Dating after Lockdown

[LaurieLaurie]

Okay but can we please talk about men in their late 20's/30's being on snapchat? It's barbie vagina central for me.

I’m 30 and we’re all on Snapchat in my group haha. Can actually see who ur chatting to and easy to block.

 

[whatktdid]

Well then, into Level 2. I wonder how it's gonna work out going from in-person dates to virtual ones with the guy I've been seeing - been 6 dates so far, still really quite like him! And he says the same. Anyone else in a similar position/got any advice?

(In-person but outdoors could work, but I would need to cycle a fair while in order to avoid public transport)

 

[lotsofopinions]

Omg glad there's a thread for this because the dating scene is so weird right now. I have seen that ITV2 are actually making a new dating series where you can tell your crush you've got feelings for them.. Not sure how it will work with kissing and things lol but it's one way to secure a date? If anyone else wants to tell their Hermes/Dominos delivery guy they fancy them I'll insert the flyer pic for it

 

[Wowitsme]

So I was dating someone for 6 weeks exclusively who decided he had doubts because of my career and I have a child so i
Don’t even know if I can be bothered with internet dating anymore! So fed up with it, I think I may just stick to being eternally single lol

 

[leapricot]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

 

[Caramel Latte]

*Disclaimer: I'm no expert!*

If i were in your place I'd give him some time, knowing that he won't stay this busy for too long and based on the fact that he doesn't want to let go/seems like he is genuinely interested. I would want to wait and see where it goes so i don't regret not trying.
My concern is that he said he regrets getting too serious instead of just asking you to bear with him.
I really hope you do what you feel is right

 

[bobthedragqueen]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

Never apologise for a novel... I enjoyed that with a nice cup of tea!

To be honest, I have been burnt by a very similar situation before so am very much of the opinion that if someone likes you as much as they say/act then they will make as much effort as possible to see you or speak to you, even if it's a really quick text to see how your day is going or to apologise for not being very present. I was making every excuse under the sun for him when my pals were asking which looking back was silly on my part. I only say this having experienced it and having come through the other side, at the time I was much like you and I was second guessing everything.

If I was you, I would carry on with your life whilst still continuing to see/speak to him. Carry on dating, talking to people, meeting people etc. A relationship is a balance between two people and from how I have perceived your post, it sounds like at the moment the balance is very much in his favour and focused on his needs. You obviously really like him and have a great time together so I hope that things change in the next few months but for now, you don't need to be waiting around for him.

I hope that makes sense and wish you the best of luck x

P.s. I am no expert and actually a pretty useless human being. Do what makes you happy always!

 

[leapricot]

Never apologise for a novel... I enjoyed that with a nice cup of tea!

To be honest, I have been burnt by a very similar situation before so am very much of the opinion that if someone likes you as much as they say/act then they will make as much effort as possible to see you or speak to you, even if it's a really quick text to see how your day is going or to apologise for not being very present. I was making every excuse under the sun for him when my pals were asking which looking back was silly on my part. I only say this having experienced it and having come through the other side, at the time I was much like you and I was second guessing everything.

If I was you, I would carry on with your life whilst still continuing to see/speak to him. Carry on dating, talking to people, meeting people etc. A relationship is a balance between two people and from how I have perceived your post, it sounds like at the moment the balance is very much in his favour and focused on his needs. You obviously really like him and have a great time together so I hope that things change in the next few months but for now, you don't need to be waiting around for him.

I hope that makes sense and wish you the best of luck x

P.s. I am no expert and actually a pretty useless human being. Do what makes you happy always!

Thank you so much for your reply

You managed to get to the same conclusion as my closest friends so I am guessing there must be some truth in it, as much as I don't want to admit it hehe.
I am a very anxious person, especially about the future. If my plans are not going as I planned them in my head then I feel very worried. Or if we don't see each other when we are supposed to, I feel like we are wasting precious time.
I really think that I have carry on living my life and just, perhaps, distance from a him a little.

We shall see where it leads to, maybe a wall who knows! haha

But thanks again for your honest reply

*Disclaimer: I'm no expert!*

If i were in your place I'd give him some time, knowing that he won't stay this busy for too long and based on the fact that he doesn't want to let go/seems like he is genuinely interested. I would want to wait and see where it goes so i don't regret not trying.
My concern is that he said he regrets getting too serious instead of just asking you to bear with him.
I really hope you do what you feel is right

Hey, thanks for your reply
He didn't say he regretted but he said that he was worried about getting too serious. I am really hoping there's a subtle difference between the two hehe.
Something I didn't mention was that he said that the situation is not likely to change in the coming weeks but I do believe, Corona permitting, that a decision will be made by him on the work front (whether he keeps one job or the other) by early next year. He also needs to do this for his own sanity I think. But before this comes round, I will definitely try not to hold onto him too much otherwise I will just get hurt.

