I know your meme is supposed to be funny but for real your ick is justified, it's a massive red flag that he's oversharing like that and the love yous even though you haven't even met is just creepy af. He wasn't being vulnerable, he was trauma dumping. He wasn't sharing something with you - specifically you - he was just using you. So do not feel bad, be proud that your gut was pointing out to you how awful he was.
Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Dating Threads
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Absolutely agree on this! Being wasted drunk is also a red flag. I love a drink but getting muntered to the point you're slobbering on about your date being sexy is
No judgement, I did this is 2020, kept seeing the guy and ended up getting phone call at 4am saying he’d been battered and wanted somewhere to clean the blood off! Literally after 2 dates
I didn’t let him up 
Give yourself a Pat on the back, block & move on x
thanks all! It got to the point where he was getting controlling over things, he expected to be invited to days out with me and my daughter when I made it clear I don’t want that yet, he expected to be invited on holidays too. I know his ex really well and we are friends, she said to me lastnight he used to make her feel guilty when she had a life, and when she went out with her mates he used to ask her when she would be home etc.al i’m honestly proud of you (and you should be too) - you’ve made a decision that is right for you and means you can continue to maintain your own time. sending youbut also
The final straw for me was yesterday when he wasn’t listening to a word I was saying, we had put a deposit down for Hoseasons for July for a weekend and it’s £215 each, anyway, I told him I don’t think we should go and just leave it but go out for the day instead as £215 to check in at 4pm and have to be out on the Sunday at 10am to me isn’t worth £215 when I’ve got other jobs I want to do in my house and decorate my daughters bedroom, buy all new internal doors, other bits and bobs.
Anyway, he told me we could look at another Hoseasons when I’d told him continuously that I didn’t want to go away for the weekend, I’d rather we just went out for the day. He told me “we could find somewhere cheaper” after I’d told him I don’t want to go away. He said “is it me you don’t want to go away with” and I said no I just want to spend £215 on my house and he moaned and said what about him, he was looking forward to it all and I’ve got my priorities wrong.
He then asked me if he could give me a lift to meet my friends for tea and I said I was driving and doing a food shop after we’d been out for tea and he kept asking me, he just kept saying I can give you a lift. Yet again NOT listening to me.
His ex said he was very controlling with her and hated it when she went out with her friends and he would make her feel guilty. He used to get annoyed at me when I wouldn’t see him for 30 mins of an evening inbetween him finishing football and me going to bed / winding down. I am glad I’m single, there’s been a lot of stuff I’ve said where he hasn’t listened and he’s tried to control the narrative. Red flags! His ex said “cos he comes across nice nobody would believe it” and it’s very true.
Jeez you totally dodged a bullet there! Playing nice is a classic and I’m so glad you ended it. Enjoy doing up your house and not having to explain to anyone.
Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. Honestly your posts have made me quite emotional because I have ignored red flags like this and thought ‘oh it’s nice he wants to give me a lift’ but it’s actually pushing your boundaries back slowly. But you listened to your gut and that’s what I keep doing!
Good on ya for listening to his ex too, girls stick together
I am genuinely proud of you for putting yourself and your daughter first! Good luck with your DIY too.
@al255 Well done getting out of that situation. My ex was "nice" but I've since said I'd rather the "bastard" as you can see what you're dealing with much more clearly. The wolves in sheep's clothing have you wading through treacle in your mind. Somehow your instinct gets all screened off by the apparent niceness.
At least you didn't waste too much time.
At least you didn't waste too much time.
thanks all! I’ve learnt alot in my time dating and sometimes the nice guys aren’t as nice as they make out cos they don’t know how to have a proper relationship, or an opinion on anything incase it upsets you. Weird behaviour 
You’ve absolutely done the right thing. It’s not always easy to see “controlling” behaviour. It starts off small and when it’s a “nice” man, you think you’re imagining it and overthinking. You almost feel like the bad guy for questioning why they’re making you feel uneasy. It’s manipulation, and behaviour they learned years and years ago - thank goodness his ex was able to corroborate your thoughts on it all and give the reassurance you were right about him.
Your gut instinct kicked in here and I’m glad you’ve done what you felt was best for you and your daughter. Hope she, and your house plans, gives you a focus and you find the right balance before you dip your toe back in. It’s absolutely ok to step back from dating and prioritise yourself right now
@al255 Well-done for seeing the signs and for trusting yourself x
As an aside, what’s everyone’s experience with self-confessed ‘nice guys’? On the two occasions where they described themselves as a ‘nice guy’, they were anything but….
As an aside, what’s everyone’s experience with self-confessed ‘nice guys’? On the two occasions where they described themselves as a ‘nice guy’, they were anything but….
