Dealing with Death

[Jelly Bean]

It's 2 years today since my younger sister took her own life and I just need somewhere to dump my feelings.
I'm struggling today but at the same time I still don't feel like I've fully accepted it. It was such a big shock etc that I still can't comprehend how I'll never see her beautiful face and smile. There's still a bit of anger, how could she leave us, my dad's a broken man. I so wanted to live my life for her and tackle my own depression but the opposite has happened. I'm an unhappy mess and I'll never be the same person.
Sorry for my slight rambling, I've had a few much needed drinks.

Oh you poor thing. Two years is nothing. It is no surprise you are still so sad and bewildered by it all
No you won't be the same person, grief makes everything different and strange. It changes everything. I would imagine especially with your traumatic circumstances.
Your dad must rely on you a lot - which I'm sure has it's own pleasures and pain.
I hope you can get through today relatively OK, and that you have someone to help you and take care of you. x

 

[PumpkinKing]

Oh you poor thing. Two years is nothing. It is no surprise you are still so sad and bewildered by it all
No you won't be the same person, grief makes everything different and strange. It changes everything. I would imagine especially with your traumatic circumstances.
Your dad must rely on you a lot - which I'm sure has it's own pleasures and pain.
I hope you can get through today relatively OK, and that you have someone to help you and take care of you. x

Thank you, it means a lot. We've been for a meal and my dad is having my youngest kids, he says it gets him through it having them there. Will just be me home later so plan on trying to take my mind off it as much as I can with tv and tattle

 

[Jelly Bean]

I read a quote by Rumi recently which I find comforting. 'If all around you is darkness and you cannot see any light, look again, you may be the light'.
Just that sometimes when we feel sad and hopeless we may be providing comfort to our loved ones without realising it.

 

[Dwightschrute]

Sending you all love this Christmas time
Xxxx

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Sending you all lots of love and best wishes for a peaceful day tomorrow and beyond. I plan to do what I have to do to get through the day. I’m going to stay off social media and try not to compare my situation to others. My parents will always be in my thoughts, as will two friends who suddenly and wholly unexpectedly lost their lives this year.

Lots of love to you all

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Sending lots of love and hugs to you all. It’s just one day, you got this 🤍

 

[suzuka]

Also sending love to those who miss their loved ones and have a hard time during holidays. <3

 

[noseybirdxo]

Sending all my love and strength to all of you

 

[Bobbleowl90]

My mum died when I was in my late teens. It was 6 weeks from going to the GP with onset of symptoms to the day she died. It’s been 12 years now and I don’t think you ever get over a loved one dying. I have learnt to deal with it in some ways but then some days my grief really does come in waves and I miss her a ridiculous amount. She never met my husband, never saw me get married, have children, never even saw my graduate or get a job. I envy people who have their mums and have a close relationship. I don’t get on with my mother in law either so have nobody in my life like that, which I do miss especially when it comes to children and help. It’s something you never expect, losing your mum so young.

 

[Namewithheld]

Long time lurker and never posted. I can only say I am so sorry for all of your losses.

On the 6th November we lost my partners dad, it was sudden and traumatic and I still can’t get my head around it all.

3 days before the funeral I was told my special nan had decided to stop further investigations and treatment after a 6 week stint in hospital and that she would be coming home on end of life care. On the 27 November we were told that she may make Christmas and to get the carers etc in order. On the 30th November we received a 5am call to go to the hospital as she was deteriorating. She passed away later that afternoon with us by her side. We had 3 days with her rather than weeks. I will never get over being there, with her, but I am so glad I was. She was a very special lady, who was practically my second mum.

I then lost my lovely dog of 16 years 10 days after nan.

Sorry for rambling, I just felt like I needed to write things down. As my partners own grieve is still very raw, I have limited people to talk to, who can also relate. I’m tired of being told I need to be strong. Until this year I had never experienced losing anyone or grief.

 

[Ups27]

This year myself and my partner have lost 3 grandparents between us (one on December 19th). We also lost our 6 month old puppy in 2021. And also a family dog never had to deal with so much sadness

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m new to this thread, hi everyone and lots of love to you all

My BIL died unexpectedly last month and I still can’t process it. He was only in his 30s. He had a mild heart condition, but it was something you can totally live with. However, looking back, I realise he might have had depression and/or other MH issues. I wonder whether he just lost his will to live. His death hit me harder than I could have thought, I just can’t wrap my head around it. Any advice for me?

