Dating after Lockdown

[YellowLadybird]

Glad to find this thread!
I am on a few dating apps due to the situation although I very rarely get the chance to meet anyone IRL either (London life...) but my issue is that I just have no interest in barely any men on there! They're not attractive, interesting, we have nothing in common, I just cannot find anyone I have even a spark of interest in. Would absolutely love to have a long term relationship and eventually marriage in the next few years as I'm late 20s but it seems impossible. I don't want to force myself to go out with someone I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to for the sake of it. Any advice?!

No advice, but empathy. I'm in the same situation. Where are all the decent men at?

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

This thread is a bit like therapy . So glad a lot of us are in the same boat.
I honestly despair at trying to date now it’s like looking for the worst bit of trash in a bin !

I’ve mentioned about this guy before but I just saw my ex (he was a guy I dated before one who ghosted me) posted a picture ( I was having a lurk) and he’s moved on.

My only response after seeing the picture of the two of them was to cry. I cried so much this morning. I feel like he’s won as I’m single, (unhappily because dating is so hard) and just very over 2020/angry at this whole sh*tshow of a year.

He wasn’t the nicest and it’s been two years since he ending things. He spent all of last year messaging, texting & begging on any platform to meet up/ try again so we met in January then I blocked him again then he popped up during lockdown constantly messaging on another number, Facebook message or popping up my other Instagram account that I have.

Each time, saying how he misses me, wishes he could treat me right now, how i was the only girl who didn’t mess him up (he left me anxious, low self confidence and I cried most days for a year when we dated), how attractive I was now.

Like what was the point of his messages. I’m that I feel like he’s won and that the girl is probably being treated all nicely and all I had to deal with was absolute hell.

We used to take pictures but neither of us posted them and so I feel like it must be serious for him to post it and now I feel like maybe his feelings for me including all the messages were never real either.

I’ve never had someone I’ve dated move on as he was the first guy i properly dated (as in for a few months + not just go on a date here and there) I guess what’s nice is I didn’t see them in real life!

Has anyone else had that? How did you cope?

 

[toffeejelly]

This thread is a bit like therapy . So glad a lot of us are in the same boat.
I honestly despair at trying to date now it’s like looking for the worst bit of trash in a bin !

I’ve mentioned about this guy before but I just saw my ex (he was a guy I dated before one who ghosted me) posted a picture ( I was having a lurk) and he’s moved on.

My only response after seeing the picture of the two of them was to cry. I cried so much this morning. I feel like he’s won as I’m single, (unhappily because dating is so hard) and just very over 2020/angry at this whole sh*tshow of a year.

He wasn’t the nicest and it’s been two years since he ending things. He spent all of last year messaging, texting & begging on any platform to meet up/ try again so we met in January then I blocked him again then he popped up during lockdown constantly messaging on another number, Facebook message or popping up my other Instagram account that I have.

Each time, saying how he misses me, wishes he could treat me right now, how i was the only girl who didn’t mess him up (he left me anxious, low self confidence and I cried most days for a year when we dated), how attractive I was now.

Like what was the point of his messages. I’m that I feel like he’s won and that the girl is probably being treated all nicely and all I had to deal with was absolute hell.

We used to take pictures but neither of us posted them and so I feel like it must be serious for him to post it and now I feel like maybe his feelings for me including all the messages were never real either.

I’ve never had someone I’ve dated move on as he was the first guy i properly dated (as in for a few months + not just go on a date here and there) I guess what’s nice is I didn’t see them in real life!

Has anyone else had that? How did you cope?

Firstly, sorry to hear you are feeling this way. This happened to me. I was with my ex for 5 years, ended it because I couldn't cope with his abusive behaviour anymore. I, like you, left the relationship with no self confidence because of him. Fast forward a couple of years, and I saw that he had moved on and was with someone new. When I first saw it, it hurt and I also felt like he'd won because I was single and he looked happy. However their relationship didn't last, and in my head I know for a fact he'll have treated her the same way as he did me in the end. People like that don't change, and once the honeymoon period is over, other people start to see them for what they really are.

It's now 5 years on, he is single. I am with the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen and tells me every day how special and loved I am. I know it hurts now, but trust me your time will come

 

[bobthedragqueen]

No advice, but empathy. I'm in the same situation. Where are all the decent men at?

They're around, annoyingly you just haven't met them yet. Don't do what I did and wait around for them, go have fun, make memories, and enjoy yourself. It's true what they say, they appear when you least expect it and when you're happy by yourself x

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

It's true what they say, they appear when you least expect it and when you're happy by yourself x

When we’re all happy and in love can we please return and update this thread.

We may well end up laughing about how sad/hating dating/ single we were

 

[sleepflowers]

They're around, annoyingly you just haven't met them yet. Don't do what I did and wait around for them, go have fun, make memories, and enjoy yourself. It's true what they say, they appear when you least expect it and when you're happy by yourself x

I hope you're right! I've been happy by myself for years, I just want to enrich my life with a high value man...they never seem to appear to me!

