Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[Jojoo]

Just thought ild do an update- So I told him and he was fine and just asked if I was still coming as he wanted to cook me dinner still then made a joke about coming round again next week if he doesn’t poison me

 

[Ohnoshebettadont]

Men see us as what not who. It's what we can do for them, not who is she. Which is HIL! Arious! because the moment a woman even whispers that she wants a man who's simply financially stable (literally just not in money troubles and can pay for himself) they all start crying
---


General post, not directed at Miss Peace.

This thread is notorious for archiving and not deleting chats. I don't understand! What are you holding on to? You're keeping yourself attached to these men! Delete the chat! The delete button is free. I PROMISE you, it's in your best interest regardless if some of you might say "but i'm not that bothered, i want to keep the memories etc" ... you're talking about him on this thread? hello and we all know why archiving is the preferred method. it's "just in case" they message again. of course they will, but not for reasons you wish, men can smell opportunities for an ego boost and will take it.

don't! let! yourself! be! a! boost!
---


you deserve this! 🫶

Haha ok ok I love being a block warrior on this post but you’ve called me out for archiving the chat I did this for a guy I dated in 2020 and bumped into again last year. Guess what he messaged me?
‘Hey’
Guess what time he messaged me?
After the pub had closed/when he had no other options.

thankfully I had the self esteem to ignore him (which was satisfying) but in the past I would accept these crumbs and pretend that it meant anything other than a man being drunk and wanting sex/attention/ego boost.
Another guy I dated for 1 second and became friends with told me he regularly sends ‘hey’ to 5-10 girls in his phone and sees who bites. It’s grim but I refuse to be an option.
Every day I praise god I am bisexual so don’t have to deal with men only

 

[Lalla]

don’t engage anymore, you know he has a girlfriend and you’re gaining nothing by being involved.

And that's the long and short of it.
Even though in your mind your motives in telling the gf were honorable, all about ensuring she knew, blah blah, it will have been perceived by her as shit stirring and she will have found you contacting her more than once intrusive and hurtful (take it from someone who has been in the gfs position). There is no need for you to involve yourself in his relationship, it doesn't concern you. I don't know why you didn't just block him the first time he messaged you behind his gfs back. Hopefully you have blocked him now.

 

[LaBlonde]

also i’m going to start creating a tally of men who just do not understand the prompts on hinge. highlights today including:

“an interesting fact about me is…” - “cheese”
“the one thing you should know about me is….” - photo of man on beach. what is he trying to tell me, we’ll never know.
“dating me is like…..” - “me” well who else would it be like mate help me out here.

 

[Anne1448]

It is 2023, right?

View attachment 2064816

It takes balls to put something like that on a profile. But you know what? At least we can see what he really wants, decide that it is not for us and ignore him. I wish more men were honest like that. It would make things wayyyyyy easier for everyone.

 

[svdwoodsen]

I have to drop this here… it was an eye opener for me to say the least!!!!! This podcast is VERY American which I know can grate (and the first 13 mins is blowjob advice) but I beg everyone to listen from 15:30 onwards. Her advice is spot on. SIDENOTE it’s very crude

She is so annoying (the podcast host) but she's absolutely right.

I've always been told "If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be confused" and I think it rings true in 95% of cases.

 

[LaBlonde]

to you @TillyMiffin
---
That grim guy on Tinder. Absolutely nothing on my profile suggests I would welcome that kind of approach. What is going through his head?!

Relating hard to this post today

“i don’t have another talking stage left in me” really hit home this is a great post overall and sums up so much of what’s wrong with dating at the moment.

“it’s not you, it’s dating” is a great motto tbh. the whole thing is so exhausting, so demoralising, so draining….

 

[Wowitsme]

Spoiler: Relatable group, slightly off topic

Has anyone seen the drama with the creator of the group leaving her 13 year old son with his dad so she can go travelling for 3 months?

I don’t know who this is but I hate this idea that women get judged whatever they do and other women make women feel bad or put them down

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

Probably best to just enjoy your remaining time together then call it a day and stop all contact

 

[Clementine]

Speaking as a Mum, having a child isn’t that bloody brilliant anyway (sorry if it offends anyone). Never been married or even proposed to and quite frankly don’t give a fuck.

Please don’t be disheartened by what you have heard @LaBlonde, as someone else said people’s lack of understanding and ignorance of other people’s situations says far more about them than it does of you

 

[Anne1448]

Can I quickly ask a bit of an ethical question. If you’re seeing two people (very early dating for both- one seen on Sunday for the first time and one today for the first time, but both would like to meet again this weekend ), and they ask what are you doing on ‘x’ day, should you remain vague and say you’re just seeing a friend, and not on another date? There’s been no physical contact with either apart from hello/goodbye hugs, and I don’t tend to sleep with anyone until I’ve known them for a good few months and exclusivity has been established. Is honesty the best policy, or just see how things go as things could naturally fade out with both of them, and I’m needlessly feeling a little guilty?

Just say "friend". They usually don't care enough to ask more questions.

This is coming from someone who had 6 dates with 6 different guys last week.

 

[harveydean]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

Wow. Firstly Birkenstocks are cool. Secondly, who mocks someone for what they wear? Sure do it behind their backs but he’s just cheap and tacky going for that low blow.

Good luck to him. You go and enjoy your money and spend it on what the hell you like, and as you say, you’ll find someone who aligns with you.

