Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[mehere]

Thanks everyone - I was just over thinking and worried I'd hurt his feelings as opposed to considering my own. His message came as a surprise to me because he said he'd prefer to move on and make a clean break, although I deleted his number and Whatsapp chat, HE unfollowed me on Insta. Regarding the sexual chat, when I've bonded with someone and actually established an emotional connection I'm all about the explicit chat and sexy pictures. But not when we've been on two dates and I've ditched his a

I was thinking this morning if I could go back in time to when I first started dating (I was a late bloomer lol) the one bit of advice I'd give my younger self is that they always come back.

 

[aimz_yeah]

I was feeling grumpy and couldn’t resist

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Love these threads they’re giving me a good giggle after getting back out there this year (have been a single mum for 7 years).
I met someone I really liked and he ticked all the boxes, we got on great and met up a lot which went really well. Then he suddenly started the gradual fade on me. Claiming he’s busy at work when usually he’d text me all day at work, taking longer to reply, leaving me on read etc. It’s gone quieter and quieter until now we haven’t spoken for a week when it used to be hourly at least. I noticed he’d been commenting on other girls photos so I assumed he just wasn’t interested in me and was too wimpy to say so. I told him I’m not putting up with it anymore so we need to go our separate ways. He’s now practically begging me not to
As it’s been so long since I done the dating thing I feel so inexperienced. I got attached to him quickly and stupidly believed everything he said, but it’s likely he’s speaking to other girls too and was just using me for sex. My heart is screaming to not give up because I like him so much, but my head is telling me there are red flags and to run. My problem is never knowing when to quit and struggling to let go! Has anyone else been through this and can knock some sense into me?
I am genuinely upset by it and I know I need to block and move on but I can’t

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I know, I was beginning to get suspicious! He's never given me a reason for only messaging at that time. Do we think he's married and his wife goes to bed at 10:45pm? He's got lots of clear pictures and lives in my town and has identified where he works so I did feel a little reassured by that?

maybe he is really disciplined and focused during the day and he only looks at the app at the end of his day.

sounds more like someone who is into his daily routine than a cheater.

Love these threads they’re giving me a good giggle after getting back out there this year (have been a single mum for 7 years).
I met someone I really liked and he ticked all the boxes, we got on great and met up a lot which went really well. Then he suddenly started the gradual fade on me. Claiming he’s busy at work when usually he’d text me all day at work, taking longer to reply, leaving me on read etc. It’s gone quieter and quieter until now we haven’t spoken for a week when it used to be hourly at least. I noticed he’d been commenting on other girls photos so I assumed he just wasn’t interested in me and was too wimpy to say so. I told him I’m not putting up with it anymore so we need to go our separate ways. He’s now practically begging me not to
As it’s been so long since I done the dating thing I feel so inexperienced. I got attached to him quickly and stupidly believed everything he said, but it’s likely he’s speaking to other girls too and was just using me for sex. My heart is screaming to not give up because I like him so much, but my head is telling me there are red flags and to run. My problem is never knowing when to quit and struggling to let go! Has anyone else been through this and can knock some sense into me?
I am genuinely upset by it and I know I need to block and move on but I can’t

Hm, sounds a bit like a recent experience I had. How long have you known him and since when and how often have you had sex?
I can understand how you feel, I felt really rattled by this experience and very hurt and confused.

Well, I would first want to collect more information before making a decision. I would ask him these questions:

Why did he not respond to you anymore?
Does he understand why you were disappointed in him?
Where does he want to take it from here?

 

[Bellaboo83]

maybe he is really disciplined and focused during the day and he only looks at the app at the end of his day.

sounds more like someone who is into his daily routine than a cheater.



Hm, sounds a bit like a recent experience I had. How long have you known him and since when and how often have you had sex?
I can understand how you feel, I felt really rattled by this experience and very hurt and confused.

Well, I would first want to collect more information before making a decision. I would ask him these questions:

Why did he not respond to you anymore?
Does he understand why you were disappointed in him?
Where does he want to take it from here?

Yeh he hasn't given me any red flags, but he also hasn't given me any green yet


Good advice, I'd be tempted to give him another go if his explanation was good enough and he seemed legit. It would be his last chance though and I'd go into it cautiously

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I know, I was beginning to get suspicious! He's never given me a reason for only messaging at that time. Do we think he's married and his wife goes to bed at 10:45pm? He's got lots of clear pictures and lives in my town and has identified where he works so I did feel a little reassured by that?

Very strange. Is he on night shift and it’s break time?