 

[bobthedragqueen]

I hope you're right! I've been happy by myself for years, I just want to enrich my life with a high value man...they never seem to appear to me!

I like to think I am on this one! I spent most of my 20's desperately trying to like any man I matched with on Tinder to no avail, because they were all crap and non-committal. All my friends were slowly getting into long-term relationships and let me tell you, there is not a worse feeling than sitting in a restaurant surrounded by all your friends and their plus ones. I felt like a spare part so many times, it was embarrassing. Shamefully and I am able to admit it now, I was jealous, wanted them to all break-up at times. It was like I was in competition with my friends which is just awful. When I eventually let go of trying to control that part of life and meet a perfect man who ticks every box (which doesn't even bleeping exist!) and put myself first (Self-care is important ladies... and I found out so is enjoying those nights where you are the spare part... You get your drinks bought for you and lifts home because people feel sorry for ya!), I met someone and he's not at all 'stereotypically' perfect but he's just what I always wanted.

That's just my little story, I know it won't be the same for everyone but it's never like the movies and the course definitely never runs smoothly.

 

[Caramel Latte]

When we’re all happy and in love can we please return and update this thread.

We may well end up laughing about how sad/hating dating/ single we were

I'm afraid that this would happen in Dating after Lockdown #98787666 🥲

 

[whatktdid]

Really appreciate all the positive words on this thread! It always feels so important when you're living it, but in the end, I suppose what will be will be. Anything that goes past us wasn't for us.

Guy update on my end - been 2.5 months of dates, I do like him and he's said the same but I don't know what I'm doing, it's been so long still haha.

Like, we talked early on about what we were looking for, agreed we were into slowly getting to know someone and open to a relationship later on after that point. My ideal would be to know someone well, so a period of I suppose casual dating/discovery, and then say 'let's give this a go properly and see what happens'. But when we had a conversation a few dates later, it was a more 'I'm not looking to get into anything serious right now' than that previous conversation. What I'm not sure about is whether that was him saying a) on the same page as me, enjoying dating, potential to become more serious later but not yet, b) enjoying dating, but now has changed his mind & not looking for anything serious at all.

So I don't know. Because I don't want any real different definition/progression at the moment, I would like to just keep getting to know him - so I agree, casual for now - but not forever. Any tips?

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Firstly, sorry to hear you are feeling this way. This happened to me. I was with my ex for 5 years, ended it because I couldn't cope with his abusive behaviour anymore. I, like you, left the relationship with no self confidence because of him. Fast forward a couple of years, and I saw that he had moved on and was with someone new. When I first saw it, it hurt and I also felt like he'd won because I was single and he looked happy. However their relationship didn't last, and in my head I know for a fact he'll have treated her the same way as he did me in the end. People like that don't change, and once the honeymoon period is over, other people start to see them for what they really are.

It's now 5 years on, he is single. I am with the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen and tells me every day how special and loved I am. I know it hurts now, but trust me your time will come

Thank you for this! I really appreciate it

 

[princess279]

Ha ha, maybe I'll just go with the flow but this has definitely put my guard up and it's only been 2 dates. Men eh....

Ok so update, he just bought me lunch to my work. Then text me after saying he felt awkward and uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to do as he likes us both but it is unfair on me that I know about her as in a few weeks/months time he could then say he likes her more and he's strung me along. He does want to keep seeing me but I think it's best that I end things now when it's only 2 dates in which is frustrating as we clicked straight away and definitely could've seen things going somewhere but I'm not going to 'compete' for him as that's not fair on me.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Yo

Ok so update, he just bought me lunch to my work. Then text me after saying he felt awkward and uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to do as he likes us both but it is unfair on me that I know about her as in a few weeks/months time he could then say he likes her more and he's strung me along. He does want to keep seeing me but I think it's best that I end things now when it's only 2 dates in which is frustrating as we clicked straight away and definitely could've seen things going somewhere but I'm not going to 'compete' for him as that's not fair on me.

you did the right thing! X

 

[leoladyxo]

Is the full lockdown threat across England giving anyone else major anxiety? I’m in a happy but new relationship and the idea of being apart from him for an extended period of time makes me really nervous.

 

[Bellaboo83]

Ok so update, he just bought me lunch to my work. Then text me after saying he felt awkward and uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to do as he likes us both but it is unfair on me that I know about her as in a few weeks/months time he could then say he likes her more and he's strung me along. He does want to keep seeing me but I think it's best that I end things now when it's only 2 dates in which is frustrating as we clicked straight away and definitely could've seen things going somewhere but I'm not going to 'compete' for him as that's not fair on me.

