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Dating after Lockdown
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Hey all. Looking for some advice. I jumped into dating a few months ago and I havent had a great experience. Ultimately I found myself going on dates with men from the apps I wouldn’t be attracted to but scarcity mindset convinced me to “give them a chance” and I ended up being insulted, led on, ghosted or stood up.
Most recent experience had really messed with my head and I’ve been very down since.
My question to you all is, should I carry on with the apps and not let my bad experiences ruin my chances of meeting someone OR should I take time out ?
Also, can I just say I’ve been screwed over by men who reminded me more than once they have plenty of women to choose from? I see it myself on social media. Men on dating apps who have 100’s of matches on their friends lists. How can I date someone if this is men’s attitudes these days?
Thanks
Most recent experience had really messed with my head and I’ve been very down since.
My question to you all is, should I carry on with the apps and not let my bad experiences ruin my chances of meeting someone OR should I take time out ?
Also, can I just say I’ve been screwed over by men who reminded me more than once they have plenty of women to choose from? I see it myself on social media. Men on dating apps who have 100’s of matches on their friends lists. How can I date someone if this is men’s attitudes these days?
Thanks
Hey all. Looking for some advice. I jumped into dating a few months ago and I havent had a great experience. Ultimately I found myself going on dates with men from the apps I wouldn’t be attracted to but scarcity mindset convinced me to “give them a chance” and I ended up being insulted, led on, ghosted or stood up.
Most recent experience had really messed with my head and I’ve been very down since.
My question to you all is, should I carry on with the apps and not let my bad experiences ruin my chances of meeting someone OR should I take time out ?
Also, can I just say I’ve been screwed over by men who reminded me more than once they have plenty of women to choose from? I see it myself on social media. Men on dating apps who have 100’s of matches on their friends lists. How can I date someone if this is men’s attitudes these days?
Thanks
The best advice I was given when I first started out and found I was being ghosted a lot was that men can tell very quickly if you are, how do I put this, 'wanting it more than them'. So I took a break, came back when I was slightly less bothered about finding someone and played them at their own game.... I don't reply straight away to converstaions, sometimes leave it a day then send a few messages then leave it for the next day, I only answer short (ish) answers, not too in depth and not giving too much away, I rarely give anything away that they've not asked about, I can sniff out a guy who's only after one thing very quickly by how he writes on the first few messages, I ask questions but only about lifestyle and common interests, never anything deep and if they go two messages without asking me a question its unmatch time, I play it really really cool and I can't say I've been ghosted in a while...
That being said I absolutely hate Internet dating with a passion and don't truly believe that I will find someone on there so playing it cool isn't hard because I'm not invested
It's so difficult at the mo not being able to meet people in conventional ways. Maybe take a little break and then come back with some banging new pics, change your profile to just a list of likes and dislikes (keep the dislikes short) and have the attitude that you're a busy and important woman and they are lucky to be matching and messaging you, make them wonder when your next reply will be, keep some mystery and don't go in about anything deep before you've met them
Wishing you lots of luck!!!
Totally. With the last guy, I didn’t want to date him and that’s when I kept hearing from him. When the guy I was seeing bailed, I gave the last guy a shot and when I kept him at arms length etc, he was very concerned about how he came across and when I was busy at work he even double texted for reassurance he didn’t say something stupid and I was just busy tbh. Then when I started to like him and told him so, he bailed. Very frustrating!!!The best advice I was given when I first started out and found I was being ghosted a lot was that men can tell very quickly if you are, how do I put this, 'wanting it more than them'. So I took a break, came back when I was slightly less bothered about finding someone and played them at their own game.... I don't reply straight away to converstaions, sometimes leave it a day then send a few messages then leave it for the next day, I only answer short (ish) answers, not too in depth and not giving too much away, I rarely give anything away that they've not asked about, I can sniff out a guy who's only after one thing very quickly by how he writes on the first few messages, I ask questions but only about lifestyle and common interests, never anything deep and if they go two messages without asking me a question its unmatch time, I play it really really cool and I can't say I've been ghosted in a while...
