Dating after Lockdown

[it’s not been changed?!]

He’s 34. I would expect a 16 year old to write that. Not a grown man.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I matched with a bloke on hinge yesterday after he’d commented on 1 of my photos saying something along the lines of “ur stunning” he looked ok in 2 out of his 5 photos, so thought I’d give him a go. So once we matched he sent another message saying “wow your gorgeous x” and I sent back “original” and I’ve looked this morning and he’s unmatched me.
I don’t know why women get called petty all the time. Men are just as bad

 

[Woolmercardington]

I’ve just re-read ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ which I read about 10 years ago. I know you shouldn’t need a flippant self help book to tell you but it has really helped. He takes a day to reply to you when you know he has his phone in his hand 20/24 hours? He’s just not that into you. He has a great excuse for cancelling a date/not getting serious? You’re still in touch but he doesn’t want a relationship? Hanging out but no romance? The list goes on. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany!

I think that is a great little book. It really had a light switch moment for me. Like suddenly, I got it!

One thing I recognised in myself and in friends was the 'playing detective' scenario whereby you find yourself constantly looking for clues that he's into you. It's not CSI, you should not have to try and piece the evidence together.

Also, I don't think we trust our gut instincts enough. How many of us have had a bloke ghost, etc, but you just had a feeling something wasn't quite right but you talk yourself into believing that your overthinking, being paranoid, etc.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Oh thank you for this, I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling like this!

Loads of us here have said this is exactly how we feel. The conversation with the bloke I've been chatting with for ages had just regressed to responding with an emoji and not following anything up for a couple of weeks or more. It's easy to see he has got bored and I honestly can't be bothered either. It all does feel very much like what's the point.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

hiya!!
I’ve missed this thread. How is everyone getting on? I’ve not really got much to report on the guy I went on a date with I think that ship has sailed. I had a birthday in lockdown 2 and his text came at 9pm and was a bit shit tbf.

He doesn’t really text me and I want someone who texts me but like not a lot! ( you know Classic!) but then he has said previously in a text I don’t flirt back (I found that a bit weird).

I’ve been thinking thought I just want to date someone where it’s reciprocated or I just want to feel either wanted or like someone’s actually trying and making an effort.

I guess I’ll try again in a year

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Not in debt?! What’s it got to do with him anyway!!!

 

[ispywithmylittleeye59]

I cba anymore with lines like this from 32 year old men! I know it’s only tinder but cmon pal try a little harder.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Jesus! Honestly what a weird time to be alive. I feel like dating logic has completely changed and it's now "words speak louder than actions" because people have nothing going on and more than enough time to give. Now it should be all about getting verbal confirmation of what's going on between you so you don't get dropped like a sack of shit on June 21st

It’s comparable to when you see couples meet on reality shows like Big Brother or Strictly Come Dancing, where you are suddenly thrust into a situation with someone, you’re spending all your time with this person and you make decisions you’d never make in the “real world” so to speak.

We’re living in a false version of reality at the moment where, as you rightly say, people have nothing else to do with their time. You don’t know what the person you’re seeing is going to be like when they have other options. You don’t know necessarily how they behave when out with friends or what they’re like on nights out / lads holidays etc. because they haven’t been able to do any of that stuff yet. It’s definitely a time to be proceeding with caution IMO or there are going to be a lot of broken hearts come June 21st

 

[bobthedragqueen]

I know it feels like a waste of time (trust me!) but you’ve got to remember that you are getting something out of talking to these absolute cretins in the fact that you’re realising what you want out of a partner and what you don’t want. Things that make you go ick and actually things that you’re willing to overlook. It might feel like you’re getting nowhere but like an earlier poster said, you’re one step closer to finding one you can stand a little bit more than the others x

 

[Sosig]

I have a question what are good questions for the first few dates. Casual, getting to know you questions? Any questions off limit for you?

A first date about 5 years ago asked me if I liked goats cheese and if I was into Anal, which is why it went no further

 

[yankydoo]

I like to meet quickly too, within a week. Theres only so much you can talk about on messaging, they may be completely different in real life and dating is so fast paced that I feel if you don’t meet quickly someone will move on!

 

[alwayslurkin]

Do you ever immediately swipe left on a guy because he has the same name as your brother because SAME

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Yeah I get this, too... But weird as well though how many people are like this

Sorry girls I find it weirder that they’re silent over the weekend?? During the week I get it work etc! X

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I’d agree with your summary of the first guy.. asking to meet after only an hour is a bit desperate That would make me back right off too.

I think the second guy asking to speak on the phone is a pretty normal transition from speaking over the app, although I’d probably go Whatsapp before a full on phone call. I hate speaking on the phone though so that might just be me I remember once agreeing to a phone call with a guy I’d been speaking to for a few days over Whatsapp and he was eating his tea at the same time.. all I could hear was the horrible clacking sound of him chewing food Needless to say, he was swiftly ghosted..

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Happy Valentines Day gang thank you to your stories, responses to my meltdowns when I’m going through it. Hope you’re having a lovely day whatever you’re doing.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I know I had a moan about someone last week deleting their account on bumble that I was speaking to, but I’ve just done the same. I was talking to 2 guys but I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere, so I deleted my profile. why do I keep doing it to myself? I’ll probably make a new account next week.

 

[sleepflowers]

Reactivated Okcupid because I'm that bored...on my 'looking for' section, I specify I'm not interested in anyone over 30 at the moment. What do I get? Loads of messages from 35 year olds. They are so fucking stupid it's unreal

 

[This.is.me]

I matched with someone 5 years younger than me () but didn’t really intend on messaging him. He extended the match on nye, so I thought I’d give him a chance and message him yesterday saying happy new year. He replied late last night saying “happy new year trouble ” and I got the instant ick. You’re 5 years younger than me, mate.

I’ve discovered it doesn’t really matter how old they are, mostly all dicks I met someone 7 years younger than me at the beginning of last year, they were so lovely and mature for their age and then I meet guys my age and they act like children

 

[sleepflowers]

No one else talks back to me or even matches or likes me. I must be a freaking monster. Online dating really opened my eyes to how little of a catch I am Just the confidence boost I needed. I don't think I can go through this method long-term, I don't know how people do it!

Honestly, after years of seeing the state of men on dating apps, I can safely say that any woman is more of a catch than what 90% of them have to offer. However, I'm glad I can't see other women on the app. I think the comparison between me and them might kill me - I'm well aware that I'm not jawdroppingly stunning like so many women are.

I have little problem getting matches, but getting to an actual conversation and date is nearly impossible for me. It's because men swipe right on everything hoping for a match, whereas I will only swipe right on men I'm genuinely interested in. I'm just one of the low priority options for them so they never make an effort, I wish they wouldn't swipe me just so I get my hopes up!!