlike in real life. For some of us it helps a bit just to put our feelings out there. You're definitely not derailing the threadThank you, sorry all I absolutely didn’t intend for me-rail this thread. I think the ‘look after yourself first’ is well meaning but often easier said than done in reality.
I wish there was a [hug] reaction on here sometimes x
.I posted in a similar thread to this. I have a 6 year old son I dont regret having him. I regret when I had him and the fact that because I had him I thought I had to stay in a violent relationship.
Although I eventually found the courage to leave it lead to 2 years of going to court for child access and having to relive everything that happened to me. ( I ended up with PTSD,depression and anexity)
I also have a permanent tie to someone I never want to see again in my life.
I'm now with a new partner and would like children but scared I dont deserve them and that we won't be lucky enough to have them.
I feel like I missed out on alot of my little boys first few years as I tried to block out the abuse. My ex always told me I was a bad mum and I want the chance to prove I am a good mum.
Although I eventually found the courage to leave it lead to 2 years of going to court for child access and having to relive everything that happened to me. ( I ended up with PTSD,depression and anexity)
I also have a permanent tie to someone I never want to see again in my life.
I'm now with a new partner and would like children but scared I dont deserve them and that we won't be lucky enough to have them.
I feel like I missed out on alot of my little boys first few years as I tried to block out the abuse. My ex always told me I was a bad mum and I want the chance to prove I am a good mum.
We only have one set of grandparents but there 100% the same as this. Everything is begrudged
I have 2 very much unplanned children but I honestly couldnt imagine life without them. It has been tough at times but not due to them just me trying to juggle everything. They are very easy going though at the moment. Eldest was a lovely baby rarely cried but dreadful toddler and now back to being a lovely child. Youngest was an awful baby he never slept but is delightful as a toddler. I would love to have more kids just need to find a decent guy first lol
I had my son when I was 20, I’m now 26. I’ve always wanted children, I pictured this perfect happy family with my then partner that I would have and sadly that didn’t happen (which I’m glad about now) My sons father hasn’t seen my son since he was one year old. I suppose it’s not regret, it’s more that I wish my partner now was my sons biological dad, but at the same time my wonderful little boy is 50% his father and so he wouldn’t be who he is without that (I do take the credit for his entire upbringing so far though 
) I can’t wait to have another child, but my son has special needs so it’s a tough decision whether I could dedicate enough time to another child. I can’t imagine life without my son, he’s incredible.
However, I do understand those who don’t want children and do want to go to the toilet in peace and not hear the word mum shouted at them 1,000 times a day, usually the minute you sit down
) I can’t wait to have another child, but my son has special needs so it’s a tough decision whether I could dedicate enough time to another child. I can’t imagine life without my son, he’s incredible.However, I do understand those who don’t want children and do want to go to the toilet in peace and not hear the word mum shouted at them 1,000 times a day, usually the minute you sit down
I’m almost 30; together 7 years with my husband (married a year). He is older and has two kids from his first marriage who at 14 and 22 are well “off hand” and it’s nice that we can now go away for longer or it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t see them at the weekend once in a while as they’re now older and wanting to do their own thing too. I want children but I’m not sure I’m ready just yet. I’ve come off of the pill for a number of reasons but deep down I’m not sure if I should maybe wait another year. The issue is my husband who is 45 and he doesn’t want to be “an old dad” especially as I’ve said I’d ideally like two (I’m an only child and am not sure I would want it for a child). It’s difficult because I have to respect his wishes and on paper I’m ready for a baby but I can’t help but think just one more year of selfish times and travel would be lovely. Will you always feel like that though no matter how long you wait? I’m not the most maternal at all but believe you usually become more so when it’s your own.
Sounds like my mum. She had me at 18, is now in her 40s, I've long since moved overseas. She is living a great life.
I had premature menopause at 17 (im 43 now) so never even had the option. But also comes with added s#it as been on hrt for 26 years and not without huge problems. But as already been said you live with the cards you are dealt with but i will never know what choice i would of made and the what ifs. So just be happy with your choices. 
this is what I want to know! I’m 25 and I’ve said I want to wait until I’m 30. I love holiday and spending my money on myself. But I’m worried I’ll get to 30 and want another year, then another.. I know there’s no ‘good time’ to have a baby but will I always want to wait a bit longer?
My son is 4 with additional needs, his dad (my husband) left when he was 2 because he was “making him depressed”. For a while after I’d have these overwhelming feelings of just hating being a mum. I love my child but he is really hard work. It took me a while to realise that it wasn’t being a mum I couldn’t cope with, its being a SINGLE mum. I’m still single now and it really upsets me all the time that I don’t have the family unit that I always wanted, I feel like I’ve failed my son. I don’t regret being a mum I just regret how it all happened I suppose. Sorry for the ramble!
This thread is so interesting and I’m so grateful for everyone’s honesty.
This is something I’ve been battling with lately, I’ll be 32 this year and I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years. He is from a large family and wants “at least 3” children. I always assumed I’d be a mother and never pictured my future without kids... but honestly, the older I get the further away I feel from actually wanting that to be a reality.
I do wonder if I should have just had kids young, before I had established a career, hobbies and become set in my ways. The thought of giving up my life as it is now for a baby seems insane to me. I
I am hoping and praying to wake up one day with an undeniable broodiness, mainly for my partners sake. Luckily he is from a huge family and already has several nieces/nephews with undoubtedly more to come, so we will always be around babies and children - I just don’t know if that will be enough for him.
This is something I’ve been battling with lately, I’ll be 32 this year and I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years. He is from a large family and wants “at least 3” children. I always assumed I’d be a mother and never pictured my future without kids... but honestly, the older I get the further away I feel from actually wanting that to be a reality.
I do wonder if I should have just had kids young, before I had established a career, hobbies and become set in my ways. The thought of giving up my life as it is now for a baby seems insane to me. I
I am hoping and praying to wake up one day with an undeniable broodiness, mainly for my partners sake. Luckily he is from a huge family and already has several nieces/nephews with undoubtedly more to come, so we will always be around babies and children - I just don’t know if that will be enough for him.
A couple of people mentioned the thought process of putting it off - I actually did something similar. We'd try after we got married - then it became we'd try after a year of marriage - then we were both wanting more and more time. For me, it really helped me thinking in knowing that motherhood is a choice. We're always taught it's a foregone conclusion, but it really helped to give me the space I needed to help the decision making.
My husband and I never wanted kids, far too selfish! I now have a 13 year old and a 2 year old! I applaud anyone who openly says they never want them! I dislike kids, I'll say that to anyone. I absolutely adore my children and will put my kids before anything. Crazy I know how it sounds. Im glad I had children. They are hard work most of the time but are so rewarding, my husband loves it. We are skint but they never go without. I don't blame anyone who doesn't want them, each to their own I say. Omg I sound a bit tit but im a good mummy just trying to put my point across 
No children and am close to 30. I told my fiance when we started dating I did not want children. I thought I may change my mind but as I get older my opinion gets more firm. Have never been maternal and cannot picture my life with a child. I am a huge introvert and need space and quiet time. At least with our dog, I can lock him in a room or go out without him if he is annoying me. When we come back from friends with children, we are grateful to come home to a peaceful house. Even when we visit our niece and nephew it is very draining. So far no regrets. We have a lot of money in savings as well as accessible. We love our lives and getting to do what we want when we want. Being around friend's children and hearing stories just confirms to me that it isn't for me. I would rather regret not having children, than have a child and regret it and be resentful.