 

[bobthedragqueen]

Thank you so much for your reply

You managed to get to the same conclusion as my closest friends so I am guessing there must be some truth in it, as much as I don't want to admit it hehe.
I am a very anxious person, especially about the future. If my plans are not going as I planned them in my head then I feel very worried. Or if we don't see each other when we are supposed to, I feel like we are wasting precious time.
I really think that I have carry on living my life and just, perhaps, distance from a him a little.

We shall see where it leads to, maybe a wall who knows! haha

But thanks again for your honest reply

Ha! Well it's great that your friends are being honest with you and vice versa. Wish I had done the same and maybe I wouldn't have waited around so long when I shouldn't have. I guess I didn't want to admit it either, but you could be saving yourself more heartache in the future.

Sorry to hear about the anxiety. Remember to be kind to yourself, there's a bloody worldwide pandemic going and everyone is losing their tit so it's to be expected! Keep yourself busy and try not to wait for the phone to ring.

Keep us updated! Hope it all works out for you lovely x

 

[leapricot]

Ha! Well it's great that your friends are being honest with you and vice versa. Wish I had done the same and maybe I wouldn't have waited around so long when I shouldn't have. I guess I didn't want to admit it either, but you could be saving yourself more heartache in the future.

Sorry to hear about the anxiety. Remember to be kind to yourself, there's a bloody worldwide pandemic going and everyone is losing their tit so it's to be expected! Keep yourself busy and try not to wait for the phone to ring.

Keep us updated! Hope it all works out for you lovely x

I will do!

And I guess I have the right friends, because who wants to have friends who just tell you what you want to hear?

If I may add, whenever he texts, he is also very apologetic about not being responsive or not texting back so he must feel a bit bad for doing so. Seeing the frequency of our texts up until end of September there's a clear change of pattern so I think he does feel a bit guilty for it

 

[YellowLadybird]

Has anyone done a lockdown 'Skype/Zoom Date'?

I read about it in the paper, a couple who did it every week and ended up properly together, and it really intrigued me as a way to build a relationship with someone when you aren't easily able to go out and see them!

 

[Suzesnooze]

Has anyone done a lockdown 'Skype/Zoom Date'?

I read about it in the paper, a couple who did it every week and ended up properly together, and it really intrigued me as a way to build a relationship with someone when you aren't easily able to go out and see them!

I read that article but it was more like an advert for their travel Instagram page! But yes, they would send each other food hampers and then sit and eat the contents while on a zoom date! I don't see how it's any different to just chatting on zoom while having a drink.

 

[YellowLadybird]

I read that article but it was more like an advert for their travel Instagram page! But yes, they would send each other food hampers and then sit and eat the contents while on a zoom date! I don't see how it's any different to just chatting on zoom while having a drink.

TBF I've never even done a 'friend' zoom date, only work calls, so the whole socialising online like that is new to me!

 

[leapricot]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

Hello everyone,

Following my message below, I have an update. I got fed up on Monday and told him that clearly he didn't have time to talk to me let alone see me. So that I won't be running after him indefinitely and that I had done enough efforts.
To which he replied:
"Hey I'm sorry for being so awful at communicating recently. I'm just back in from London. I'm really struggling for time to think at the moment and I appreciate that it's very unfair on you. I'm in such a different place to when we first met - I didn't expect the tacos to last this long. I don't know what is happening from one week to the next and I'm just not in a place to maintain any kind of relationship right now at all. I felt really sad all afternoon since you sent that message but I just don't have any ability to make things any different at the moment. It would be nice to have a proper catch up soon when I get a moment but i don't want to be the type that keeps messing you about and stringing you along"

So I have read it about 15 times (as you do hehe) and the fact that he uses several times "right now" and "at the moment" makes me think he isn't closing the door to a possible brighter future. I am not gonna stick around and wait for him, especially if I meet someone else I like. But there is this small part of me who wants to hope that he will eventually come back to me.

Thanks for reading

 

[bobthedragqueen]

Hello everyone,

Following my message below, I have an update. I got fed up on Monday and told him that clearly he didn't have time to talk to me let alone see me. So that I won't be running after him indefinitely and that I had done enough efforts.
To which he replied:
"Hey I'm sorry for being so awful at communicating recently. I'm just back in from London. I'm really struggling for time to think at the moment and I appreciate that it's very unfair on you. I'm in such a different place to when we first met - I didn't expect the tacos to last this long. I don't know what is happening from one week to the next and I'm just not in a place to maintain any kind of relationship right now at all. I felt really sad all afternoon since you sent that message but I just don't have any ability to make things any different at the moment. It would be nice to have a proper catch up soon when I get a moment but i don't want to be the type that keeps messing you about and stringing you along"

So I have read it about 15 times (as you do hehe) and the fact that he uses several times "right now" and "at the moment" makes me think he isn't closing the door to a possible brighter future. I am not gonna stick around and wait for him, especially if I meet someone else I like. But there is this small part of me who wants to hope that he will eventually come back to me.

