Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[harveydean]

@Clementine how are you getting on?

 

[Universal]

These posts make me so sad. You are all lovely, warm and open women who are so supportive to one another. No matter what your life circumstances you deserve a loving partner. Please don’t turn the mirror on yourself.

 

[LaBlonde]

Can we all just forget the duck about all men, close this thread and go live happily ever after on our own cos these men are not worthy of any of us

let’s just all go and live on a commune together where the only men are our hot cleaners or personal assistants or whatever. this epidemic of useless men is getting too much.

@Clementine - have been thinking of you today, hope you’re okay

 

[D2them]

@Clementine - have been thinking of you today, hope you’re okay

Yes I've also been thinking of @Clementine today

 

[Good Egg]

How do you get a man out of your mind lol
So there’s this guy and I really like him, he’s much older than me

I’m trying to keep busy (and stop messaging him lol) but yeah tips please...

 

[Lalla]

@Thank(space)you please don't listen to what your mum says, not all parents are the supportive, positive, affirming people they should be and tbh that's tit. I'm glad you've blocked that neighbour. I'd be telling him to go duck himself the hole.

I'm on a night out...the fact I'm posting here from the loo is probably a sign of how it's going. I'd rather be at home watching tit on TV. I think i m officially old.

 

[Sunflower16]

Just catching up after being up in the capital for the day. Ladies, we get put down too much already from men, please do not start doing this to yourselves too
@Thank(space)you I'm so p***** off for you, and @Clementine and every other person on these many threads who have been treated like crap by some mediocre man. But please do not let this treatment by them start to make you feel you're not good enough. Or treatment from family members for that matter too. You are all so lovely and deserve every happiness. I know I've said it before but it helps me, rejection is redirection. In fact I've said it so many times my text just predicted it! F*** them all now and go live your best hot girl lives

 

[EddyDarling]

How do you get a man out of your mind lol
So there’s this guy and I really like him, he’s much older than me

I’m trying to keep busy (and stop messaging him lol) but yeah tips please...

duck him X

 

[drewydrop]

Hey been reading this thread throughout the day and have been thinking of you @Clementine and @Thank(space)you
I’ve been there and it sucks. I’m not great at the advice but please remember you didn’t do anything wrong and you deserve so much more. I’ve taken a break from dating the last 5 months as I don’t want to get hurt again. Probably not healthy but I’m so much happier not being on the apps or dealing with half arsed men.
Anyway just saw this and thought it was quite relevant.

 

[Thank(space)you]

My friend came over and let me cry and vent etc. which has definitely helped
Thank you all for being so lovely tonight.

 

[Clementine]

Awww @Thank(space)you, I’m so sorry about what the neighbour has said. Why the hell do they go down these roads with us only to about turn?! He wasn’t worth it and you definitely deserve better. Tbh, I think better right now is a man free existence.

I’ve been there with a Mum saying things they shouldn’t, my Mum told me when I was 16 she wished I’d died instead of my brother when I went on to develop bulimia and she found out her first words were “how could you do this to me?” It’s difficult because they’re the first people that are meant to love us unconditionally but they didn’t. Mums, eh?

Thank you to everyone who’s asked if I’m ok, I‘m not ok but I know that’s alright. I just feel so numb and flat. The confusion is the hardest to deal with. I dialled 141 and then his number and left a voicemail yesterday expressing this (in a calm manner) but obviously I’ve heard nothing back. It’s just left me feeling so disorientated, he was so lovely to me, so lovely that I’m having a hard time accepting what he’s done, you know? I really thought he got it and was someone who would be able to have an upfront discussion if he wasn’t feeling it anymore. In fact, he’d promised this and that he wouldn’t misuse my feelings. So for him to do exactly that is just cutting. He’s not a fuckboy, he’s not someone who wasn’t consistent or gave me mixed messages, so it’s just left me in absolute shock and so disappointed, because I did think he was different. My brain hates the unknown so I’m really battling with the what ifs. What happened between him telling me he’d finished work and was coming over to choosing to block me?! We never argued or had tense moments. It was just always so lovely and now it’s not and I don’t know why

I have one of his shirts here, and I’m in two minds whether to post it to his work address (I don’t know his home one) with a letter. Just to get it out of my system. That’s crazy behaviour though, right? I just want him to know how it’s made me feel.

