Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[EddyDarling]

I am on my period too maybe this is why I'm so upset by all this because normally I don't give a shite and just block and move on but taking it rather bad

Does he know you're on your period? Maybe get him to wear a raincoat?

I don't know, depends who this mysterious he is

 

[Usagisakura90]

yes yes yes i've said this before but i will never shut up about it. they come back because they can! because there's a little window of opportunity to get what they want (attention, a fuck, ego boost etc) without doing ANYYYY work - even if they acted like a knob before - they rub their hands together and whip out what's app "hey how's u xxx"
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yesss i legit feel like im still in my early 20s, especially as covid came when i was figuring everything out education/career wise so it's put me "behind" (i know that's not true but it sure feels it)

No I completely know how you feel, I feel so behind everyone my age even though everyone has their own paths. It's hard not to feel displaced at times.

I'm still trying to decide what I want to do when I finish my degree in a few months I'm just so tired that I'd take a job where I can sit all day

 

[al255]

yeah I know what you mean… tbh Sometimes I’ve had my partner here when the kids have been here and just thought hmm yeah you’re kind of just getting in the way of our routine/silly chats etc I’d rather it just be me and the children…and yet I moan about it not being regular enough. Maybe they just can’t win

This is me!!! I’m soooo used to it just being us two, her dad comes on a Wednesday whilst I go the gym and that’s about all I can handle lol

 

[Thank(space)you]

Has anyone been speed dating?

 

[D2them]

This thread has inspired me to delete a lot of my non-active chats, not just with leftover men who have been sticking around as penpals of sorts, but also with toxic friends I no longer want in my life. Feels so liberating

Oh @TheTinyHuman, I’m going to echo what other posters have said — please don’t be so hard on yourself and take a deep breath. It seems to me like you are overthinking even the smallest things— and I know this feeling well as a fellow overthinker From what you’ve written, there are no obvious red flags here — could it be that you start analysing and overthinking when you feel stressed or insecure? I had a similar episode when I was looking for a job, a bit of a different situation, I know, but the frustration was similar. It later turned out that I was just too stressed and basically making mountains out of molehills. Anyway, the things you have mentioned in your post don’t seem like indicators of anything bad to me, so please don’t torture yourself with negative thought.


It looks like you’ve made the right decision

If it’s just a phone call with no video, it feels kind of old-fashioned and unnecessary? I remember one app guy trying to call me without my consent, I ended up answering but it didn’t help him in any way because I binned him after the (rather crappy) date I know I’m picky though!

I love a phone call with a guy but usually once we're dating/more established. Initial calls give me the fear and I really don't know why! It's a normal part of getting to know someone isn't it? Don't get me started on FaceTime

 

[Meringue22]

@Meringue22 All I’ll say is be prepared for the sheer exhaustion of it all, but I have met some genuinely lovely people on the apps.

ETA- One of the most strange encounters (along with Bumble men hoping I’m some kind of dominatrix) was a really good conversation I was having, plenty of back and forth banter, when he decided to call me the c-word and ended the conversation. It really did come out of the blue.

Why would he do that?!

 

[Blondeangel2515]

Can I ask why you keep ‘snitching on him’? Like what’s the purpose of it? You’re just causing his gf upset and really if you cared that much about her feelings you wouldn’t have engaged in the chat with him anyway. You say you don’t want him but I get the impression you want him to pick you over her and by telling his gf every time he contacts you’re you’re hoping she’ll end stuff and he’ll come to you. He would have done that if he really cared about you. Sorry if this all sounds harsh but I think sometimes it’s important to be very honest with yourself.

I tell her because if the tables were turned I would want to know. This week I genuinely thought they broke up and mine and his conversations got really deep then when he slipped up I thought it was a bit off the way our conversation was and when I asked my mate about it she said she would flip if she knew her boyfriend was saying the things he was saying and to be honest I only wanted closure from

 

[Blondeangel2515]

I’m so sorry to hear about your childhood, I hope you have been able to get the help you need since then Getting back to your relationship with this man, you said you try to be calm but this situation looks like anything but calming to me. It leaves you worried, upset and doubting yourself. If I were you, I would just let him go because it doesn’t look like you can get any closure here. His behaviour is not your fault.

To be honest after the experience I had with him it made me realise how much my childhood actually effected me emotionally. I’m not the type to go off on the rails but he was the first ever person I actually wanted to tell over my experience etc but I was too scared to tell him in case it made him run away or make him force himself to stay to not seem like a dick. I didn’t really tell him how I felt ether due to fear of the same things above plus when we started talking all those years ago he just got out of a long term relationship so I didn’t want to push or pressure him into anything.
I ended up telling him over my experience this week when we were talking for my own benefit due to him being the one I wanted to tell and to kinda challenge myself. Let’s just say I wish I told him sooner because he was very understanding and I was shocked at how well it did go down in a nice way

 

[Thank(space)you]

Spoiler: Relatable group, slightly off topic

Has anyone seen the drama with the creator of the group leaving her 13 year old son with his dad so she can go travelling for 3 months?

 

[Mr Paul Barry John Allen]

UPDATE:

I tried to delete the fake ad, but cannot remember the 10 min email I used so just reported it because it's over now.
Have deleted his number etc and only just realized I didn't block him on Facebook so done that too.
I sent him this before I blocked him.
I don't know why I said it, it's so crap but I needed to do that or he would still do this.

I normally don't have the balls to do this, so I hope no one judges what I've said

I'm really down, but I know there's better out there.