Thanks for reading

Thanks for the update! Hope you're doing okay....

Good for you for speaking up and telling him how you felt. It's also nice that he's acknowledged that his behaviour hasn't been at the level you are deserving of, even though he's not done it maliciously. As hard as it is, don't hang on to every word he has said in his message as lovely and as honest as he's been. Go and enjoy yourself (following COVID guidelines, obvs!) and try to not think about him... Make new memories, hang out with your friends and fam, keep busy and keep laughing. If it's meant to be, he'll be back in no time

 

[Greencatfysh]

Thanks for the update! Hope you're doing okay....

Good for you for speaking up and telling him how you felt. It's also nice that he's acknowledged that his behaviour hasn't been at the level you are deserving of, even though he's not done it maliciously. As hard as it is, don't hang on to every word he has said in his message as lovely and as honest as he's been. Go and enjoy yourself (following COVID guidelines, obvs!) and try to not think about him... Make new memories, hang out with your friends and fam, keep busy and keep laughing. If it's meant to be, he'll be back in no time

Good for you girl - keep him on the back burner and keep looking around. I’m sceptical but i met my boyfriend on bumble and he has a very busy international job and once got a taxi straight from
Heathrow to meet me for two hours after a 14 hour flight. Not trying to sound like a dick but if someone is super keen and sees a future with you they’ll make it happen, at least with some amazing texting and phone calls in the times when you can’t see eachother physically.

 

[leoladyxo]

I’m new to this thread. During lockdown I had to shield and I was in a relationship with a man twice my age. I am 26 and he is 50. We split up at the end of August after 3.5 years and I left because he started smoking cannabis every day, became verbally abusive to me and began to rape me. Not violently, but the type of rape where you didn’t consent to something, and they do it anyway. I didn’t see that there was anything worth saving.

I was living three hours from my hometown at the time (as I moved for that relationship) and someone from my hometown slid into my Instagram DMs to see how I was doing. I told him everything and how difficult everything was. He listened and was a good friend to me for three months. Over time, I began emotionally cheating with this man. I developed feelings and our conversations became very sexual and would flow naturally. I tried to cut him off several times and realised I couldn’t. He asked if I wanted to meet up with him when next in my hometown, just to see what it would be like in person. It was great fun. We played mini golf and ate ice cream walking along the seafront. He came back to my house in my hometown and we had mind blowing sex - best I’ve ever had type stuff. I’ve never felt so connected to someone in that way, even from the first time. I didn’t feel guilty and knew that even if it didn’t work out with him, that I needed to leave for me. He asked me if I wanted to go out with his friends later that night and I declined because people would talk - but he still stayed and cuddled me for two hours.

Fast forward to now and we are together. I’ve met all of his family and friends. My friends love him. The sex continues to be ridiculous. He is the type of person to make anything fun. We are back in Tier 2 here now and that means we can’t stay over each other’s houses but are determined to make it work, even if it means lots of walks in the rain or a public romp somewhere. Am I joking? Not sure.

Just wanted to share what I feel is a positive story. Love can come out of the darkest places.

 

[leapricot]

Good for you girl - keep him on the back burner and keep looking around. I’m sceptical but i met my boyfriend on bumble and he has a very busy international job and once got a taxi straight from
Heathrow to meet me for two hours after a 14 hour flight. Not trying to sound like a dick but if someone is super keen and sees a future with you they’ll make it happen, at least with some amazing texting and phone calls in the times when you can’t see eachother physically.

If this isn’t true love, I don’t know what this is .
but you are so right in everything you said.

thanks for all your advice guys )

 

[Raininvain]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

Sounds like hes married/or has a serious partner, pop up food business in the middle of all this Covid stuff? really? Sounds like a bull shitter to me.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Sounds like hes married/or has a serious partner, pop up food business in the middle of all this Covid stuff? really? Sounds like a bull shitter to me.

I didn’t want to sound like Skeptical Sally but I agree I really REALLY hope we’re wrong but I’ve seen very similar situations play out with my friends where they’ve met guys online who are fresh out of a marriage or serious relationship, then they’ve ended up getting back with their exes after a month or so and have gradually phased out the unwitting person who has found themselves in the crossfire. Again, I hope that’s not the case here but it sounds like a very familiar web he’s weaving and all the talk of “at the moment” and “right now” just sounds like he doesn’t want to take his foot off the boat until the other one is securely back on land so to speak.