Love these threads they’re giving me a good giggle after getting back out there this year (have been a single mum for 7 years).
I met someone I really liked and he ticked all the boxes, we got on great and met up a lot which went really well. Then he suddenly started the gradual fade on me. Claiming he’s busy at work when usually he’d text me all day at work, taking longer to reply, leaving me on read etc. It’s gone quieter and quieter until now we haven’t spoken for a week when it used to be hourly at least. I noticed he’d been commenting on other girls photos so I assumed he just wasn’t interested in me and was too wimpy to say so. I told him I’m not putting up with it anymore so we need to go our separate ways. He’s now practically begging me not to
As it’s been so long since I done the dating thing I feel so inexperienced. I got attached to him quickly and stupidly believed everything he said, but it’s likely he’s speaking to other girls too and was just using me for sex. My heart is screaming to not give up because I like him so much, but my head is telling me there are red flags and to run. My problem is never knowing when to quit and struggling to let go! Has anyone else been through this and can knock some sense into me?
I am genuinely upset by it and I know I need to block and move on but I can’t

I’d be wary with this one. They often beg and then revert back to being distant. How long have you known him?

 

[Bellaboo83]

Very strange. Is he on night shift and it’s break time?


I’d be wary with this one. They often beg and then revert back to being distant. How long have you known him?

Yes he has been on a night shift pattern! It's funny because 20 mins after writing that post he messaged me.... Praise the Lord he's not nocturnal

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Thanks for both of your replies.
it’s been about 6 months, we’d see each other every few days in the beginning, then once a fortnight, now nothing for over a month despite him saying we will ‘something came up’.
I done the whole fake leave thing, he told me he’s sorry and he’ll make more effort, but we’re back here again so you’re right LaurieLaurie.
he only ever says he’s busy with work. I am a huge over thinker so my mind has considered all possibilities. I worry I’m the toxic one because I admit some of my behaviour has been intense, and if a man had done them things she’d be told to run. He just doesn’t seem bothered. If he wanted to talk to me he would make time

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Yes he has been on a night shift pattern! It's funny because 20 mins after writing that post he messaged me.... Praise the Lord he's not nocturnal

I wouldn’t worry then

Thanks for both of your replies.
it’s been about 6 months, we’d see each other every few days in the beginning, then once a fortnight, now nothing for over a month despite him saying we will ‘something came up’.
I done the whole fake leave thing, he told me he’s sorry and he’ll make more effort, but we’re back here again so you’re right LaurieLaurie.
he only ever says he’s busy with work. I am a huge over thinker so my mind has considered all possibilities. I worry I’m the toxic one because I admit some of my behaviour has been intense, and if a man had done them things she’d be told to run. He just doesn’t seem bothered. If he wanted to talk to me he would make time

I’ve been there before, walk away now and save yourself any torment. You wouldn’t be feeling that way if he wasn’t behaving the way he is.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Thanks for both of your replies.
it’s been about 6 months, we’d see each other every few days in the beginning, then once a fortnight, now nothing for over a month despite him saying we will ‘something came up’.
I done the whole fake leave thing, he told me he’s sorry and he’ll make more effort, but we’re back here again so you’re right LaurieLaurie.
he only ever says he’s busy with work. I am a huge over thinker so my mind has considered all possibilities. I worry I’m the toxic one because I admit some of my behaviour has been intense, and if a man had done them things she’d be told to run. He just doesn’t seem bothered. If he wanted to talk to me he would make time

I would have a conversation with him.

You might learn something useful regarding your behaviour and its effects on him and there might be additional reasons that lead to this kind of distance.

If you have been seeing each others for six months then you have reached a certain level of intimacy that I my view requests an honest conversation.

But I also think that things don't look good if you haven't met up for a months now.

 

[Clickbait]

Just another thought @Savewaterdrinkgin - the relationships that were formed during Covid and lockdowns/restrictions will be feeling different now we’re hopefully moving away from that.

Some people are having to go back into the office or travel more with work. Some are still having to cover for colleagues who are shielding and we’re coming into peak Summer holiday time when even if people aren’t going abroad they may still be taking time off work for their kids. He may be busier at work.

Also, people’s social lives are expanding as venues open up and we can meet more than 6 in a pub.
I think a reduction in texting isn’t too out of the ordinary because of that, nor necessarily a bad thing - texting at that level would be hard to sustain. You do however, after 6 months, have a right to expect honesty from him and for him to make time for you.

If you like him be very clear what your bottom line is re: contact - on the phone and in person. If he cannot or won’t meet that you need to walk away because you’ll continually be short changed and that will upset you/make you angry.

