Dating after lockdown #8 Tinder, completed it!

[LaurieLaurie]

I feel a bit suspicious about my own situation atm..

We’ve always been good at keeping the spark or momentum going but since he’s snapped out of feeling down he’s being overly sweet to me, I feel like hes gone back to day 1 of how he used to chase me. Lots of selfies, popping up saying I hope you’re ok gorgeous, keeps texting when I don’t reply etc.

I’m just thinking hmmm why you being extra nice. He’s on a lads holiday this weekend and I just said text me when you’re home and recovered but he’s ramped it up more He said it’s just because he’s feeling back to himself and that I was never the problem so I think I should just enjoy him being back to normal..!? It’s hard for me to switch back after 3 months of misery.

 

[Clementine]

I’d enjoy the moment tbh but also be mindful of how he’s been. Him feeling better might not be a permanent thing, he’s been down before, hasn’t he?

 

[Sunflower91]

I feel a bit suspicious about my own situation atm..

We’ve always been good at keeping the spark or momentum going but since he’s snapped out of feeling down he’s being overly sweet to me, I feel like hes gone back to day 1 of how he used to chase me. Lots of selfies, popping up saying I hope you’re ok gorgeous, keeps texting when I don’t reply etc.

I’m just thinking hmmm why you being extra nice. He’s on a lads holiday this weekend and I just said text me when you’re home and recovered but he’s ramped it up more He said it’s just because he’s feeling back to himself and that I was never the problem so I think I should just enjoy him being back to normal..!? It’s hard for me to switch back after 3 months of misery.

I just got out of a relationship with someone that would randomly have these down periods. It would start with a complete mental breakdown and start saying stuff like he has doubts about the relationship/ he wasn’t single long enough before me and the mood would last for a couple of days after where things felt on tender hooks. Then he’d be back to normal and absolutely fine and telling me how much he loved me etc etc. In the meantime I’d be gradually getting more insecure and miserable - feeling kind of like an emotional punchbag. In the end I decided I needed to put me first and I deserve someone who’s not going to make me feel like some kind of choice to be had.

But the one piece of advice that helped me though this kind of thing was from my therapist- she said to recognise whether or not it’s a blip or a pattern, if it’s a pattern it’s easy to be mindful of what the other person is going through but what’s most important is to be mindful of how it’s affecting you. If it’s making you feel something you don’t like then have the conversation about how their behaviour is making you feel. She would reassure me that I always have a choice- to not make rash decisions at the height of emotions but to put trust in what feels right. If you can’t switch back to how things were then be honest about that. You can’t help the way you feel.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I feel a bit suspicious about my own situation atm..

We’ve always been good at keeping the spark or momentum going but since he’s snapped out of feeling down he’s being overly sweet to me, I feel like hes gone back to day 1 of how he used to chase me. Lots of selfies, popping up saying I hope you’re ok gorgeous, keeps texting when I don’t reply etc.

I’m just thinking hmmm why you being extra nice. He’s on a lads holiday this weekend and I just said text me when you’re home and recovered but he’s ramped it up more He said it’s just because he’s feeling back to himself and that I was never the problem so I think I should just enjoy him being back to normal..!? It’s hard for me to switch back after 3 months of misery.

Maybe he feels guilty about being so down the last few weeks?
Or maybe he has a manic episode?

What are you suspicious about? That he might have cheated on you?

 

[RDay]

There was a suggestion that Bunny may be stretching the truth, she got very cross and hasn’t reappeared.

There was also a suggestion that she may be one of a couple of people (Thunderfook/Professor Farnsworth/Mulholland Drive) who have previously stretched the truth here and on other threads historically.

Hopefully we can move on now!

Niamh, how are you feeling today after managing to ignore your ex yesterday? Stay strong

Thanks for clearing that up. I love this thread and I'm new to it but had to offload my problem somewhere. Got some brilliant advise, especially from @Clickbait which really helped me

 

[StrawberryCream]

There was a suggestion that Bunny may be stretching the truth, she got very cross and hasn’t reappeared.

There was also a suggestion that she may be one of a couple of people (Thunderfook/Professor Farnsworth/Mulholland Drive) who have previously stretched the truth here and on other threads historically.

Hopefully we can move on now!

Niamh, how are you feeling today after managing to ignore your ex yesterday? Stay strong

I don’t think bunny is mulholland or thunderfook, their account was made sept last year, actually a year ago today funnily enough

 

[BekkaBoo]

To be clear, I didn't say that I suspected that particular account only that there were a couple of accounts that I was suspicious of. Other people's assumptions or suspicions after that are outside of my control. I don't appreciate being called a bleep, no matter which account it comes from.

