Dating after Lockdown

[princess279]

Does anyone else think that lockdown is driving people together as well as apart? There’s a few couples I know that broke up because of lockdown but also a few who are together because of lockdown.

One had a guy she used to date (treated her like shit and mugged her off) message her before the November lockdown after he split up with his girlfriend. She even acknowledged herself that it probably wasn’t a good idea based on how he treated her before (also potential rebound vibes) but was just so excited to have someone/something new in her life. Obviously things since then have only gotten worse and they've been seeing each other almost every weekend.

I just feel like what would have otherwise been a one night stand has basically turned into a full blown relationship out of convenience. She's getting the attention and commitment which would usually be a good sign but it doesn't really mean much in the lockdown bubble when neither of them have any alternatives. I have another friend who's now with a guy who said over and over again that he didn't want a girlfriend I just worry for them what will happen once lockdown is over.

Anyone noticed similar?

Yep I completely agree. My best friend started seeing someone before lockdown who was just using her when he wasn't busy being out with the boys. Obviously he hasn't been able to go out during lockdown so she basically moved into his, fast forward a year and they are now buying a flat in his area which is 40 mins from us. Feel like I've lost her to him!

 

[LT31514]

Similar to above, I’m married but my friend is constantly getting ghosted. We’re in our mid 30s and she has very high standards. One being to meet a guy with no children. I know they’re out there but if you want a guy who’s a few years older (38ish) then you’re already slimming your chances as by that age men are often divorced and with baggage. So the ones she does meet are totally scared off by her setting out their lives together on date 3, then they just ghost her and she’s heartbroken. I can’t really offer any advice to people on this thread who are looking to date but I would say keep it casual and low key in the early days.

 

[under the ivy]

How many dates do you think it is acceptable to wait before sleeping together? I'd be interested to know.

I slept with my ex on the first date. We just really vibed on the date and ended being together for 4 1/2 years. No regrets. I think in future I would make them wait 5+ dates.

 

[toffeejelly]

This thread is a bit like therapy . So glad a lot of us are in the same boat.
I honestly despair at trying to date now it’s like looking for the worst bit of trash in a bin !

I’ve mentioned about this guy before but I just saw my ex (he was a guy I dated before one who ghosted me) posted a picture ( I was having a lurk) and he’s moved on.

My only response after seeing the picture of the two of them was to cry. I cried so much this morning. I feel like he’s won as I’m single, (unhappily because dating is so hard) and just very over 2020/angry at this whole sh*tshow of a year.

He wasn’t the nicest and it’s been two years since he ending things. He spent all of last year messaging, texting & begging on any platform to meet up/ try again so we met in January then I blocked him again then he popped up during lockdown constantly messaging on another number, Facebook message or popping up my other Instagram account that I have.

Each time, saying how he misses me, wishes he could treat me right now, how i was the only girl who didn’t mess him up (he left me anxious, low self confidence and I cried most days for a year when we dated), how attractive I was now.

Like what was the point of his messages. I’m that I feel like he’s won and that the girl is probably being treated all nicely and all I had to deal with was absolute hell.

We used to take pictures but neither of us posted them and so I feel like it must be serious for him to post it and now I feel like maybe his feelings for me including all the messages were never real either.

I’ve never had someone I’ve dated move on as he was the first guy i properly dated (as in for a few months + not just go on a date here and there) I guess what’s nice is I didn’t see them in real life!

Has anyone else had that? How did you cope?

Firstly, sorry to hear you are feeling this way. This happened to me. I was with my ex for 5 years, ended it because I couldn't cope with his abusive behaviour anymore. I, like you, left the relationship with no self confidence because of him. Fast forward a couple of years, and I saw that he had moved on and was with someone new. When I first saw it, it hurt and I also felt like he'd won because I was single and he looked happy. However their relationship didn't last, and in my head I know for a fact he'll have treated her the same way as he did me in the end. People like that don't change, and once the honeymoon period is over, other people start to see them for what they really are.

It's now 5 years on, he is single. I am with the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen and tells me every day how special and loved I am. I know it hurts now, but trust me your time will come

 

[Monkeybum]

I’d agree with your summary of the first guy.. asking to meet after only an hour is a bit desperate That would make me back right off too.

I think the second guy asking to speak on the phone is a pretty normal transition from speaking over the app, although I’d probably go Whatsapp before a full on phone call. I hate speaking on the phone though so that might just be me I remember once agreeing to a phone call with a guy I’d been speaking to for a few days over Whatsapp and he was eating his tea at the same time.. all I could hear was the horrible clacking sound of him chewing food Needless to say, he was swiftly ghosted..

Haha this is me! I never answer the phone to my friends let alone a bloke I don't know Maybe a few days of lockdown will make me want to talk.

Thank you both for your replies!! I'm so out of my comfort zone

 

[misscl4]

FFS I wish I’d screenshotted before I unmatched this guy, he wasn’t that chatty and he’s not really that much of a catch, also 35 (grow the f up) but this morning got a ‘I find you really attractive but I don’t want a relationship, I just want to explore sexually’ PUT IT ON YOUR PROFILE THEN

Why is Bumble turning into Tinder?

 

[princess279]

Ha ha, maybe I'll just go with the flow but this has definitely put my guard up and it's only been 2 dates. Men eh....

Ok so update, he just bought me lunch to my work. Then text me after saying he felt awkward and uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to do as he likes us both but it is unfair on me that I know about her as in a few weeks/months time he could then say he likes her more and he's strung me along. He does want to keep seeing me but I think it's best that I end things now when it's only 2 dates in which is frustrating as we clicked straight away and definitely could've seen things going somewhere but I'm not going to 'compete' for him as that's not fair on me.

