Dating after Lockdown

leapricot · Oct 22, 2020

Raininvain said:
Sounds like hes married/or has a serious partner, pop up food business in the middle of all this Covid stuff? really? Sounds like a bull shitter to me.

Haha no he really opened a food business (it's legit, I've seen it). But yes this is a very risky project to run during Covid. Especially with a lockdown just around the corner...

NKS33 said:
I didn’t want to sound like Skeptical Sally but I agree I really REALLY hope we’re wrong but I’ve seen very similar situations play out with my friends where they’ve met guys online who are fresh out of a marriage or serious relationship, then they’ve ended up getting back with their exes after a month or so and have gradually phased out the unwitting person who has found themselves in the crossfire. Again, I hope that’s not the case here but it sounds like a very familiar web he’s weaving and all the talk of “at the moment” and “right now” just sounds like he doesn’t want to take his foot off the boat until the other one is securely back on land so to speak.

Hey, so he was in a long-term relationship for 6 years but split up with her about 2 years ago and he hadn't had anyone since. He and 2 of his pals started this food business in July when pubs started reopening (they obviously did some market research first and some pop-up just before the actual lockdown in March). I have seen the business and they are legit

Peakyblinders · Oct 23, 2020

leapricot said:
Hello everyone,

Following my message below, I have an update. I got fed up on Monday and told him that clearly he didn't have time to talk to me let alone see me. So that I won't be running after him indefinitely and that I had done enough efforts.
To which he replied:
"Hey I'm sorry for being so awful at communicating recently. I'm just back in from London. I'm really struggling for time to think at the moment and I appreciate that it's very unfair on you. I'm in such a different place to when we first met - I didn't expect the tacos to last this long. I don't know what is happening from one week to the next and I'm just not in a place to maintain any kind of relationship right now at all. I felt really sad all afternoon since you sent that message but I just don't have any ability to make things any different at the moment. It would be nice to have a proper catch up soon when I get a moment but i don't want to be the type that keeps messing you about and stringing you along"

So I have read it about 15 times (as you do hehe) and the fact that he uses several times "right now" and "at the moment" makes me think he isn't closing the door to a possible brighter future. I am not gonna stick around and wait for him, especially if I meet someone else I like. But there is this small part of me who wants to hope that he will eventually come back to me.

Thanks for reading

sorry to say this but NOBODY is EVER too busy for someone they really like. It has taken me a long time to realise this but it’s honestly the truth! I would just move on and get on with your life, don’t wait around for someone who isn’t sure about you, you deserve better xxxx

leapricot · Oct 23, 2020

Peakyblinders said:
sorry to say this but NOBODY is EVER too busy for someone they really like. It has taken me a long time to realise this but it’s honestly the truth! I would just move on and get on with your life, don’t wait around for someone who isn’t sure about you, you deserve better xxxx

Hey!
Yep, I think you are right! My reason is telling me this but my heart tells me to wait (cheesy).
But I do think I deserve better indeed

Peakyblinders · Oct 23, 2020

leapricot said:
Hey!
Yep, I think you are right! My reason is telling me this but my heart tells me to wait (cheesy).
But I do think I deserve better indeed

oh trust me babe I’ve done it before, and then I realise how much time I’ve wasted! I’m now with someone who drives a 2 hour drive to me after a 12 hour shift. People really will make time for someone who they really like. You deserve better xx

YellowLadybird · Oct 25, 2020

Well, I finally bit the bullet and went on a date (outside) the day before we went into Tier 3. I'm glad I did it even though I don't want to see him again, it was nice to have that experience and think about what I am actually looking for and what is worth pursuing.

Two things struck me afterwards: I can't deal with not having physical contact, and lack of ambition is the biggest turnoff for me. Like, he didn't want to hug at the end because of observing social distance (he definitely fancied me and I absolutely would have done it) but how can you develop those kind of feelings for someone without being tactile? I'm not even a hugger most of the time but for me, not touching someone doesn't work at all. Also, I just find it so perplexing when people aren't really driven and ambitious. I'm the kind of person who has a whole plan for my career, puts a lot of effort into doing well and doesn't want anything to slow me down. I don't hate the experience of being single, so to bring someone into my life I want to feel like they are making it better than it already is, and I can't see that with someone who is just rolling through life letting things happen.

I think I'll probably leave it now until we can go out and meet people properly... but no idea where I'm meant to meet these single guys who actually have ambition and drive in life.

realhousewivewannabe · Oct 25, 2020

Peakyblinders said:
oh trust me babe I’ve done it before, and then I realise how much time I’ve wasted! I’m now with someone who drives a 2 hour drive to me after a 12 hour shift. People really will make time for someone who they really like. You deserve better xx

this made me cry reading. I just can’t believe people like that exist. I was dating a person who lived 20 minutes away from me and didn’t / maybe couldn’t be bothered to see me. (He’s the one who ghosted me)

I was meant To go on a date And then Boris announced London was in tier 2 so it didn’t happen.