 

[boomska]

This is a hit of a random question but what is everyone’s WhatsApp settings for contacts seeing their profile picture I.e everyone, my contacts, no-one.
Im terrible at blocking men because I have no self discipline so if I see their number I’ll text them but leaving a line to communication, makes me not to want to move on either? But then I feel heartless/petty if I change my setting to my contacts and delete their number.
So whats everyone else settings?

 

[EddyDarling]

The Billionaire by TheSmileMakers (you can thank me later)
@LaBlonde Have you noticed that things are particularly dire on the apps at the moment? I’m in South Wales, so the quality of men has always been bad compared to venturing over the boarder, but it’s just so quiet at the moment compared to late 2021 and summer 2022- or is it just me?

Controversial opinion, i hate vibrators!

 

[freezelouise43]

I can’t see the message for some reason!

Here you go xx

 

[DoeiBedankt]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

 

[Meringue22]

@Meringue22 Not to scare you too much, but that’s fairly tame compared to some of things I’ve had on Bumble and Tinder.

I can imagine. And I can’t be doing with it like what though? I’m not naive. I just don’t have the patience for twats

 

[Blondeangel2515]

Not to be rude but why waste your time on him? 1) he has a girlfriend, 2) he doesn't seem like a nice person given how he treats his gf *and* you. IMO he comes across just wanting to have an egoboost and/or preparing to dump his gf but unwilling to spend anytime without easy sex. If you go out with him be assure that in 2 years you will be in his gf shoes while he chat up some random ex. Sorry if it's harsh but I don't understand the appeal of such a mediocre specimen You (and his gf) deserve much better!

1) I was thought they broke up and I wanted closure over what happened last time because it ended very weird.
2) I don’t want him back, I feel bad snitching on him because I do care about him after being part of my life for 5/6 years and he was normal and scented for 3/4 of those years

 

[TheTinyHuman]

Yes red flag to me. What do they need more time for?

How would you suggest to approach it? I don't want to make it more of a thing than it is. And I don't want it to end up into a flame throwing argument.

 

[Mr Paul Barry John Allen]

I'm new to this thread but I need some help
I haven't seen this guy in like 5 years and he's been out of a relationship the last 6 months.
He messaged me with the usual, oh I just want to be friends, but it's escalated so quickly.
But the problem, we've tried to meet up a few times and it's the usual balls, oh I'm nervous etc.
I'm so so torn, last night we had an incredible chat for hours and it feels so right.

But I don't know what to do, do I make him make an effort? It's always me messaging and I don't want to seem desperate

First deep feelings I've had for someone in such a long time and I'm not sure what I should do.

Should I give him an ultimatum? If so, I've no idea what, I just don't want my feelings hurt lol men are so complicated

Tagging you @AFlyOnYourWall because I wished I could update you personally

 

[Blondeangel2515]

It all sounds really juvenile. If I were you I’d just block and move on. I don’t think “snitching” is ever a good idea and as another poster mentioned, you need to look at your true motives. Fair enough if it was really sisterhood, but I’ve been in a similar situation and I was tempted simply out of revenge on him (I didn’t - I just blocked and let go.)

I have no revenge for him, like childhood wise I seen how much cheating can hurt someone it’s what lead to the dv stuff in my childhood so too me it’s like snitching is the way to go because no one did that in the other part like I’m disappointed in him and let down but I don’t have any I need revenge on him. I don’t even want him

I’m just shocked at how unbothered I seen by it all this time round and at peace over it all. Like last time I had a feeling he’ll come back even know I thought logically he won’t but this time round I don’t have no feeling or logic to it I’m taking it as a good thing but still wary and scared as it’s the first time I’ve never had intuition over it all

 

[Blondeangel2515]

But in that same vain, if you had the same girl messaging you repeatedly every time your bf spoke to her you’d probably think ‘this girl seems a little obsessed with my bf and clearly wants him’. People do and think what they want in relationships and you should leave them to it and extract yourself from the situation.

You were FWB, you’ve said you don’t want him. You said you don’t feel anything about the situation now which is great so I think for everyone’s sake block him and never speak to him again. X

It’s been 23 months, he been messaging my mate asking about me, blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp and then telling me about his relationship with his girlfriend taking a while to restore and then telling me about how old he wants to be when he wants kids. He made out he hasn’t got a girlfriend. Sorry but if I was her I would want to know. At least she’s got the information and is aware of it and she can do whatever she wants with it.

I’ve told him I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him. He kept saying that’s what I wanted and I told him I couldn’t be in one because I know what he’s like in a relationship especially after last time and I wouldn’t be able to trust him nor be in a relationship we’re I need to check someone’s phone because what kind of relationship would that be
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I only tell my best friend because we are super close and have no secrets from each other. The only time I did not do that I ended up regretting because the date was quite awkward and I kept hoping she could call me so I’d have an excuse for aborting the mission I don’t really tell my other friends because I wouldn’t know how to explain if something went wrong with the date!


It looks like you are blaming yourself for “snitching on him”, but I don’t think you did anything wrong. You said you feel at peace over ending things, which is a positive thing IMO. I don’t have anything else to add, but I do hope this situation ends well for you no matter what you decide to do. Good luck!

I know what I did is the right thing to do but in the same breathe because I do care about him I just hope he’s ok after I snitch on him like his girlfriend has the right to know but because of my past I just worry over consequences for him especially after he said it hasn’t been the same since the screenshots