This reminds me of one of those quotes "if you ever have to choose between me and her, choose her". Poor him that he can't choose between you and her, it must be so awful for him ... Make his decision for him and block delete the rat. You're better than being someone's maybe and you certainly don't need to compete with anyone when the prize is someone who 'isn't quite sure'

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

hi folks!
I can’t remember what date I started this thread but it finally happened.
I went on a date!!! It was random, last minute I know the guy through a friend.
we were on the date for hours! laughing, chatting drinking eating.

Then as we were sat in a bar Boris did his blooming announcement and were back in lockdown you can’t make this up.

I have been on my first date in over a year!

 

[leoladyxo]

I just need to write this down to process it I think. It is going to sound very self absorbed but I need to vent.

I am honestly feeling very anxious about Thursday and beyond in the context of my relationship. We are only officially 2 months in (although had been talking on the phone for months daily previously) so it’s very new to us. I think four weeks will be difficult enough, but if they just keep extending it then I know I will be a mess. I understand that because it is the beginning of the relationship that I am feeling everything very intensely anyway, but I really don’t want to be away from him during this time. I know that we can meet outside one on one and go for a walk, but it isn’t the same as cuddling together on the sofa, cooking together or doing something fun. I am so worried that this lockdown will create distance between us, just because of the way the World is right now. I know that I need to think positively because negative thinking makes negative things happen, but it’s so hard to do that.

We went out for dinner outside last night (as I am in a Tier 2 area and you are still able to do that up until Thursday). It was really lovely and he seems to be the one shining star that I have in this whole World of darkness. I am terrified of losing him. While we were at dinner, he took my hands, looked me dead in the eyes and told me that “I mean the world to him” and that he ”isn’t going anywhere“. I believe him when he says this but I just feel that circumstances out of our control might force us apart. During the last lockdown we were living in different counties and I was in an abusive relationship wanting to leave and he was feeling suicidal due to lack of social life and a breakup three months prior which knocked him for six. We were there for each other throughout, so I think we can do it again, but there is more to lose now. Am I being stupid?

 

[yankydoo]

I just need to write this down to process it I think. It is going to sound very self absorbed but I need to vent.

I am honestly feeling very anxious about Thursday and beyond in the context of my relationship. We are only officially 2 months in (although had been talking on the phone for months daily previously) so it’s very new to us. I think four weeks will be difficult enough, but if they just keep extending it then I know I will be a mess. I understand that because it is the beginning of the relationship that I am feeling everything very intensely anyway, but I really don’t want to be away from him during this time. I know that we can meet outside one on one and go for a walk, but it isn’t the same as cuddling together on the sofa, cooking together or doing something fun. I am so worried that this lockdown will create distance between us, just because of the way the World is right now. I know that I need to think positively because negative thinking makes negative things happen, but it’s so hard to do that.

We went out for dinner outside last night (as I am in a Tier 2 area and you are still able to do that up until Thursday). It was really lovely and he seems to be the one shining star that I have in this whole World of darkness. I am terrified of losing him. While we were at dinner, he took my hands, looked me dead in the eyes and told me that “I mean the world to him” and that he ”isn’t going anywhere“. I believe him when he says this but I just feel that circumstances out of our control might force us apart. During the last lockdown we were living in different counties and I was in an abusive relationship wanting to leave and he was feeling suicidal due to lack of social life and a breakup three months prior which knocked him for six. We were there for each other throughout, so I think we can do it again, but there is more to lose now. Am I being stupid?

Hi

No you're not being stupid. Can you not bubble up together?

I actually don't really have any wise words to say. It seems that he is really into you and I hope that it does work out through this lockdown. As you said, you can meet for outdoor activities so that is a positive. Maybe focus on ensuring you do meet regularly throughout the next 4 weeks so that you have something to look forward to and you stay connected.

Keep positive and I really hope it works out!

 

[Bellaboo83]

Have him as your support bubble.... You can still sleep over then!

 

[leoladyxo]

I can’t bubble with him as since the last lockdown we have both moved back in with our parents. Him because of his mental health and me due to moving back home after leaving the previously mentioned abusive relationship.

I am not naive enough to think that we are the only couple in this predicament! It doesn’t make it any easier though.

 

[Monkeybum]

I've been single 4 years and pretty happy on my own. But after lockdown was announced again I thought I'm never going to meet anyone so signed up to Internet dating.

I've progressed from my normal 'delete my account as soon as someone sends me a message' and actually chatted to 2 blokes (I only liked 2 back as couldn't cope with multiple messages )

After an hour of chatting the first one he asked when we could meet, far too quick so I ignored him. After a few days of messaging a few times a day the 2nd has said he doesn't like apps and can we talk over the phone.

Is this normal?! I was looking forward to having a few Internet 'penpals' for a few weeks giving me time to decide if I liked them I don't know if my expectations are wrong or I've managed to stumble across 2 super keen guys

Any tips appreciated!