He hasn’t really text me since which is ok because we’re tier 2 so there’s just no point . But then I fell into a trap of stalking the one who ghosted me and then a guy I dated before Casper the ghost who was rude/disrespectful/abusive and went as far as to unblock him and I’m back to square one again just exhausted with it all.

I hate covid!

bobthedragqueen · Oct 25, 2020

realhousewivewannabe said:
this made me cry reading. I just can’t believe people like that exist. I was dating a person who lived 20 minutes away from me and didn’t / maybe couldn’t be bothered to see me. (He’s the one who ghosted me)

I was meant To go on a date And then Boris announced London was in tier 2 so it didn’t happen.

He hasn’t really text me since which is ok because we’re tier 2 so there’s just no point . But then I fell into a trap of stalking the one who ghosted me and then a guy I dated before Casper the ghost who was rude/disrespectful/abusive and went as far as to unblock him and I’m back to square one again just exhausted with it all.

I hate covid!

Hey love, always remember that the actions of these silly boys is no reflection on you. If they don’t want to meet halfway and make the effort then they’re simply not worth it. Hard pill to swallow but true. I tried to force it one too many times myself and it always ended up one way... me upset eating my body weight in cheese. You’ll meet someone who is worth it when the time is right for you x

holliebollie · Oct 28, 2020

I’ve just re-read ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ which I read about 10 years ago. I know you shouldn’t need a flippant self help book to tell you but it has really helped. He takes a day to reply to you when you know he has his phone in his hand 20/24 hours? He’s just not that into you. He has a great excuse for cancelling a date/not getting serious? You’re still in touch but he doesn’t want a relationship? Hanging out but no romance? The list goes on. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany!

I met a man on Hinge recently. Asked if I was free on the Friday. Texted a few hours later and said it would be too late, let’s do Sunday instead. Sunday we were texting about the evening date venue. 4pm- he cancelled as he ‘wasn’t in the right headspace’ Had the date on the Tuesday (he was hot!) and he asked to have date two at the weekend. Friday came and he cancelled- no apology, just said can we do next week instead as he’s now going away. I archived the chat without replying. Next!

whatktdid · Oct 28, 2020

holliebollie said:
I’ve just re-read ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ which I read about 10 years ago. I know you shouldn’t need a flippant self help book to tell you but it has really helped. He takes a day to reply to you when you know he has his phone in his hand 20/24 hours? He’s just not that into you. He has a great excuse for cancelling a date/not getting serious? You’re still in touch but he doesn’t want a relationship? Hanging out but no romance? The list goes on. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany!

I met a man on Hinge recently. Asked if I was free on the Friday. Texted a few hours later and said it would be too late, let’s do Sunday instead. Sunday we were texting about the evening date venue. 4pm- he cancelled as he ‘wasn’t in the right headspace’ Had the date on the Tuesday (he was hot!) and he asked to have date two at the weekend. Friday came and he cancelled- no apology, just said can we do next week instead as he’s now going away. I archived the chat without replying. Next!

Ugh what a flake, sorry you had your time wasted! But hey ho, sounds like you read that book at the perfect time and at least allowed no more of your time to be wasted.

it’s not been changed?! · Oct 28, 2020

His special talent is taking a photo of himself pretending to be asleep

lemonlavender · Oct 28, 2020

I downloaded the app Hinge but found it strange that 2 days in a row , I had to input and reset all of my data again. I deleted it as just not in the right headspace. Based on the above online dating looks like nothing has changed!

Woolmercardington · Oct 28, 2020

holliebollie said:
I’ve just re-read ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ which I read about 10 years ago. I know you shouldn’t need a flippant self help book to tell you but it has really helped. He takes a day to reply to you when you know he has his phone in his hand 20/24 hours? He’s just not that into you. He has a great excuse for cancelling a date/not getting serious? You’re still in touch but he doesn’t want a relationship? Hanging out but no romance? The list goes on. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany!

I think that is a great little book. It really had a light switch moment for me. Like suddenly, I got it!

One thing I recognised in myself and in friends was the 'playing detective' scenario whereby you find yourself constantly looking for clues that he's into you. It's not CSI, you should not have to try and piece the evidence together.

Also, I don't think we trust our gut instincts enough. How many of us have had a bloke ghost, etc, but you just had a feeling something wasn't quite right but you talk yourself into believing that your overthinking, being paranoid, etc.

AbsolutelyFine · Oct 29, 2020

Would also throw 'baggage reclaim' by natalie lue into the ring as well. Harsh but firm assessment of flakey/shady behaviour and red flags. I found myself nodding along to most of it and cringing at some of the behaviour i've accepted in the past. Never again! Read and re-read.

princess279 · Oct 29, 2020

So I went on a date with a guy on Saturday, very boozy and ended up back at his. Went for breakfast and took my dog for a walk the next morning, was very nice. Whilst at his I saw a text on his phone from 'Jess Tinder'. He said he was talking to her but he hadn't seen her and had no intentions to see her. Went for dinner with him last night and he said again that he wasn't going to see her but he felt bad letting her down. Just had a text from him saying that he hadn't been honest, he saw her on Monday for a drink and she asked to see him again on Sunday and he said yes. I know it has only been 2 dates with me and him, due to see him on Saturday, but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed that he would see me (and sleep with me) on Sunday and then see her the next day and feel ok with that. Am I being unreasonable?

