Dating after lockdown #24 they're participation trophies at best

[D2them]

Thank you! I still miss him, but I can't go back again. I have to draw the line somewhere. The worst times with him were better than the best times with others. But even that isn't a Good enough reason to give it yet another try. I'd rather be on my own.



I was with my aforementioned Ex for 8 years. I'm 4 months post split and I think I'm getting to the acceptance stage of the 7 stages of grief about it. I don't cry anymore, I do still think of him most days but its a lot briefer (whereas at first I'd think of him all day every day).

As to when to date again, I think this is probably age related. I'm 50, and I had such a horrible time with dating on the road to meeting my Ex that I'm in no rush to go through that again. I'm older now and it doesn't matter as much. At the moment, I'm thinking maybe next year sometime if I feel able to face it. Whereas if I was 30, I probably would be dipping my toe back in already.

Thanks! I just turned 47 last month. I have good days and bad but generally I think about him every day. It was a pretty volatile relationship so I know deep down I'm better off out of it, I can't help thinking of the good times and wishing we could give it another go. I'm 2 months no contact and it will get easier but I guess it's a process isn't it? Before him I was 7 years single and on and off tinder. I always had guys messaging me most days and the silence now is weird! Maybe I need this period to reset? I don't know, it would be nice to have some attention

 

[Belle123]

Hey everyone just stopping by to wish you all well. I've been quite busy with work and visiting a friend oop north. Plus it's getting close to my first grandchild (daughter) being born. So exciting.
While I was away, out of interest, I downloaded Badoo to see what the talent was like around Cheshire. No different to the South. Only one attracted me and naturally he looked like a bad boy! Lol.
Sorry to say from all the posts it's the same old poor behaviour from men. It is disheartening for sure. You all have nerves of steel to stay in "the game". Shout out to Belle, La Blonde & Candy land. Hope you're all tikkety boo.

Hi! Thanks for thinking about me So exciting that she’s nearly here!

Well, I’ll be back on the apps again shortly. I need a break first though. I brought up with my guy the fact I’ve noticed his very active presence on the dating app a few days in a row, after seeing me a couple of times very recently. I won’t lie, I was cheesed off, but calmly asked what he wants, and explained where I was at with wanting to focus on this. I had a bad gut feeling and would rather pull the plug now than allow someone to treat me like an option after 2 months of getting to know one another. Why can’t these idiots just stick to getting to know one good/decent woman when she’s in front of him, and stop fishing for other options?! I bloody hate these apps! Anyway, he’s not replied to me at all, so we’ve gone from super communicative to being ghosted. I think he’s opted to do the fade out and not end it with me, in order to keep a door open. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and messaged him to say I accept it’s over and goodbye He’s not optioning me, the cheeky sod! Never been ghosted like this before and it does hurt. This week has gone from meeting up, him sending song lyrics to me, talking about meeting up again, and generally being lovely, to just… silence. Nothing has happened to trigger this. He was being off the day before I raised exclusivity. What a knob.

 

[candyland_]

Hi! Thanks for thinking about me So exciting that she’s nearly here!

Well, I’ll be back on the apps again shortly. I need a break first though. I brought up with my guy the fact I’ve noticed his very active presence on the dating app a few days in a row, after seeing me a couple of times very recently. I won’t lie, I was cheesed off, but calmly asked what he wants, and explained where I was at with wanting to focus on this. I had a bad gut feeling and would rather pull the plug now than allow someone to treat me like an option after 2 months of getting to know one another. Why can’t these idiots just stick to getting to know one good/decent woman when she’s in front of him, and stop fishing for other options?! I bloody hate these apps! Anyway, he’s not replied to me at all, so we’ve gone from super communicative to being ghosted. I think he’s opted to do the fade out and not end it with me, in order to keep a door open. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and messaged him to say I accept it’s over and goodbye He’s not optioning me, the cheeky sod! Never been ghosted like this before and it does hurt. This week has gone from meeting up, him sending song lyrics to me, talking about meeting up again, and generally being lovely, to just… silence. Nothing has happened to trigger this. He was being off the day before I raised exclusivity. What a knob.

I’m sorry to see this update Belle.
I’m guessing the trigger was him still looking and being confronted. Men would rather be silent than be honest or deal with confrontation.

 

[IGiveUp22]

Hi! Thanks for thinking about me So exciting that she’s nearly here!

