Hey, so have lurked on this thread for ages and love how supportive everyone is so thought I’d reach out. I was scared for a long time to put myself back out there but have been on dating sites since Christmas (bumble and hinge) and just feeling deflated. Strap yourselves in..
Ghosted by 1st guy I was talking to. Knew him through friends anyway, lots in common, talking for few weeks over Xmas. Met twice. Second date had sex at mine, minutes after sex told me he didn’t want a relationship, planned on moving to be closer to his children literally as we laid there. Didn’t hear from him again. Found him 2 weeks later on hinge (met on bumble) and his prompt was (it’s nice to be important but more important to be nice). I sent him a like and told him he might need to work on that. Cue a long WhatsApp apologising for not being in touch and how stressed he’s been. I replied telling him not an excuse, you don’t sleep with someone then don’t message them again. He didn’t reply.
2nd guy we were texting/ talking on phone for 2 weeks and planned a fun date day. Ended up meeting for a quick drink week before this as he had plans and wanted to meet sooner and we live 30 miles away. We got on well and was still up for a second date. He started to give me the slow fade pretty much immediately, this was someone who was a self proclaimed nice guy and who was always honest. Called him out a few days later after the slow fade and he said he now wasn’t sure about the distance (45 mins) but he knew this when we arranged the second date and said he just wanted to be honest. I said you weren’t being that honest as I had to ask you how you were feeling as you’d stopped texting so much. He responded by saying he was sorry he changed his mind, acting like I was massively into him when I just liked him enough to see how a second date would go. I said no worries, he then replied saying although he didn’t want a second date he would be up for meeting for sex on our planned date day as he had nothing else planned. Distance clearly not an issue for that then! Immediately called him out and he told me it was a joke and he forgot to put the laughing face emoji. Yeah right.
Then third guy I was chatting with before 2nd guy, but didn’t initially like him that much. Conversation was very polite but he seemed nice and like he had his shit together. Didn’t overly message and wasn’t throwing compliments my way all the time. After 3 weeks of messaging we met for a drink - had no expectations but we had a great night, he was quite quiet but fun and we got really drunk, he ended up staying at mine, and stayed until the next night, just chilling on the sofa. Felt really comfortable with him. Carried on messaging and arranged the next date straight away (few weeks away as he has his children most weekends and works away half the week) but still messaged everyday. He then invited me to his 2 weeks later on a Mon night for food and a film. He messaged day of saying he had a last min job interview next morning, I was like here we go, but he just wanted to reschedule to the next night. Had a lovely evening, Messaging increased and was much more flirty and we were getting on really well.
I went away that weekend and ended up going to see him the night I got back. Everything was great, stayed the night which I didn’t plan on, great sex, he was very affectionate (know this is sickening but held me all night, kissing/stroking me). I left in the morning and he was like no don’t go, and I said see you Sat yeah (our original planned 2nd date) and he said yeah definitely. Massive smile on his face.
Messaged him the next day and he said he’d had a shit day at work the day before so had taken a sick day that it’s really dragging him down. Very open that he hated his job/ boss. But he asked how I was and what I was up to. I replied, he didn’t read it for nearly a day and then replied a day later asking if we could reschedule our weekend date as he’d been feeling really down all week because of his job and was going to see his parents to try and shift his mood. I knew this was a bad sign but he only gets 1 weekend from his kids and I definitely am anxiously attached. As he’d been so refreshingly adult and gentleman like I thought it was me being overly anxious so I said of course, hope he felt better soon and I never heard from him again.
I messaged him 5 days later when I saw he was online and said he could’ve shown my some respect and been honest with me instead of ghosting and that he seemed better than that. He read it and didn’t reply.
These are all men in their late 30s/ early 40s with professional jobs and young children. I don’t understand how they cannot send 1 message to say sorry not feeling it anymore. The first two it is what it is and could tell it wasn’t right but this last guy has really upset me. 8 weeks of messaging, met up 3 times, twice at his and I don’t even deserve a message to say he’s changed his mind. I know it’s on him and not me but has really hurt. This was a couple of weeks ago now but I hate he’s left me questioning myself.