 

[D2them]

Awww @Thank(space)you, I’m so sorry about what the neighbour has said. Why the hell do they go down these roads with us only to about turn?! He wasn’t worth it and you definitely deserve better. Tbh, I think better right now is a man free existence.

I’ve been there with a Mum saying things they shouldn’t, my Mum told me when I was 16 she wished I’d died instead of my brother when I went on to develop bulimia and she found out her first words were “how could you do this to me?” It’s difficult because they’re the first people that are meant to love us unconditionally but they didn’t. Mums, eh?

Thank you to everyone who’s asked if I’m ok, I‘m not ok but I know that’s alright. I just feel so numb and flat. The confusion is the hardest to deal with. I dialled 141 and then his number and left a voicemail yesterday expressing this (in a calm manner) but obviously I’ve heard nothing back. It’s just left me feeling so disorientated, he was so lovely to me, so lovely that I’m having a hard time accepting what he’s done, you know? I really thought he got it and was someone who would be able to have an upfront discussion if he wasn’t feeling it anymore. In fact, he’d promised this and that he wouldn’t misuse my feelings. So for him to do exactly that is just cutting. He’s not a fuckboy, he’s not someone who wasn’t consistent or gave me mixed messages, so it’s just left me in absolute shock and so disappointed, because I did think he was different. My brain hates the unknown so I’m really battling with the what ifs. What happened between him telling me he’d finished work and was coming over to choosing to block me?! We never argued or had tense moments. It was just always so lovely and now it’s not and I don’t know why

I have one of his shirts here, and I’m in two minds whether to post it to his work address (I don’t know his home one) with a letter. Just to get it out of my system. That’s crazy behaviour though, right? I just want him to know how it’s made me feel.

Use his T-shirt to clean the toilet with.

 

[Laura VanderBooben]

duck those mediocre, emotionally damaged men who won't seek help to heal their past relationship trauma and then try to pull us under with them . Like duck off. We're not here to soft parent a man child. We're here to catch feelings for a real man, with big dick who will take a risk to get the reward you both want.

I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, but I'm a big advocate of therapy. It really does help you. Yes men as well. Hate the stigma and social construct that men should "have it together and just deal with it" attitude. No . Just no.

I wish sometimes people would be more honest with how they're feeling instead of this "it's not you it's me" rubbish. Ok it may be true and kinder in some instances, but just tell me I'm not what you're looking for and wish me all the best. At least I would respect you more and it wouldn't cause all this mental anguish .

 

[harveydean]

Use his T-shirt to clean the toilet with.

This. Then burn it. Don’t give him any more of your energy - it’s not worth it.

 

[D2them]

I woke up to a 'hey x' text from a guy who is no longer saved in my contacts. No clue who he is and his profile pic is of his van?! It's bleeping laughable. I've replied asking who he is and suspect he wont reply as it'll dent his ego that he was deleted from contacts list but duck it. They're all weirdos. Fact. I'm enjoying a dating hiatus, although I do crave someone to hang out with and talk to on the daily, but I'm afraid the calibre of men is just not up to scratch. I'm trying to get my tit together too as the big 5-0 is looming and I want to go into my next decade happy and content with life with or without a partner. I don't quite know how to do that but taking the focus off dating is a good start I think.

I love them thread so much. Keep your heads, heels and standards high

 

[unidentified]