I’m totally with you - I earn good money, I work in the city and I enjoy spending it on whatever the hell I want! And I’ve got to say, since dating wealthy men (yes it sounds cringey but I’m totally owning this stage in my life!) I can safely say I’ve never had so much fun. We’re on the same wavelength, there’s no power struggle (because they pay and I accept) and it’s really uncomplicated. I’m not down for anything serious, but the dates are great and the company is intelligent and charming.

The only spanner is I’ve met someone who lives the other side of the country and isn’t wealthy but ticks all the boxes and is an absolute darling. We were introduced (aka match made) by work colleagues and we hit it off right away. But for now we’re penpals and will see eachother in the summer (we’ve planned a weekend away together…) but it’s all so sweet and innocent….but my god do I fancy him!

Why isn’t life simple?!

 

[harveydean]

I'm getting my hair done in the morning, then off out Friday night to hopefully snog a few strangers

I LOVE this! Go get em girl! Have the best night
---

I actually find it quite weird that is appears majority of men don’t want a woman that has a her shit together?? It’s bizarre.

They really don’t. I’ve actually been talking about this to the match made guy I mentioned above. My last 3 boyfriends all proclaimed they loved “strong women” (I suppose id fall in that category at a push - single mum, own business, own my home, invested a lot into myself through therapy etc) until you are strong, then they don’t like boundaries.

I honestly think it’s a power thing - they need to feel needed and well, sometimes they just aren’t.

I realised that a man is simply a nice extra to my life, but right now I don’t need a man. That’s why I’m taking a leaf out of Carol Vorderman’s book and having a few gentleman callers.

 

[timtams]

@al255 Well-done for seeing the signs and for trusting yourself x

As an aside, what’s everyone’s experience with self-confessed ‘nice guys’? On the two occasions where they described themselves as a ‘nice guy’, they were anything but….

Yep! I dated a self-described nice guy (it was on his dating profile). Turned out he was an alcoholic, he would get drunk and then argue with me over factual things to do with my field of work (not his field), and then cry. The last time I asked him to leave (he was at my house) he drove home after a whole bottle of wine, then sent a lengthy message saying he’s just a nice guy and he doesn’t know why I don’t see that.

Now I am dating an actual nice guy, who has no need to promote himself as such, because it’s just clear. The only time he’s ever used the word is when he was saying what he looks for in a partner.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I agree with the above, I just say a friend. They don't need to know any more.
---------------
I was talking to a guy on an app, we were talking about baking. I said my signature cake 🔺️ is sticky toffee pudding, and the sauce is what makes it so amazing. He responds with "I want to lick your sauce off my lips" instant ick for the sexual innuendo

 

[xcyber]

I WISH there was some eye candy at work really makes the days brighter. Unfortunately I work in a psych hospital and there is no one fit here and instead spend the days avoiding inappropriate sexual comments from acutely psychotic patients

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’m not on this thread much as I’m not actively dating at the moment, but I just wanted to express my support to everyone on here and send some extra love to @TillyMiffin I’ll be thinking of you!

I have been talking to a leftover guy from my previous round on the apps, we did not click romantically but he seemed quite nice and funny so I left him as a penpal of sorts. He would text me from time to time, share his news, wish me merry Christmas etc. Yesterday he messaged me out of the blue, asked me how I was so I told him about my work trips to Europe. We got talking about different countries and cultures and he made a really degrading comment about my native country (I’m of mixed heritage). I know he was trying to be funny/make a joke, but it’s such a sensitive topic and I thought he was comment was very inappropriate. To the bin he goes, I guess. It’s not like I expected much from him but I’m still disappointed. Most men are rubbish!

 

[mozzarellagirl]

went on hinge, saw a guy who had his job title as “full time rapist”, reported his profile, left hinge

THIS is why i don't give a fuck about putting disclaimers like "not all men ofc" "this might sound sexist but" nah fuck off when would a woman ever say something as horrific like that let alone put it in her fucking bio (esp when majority of rapes are committed by men against women. i hope he drops dead im not even fucking joking. i'm revolted)

 

[Ohnoshebettadont]

I’m single and child free and really worried about keeping myself entertained in the evenings when the clocks change next week. I’ve really enjoyed being able to hibernate and heal all winter, but the thought of the weather getting nicer and me being stuck with no one to hang out with is making me feel really anxious. What do you guys do with your evenings? I’ve made my own situation worse by rescuing a reactive dog who I adore but who is difficult to walk in public, especially alone 🥲

I am also single & child free and I look at it differently- think of how lucky we are to have all this free time! My mum friends are quite jealous
I definitely used to crave attention from a partner but I’m much happier now I enjoy my own company!
I have a lot of hobbies: reading, writing, art classes, gym. Look on Amazon for a page a day journal and start off doing that at night, get to know yourself. It’ll help you fill the time. If you’re really struggling then get into a routine of dinner, walk, activity, bath, tv/reading, bed. Having a bit of structure might help. Try one new thing each week (take yourself for a coffee at a new place, go to a yoga class, skydiving anything! And you can write about it in your journal. A kick up the ars will do you good! Just some ideas. Enjoy yourself!

 

[Clementine]

Who has plans after 11pm?! I’m 43, not some 20 year old raver Needless to say, I didn’t reply. It’s giving “u up” at 2am energy.