After a 7 year break it may be, once you’ve had time apart, you realise you liked the idea of him/what he represented rather than the man himself and there is someone who is a far better fit out there for you.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I’ve been in the exact same position before, you’ll only get excuses. I used to think there was something wrong with me and then I realised other men were begging me to go out with them (LOL), I ended up missing out on some great people because I was holding back for him. Wasted!

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Thanks, appreciate all your takes on it.
I know he is definitely busy, but with him online non stop and commenting on other girls profiles I’m sure he has enough time for a quick ‘sorry I’ve been quiet, really busy but hope you’re ok and I’ll see you soon’ kind of thing. But nothing. I don’t expect constant reassurance but the silence kills me. I feel I’ve overdone it and been very clingy and desperate though which has likely put him off. He’s just very different from the beginning where he seemed to like me a lot now it’s like the honeymoon phase is over and we’ve been married 20 years
His reply was full of excuses and apologies, but I need actions now because I haven’t respected myself very much lately over him, and I can’t keep going round in circles. I didn’t reply, maybe because I want to see if he chases me because he really doesn’t want to lose me.
I agree with your last bit Clickbait, my friend said the same thing, attention from a man after so long so I got a strong case of limerence over him. I really thought he was mr right

 

[This.is.me]

A friend recently said to me ‘a man of words and no deeds is like a garden full of weeds’ and it’s just so true!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Thanks, appreciate all your takes on it.
I know he is definitely busy, but with him online non stop and commenting on other girls profiles I’m sure he has enough time for a quick ‘sorry I’ve been quiet, really busy but hope you’re ok and I’ll see you soon’ kind of thing. But nothing. I don’t expect constant reassurance but the silence kills me. I feel I’ve overdone it and been very clingy and desperate though which has likely put him off. He’s just very different from the beginning where he seemed to like me a lot now it’s like the honeymoon phase is over and we’ve been married 20 years
His reply was full of excuses and apologies, but I need actions now because I haven’t respected myself very much lately over him, and I can’t keep going round in circles. I didn’t reply, maybe because I want to see if he chases me because he really doesn’t want to lose me.
I agree with your last bit Clickbait, my friend said the same thing, attention from a man after so long so I got a strong case of limerence over him. I really thought he was mr right

I would send a blunt reply and distance myself. No texting him first, no immediate replies, keep them short and unbothered. See if he means what he says.

 

[Wowitsme]

Thanks, appreciate all your takes on it.
I know he is definitely busy, but with him online non stop and commenting on other girls profiles I’m sure he has enough time for a quick ‘sorry I’ve been quiet, really busy but hope you’re ok and I’ll see you soon’ kind of thing. But nothing. I don’t expect constant reassurance but the silence kills me. I feel I’ve overdone it and been very clingy and desperate though which has likely put him off. He’s just very different from the beginning where he seemed to like me a lot now it’s like the honeymoon phase is over and we’ve been married 20 years
His reply was full of excuses and apologies, but I need actions now because I haven’t respected myself very much lately over him, and I can’t keep going round in circles. I didn’t reply, maybe because I want to see if he chases me because he really doesn’t want to lose me.
I agree with your last bit Clickbait, my friend said the same thing, attention from a man after so long so I got a strong case of limerence over him. I really thought he was mr right

I am really sorry, you won’t like my post at all but I am trying to help.

there are a few issues here, you being clingy and intense has probably put him off and he’s just keeping the peace so you don’t go off on him.

6 months you should either be a couple by now or not not this limbo.

A man is never ever too busy to text or call Or make plans with someone he truly likes

the fact you also haven’t seen each other for months is not signs it is going anywhere really

I wouldn’t fake leave or play games I’d just grab my dignity and move on with your life and let him get on with it.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

They say that people can only be a certain way for 3 months and then their true intentions are shown.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Paging love guru @LaurieLaurie a guy has messaged me on tinder, we've been talking all day and moved onto WhatsApp.
He's asked me if I'm free any time soon for a date, what shall I say? I think it was you who warned about men just wanting to see if they can get a date as an ego boost as opposed to actually wanting to go on a date.
I'm not actually free for a week so I could say that?

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Thanks all it’s what I really needed to hear, harsh or not.

friends tell me to block him and move on which I’m close to doing, others are saying to keep trying because I’ll regret it (which my heart wants), then others saying meet someone else and distract myself. My head is a mess.

 

[Wowitsme]

Paging love guru @LaurieLaurie a guy has messaged me on tinder, we've been talking all day and moved onto WhatsApp.
He's asked me if I'm free any time soon for a date, what shall I say? I think it was you who warned about men just wanting to see if they can get a date as an ego boost as opposed to actually wanting to go on a date.
I'm not actually free for a week so I could say that?

always claim to be busy for at least 2 weeks even if your sitting in your pjs doing nothing