Oh girls, men absolutely suck! None of you deserve this and none of you deserved to have been treated the way you have from those who should love you unconditionally. I’ve seen first hand through my sister how a parent abandoning you can impact you for life. My grandma was also awful to me. I heard similar in that she told me I would die alone. She told my ex that he should never marry me. She would also call me fat repeatedly as a teenager and even when I was a size 6 she said I would never be slim. When I was in grief therapy after losing my mum we did this exercise of a train after things with my grandma also kept coming up. She had random little objects that I associated with people and there were carriages to the train. The carriages were least to most important to me and also where they are. I had to put those objects where people currently are in my life and despite everything my mum and daughter meant to me those words my grandma would say were right beside me. It was really powerful. My grandma is no longer beside me saying those words. She had her opinion and she can have that but I know she’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong I still have moments where her words over cloud things but not every day anymore.
Also, these men are worthless. Even if there’s nothing wrong with them if their communication style doesn’t match yours it will never work.
Being a single parent in a council flat is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m a single parent with a mortgage where I sometimes feel a fool because I’ve to pay for everything myself If your life isn’t what you want, reevaluate. My family (except my parents, particularly my mum - I was very lucky) thought I would amount to nothing because I had my daughter at 18. I was in college at the time, I finished that course and knew I needed to provide more. I went back to college got some a levels and went on to uni. I’ve been working as a midwife and now also as a sexual offences examiner for nine years. I have achieved with my life. It is never too late to achieve goals and dreams. If you’re not happy with your current life change it, don’t wait or expect a man to. You are capable of amazing things and I 100% believe it. Yes there are tough times and times where you think I can’t do this anymore but you keep going for that end goal. You have to work out what makes you happy first.
I can’t give man advice because I can’t even get to a point of chatting to anyone but I absolutely will be a cheerleader for anyone to feel happier about themselves.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Single & just ordered my once a month McDonald's breakfast delivery. At this stage loving a McDonald's sausage & egg McMuffin beats anything a man has to offer.

 

[MsCurly]

I’ve been silently reading these last few pages. The amount of heartache that was spilled makes me quite upset. Everyone on these threads is so lovely. I wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you. If only people weren’t so horrible and vile when it comes to dating.

 

[Sofie]

Awww @Thank(space)you, I’m so sorry about what the neighbour has said. Why the hell do they go down these roads with us only to about turn?! He wasn’t worth it and you definitely deserve better. Tbh, I think better right now is a man free existence.

I’ve been there with a Mum saying things they shouldn’t, my Mum told me when I was 16 she wished I’d died instead of my brother when I went on to develop bulimia and she found out her first words were “how could you do this to me?” It’s difficult because they’re the first people that are meant to love us unconditionally but they didn’t. Mums, eh?

Thank you to everyone who’s asked if I’m ok, I‘m not ok but I know that’s alright. I just feel so numb and flat. The confusion is the hardest to deal with. I dialled 141 and then his number and left a voicemail yesterday expressing this (in a calm manner) but obviously I’ve heard nothing back. It’s just left me feeling so disorientated, he was so lovely to me, so lovely that I’m having a hard time accepting what he’s done, you know? I really thought he got it and was someone who would be able to have an upfront discussion if he wasn’t feeling it anymore. In fact, he’d promised this and that he wouldn’t misuse my feelings. So for him to do exactly that is just cutting. He’s not a fuckboy, he’s not someone who wasn’t consistent or gave me mixed messages, so it’s just left me in absolute shock and so disappointed, because I did think he was different. My brain hates the unknown so I’m really battling with the what ifs. What happened between him telling me he’d finished work and was coming over to choosing to block me?! We never argued or had tense moments. It was just always so lovely and now it’s not and I don’t know why

I have one of his shirts here, and I’m in two minds whether to post it to his work address (I don’t know his home one) with a letter. Just to get it out of my system. That’s crazy behaviour though, right? I just want him to know how it’s made me feel.

Throw the tee shirt away, you ll feel better not having a reminder of him at home. I m sorry to say but what he did is who he is and it was a horrible thing to do to you. Plus he hasn t responded to your heartfelt message, again he is openly showing you who he is. All of this behaviour is deeply unattractive and this will push you through the heartbreak, helping you to see what kind of man he is. It feels awful now but the shock will lessen and you will feel better soon. Have faith, all will be ok.

 

[harveydean]

The guy I met a few weeks ago and I message every day. He’s consistent but not constant which is what I like. We’ve got plans for next week and there’s no anxiety around any of it (which is a first!)

This weekend he’s with his child who he’s not seen for 6 weeks (split parenting and she’s been away.) I know he has arranged a jam packed weekend so I haven’t expected to chat, but I haven’t heard anything. I feel calm with it, but I want to say hi and I hope he’s having a great time without inserting myself into their weekend together.

Should I leave it? My gut says to but I also don’t want him to know I’m thinking of him.

If I were him I’d like a message this evening to see how the weekend went, but otherwise be left alone.

Why am I overthinking this so much? I’m curious as to how everyone would deal with this ridiculous overthought situation?