Well, I’ll be back on the apps again shortly. I need a break first though. I brought up with my guy the fact I’ve noticed his very active presence on the dating app a few days in a row, after seeing me a couple of times very recently. I won’t lie, I was cheesed off, but calmly asked what he wants, and explained where I was at with wanting to focus on this. I had a bad gut feeling and would rather pull the plug now than allow someone to treat me like an option after 2 months of getting to know one another. Why can’t these idiots just stick to getting to know one good/decent woman when she’s in front of him, and stop fishing for other options?! I bloody hate these apps! Anyway, he’s not replied to me at all, so we’ve gone from super communicative to being ghosted. I think he’s opted to do the fade out and not end it with me, in order to keep a door open. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and messaged him to say I accept it’s over and goodbye He’s not optioning me, the cheeky sod! Never been ghosted like this before and it does hurt. This week has gone from meeting up, him sending song lyrics to me, talking about meeting up again, and generally being lovely, to just… silence. Nothing has happened to trigger this. He was being off the day before I raised exclusivity. What a knob.

Aww Belle this isn’t the update I was wanting But better now than months down the line. Men are actual cowards aren’t they? Why can’t they just be honest and explain where they’re at. But nope, he’s taken the easy way out that still leaves him an in later down the line. So bizarre.
You’ll find someone else Belle, but take some time to lick your wounds from this one xx

 

[LaBlonde]

Hi! Thanks for thinking about me So exciting that she’s nearly here!

Well, I’ll be back on the apps again shortly. I need a break first though. I brought up with my guy the fact I’ve noticed his very active presence on the dating app a few days in a row, after seeing me a couple of times very recently. I won’t lie, I was cheesed off, but calmly asked what he wants, and explained where I was at with wanting to focus on this. I had a bad gut feeling and would rather pull the plug now than allow someone to treat me like an option after 2 months of getting to know one another. Why can’t these idiots just stick to getting to know one good/decent woman when she’s in front of him, and stop fishing for other options?! I bloody hate these apps! Anyway, he’s not replied to me at all, so we’ve gone from super communicative to being ghosted. I think he’s opted to do the fade out and not end it with me, in order to keep a door open. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and messaged him to say I accept it’s over and goodbye He’s not optioning me, the cheeky sod! Never been ghosted like this before and it does hurt. This week has gone from meeting up, him sending song lyrics to me, talking about meeting up again, and generally being lovely, to just… silence. Nothing has happened to trigger this. He was being off the day before I raised exclusivity. What a knob.

oh belle i’m so sorry why are men like this?! why are their egos that fragile that they keep needing app validation?! you’re an amazing lady and i know there is someone out there who is going to see that - good on you for messaging him to say and not giving him the opportunity to keep the door open. what a coward he is xx

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Belle123 So sorry to read this update. It's always been said that women are the weaker sex. Clearly this is the biggest lie ever. Men (not all grrr) are incapable of being alone, strong for themselves and will move from woman to woman infecting them with trust issues, insecurities and mental health problems. Actually coward doesn't even cover whatever their pathetic issues are. They have zero insight or ability to man up. Just dick fixated. Waste of time.
I'm sorry for all of us having shared these letdowns. It's actually seriously depressing. Ghastly creatures. Sorry but fed up of their pathetic behavior.

 

[Belle123]

I’m sorry to see this update Belle.
I’m guessing the trigger was him still looking and being confronted. Men would rather be silent than be honest or deal with confrontation.

Thank you Absolutely, which is why I did it. I know when someone is not being honest and, whilst it hurts, it’s far better I smoked him out so I could move on. It’s just frustrating to be back at square one. But I’d rather that than be caught up with this immature coward.

Aww Belle this isn’t the update I was wanting But better now than months down the line. Men are actual cowards aren’t they? Why can’t they just be honest and explain where they’re at. But nope, he’s taken the easy way out that still leaves him an in later down the line. So bizarre.
You’ll find someone else Belle, but take some time to lick your wounds from this one xx

Thank you I’m gutted because I liked this one. The distance between us was a complication, but not something we couldn’t overcome. I have no idea what’s caused the switch, well, I think I do - that I had the sense to rumble him and he knows he can no longer get away with it all. Like so many of the others, he may well pop up in time once he’s reflected. We got on so well, it was very natural and he’s thrown it away. I’m disappointed he couldn’t be respectful towards me. They all want to have their cake and eat it!

oh belle i’m so sorry why are men like this?! why are their egos that fragile that they keep needing app validation?! you’re an amazing lady and i know there is someone out there who is going to see that - good on you for messaging him to say and not giving him the opportunity to keep the door open. what a coward he is xx

Thank you I know you had your own, even worse experience of ghosting, and it stings. At least I didn’t get in too deep before he did this. It could have been far worse. I think he’s quite possibly yet another one addicted to the apps. There’s no way he didn’t like me… I know what took place between us and all that’s been said. He simply wanted to be able to have me whilst he kept chatting to and dating others, and he certainly didn’t want to entertain stopping that yet, if ever. I feel better having politely shown him up by being confident enough to say it’s over. Simple!

