Dating after lockdown #8 Tinder, completed it!

[hereforthememe]

Dating someone because you're scared to be alone is a dangerous position to put yourself in.

I feel I say this on every thread to someone but focus on loving yourself, becoming self reliant and enjoy being single. Then you'll find dating much easier as you'll be finding the person with the spark, rather than accepting any attention you get (which often comes with a series of red flags)

 

[ATV2021]

So did you actually like the guy who said he didn't feel a spark, or just the thought of having someone in your life and not feeling lonely any more?

I know I know my logic side of brain is telling me all of this lol

Prior to him saying there wasn't a "great spark" I did genuinely like this one. He had a lot of good qualities and things in common and he did actually make me feel wanted in his company. It wasn't just due to loneliness as I nearly bailed on the date due to fear lol WISH I HAD NOW

 

[HelloStereo]

Dating someone because you're scared to be alone is a dangerous position to put yourself in.

I feel I say this on every thread to someone but focus on loving yourself, becoming self reliant and enjoy being single. Then you'll find dating much easier as you'll be finding the person with the spark, rather than accepting any attention you get (which often comes with a series of red flags)

And I feel like sometimes the happier you are, the less likely you are to take shite from someone 5as you don't mind being on your own.

 

[Clickbait]

@ATV2021 I understand how awful it feels to be lonely. For years when I was dating and didn’t meet anyone that stuck I’d spend a lot of time by myself - BH weekends were really crappy because I’d be sat at home whilst my friends were out with their partners on holidays away etc. It just got worse as I got older when husbands and kids were thrown into the equation and they had even less time to spend with me.

I can understand if it’s the loneliness that is pushing you towards the dating because you desperately want to find someone to fill the void. If you’ve experienced a loss of someone very close to you this chasm probably feels even bigger.

Sadly the loneliness is also contributing to you making some silly decisions that end up hurting you. Until you have better self esteem, can brush off the idiots who are not worth your time, and have a good bullshit filter in operation, dating is not a good idea.

Maybe counselling isn’t for you. Perhaps you could think about what makes you happy and start doing more of that. If your friends are rubbish consider looking into situations and activities to meet some new people. This article has some suggestions. I think Bumble may also have a BFF feature that could be worth a try.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

The problem with self-esteem is that it is very difficult to build it on your own.
You need other people to validate you and to experience positive social interactions to increase your self-esteem.

This doesn't need to happen in a romantic relationship, it can be friendships, work / volunteer relationships or people you meet through common interests.

I guess it could also happen in an online community.

 

[ATV2021]

My Gay BFF (who lives over an hour away) has invited me over and I'm gonna go!

@ATV2021 I understand how awful it feels to be lonely. For years when I was dating and didn’t meet anyone that stuck I’d spend a lot of time by myself - BH weekends were really crappy because I’d be sat at home whilst my friends were out with their partners on holidays away etc. It just got worse as I got older when husbands and kids were thrown into the equation and they had even less time to spend with me.

I can understand if it’s the loneliness that is pushing you towards the dating because you desperately want to find someone to fill the void. If you’ve experienced a loss of someone very close to you this chasm probably feels even bigger.

Sadly the loneliness is also contributing to you making some silly decisions that end up hurting you. Until you have better self esteem, can brush off the idiots who are not worth your time, and have a good bullshit filter in operation, dating is not a good idea.

Maybe counselling isn’t for you. Perhaps you could think about what makes you happy and start doing more of that. If your friends are rubbish consider looking into situations and activities to meet some new people. This article has some suggestions. I think Bumble may also have a BFF feature that could be worth a try.

I've lost nearly my entire family... and I'm still pretty young so yeah it's been rough. I had been completely off the dating/looking scene for 5 years and was completely comfortable just being me in my little world so that's why I decided it was the right time to see what was there. And almost felt like the universe was finally throwing me a bone and giving me something good in life but alas. Here I am

 

[Wowitsme]

It is very very rare to end up in a relationship with the first person you date or even the 10th

 

[hereforthememe]

It is very very rare to end up in a relationship with the first person you date or even the 10th

You learn something new from each person, which is kinda exciting actually

(Not when you are getting over one of them, but eventually)

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

It is very very rare to end up in a relationship with the first person you date or even the 10th

I’m probably on like 30-40 mark (if we go back to online dating over the years, including even people you’ve messaged / texted) I think sometimes the short flings / dates hurt longer because you wish it could have progressed on.

