Do I move on?

[Definitelyme]

Thank you. I'm struggling this morning, I miss him already. I just keep coming back here to read hoping that it will sink in properly soon.

Sending lots of love to you. It’s going to be a really hard few weeks, but if you can crack through this, you will be free of him.

 

[Welsh1]

Thank you ladies. To the person who posted about his wife and finances, they aren't married. The thing that makes it harder for me is that we don't see each other very often in person, due to his life commitments and im also a full time working, single mother so if anything, we only see each other once every few months so I've never felt used sexually. We talk nearly every day and if we don't, I'll always wake up to a message which will say he misses me. Am I being used on more of an emotional level? I really feel like I need to give him the ultimatum now. Even though it will break my heart and probably his x

 

[CarrieW24]

Do you know what I dont think they ever do hardly want to know the truth though. Years ago when I was living in london before I met my husband I was seeing a guy for about a year he told me he was single and we where always together constantly paying for us in posh hotels etc a real charmer and we went on long weekends away etc.i found out he was married and had two very young children. A few months later after winning him off and after much soul searching messaged his wife via instagram. I just kept thinking oh my god I would want to know !! She didnt reply but duly took her instagram off private and started to post photos like they wjere loves young dream , very strange ! I politely told her what happened and said look if you need evidence you can have it if you dont you wont hear from me again ! I only find out as I was contacted by his 'girlfriend' that thought I was his wife !! What a very busy boy !!

Was the wife's name Coleen Rooney?

 

[Welsh1]

You need to change your number.

That's the next step. I worry then though that he'll turn up at my home a lot. Not that I'm scared of him or anything, but I just don't want to see him.

 

[Sticky One]

Not going to lie I felt so frustrated reading this but once upon a time I was in a similar position when I was much younger and really not that long but the manipulation and pain is all the same it’s horrible to think someone has used you but unfortunately there are many pricks in this world. I’m glad you have blocked him, keep looking forward and know you deserve better. And hopefully one day he gets his karma.

 

[petitspois]

And he hasn't invested so much time in you - he is spinning plates and returns to you for just long enough to keep you going.

I hope you listen but I don't think you will.

 

[WilmaHun]

I'm so sorry that you probably haven't got the response you were hoping for but I do think everybody on this thread is correct. If he loved you that much, he would be with you. There's obviously a reason he's not left his girlfriend (whether he says it's the mortgage and dog is irrelevant - if he wanted you that much he would be with you).

To love somebody so much and that feeling not be reciprocated in the same way is heartbreaking, I know, but it will subside. You will find somebody who is able to recognise your worth and want you, and only you. He's got you exactly where he wants you, he knows at the drop of a hat you will be there. It's easy to send somebody a text saying you love them, will do anything for them etc, but to actually show those feelings through your actions is another thing. Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, I think his words are nothing more than just words.

I really hope you're able to move on and find somebody who treats you and loves you exactly as you deserve. 12 years to leave you hanging is awful. Don't waste any more of your precious time.

 

[Definitelyme]

@Welsh1 how have things been overnight and today?

 

[37BBL]

How did he know you'd blocked him so quickly?

I would imagine because she used to be at his beckoned call and reply instantly, without a response he probably started worrying she would blab.
Well done OP. Stay strong and we are all here x

 

[PennyLane321]

I know I'm the minority here but I am wondering if this is actually the case? Or because you've noticed everyone on here isn't agreeing with you and telling you what you wanted to hear, that you've made out that you've just ended it just like that.
And even though he has a job, partner, house and lives 20 minutes away, that he noticed you blocked him quickly and then came straight to your door?
Sorry OP and good for you if it is the case. I just feel it seems a bit false.

I tend to agree with the poster above. I mean who would have the time? Although the whole thing does read a bit like bad fan faction

 

[onmylunchbreak]

I can’t really add anything of value that hasn’t already been said but I just wanted to say you are doing the right thing. Eventually you will look back at this relationship with contempt and kick yourself for wasting so much time on it.

If I was his girlfriend, I’d really rather know now what has been going on, before she ends up pregnant and/or married to this man. Once the dust settles, write her a letter or email just laying down the facts, with proof if possible.

What a vile man he is. I feel for you because your self esteem must be on the floor, it seems to me that he’s the sort of man who has slowly chipped away at you for a long time.