That being said I absolutely hate Internet dating with a passion and don't truly believe that I will find someone on there so playing it cool isn't hard because I'm not invested
It's so difficult at the mo not being able to meet people in conventional ways. Maybe take a little break and then come back with some banging new pics, change your profile to just a list of likes and dislikes (keep the dislikes short) and have the attitude that you're a busy and important woman and they are lucky to be matching and messaging you, make them wonder when your next reply will be, keep some mystery and don't go in about anything deep before you've met them
Wishing you lots of luck!!!
I see your point and yes, I get very invested and I care because I believe in making an effort with someone I like but it has never gotten me anywhere only dumped or ghosted!
How do I cope with men having so much choice?
I slept with my ex on the first date. We just really vibed on the date and ended being together for 4 1/2 years. No regrets. I think in future I would make them wait 5+ dates.
At this moment in time and how men are on dating apps. I shall be waiting until I have a ring on my finger 
Yes never tell them you like them.... EverTotally. With the last guy, I didn’t want to date him and that’s when I kept hearing from him. When the guy I was seeing bailed, I gave the last guy a shot and when I kept him at arms length etc, he was very concerned about how he came across and when I was busy at work he even double texted for reassurance he didn’t say something stupid and I was just busy tbh. Then when I started to like him and told him so, he bailed. Very frustrating!!!
I see your point and yes, I get very invested and I care because I believe in making an effort with someone I like but it has never gotten me anywhere only dumped or ghosted!
How do I cope with men having so much choice?
that gives them the power and you want to keep your power I'm not sure they do have lots of choice, every profile I see has "do girls actually reply on here". I think that a lot of the guys on there are emotionally unavailable, fresh out of break ups / hung up on ex's / players / weirdos
but I have come across some really sweet ones...Try holding back with any emotion / investment. Be aloof, be powerful.
I've just got this message.... He sent his first, I replied an hour later, he replied one minute later and because of what he wrote I won't reply to it....
He wants me to be impressed with the 'business trip' maybe ask where he is, what brilliant job he has.... But I'm not going to.... He will probably reply again in a few hours / days with a question for me to reply to 
Attachments
Yeah big mistake on my partYes never tell them you like them.... Ever
I'm not sure they do have lots of choice, every profile I see has "do girls actually reply on here". I think that a lot of the guys on there are emotionally unavailable, fresh out of break ups / hung up on ex's / players / weirdos
Try holding back with any emotion / investment. Be aloof, be powerful.
I've just got this message.... He sent his first, I replied an hour later, he replied one minute later and because of what he wrote I won't reply to it....
That’s gas. A business trip. Cool story bro
Me again... I need some advice. So basically I've been tit on a lot (not literally obviously) and had guys interested that have had girlfriends so I always check fb to see if they're actually single before meeting... anyway I did that with a guy, went on a few socially distanced dates with him over the last week and after today's one thought I'd send him a friend request but I'm 99% sure he's blocked me. Obviously now I'm wondering why, after today's date we made plans for tomorrow so it seemed to be going well. What do I do? I don't want to admit to looking at his profile previously but it's bugging me that he might be trying to hide something.
Hiya! I've had a little look through the thread, and it seems I'm not alone...hooray (I think)
I've been single since February, a very lonely lockdown for me. I was made redundant in July and have struggled to get back into work since, despite applying to over 100 jobs.
I've now found myself feeling ready to "get back on the horse". I downloaded Tinder, which I feel like is a massive mistake. Every man I've matched with so far has been a disappointment. A couple have been good banter, and have subsequently asked me out. Then when they don't come through with an actual plan, they make out like I'm looking for more than them.
It's also so difficult to discuss my current life situation (unemployed and living with my mother at 29, which makes me feel like such a failure) and I'm embarrassed.
so my question, is do you think I should stick it out, or leave it until I'm a bit more stable? TIA
I've been single since February, a very lonely lockdown for me. I was made redundant in July and have struggled to get back into work since, despite applying to over 100 jobs.
I've now found myself feeling ready to "get back on the horse". I downloaded Tinder, which I feel like is a massive mistake. Every man I've matched with so far has been a disappointment. A couple have been good banter, and have subsequently asked me out. Then when they don't come through with an actual plan, they make out like I'm looking for more than them.