Greencatfysh · Oct 29, 2020

princess279 said:
So I went on a date with a guy on Saturday, very boozy and ended up back at his. Went for breakfast and took my dog for a walk the next morning, was very nice. Whilst at his I saw a text on his phone from 'Jess Tinder'. He said he was talking to her but he hadn't seen her and had no intentions to see her. Went for dinner with him last night and he said again that he wasn't going to see her but he felt bad letting her down. Just had a text from him saying that he hadn't been honest, he saw her on Monday for a drink and she asked to see him again on Sunday and he said yes. I know it has only been 2 dates with me and him, due to see him on Saturday, but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed that he would see me (and sleep with me) on Sunday and then see her the next day and feel ok with that. Am I being unreasonable?

Yep, sorry. Everyone still has the right to date and text others (and in my experience most people on dating apps were) during the early early days. He should be honest though and not lie to you about it - if he’s really into you he’ll let you know. Best to keep them at arms length til you’re sure!

Prinstress · Oct 29, 2020

princess279 said:
So I went on a date with a guy on Saturday, very boozy and ended up back at his. Went for breakfast and took my dog for a walk the next morning, was very nice. Whilst at his I saw a text on his phone from 'Jess Tinder'. He said he was talking to her but he hadn't seen her and had no intentions to see her. Went for dinner with him last night and he said again that he wasn't going to see her but he felt bad letting her down. Just had a text from him saying that he hadn't been honest, he saw her on Monday for a drink and she asked to see him again on Sunday and he said yes. I know it has only been 2 dates with me and him, due to see him on Saturday, but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed that he would see me (and sleep with me) on Sunday and then see her the next day and feel ok with that. Am I being unreasonable?

I would honestly put him in the bin for this... fair enough if he’d been honest but the fact he lied then backtracked is a big fat red flag.... he’s keeping his options wide open by the sounds of it.

princess279 · Oct 29, 2020

Greencatfysh said:
Yep, sorry. Everyone still has the right to date and text others (and in my experience most people on dating apps were) during the early early days. He should be honest though and not lie to you about it - if he’s really into you he’ll let you know. Best to keep them at arms length til you’re sure!

Yep I completely get that. He said to me that he wouldn't be happy if I was dating someone else at the same time, what a hypocrite! Think I'll keep my distance and not go this weekend.

Prinstress said:
I would honestly put him in the bin for this... fair enough if he’d been honest but the fact he lied then backtracked is a big fat red flag.... he’s keeping his options wide open by the sounds of it.

This is my problem, he said he would never lie as his dad had an affair on his mum and the divorce was in his teens and affected him badly. He can have his options open and have her!

Greencatfysh · Oct 29, 2020

princess279 said:
Yep I completely get that. He said to me that he wouldn't be happy if I was dating someone else at the same time, what a hypocrite! Think I'll keep my distance and not go this weekend.

Ha! Yes that’s called men wanting to have their cake and eat it too. It’s rubbish but they’re honestly like kids in a playground on dating apps so keep well away til you can be sure they’re super into you. My bf had a few other dates on the go when we met but then we both deleted the app together and I never had to worry about his situation going forward.

princess279 said:
Yep I completely get that. He said to me that he wouldn't be happy if I was dating someone else at the same time, what a hypocrite! Think I'll keep my distance and not go this weekend.

This is my problem, he said he would never lie as his dad had an affair on his mum and the divorce was in his teens and affected him badly. He can have his options open and have her!

My ex said this (although they never divorced, they just always acted like nothing happened) and that he was messed up from it so would never cheat. Still happily shagged someone else after a year though

princess279 · Oct 29, 2020

Greencatfysh said:
Ha! Yes that’s called men wanting to have their cake and eat it too. It’s rubbish but they’re honestly like kids in a playground on dating apps so keep well away til you can be sure they’re super into you. My bf had a few other dates on the go when we met but then we both deleted the app together and I never had to worry about his situation going forward.

My ex said this (although they never divorced, they just always acted like nothing happened) and that he was messed up from it so would never cheat. Still happily shagged someone else after a year though

Ha ha, maybe I'll just go with the flow but this has definitely put my guard up and it's only been 2 dates. Men eh....

sleepflowers · Oct 30, 2020

Glad to find this thread!
I am on a few dating apps due to the situation although I very rarely get the chance to meet anyone IRL either (London life...) but my issue is that I just have no interest in barely any men on there! They're not attractive, interesting, we have nothing in common, I just cannot find anyone I have even a spark of interest in. Would absolutely love to have a long term relationship and eventually marriage in the next few years as I'm late 20s but it seems impossible. I don't want to force myself to go out with someone I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to for the sake of it. Any advice?!

Dating after Lockdown

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