Yep! I dated a self-described nice guy (it was on his dating profile). Turned out he was an alcoholic, he would get drunk and then argue with me over factual things to do with my field of work (not his field), and then cry. The last time I asked him to leave (he was at my house) he drove home after a whole bottle of wine, then sent a lengthy message saying he’s just a nice guy and he doesn’t know why I don’t see that.
Now I am dating an actual nice guy, who has no need to promote himself as such, because it’s just clear. The only time he’s ever used the word is when he was saying what he looks for in a partner.
any man who willingly describes himself as a “nice guy” is never a nice guy in my experience!
they give me worse vibes and more red flags than any other kind of men tbh. i know we get the ick over the overly sexual bants types here (understandably!) but at least they’re making you aware who they are from the start. nice guys just slowly ignore your boundaries and make you feel like the weird one because why wouldn’t you be interested or why are they making you feel a bit off, they’re such a nice guy. no thank you!
Rule number one - if a guy says ‘I’m a nice guy’ or ‘I’m a gentleman’ just leg it. He is NOT.
A recent example I can give is the man I posted about late last year. He wanted to make out he was a nice man/gentleman, and a complete victim of his ex wife’s bad behaviour, but he was a lovebombing, controlling hole. Because I wouldn’t sleep with him quickly, he ended things. A lot of things happened in a short space of time - it all made my head spin
- but an example was him making comments about me being able to use his phone whenever I wanted to - meaning he wanted access to mine in return - and he’d expect me to let him know when I’d got home from work etc. This was all within the first week! He’d say “let me know you’re home safe, please” and I’d be thinking “umm, you didn’t even know me a week ago, so I don’t think so!”. He messaged me after I deliberately didn’t say I was home, to test his reaction. I knew he’d check I was home 
Some might think he was being sweet. No he wasn’t. He wanted to know my movements, and my movements were none of his business after one week of knowing me!This insidious behaviour was sandwiched with comments like “you’re so beautiful” and “I can’t believe how good our connection is”. All compelling stuff for more vulnerable women. Once, he mimicked my voice and mocked me. I was stunned. It wasn’t funny, it was mean. I started to feel sad for his ex wife. I noticed as the week wore on that he was prepared to criticise her endlessly to me. Given the mocking of me, I dreaded to think what sort of behaviour he’d shown her before they split up. I wish I could warn others about him - need a trip advisor for dating!
Basically, the ones who reckon they’re “nice” are insecure, needy, controlling and not good news if you want a healthy relationship!
This!
It's like that thing that Alan Sugar always used to say on the Apprentice about people describing themselves as entrepreneurs...if you actually are one, that's not what you'd say about yourself. And calling yourself one doesn't mean that's what you are!
Same goes for nice guys. The actually nice ones don't need to make a declaration about how nice they are because it's obvious.
The only way I want to hear nice coming out of a man’s mouth is if he’s offering me a biscuit.
It’s like people who describe themselves as funny. They never are. The actual nice guys I’ve known would literally cringe if they were to state they were nice.
It’s like people who describe themselves as funny. They never are. The actual nice guys I’ve known would literally cringe if they were to state they were nice.
@Belle123 I’m so sorry you went through that and certain aspects remind me of the ‘nice guy’ I once knew. I did wonder if it was my suspicious mind or anxiety coming into play, especially when he sent me a message saying ‘not everyone is as horrible as you believe’- that did play on my mind a little…
Aww thank you. I was thankful the whole sorry thing was done and dusted in less than a fortnight, so I didn’t get in too deep. But the guy was a jerk. He’s part of why I got exhausted with apps/dating by the end of last year. I had a couple of icky experiences.
It does make you question yourself, because they say certain things that plant the seed of doubt. I can’t think of a significant time when my gut instinct sent me in the wrong direction, though… but ignoring it certainly has done that.
Fkin ell no wonder you didn't want to see him ever
What an absolute pillock
A genuine nice guy will never say it but fake ones will.
They cast an image of "nice guy" to the outside world, not because they genuinely want to be nice or gentlemanly, but because they want the benefits such a descriptor would bring to them.
Actual, truely nice people are liked by a lot of people, at least those in their close circle (nobody is loved by everone), and gentlemen are seen as the epitomy of "what a woman wants" so they think by saying that it will rain p*ssy from the sky.
But they have zero interest to keep up, after the initial theatrics, with what that actually means (empathy, respect, chivalry, generosity...), they just think labeling themselves as such will give them the benefits regardless - benefits such as harmony in relationships, which they think means compliance with their every whim, or joy and fun which they see as one sided only, their joy and their fun, and their partner toddling along, being a handmaiden to their wishes.
- Status