I feel sorry for his girlfriend too. As a wife, at home with a few children, it would completely devastate me if this happened. I spend a fair amount of time worrying about this happening to me. That poor woman Please at least equip her with your truth so she can make an informed choice.

Sending you a hug

 

[Welsh1]

You didn’t see each other that often because he has another life with another woman. You have to stop making excuses and justifications now.

It's not an excuse. I was just explaining why we didn't see each other often because that is the case. I was always the one who was to busy to see him. Anyway, it's done and over with now.

 

[WhatABore]

Well done for blocking him. Hopefully you can stick to it. As hard as it may feel.
I ended up having to block the guy in a similar situation on every social media and everything even when he didn't use it because he went onto them to message me. And 6 years later, every few months he'll make a new account on something and message me again without any response!

 

[Al26]

Honestly I am so mad at him, what a total textbook piece of shit!!
Well done, you deserve so so so much better.

Stay strong!

 

[Definitelyme]

Bin the note. Do not keep it and read it again.

 

[WhatABore]

I don't mind explaining. I actually got extremely drunk and ended up kissing his friend. He claimed to be hurt at the time and needed some space so we didn't speak for a while afterwards and then he got over it.

I'm sorry but you've never been in a relationship with with guy. He had a girlfriend at the same time as you on the side. And then makes you think you did something utterly terrible. When in actual fact, you did nothing wrong.

 

[Welsh1]

I know I'm the minority here but I am wondering if this is actually the case? Or because you've noticed everyone on here isn't agreeing with you and telling you what you wanted to hear, that you've made out that you've just ended it just like that.
And even though he has a job, partner, house and lives 20 minutes away, that he noticed you blocked him quickly and then came straight to your door?
Sorry OP and good for you if it is the case. I just feel it seems a bit false.

I really have not got the time to be making up a story in my head and then broadcasting it on the Internet. I may have done a bad thing but I would never go to the trouble of this if it wasn't the case. We speak every day usually via WhatsApp, I blocked him when I woke up and by the end of the day he was outside my home. I imagine you know via WhatsApp if you've been blocked. He always chased me, it was never the other way around.

But couldn’t there have been an occasion when you replied and not known she was there? He must have text you on some occasions when she was in the house. I’m just wondering whether or not she’s had suspicions before and maybe she will find out now with him acting weird too. Which would probably be a good thing, as she does need to know in my

Most of our chats were in the evening when she was in bed or in the daytime while he was at work then there would usually be a window between her getting home from work and going to bed that we wouldn't speak. And then on the weekends we'd speak in the evening as she goes to bed about 9pm.

But couldn’t there have been an occasion when you replied and not known she was there? He must have text you on some occasions when she was in the house. I’m just wondering whether or not she’s had suspicions before and maybe she will find out now with him acting weird too. Which would probably be a good thing, as she does need to know in my opinion.

Most of our chats were in the evening when she was in bed or in the daytime while he was at work then there would usually be a window between her getting home from work and going to bed that we wouldn't speak. And then on the weekends we'd speak in the evening as she goes to bed about 9pm.

 

[Upintheair83]

I’m not saying he hasn’t got feelings for you and it’s obvious that things run deep. But I think if it’s been going on this long and his excuse is a dog and a mortgage then he isn’t willing to leave his gf- for whatever reason. But if a man really wants something and he thinks he could have total happiness with you, he would have done it already.
I wish you lots of strength to get over this guy because I think it will take a lot, but don’t be second best for anyone.

 

[2xblended]

I deleted it because I hadn't finished the message and it posted without the last bit. I woke up today and I've blocked him. He then tried to call me off a different number and I blocked that to. I've not given him any explanation. I've just ended it. I think I've always known how bad this situation is and I feel like a terrible person honestly for what I've allowed him to do to his girlfriend and for ever being a part of it. I'm just going to focus on myself now, healing from my past relationship and being a better person morally. Thank you all so much for your advice.

Well done! That isn't easy but it's necessary. You deserve better.
I would have sent a 1-line message saying "I'm done being your side piece. I deserve better and your girlfriend does, too" and blocked him before he had a chance to respond. Just so that he knows he's been rumbled, the relationship is over and it's a chapter properly closed.
But either way, I'm proud of you. You really don't deserve to be strung along like this. I'm sorry he gaslit and manipulated you for so long.

 

[bobthedragqueen]

You go girl! The pain your experiencing now will not last forever and will be far less painful than continuing as you were before. Have a lovely Christmas x