 

[nurseren]

I love this site, there’s a thread for everything and we all support each other.

Christmas has been hard for me this year. My daughter was born sleeping in September. As soon as I was getting back on my feet and functioning with that, my Papa died at the beginning of December. My Papa was any grandad but he was like a Dad to me, and his death was very sudden. Then on that day as I was getting ready to go and meet my mum, I fed my bunny rabbit and discovered he had died too. I had him for 11 years.

Losing my Papa has hit me hard. I’m still so confused that he’s gone, and I’m thinking of him endlessly. I keep wanting to ring him. I framed his birthday card to me to hang in my house. I feel that he was the only family member I had who really was proud of me and listened to me. It hurts that he has gone and I won’t hear his voice again.

 

[ATV2021]

I became very blank about death after losing both parents in my 20s. Granted only gave a tit about 1 of them. My Mum always believed your time was up when it's up which dis somewhat help me, and also knowing she would have hated me moping. I grieved of course but I think I grieved more at her original cancer diagnosis, I was very numb when she did die as it happened super fast. I was glad for her that she didn't have to suffer long but also angry initially that she had "left me". I lost both Grandparents within 4 months (Mums parents) late 2020/21 too. Left with 2 relatives I'm not close to but it is what it is.

I realised that for my own MH I had to accept it, and keep going with my life because I didn't want to be angry or sad about something I physically couldn't change. I do sometimes have guilt creep in that I don't feel "sad" anymore but I also know they wouldn't want me to.

Sending love to everyone struggling and I hope you find peace somehow

 

[nurseren]

I became very blank about death after losing both parents in my 20s. Granted only gave a tit about 1 of them. My Mum always believed your time was up when it's up which dis somewhat help me, and also knowing she would have hated me moping. I grieved of course but I think I grieved more at her original cancer diagnosis, I was very numb when she did die as it happened super fast. I was glad for her that she didn't have to suffer long but also angry initially that she had "left me". I lost both Grandparents within 4 months (Mums parents) late 2020/21 too. Left with 2 relatives I'm not close to but it is what it is.

I realised that for my own MH I had to accept it, and keep going with my life because I didn't want to be angry or sad about something I physically couldn't change. I do sometimes have guilt creep in that I don't feel "sad" anymore but I also know they wouldn't want me to.

Sending love to everyone struggling and I hope you find peace somehow

I agree with your post; losing my daughter was hard. So bleeping hard. Losing my Papa hurts but I can handle it. I can function, I can go out, I can eat. When I lost my daughter, I felt for weeks that I had died with her.

 

[ChickenLicking]

Hi, I know that this is an old thread but I am a regular user and didn't want to venture over to Mumsnet. My husband, whom I met when I was 24 and he 39 died suddenly this afternoon. He was 63. We have an autistic 16 year old son.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Hi, I know that this is an old thread but I am a regular user and didn't want to venture over to Mumsnet. My husband, whom I met when I was 24 and he 39 died suddenly this afternoon. He was 63. We have an autistic 16 year old son.

I’m so sorry to read this. How awful. Please reach out for support when people offer it; be specific about how they can help / what they can do over the next weeks / months. Sending you strength. ‍🩹

 

[ChickenLicking]

I’m so sorry to read this. How awful. Please reach out for support when people offer it; be specific about how they can help / what they can do over the next weeks / months. Sending you strength. ‍🩹

Thank you ever so much for your really kind words xxx

 

[littlepup]

Hi, I know that this is an old thread but I am a regular user and didn't want to venture over to Mumsnet. My husband, whom I met when I was 24 and he 39 died suddenly this afternoon. He was 63. We have an autistic 16 year old son.

I’m so sorry to read this. We are here if you want to talk, no judgment. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

I’m sure there will be practicalities, they may be a welcome focus or overwhelming but deal with them how you feel best. People like to help, accept that it you can, but if not, don’t be railroaded. You absolutely do not have to deal with everything immediately.

Wishing you love and strength 🤍

 

[101d]

My grandad is dying. It's not a shock, he is super old and frail. He has always been in my life but we never had a close relationship. Obviously my dad (his son) is very down. It's a difficult one to navigate.