Dead Parent Club

[quietbatperson]

13 years next month for me. Her diagnosis was just before Xmas and shortly after new year she was in the hospice. I feel so anxious and sad and angry at this time of year, like something bad is going to happen (it usually does in December so I'm on tenterhooks all month!). Burnt out from work and would just love to have one more Xmas dinner with my mum. She found it all super hard too but did a good job making it fun for us.
Lots of love to you all xox

 

[TheStrawberryThief]

I had a problem with my car this week and I went into a flap as dad would have just sorted it for me. I managed to sort it myself in the end. Why didn't I ask him about this sort of thing when I had the chance?

 

[Purple star]

I had a problem with my car this week and I went into a flap as dad would have just sorted it for me. I managed to sort it myself in the end. Why didn't I ask him about this sort of thing when I had the chance?

How weird ..Me and my friend were talking about this today as her cars been broke and I said how my dad used to help me if mine was broke ..She’s ended having to join the AA and it’s sorted now (long story) Anyway I was thinking the same maybe I should join them now my dads not here to help if mine breaks .. It’s things like that we take for granted

 

[quietbatperson]

I had a problem with my car this week and I went into a flap as dad would have just sorted it for me. I managed to sort it myself in the end. Why didn't I ask him about this sort of thing when I had the chance?

It's the safety of knowing you have someone to ask too, isn't it? Then when that's gone it all just feels so big and hard to deal with.

 

[asunder]

13 years next month for me. Her diagnosis was just before Xmas and shortly after new year she was in the hospice. I feel so anxious and sad and angry at this time of year, like something bad is going to happen (it usually does in December so I'm on tenterhooks all month!). Burnt out from work and would just love to have one more Xmas dinner with my mum. She found it all super hard too but did a good job making it fun for us.
Lots of love to you all xox

My mum was diagnosed on the 23rd dec and I always feel so anxious just before Christmas like waiting for something bad to happen. Xx

 

[thegrumpos]

I’ve never felt jealous of people having their mums but I do feel annoyed when people suppose they know how it feels.

a friend has been having a really hard time with her parents who are divorced, trying to organise Xmas etc and she made a comment about having “no family unit” now. How her Xmas day would only consist of her, her mum and her nan.
her parents were together her whole life until she was mid 30s. They are both still alive, as is her nan. She has a sibling, nieces and nephews.

Although divorce is no doubt really hard for families, it is not the same as not having your parents at all. She gets to see her mum and dad, ok not in the same room.

I wasn’t mean but I was quite blunt that she did have family, she was lucky and needed to apply some perspective.

I have estranged siblings, a dad with 30 years worth of ptsd, a dead mum and a dead aunt (who was the next closest person my whole life). My Xmas day and other special occasions would consist of 2 people if I didn’t have my own partner and children.

it’s not a “woe is me” story bc I’m incredibly lucky and grateful for everything I have. But I did find that conversation quite triggering

 

[unidentified]

I really want my mum. Sometimes she’s the only person I need and she isn’t here. I hate trying to live without her

 

[BonBon27]

I really want my mum. Sometimes she’s the only person I need and she isn’t here. I hate trying to live without her

I feel that

 

[skronkywildcat]

Yes, me too. I love her so much, I can hear her voice sometimes in my head saying what she would have said if she’d been here. She would be calling me a “soppy date” right now

 

[Pinkglitter123]

I lost my dad in August and feeling really sad going into a new year without him

 

[yeahyouhun]

I lost my dad on Tuesday and I’ve still not cried properly.
He’d been ill for 18 months following a surgery, and in a way it feels like I lost him then as he hasn’t been ‘my dad’ since, I’ve been through so many emotions, and what felt like ups, but actually were all downs. The crushing feeling of thinking he was making positive steps, to then find out that something else had gone wrong, over and over again, for 18 months. At this stage it’s a relief for him, and us, that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I guess I just feel weird that I’m ok at the moment and that I should have cried at least once by now.

 

[Lalla]

I lost my dad on Tuesday and I’ve still not cried properly.
He’d been ill for 18 months following a surgery, and in a way it feels like I lost him then as he hasn’t been ‘my dad’ since, I’ve been through so many emotions, and what felt like ups, but actually were all downs. The crushing feeling of thinking he was making positive steps, to then find out that something else had gone wrong, over and over again, for 18 months. At this stage it’s a relief for him, and us, that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I guess I just feel weird that I’m ok at the moment and that I should have cried at least once by now.

Honestly be kind to yourself please, there's no rights or wrongs about any of this. You've clearly had a really hard 18 months, and right now you're probably still pretty shellshocked and battered by it all. Tears will happen at some point but don't feel that there anything wrong with you because you haven't cried yet.


Yesterday was 31 years since my mum died. I can't believe it's been that long. Next year I'll be the age she was when she died (54).

 

[Kthxbye]

I lost my dad on Tuesday and I’ve still not cried properly.
He’d been ill for 18 months following a surgery, and in a way it feels like I lost him then as he hasn’t been ‘my dad’ since, I’ve been through so many emotions, and what felt like ups, but actually were all downs. The crushing feeling of thinking he was making positive steps, to then find out that something else had gone wrong, over and over again, for 18 months. At this stage it’s a relief for him, and us, that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I guess I just feel weird that I’m ok at the moment and that I should have cried at least once by now.

Feeling relief is common. You have already grieved for the dad you lost 18 months ago.
Be gentle with yourself. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, you just have to go with the flow and take each day as it comes. It may come in waves, it may not.
My dad died 22 years ago and my mum died 7 years ago. I still have days where it feels raw, but I have learned to embrace it and allow myself to feel those feelings when they happen.

I am so sorry for your loss

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

It's coming up to 2 years since my Dad died and I feel horribly low. I've bought a heart shaped oasis base for his grave and will get the grandkids to help me make a floral tribute from it. And what really pisses me off the most is that my sister made a huge song and dance about Dad's family coming to his ashes interment and seeing his grave - they've never been once they weren't there for him alive so I don't know why I expect more tbh.

 

[Mel Donte]

It would have been my mum's birthday today and it hit me that I miss the idea of who she could have been if she'd made different choices and/or gotten her tit together more than who she actually was.

 

[Kim Mild]

5 years since my dad passed. It's the same day of the week as his actual death this time so that makes it a bit stranger.

 

[Drea1984]

It’s 5.5 years since I lost my mum. I think of her every day. I miss her wisdom and love.

 

[HoGi]

Went to see the new Bridget Jones film tonight. I obvs knew

Spoiler: Spoiler just in case someone doesn't know the main plot

that Mark Darcy is dead

But there was a LOT of dead dad content and Bridget's dad is ill/dead in it too so my sister and I came out looking like pandas

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

Went to see the new Bridget Jones film tonight. I obvs knew

Spoiler: Spoiler just in case someone doesn't know the main plot

that Mark Darcy is dead

But there was a LOT of dead dad content and Bridget's dad is ill/dead in it too so my sister and I came out looking like pandas

Oh bugger, thanks for the warning. My daughters want us all to go & see it, but my dad died a couple of months ago and it’s only just starting to sink in, so

 

[Lac1985]

Thank you for the warning also - I will be staying well clear!!