@Belle123 So sorry to read this update. It's always been said that women are the weaker sex. Clearly this is the biggest lie ever. Men (not all grrr) are incapable of being alone, strong for themselves and will move from woman to woman infecting them with trust issues, insecurities and mental health problems. Actually coward doesn't even cover whatever their pathetic issues are. They have zero insight or ability to man up. Just dick fixated. Waste of time.
I'm sorry for all of us having shared these letdowns. It's actually seriously depressing. Ghastly creatures. Sorry but fed up of their pathetic behavior.

Thank you He is a handsome man and, given this is all to do with him using the app and treating me with silence when I questioned it, I think he is no doubt driven by his ego and likes attention. He simply cannot give it up. He was even chuffed once that a man gave him attention. I’m happy to let him follow his dick elsewhere. Those morals tell me I’m glad we didn’t get in too deeply with one another before I saw his true character.

 

[suzuka__]

@Belle I'm sorry you have to go through that. I like your brave and assertive attitude, making the moves instead of passively waiting on him. Hope a good one comes along!

I went out with someone much older than me for the first time. For some reason I got an impression he was very controlling and his energy just gave me an ick. It seems to have left quite an impression on me, since last night I dreamed he folded all my clothes from the drying rack, proudly showing me, while I watched my panties and bras incredulously

Otherwise, I've been in a pretty miserable state of mind these past few days, probably still under the impact of getting stood up by someone for whom I travelled to another city + being surrounded by couples. I'll take any advice on how to keep my chin up.

 

[Lalla]

I think that dating sites and apps have increased the prevalence of a sweetshop mentality among men. They basically want a taste of everything on offer. In the olden days (when I was young!) everyone went to the same pubs and clubs, so a bloke couldn't be seeing one woman and chatting up another without word getting round. That also required effort - going out, spending money etc.

Whereas now you can be online on your phone all day every day, and a lot of men enjoy the thrill of the chase/ the excitement of attention. And it's so easily available.

 

[katyazamo]

Not much on the dating front from me, but a friend of mine is quite clearly getting the slow fade from her new boyfriend despite agreeing to be official/exclusive a few weeks ago. She's generally strong-minded and if a bloke isn't cutting it, she'll give him the heave-ho but she seems very hurt by this. She rarely lets her guard down so of course the first time she does, the guy turns out to be a huge disappointment.

It was her birthday at the start of the month, he said they'd do something together so she took time off work. But he just didn't get in touch or arrange anything. On the actual day of her birthday, he messaged to say he was caught up at work but would message when free - no apology or plans put in place. She waited around but he never got in touch until two (!!) days later and it all blew up, he said he told her he was "so busy" with work so why did she wait around, the usual tit. I thought he was a paramedic or doctor, but no, he works in a call centre. And no shade to call centre workers at all!! But the way he was banging on about work, you'd think he was on call 24/7 or carrying out emergency surgery on someone.

She hasn't heard from him since the weekend, so god knows what's happening. Tbh I think he's cheating or found someone else but I don't want to say that to her because it's obviously going to upset her. But I just can't stand seeing friends and women being treated like this. It's not normal for your boyfriend to drop off the grid with no explanation. You're not asking too much to celebrate your birthday with someone who is supposed to be your boyfriend.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@katyazamo 99.9% per cent he's found another victim.

Or he has Prefer wanking syndrome. Less effort.

 

[candyland_]

Not much on the dating front from me, but a friend of mine is quite clearly getting the slow fade from her new boyfriend despite agreeing to be official/exclusive a few weeks ago. She's generally strong-minded and if a bloke isn't cutting it, she'll give him the heave-ho but she seems very hurt by this. She rarely lets her guard down so of course the first time she does, the guy turns out to be a huge disappointment.

It was her birthday at the start of the month, he said they'd do something together so she took time off work. But he just didn't get in touch or arrange anything. On the actual day of her birthday, he messaged to say he was caught up at work but would message when free - no apology or plans put in place. She waited around but he never got in touch until two (!!) days later and it all blew up, he said he told her he was "so busy" with work so why did she wait around, the usual tit. I thought he was a paramedic or doctor, but no, he works in a call centre. And no shade to call centre workers at all!! But the way he was banging on about work, you'd think he was on call 24/7 or carrying out emergency surgery on someone.

She hasn't heard from him since the weekend, so god knows what's happening. Tbh I think he's cheating or found someone else but I don't want to say that to her because it's obviously going to upset her. But I just can't stand seeing friends and women being treated like this. It's not normal for your boyfriend to drop off the grid with no explanation. You're not asking too much to celebrate your birthday with someone who is supposed to be your boyfriend.