It's also so difficult to discuss my current life situation (unemployed and living with my mother at 29, which makes me feel like such a failure) and I'm embarrassed.
so my question, is do you think I should stick it out, or leave it until I'm a bit more stable? TIA
How do you know he’s blocked you? Did you check his FB before your date today and now it’s gone? Are you two still talking to each other like normal and making plans for tomorrow?
Does he have insta?
I’m in a similar situation - boyfriend broke up with me in April after 4 years. Moved back home and I’m 27. I’m doing a PhD so that keeps me busy during the day. Sorry about losing your job - I really feel for you but something will turn up in time. I think you should use this time to really look after yourself - get into hobbies or interests you neglected in your relationship and just generally look after yourself. You’re not a failure, this year has been hard. It’s just one of those things and your current situation is temporary, not your permanent status. I try and think of it that way. Personally speaking, I’m not interested in looking for another relationship 1) I’m on a journey of self-discovery after being with someone for so long, I neglected my needs 2) I’m busy with my PhD! 3) this whole covid situation isn’t ideal for meeting anyone in the first place/not really interested in dating lol. Hope you find a job soon xxHiya! I've had a little look through the thread, and it seems I'm not alone...hooray (I think)
I've been single since February, a very lonely lockdown for me. I was made redundant in July and have struggled to get back into work since, despite applying to over 100 jobs.
I've now found myself feeling ready to "get back on the horse". I downloaded Tinder, which I feel like is a massive mistake. Every man I've matched with so far has been a disappointment. A couple have been good banter, and have subsequently asked me out. Then when they don't come through with an actual plan, they make out like I'm looking for more than them.
It's also so difficult to discuss my current life situation (unemployed and living with my mother at 29, which makes me feel like such a failure) and I'm embarrassed.
so my question, is do you think I should stick it out, or leave it until I'm a bit more stable? TIA
I checked it last week and it was the first account that came up when I typed his name in then when I went to go and add him after the date today it was gone. We spoke briefly once we had both got home and then he went to bed. The arrangements for tomorrow where only mentioned before we went our separate ways earlier. He does have insta but it's got nothing on it.
Thank you lovely, needed that
You're right, I do need to focus on myself more. My previous relationship was a tit show, where I mothered him and his terrible drug addiction.
I think deleting Tinder might just be the right thing for now.
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I started this thread and I’m now living vicariously through everyone’s posts I’ve not been on a date in so long (a year) I’m blaming covid for ruining my life 
google or ask one of your friends to type his name up on Facebook to see if it comes up.
This is sounding fishy
I’ve not been on a date in so long (a year) I’m blaming covid for ruining my life Does it come as “user not found”on Instagram !?? That’s crazy if he blocked you.
google or ask one of your friends to type his name up on Facebook to see if it comes up.
This is sounding fishy
Is his name in your search history on Facebook? Maybe he's just deactivated... super weird if he has blocked you. But also not hugely shocking cause guys can be weird.
No he just doesn't use his account. Just got my friend to look him up on fb and he comes up on when he searches but doesn't when i do so I've definitely been blocked on there. He hasn't blocked me on WhatsApp though which is the app we usually talk on and seemed fine with me before he went to bed.I started this thread and I’m now living vicariously through everyone’s posts
Does it come as “user not found”on Instagram !?? That’s crazy if he blocked you.
google or ask one of your friends to type his name up on Facebook to see if it comes up.
This is sounding fishy
I'd searched for so many other people and things that it wasn't in the list. Definitely blocked though because he comes up when my friend searches for him
Ask a friend or sibling to check if he is on FB. Then you have your answer. If you can’t do that, make a burner account and check lol
I honestly think people are better off trying to meet a partner IRL as opposed to on the internet. A lot of the men I used to work with did online dating and they were all either married, engaged or living with their girlfriends. I think they are more for men wanting just sex but they dont want to pay for it, sorry. Obviously its difficult at the moment with Covid but hopefully this wont be forever.
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