Just to note that the other fake accounts were all well established so setup dates don't really mean much.

Anyway, as others posters have suggested, can we move on from this and focus on our dating disasters because they're so much more fun than this crap.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Maybe he feels guilty about being so down the last few weeks?
Or maybe he has a manic episode?

What are you suspicious about? That he might have cheated on you?

I don’t think he’s cheated at all.. He’s been open with me about how he’s felt the entire time and said it wasn’t me/he felt bad for me etc. Just wary that he’s snapped out of it and seems to be back to normal.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I don’t think he’s cheated at all.. He’s been open with me about how he’s felt the entire time and said it wasn’t me/he felt bad for me etc. Just wary that he’s snapped out of it and seems to be back to normal.

But wouldn't this be a good thing?

Sorry, maybe I am not very switched on today, but I don't really understand what your concern is?

 

[Captainmouse]

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Disclaimer: I am real and unfortunately my dating dilemmas are also real!

OK, update, narc has messaged me a couple of times saying he realises now he needs me and he has been miserable etc.
I'm a bit shocked by this, it's a first. But folks I'm still staying strong.

 

[Bagpuss7]

I don’t think he’s cheated at all.. He’s been open with me about how he’s felt the entire time and said it wasn’t me/he felt bad for me etc. Just wary that he’s snapped out of it and seems to be back to normal.

In my experience when they are being too ' nice ' it's usually because they are feeling guilty !!

 

[mehere]

Me during the thread drama

Disclaimer: I am real and unfortunately my dating dilemmas are also real!

OK, update, narc has messaged me a couple of times saying he realises now he needs me and he has been miserable etc.
I'm a bit shocked by this, it's a first. But folks I'm still staying strong.

Good! Stay strong! If you really want to message him you should say something like ‘Announcement: this user has moved on ‘

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I feel a bit suspicious about my own situation atm..

We’ve always been good at keeping the spark or momentum going but since he’s snapped out of feeling down he’s being overly sweet to me, I feel like hes gone back to day 1 of how he used to chase me. Lots of selfies, popping up saying I hope you’re ok gorgeous, keeps texting when I don’t reply etc.

I’m just thinking hmmm why you being extra nice. He’s on a lads holiday this weekend and I just said text me when you’re home and recovered but he’s ramped it up more He said it’s just because he’s feeling back to himself and that I was never the problem so I think I should just enjoy him being back to normal..!? It’s hard for me to switch back after 3 months of misery.

I think I told you before that my ex (my proper ex and not the crappy narc) had similar issues to your man. His down times were so hard but then when he would start to come out of it he would overload me with love, affection and attention. I really enjoyed these periods. He explained that it was such a relief to wake up feeling good rather than rit and he loved sharing these good feelings with me.

Enjoy it because the bad times will come around so quickly. It's a cycle and you just have to ride the wave. Nothing to be suspicious

 

[square_spoon]

Disclaimer: I am real and unfortunately my dating dilemmas are also real!

OK, update, narc has messaged me a couple of times saying he realises now he needs me and he has been miserable etc.
I'm a bit shocked by this, it's a first. But folks I'm still staying strong.

Good woman Niamh! If it takes distance and a broken relationship to ‘realise’ he needs you he ain’t the one. Some things aren’t meant to be this hard.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Ok...so we had this convo yesterday but nothing since..there were just couple messages after that I wonder if he’d saying about meeting up just to be polite

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

@Bettyboo2021 it looks to me like he wants to meet you! In the nicest way possible.. stop overthinking. This egg seems nice x

 

[Bettyboo2021]

@Bettyboo2021 it looks to me like he wants to meet you! In the nicest way possible.. stop overthinking. This egg seems nice x

Thank you..just normally we’ve texted every day but last couple days it’s been me starting the convo (I do know he’s very busy) he didn’t reply to my last message about 2pm yesterday xx

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Ok...so we had this convo yesterday but nothing since..there were just couple messages after that I wonder if he’d saying about meeting up just to be polite

It doesn't sound like he is just polite at all.
He seems really nice.

I think you could make it easier for him if you make a few more suggestions, eg he asked you if you prefer lunch or dinner and you said "I don't mind". This leaves it all to him to a) decide whether it is going to be lunch or dinner and b) find a place.

Right now I picture you as this girl in "The Notebook" and Ryan Gosling shouting at you "What do you want??"

 

[mehere]

Always remember ladies..