Do I move on?

[SqualorVictoria]

So proud of you, OP. While you're hurt now, I guarantee at some point you will feel nothing but derision towards him. Keep strong x

 

[SqualorVictoria]

He has used this as a way to manipulate you. You weren’t official at the time and if he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have let this get in the way. I’m really sorry that he’s dragged you along.

Exactly and let's be honest, if he was that serious about the OP, it's not likely his friend would have kissed her in the first place. As she said, what she and this guy had was "a bit of fun". OP, I'm amazed you're even bringing up a drunken kiss from over a decade ago when you were a free agent as something terrible

 

[Welsh1]

This is an example of a message he sent me a few months ago.... this was when I was going through a rough time.
''I don’t think you’re a let down at all, I know the troubles you’re having and the reasons why you’re like this but you keep everything bottled up instead of talking about it which makes things worse and you know you can talk to me about anything. I love you so much and not seeing you on a daily basis kills me, I haven’t seen you properly in almost 8 weeks, do you not understand how hard that is for me?'' xxx
This may give more of an insight in to the type of things he says. However, after reading all of your replies, I definitely need to think about this in a different way to what I have been because I know I cant put my life on hold forever. X

I am male so I hope that the person seeking advice doesn’t mind me responding, but I 100% endorse this reply. Good luck!

I really do not mind you responding. Its nice to have a male perspective. Thank you x

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

You are being so strong and should be very proud!! well done... I know its hard but time really is a healer x

 

[onmylunchbreak]

You see it as ‘but look how much he loves me and how comfortable we are’, a positive, but it’s actually repressing positive change. I don’t know if you can identify with this but it might be a good time to make any changes you think will benefit you.

This is a tricky one. In a relationship (and a friendship come to think of it) it’s difficult to get that right. If you spouse expresses a dislike of their weight and a wanting to change... is it right to say ‘I love you just as you are’ or is it better so say ‘yes that would be a real positive change for you’. Either way could be interpreted as saying the wrong thing in that instance. (Not justifying OP’s bloke - he seems like a dick) but generally it’s hard to know the best way of showing support to those you love.

 

[SnooperTrooper]

I tend to agree with the poster above. I mean who would have the time? Although the whole thing does read a bit like bad fan faction

Exactly this. I'm not saying it hasn't happened.
But it reads like a poorly made movie

 

[Flossy2019]

Well done we are proud of you too!!! Glad you are ok

 

[LittleMy]

I still think that should be the girlfriend’s choice to decide for herself with all the facts. It was a friend who told me everything that my cheating boyfriend had done, they even had proof, and as devastated as I was at the time, I was glad they did tell me. I can’t imagine wasting years with a cheater and having children with him, tying me to him for life. I do agree however that OP should focus on herself at the moment.

 

[Definitelyme]

I will never be able to tell her unfortunately. Hopefully, she will one day find out something for herself so that she can also move on. He's been such a big part of my life for so long that it's going to be hard but I will stick to my guns as I know I deserve better & I don't want to be involved with someone in a relationship any longer. Your advice has been so appreciated because I have never spoken to anybody about this.

I think the next weeks will be so hard to stick to that resolve. Come back to us if you need some more support

 

[Zenchick101]

I'd be against telling her as it's more about getting back at him rather than concern for her welfare- not to be harsh and not having a go but it's a bit late in the day after 12 years to pretend to be doing it for her benefit. IMO the OP should leave them alone and focus on herself.



This is so true and I've done it myself many times, I've projected my feelings onto the guy. The OP believed he was going through some mental anguish because she was whereas in reality he was doing nothing of the sort.

DW I understand where you're coming from, I'm just imagining this poor woman waisting her life with this scumbag and I feel sick, I'd want to know. He absolutely wasn't having a moral dilemma at all, it's hard to realize when you're the woman involved with a man like that. Happy OP felt comfortable asking for advice.

 

[bobthedragqueen]

How you getting on, OP? Hope you have some fun Halloween plans with your kid this weekend!

 

[2xblended]

Thank you. I'm struggling this morning, I miss him already. I just keep coming back here to read hoping that it will sink in properly soon.

I think you need to remind yourself that you're worth more than the crumbs he was giving you. Running back would be begging for scraps of attention and affection! How can any human being accept that?
You are whole, you are special, and you deserve someone who will make you their number 1, not their back up.
Keep yourself busy! Take a short course, play with your kid, throw yourself into decluttering your home, call up friends and family you've lost touch with, go for a walk. Invest in you because he certainly didn't and he didn't give you space to invest in yourself (because he made you reliant on him).

Edit: quoted the wrong person. never mind.

 

[MaxieMoo]

Thank you. I feel heart broken but I know this is for the best. I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even lie about that but I know deep down that this entire situation is wrong & even in his reply, he makes it all about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this had it not been for the amount of replies I've had and even though some were hard to hear, I'm glad people didn't sugar-coat anything, I needed to hear it all

His message kind of says that it's ok that I cheated on my girlfriend with you because I was open about it. As if that makes the situation any better.

He should love you enough to realise you deserve better than this.

Keep strong.

 

[Welsh1]

You go girl! The pain your experiencing now will not last forever and will be far less painful than continuing as you were before. Have a lovely Christmas x

I know it will get easier, just wish it would be easier now. Thank you so much, have a lovely Christmas too x

 

[littlepup]

What a stalking creep! I'd suggest unblocking him to send him a message telling him it's over and to stay the hell away from your house or you'll be calling the police. And then tell him you're going to block him again



He's bricking it, it's nothing to do with concern

I meant concern in the sense that he hasn’t actually worked out he’s been blocked and thinks OP is incapacitated in some way. I’d be surprised that after 12 years he’d go to being blocked before thinking OP had been taken ill, lost her phone or something. I agree, he needs a message then blocked again just so it’s clear.
But it just goes to show, half a day!! He must have been so used to an immediate response.
If my partner who I live with didn’t reply to me it’d be a good few hrs after work home time before I became truly concerned.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

His message kind of says that it's ok that I cheated on my girlfriend with you because I was open about it. As if that makes the situation any better.

He should love you enough to realise you deserve better than this.

Keep strong.

Exactly. What a d*ck

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I would never message him first. He would always message me first when she wasn't around.

But couldn’t there have been an occasion when you replied and not known she was there? He must have text you on some occasions when she was in the house. I’m just wondering whether or not she’s had suspicions before and maybe she will find out now with him acting weird too. Which would probably be a good thing, as she does need to know in my opinion.

 

[tskiry56]

I’m sorry to hear what’s happened OP but like everyone has said you deserve better and to be put first. I would not get involved in telling his current girlfriend that’s a situation she needs to deal with.
I would say from my own experience my ex is a domestic abuser and moved on with a gf very quickly after I found the courage to leave him. His now ex gf recently contacted my sister and asked questions about him. Is he manipulative etc does he lie? I’m not going to tell her something she should already know! We only get one life don’t waste your time on someone who can’t be truthful or faithful. A leopard don’t change!

 

[Melmoo]

Was the wife's name Coleen Rooney?

Haha no but I very infrequently check and she is always posting what he has bought her etc. She is crazy but well if tahts the life she has chosen.. he has a lot of money so I guess she turns a blind eye etc

 

[chandlercheesecake]

You should try and change your number if you can