 

[Prinstress]

As a shy person i was still laughing/making jokes/smiling. He was trying to be amusing as well.
The next day (yesterday) he texted me saying how shy i was, i asked him if it's a good thing he said just be yourself blah blah.
Then later that day i texted him about something he said on the date and he thought i was overreacting (i was, and i acknowledged it and said maybe cuz I'm just naïve)

Today he hasn't made an effort to start a conversation, his replies were so serious, and he brought up me being mad at silly things and high maintenance, based on the fact that I'm a sensitive person and sensitive people are high maintenance.
I was offended as i wasn't really mad at him in the first place,

Wow he actually sounds really rude? And a bit gaslight-y as well, it’s hard to judge without knowing the ins and outs but I absolutely hate men calling women ‘high maintenance’ you’re a human being not a pet?

Honestly I would carefully consider if this is how you want to be treated, you deserve someone who loves your company not criticises it

 

[yankydoo]

Oh no. High pitched voice? I’d be a wuss and ghost them

He talked a lot, he doesn’t drink and had strange views about that, and was generally very different to me! I just let him down and he’s fine. Was so tempted to ghost but trying to be brave and nicer lol

 

[coconochanel]

Hmm..poor excuse!

Exactly. Anyho Ive ignored him and wont be contacting him again.

 

[aimz_yeah]

Tall babies? Is he ok? What a weird thing to say

I’m paraphrasing slightly because it was a while ago but he thought it was only because we want to give our children tall genes
(I mean I just love the assumption that all women want children, but that’s a whole different conversation).
But yeah, he swiftly got corrected and the conversation met it’s inevitable end

 

[yankydoo]

Okay but can we please talk about men in their late 20's/30's being on snapchat? It's barbie vagina central for me.

Related to this, I find it off putting when men in their 30s are all over social media, posting stories and quotes. I still follow someone I dated who has just turned 40 and he constantly posts inspirational quotes on Insta. He will also post stories when he is clearly on a date and will show part of the woman's hand. I find it soooo immature. This same guy used to drunk call me at 3am most weekends.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Update: long story short. I have the ICK +more. I felt really anxious all night last night and this morning. Anyway I saw him today and It was too much, he also came across a bit forceful.

Spoiler: what happened

He grabbed my hand to his whilst hugging me and whispered in my ear what he wants to do to me . He kissed me a few times today and I didn’t kiss back but he kept on going, tongue and all. I guess it was too good to be right

I can’t edit my post anymore but I’m ok just feel a bit sick/shocked this is what happened in the end. Wasn’t as fun as Thursday for me and there could have been so much potential . I don’t know if it’s lockdown that’s made guys a bit full on??
Anyway absolutely no more dates for me!

Tbh, when I read your first post about him, I was going to respond to say that I would have been fuming if he'd have grabbed me and kissed me on a socially distanced date. I really felt that was massively disrespecting boundaries.

 

[lalalanded]

My bestie works in the police and she says there's been a spike in rape cases over lockdown. Women are more frequently going back to men's houses who they've met online as the only alternative atm is a socially distanced walk in the park. So be careful out there, ladies!

Although there is absolutely no shortage of horrible, shitty and depressing news at the moment, this has got to be the worst yet. It does make me think I should just get out of the mindset of meeting someone and just love my life as it is. I just don't want to invite any of this shit into my life willingly tbh.

And to the #notallmen and 'there are good guys out there', please have a proper look around you. There really aren't.

 

[princess279]

Haha thank you! Rumpy Pumpy has made me laugh. He actually cancelled in the end so my date with my dressing gown lived on! I was secretly buzzing hahaha

Completely agree with you, I'm chatting to a guy off Hinge who has suggested a zoom date - get dressed up and have a G&T on my own? I'd rather sit in my pjs and watch netflix!!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Urghh I was just doing some washing up and I remembered something my stepmum said around Christmas time when I went to see them. She had one of her pals over and her mate asked me if I was seeing anyone (this woman was going through a divorce herself) and my stepmum butted in with “[insert my name] ? She’s permanently single!” And it really bloody hurt but I brushed it off and made some excuse about how it’s not a great time to meet anyone during a pandemic. I don’t tell them everytime I go on a date and I actually went on a couple last year. The last time I was in a serious relationship was 3 years ago and we were together for 6 years. It’s really annoyed me now I’ve remembered. Like she was trying to embarrass me and put me down

 

[sleepflowers]

Glad to find this thread!
I am on a few dating apps due to the situation although I very rarely get the chance to meet anyone IRL either (London life...) but my issue is that I just have no interest in barely any men on there! They're not attractive, interesting, we have nothing in common, I just cannot find anyone I have even a spark of interest in. Would absolutely love to have a long term relationship and eventually marriage in the next few years as I'm late 20s but it seems impossible. I don't want to force myself to go out with someone I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to for the sake of it. Any advice?!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Act casual while the self timer is on.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I am that person who will be sat scrolling Instagram (or Tattle ), someone will call me and I will stare at the ringing phone until they hang up and I can re-commence my scrolling

Tbh, your post resonated with me a lot.. I’ve also been thinking it would be nice to have a few new pen pals during lockdown knowing that there’s no pressure to actually meet anyone because we’re not allowed It makes the idea of getting “back out there” a bit less daunting.

 

[Wowitsme]

See this is what I find difficult, there are men out there who haven’t met or been with women for a long long time, who wants to meet someone who is desperate for a sh*g?

I’ve just been on a walk with someone and as soon as I said something slightly cheeky he couldn’t stop from that. It my fault partly but some men don’t know when to turn it off. I want a connection not just some ‘fun’ so frustrating

That is actually a good point, I just don’t see the point in dating right now. They have no other interaction bar these dates and you only know their lockdown version no idea how they behave when there is not a lockdown.