How long have they been together?
This is happening over and over again for women.
Last night my friend was telling me about a man at work that loves the chase, loses interest as soon as he gets the woman and then moves on with no explanation.. Shits hit the fan because he’s done it to the new girl.

 

[Lalla]

How long have they been together?
This is happening over and over again for women.
Last night my friend was telling me about a man at work that loves the chase, loses interest as soon as he gets the woman and then moves on with no explanation.. Shits hit the fan because he’s done it to the new girl.

It's rubbish isn't it, these men just keep on the merry go round, and somehow still keep finding women to let down.

On the other hand I think some people expect too much - a friend of mine was bemoaning recently that her newish bf didn't buy her a birthday present, he took her for dinner and paid but apparently that wasn't good enough, she expected a present too and had a go at him about it. They are both on very low incomes so I don't see the big issue, she didn't buy him anything for his birthday either. But she expects more of a fuss - just like she expects him (and everyone else) to chauffeur her around as she doesn't drive.

 

[katyazamo]

How long have they been together?
This is happening over and over again for women.
Last night my friend was telling me about a man at work that loves the chase, loses interest as soon as he gets the woman and then moves on with no explanation.. Shits hit the fan because he’s done it to the new girl.

Barely any time at all. I think officially 6 weeks, they met around June. She's still clinging to hope that he's just going through a busy period (aren't we all ) and will come back when he's ready. But why bother? If he's already let her down within the first few months and flaked on her birthday then there's not much hope.

Dating and the apps does toughen you up to this kind of crap and you can usually sense these people a mile off. But it's always tit when you let your guard down for someone and end up hurt.

 

[candyland_]

Six weeks is a very short amount of time.. it sounds like the initial interest has burnt out for him.

Men always go 1000mph and bombard you at the beginning and then when they struggle to maintain that standard so of course you are going to wonder if something is wrong. In her shoes I would cut my loses because it will probably happen again.

Barely any time at all. I think officially 6 weeks, they met around June. She's still clinging to hope that he's just going through a busy period (aren't we all ) and will come back when he's ready. But why bother? If he's already let her down within the first few months and flaked on her birthday then there's not much hope.

Dating and the apps does toughen you up to this kind of crap and you can usually sense these people a mile off. But it's always tit when you let your guard down for someone and end up hurt.

 

[Belle123]

@Belle I'm sorry you have to go through that. I like your brave and assertive attitude, making the moves instead of passively waiting on him. Hope a good one comes along!

I went out with someone much older than me for the first time. For some reason I got an impression he was very controlling and his energy just gave me an ick. It seems to have left quite an impression on me, since last night I dreamed he folded all my clothes from the drying rack, proudly showing me, while I watched my panties and bras incredulously

Otherwise, I've been in a pretty miserable state of mind these past few days, probably still under the impact of getting stood up by someone for whom I travelled to another city + being surrounded by couples. I'll take any advice on how to keep my chin up.

Thank you I won’t lie, I’ve felt wobbly today. I miss him. I’m stupefied he’s ignored my messages. It’s a mind f*%# to experience this for the first time. He’s literally not replied to me and not broken things off in any direct way. I’m just glad I didn’t have time to develop deeper feelings, because even early on it feels cruel.

 

[candyland_]

Thank you I won’t lie, I’ve felt wobbly today. I miss him. I’m stupefied he’s ignored my messages. It’s a mind f*%# to experience this for the first time. He’s literally not replied to me and not broken things off in any direct way. I’m just glad I didn’t have time to develop deeper feelings, because even early on it feels cruel.

I hope you are feeling better today and you aren’t dwelling on it too much. His reaction shows that he isn’t worth it.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Thank you I won’t lie, I’ve felt wobbly today. I miss him. I’m stupefied he’s ignored my messages. It’s a mind f*%# to experience this for the first time. He’s literally not replied to me and not broken things off in any direct way. I’m just glad I didn’t have time to develop deeper feelings, because even early on it feels cruel.

Hope you’re feeling better today @Belle123 , it is needlessly cruel when people do this but you deserve far better than someone who would act like that. It’s no reflection on you.

 

[Sandor]

@Belle123 You be wobbly all you like. There is no excuse or context for anyone behaving like this. It’s not how people should treat each other. I hope you’re finding some comfort in your strength and ability to be upfront and honest because it is so empowering that you are so true to you

 

[candyland_]

There is men that are all about you from the beginning and they make it clear. If they’re not doing that then act cautiously.

On the flip side, and I am by no means sticking up for men, but so many people date multiple people in the early months. There’s even been posters on here who have had two dates on the same day.