@ATV2021 have a good time with your BFF xx sending lots of reading your post feels sometimes like my own brain. Xxx

@whathastheworldcometo I think you’ve hit the nail on the head and the person who said about bank holiday weekends! I hit a mental wall yesterday and had a little chat with my mum about it.

we’ve mentioned it in previous threads but I am still 1000% down to meet people irl x

 

[mehere]

@ATV2021 the first rejection will always HURT the most. Take the time you need to process it, from your posts I assume you know how time heals all wounds
I’ve been dating on and off for a few years now and it took me a long time to learn this - how someone treats you is a reflection of them and has nothing to do with you. Ok so he said there’s no spark but that doesn’t take away from your lovelyness or your kindness or any of the other amazing qualities you have.

Chalk this down to an experience and once you feel better you can put yourself out there again

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Get ready for the next installment of my dating disasters.

So I was feeling a bit down this week and when the goodlooking guy cancelled our date tonight that dampened my spirits even more.

I didnt want to sit in alone this weekend as I knew it wouldn't help my mood. So... A guy I have been talking to on and off on Bumble asked if I would like to go on a date today. I have said no to him in the past but I decided to agree seeing as I didn't want to be on my own.

He lives an hour away but I agreed to go to his town as there would be more to do plus I was going to treat it as a day out and look around shops. So he was messaged me this morning to say he was excited blah blah. He then messaged to say he was called in to work but give me a time and place to meet him.

I got there and guess what.... He never showed up. He eventually messaged an hour later (I was on my way home) to say he was sorry and he got caught up at work.

It was the first time I was ever stood up, I felt awful.

It's going from bad to worse for me. Maybe there is something awful wrong with me.

 

[hereforthememe]

URGH.

On the apps for something casual - can someone explain why someone at work who I KNOW has a girlfriend, and talks about her, is on Tinder when Tinder only shows you active profiles and he's been with her for years... He was on about spending the bank hol weekend with her family ffs

 

[NoseyNiamh]

@ATV2021 ah I'm so sorry, I've just read your updates. I'm absolutely gutted for you. The hurt and pain will ease, I promise.
Try to have a bit of fun with your BFF.. A good laugh can temporarily dull the pain x

I haven't been able to stop crying and I'm getting annoyed but I can't help it. I just want someone to give a tit about me. That's all I ask for. I don't want someone OTT I just want someone to care.

We give a tit about you

 

[ATV2021]

@ATV2021 ah I'm so sorry, I've just read your updates. I'm absolutely gutted for you. The hurt and pain will ease, I promise.
Try to have a bit of fun with your BFF.. A good laugh can temporarily dull the pain x


We give a tit about you

Thank you that's very sweet. I do just wanna go home and cry if I'm honest but I'll preserve and pretend I'm having fun!

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Thank you that's very sweet. I do just wanna go home and cry if I'm honest but I'll preserve and pretend I'm having fun!

Spend tomorrow crying, give your poor eyes a break tonight

 

[TheSilverFox]

@Bettyboo2021 I saw your post in the last thread, I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Me too, so sorry xxx

 

[ATV2021]

Spend tomorrow crying, give your poor eyes a break tonight

I don't wanna cry at all if I'm honest but can't seem to stop it! Wish he hadn't said things to me like I wouldn't be alone at Xmas.... he also had a week to tell me there was no "great spark" as I asked him, to his face on Saturday last week if he was happy to continue and he said yes and kissed me so WTF. I'm just so confused by it all

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I don't wanna cry at all if I'm honest but can't seem to stop it! Wish he hadn't said things to me like I wouldn't be alone at Xmas.... he also had a week to tell me there was no "great spark" as I asked him, to his face on Saturday last week if he was happy to continue and he said yes and kissed me so WTF. I'm just so confused by it all

I use to believe all the nice stuff they told me at the start so don't feel silly about that. Good people don't expect other people to be so insincere.
He didn't tell you last weekend because he is a big coward and couldn't say it to your face.
Lets just hope he gets a good kick in the balls tomrrow during his precious football

 

[ATV2021]

I use to believe all the nice stuff they told me at the start so don't feel silly about that. Good people don't expect other people to be so insincere.
He didn't tell you last weekend because he is a big coward and couldn't say it to your face.
Lets just hope he gets a good kick in the balls tomrrow during his precious football

Yeah I really let my guard down and decided to trust him. Thought as a bit older etc wouldn't be as much of a jerk but alas. He even said earlier when he initially just cancelled on meeting that he would ring me tomorrow? Why? To drag me on another day?? I'm honestly so disappointed I think.

 

[mehere]

Wow just when I thought I’d seen it all