I swear that's there go to message. I normally reply ' read back your messages as they normally send me to sleep'
Dating after lockdown #22 I want to break up, Cheese Boy.
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Bin it off lovethe guy i’m talking to literally doesn’t ask questions. but he’s cute. what to dooooo. tattle you have given me new standards
I’m not ready yet
Full disclosure: I had done the tattle thing & waited to see how long it would take him to ask me a question. The result was he went from texting full adult sentences with punctuation to….
It’s like watching a baby take its first steps. 🥲 He’s still recovering from the effort this took.
You’re wasting your time and your one sweet precious life with this nonsense. Don’t indulge him. It is just reinforcing and enabling lazy behaviour. Tell him he’s boring and move on. You’re better than this.
I would have deleted him after the first 5 minutes if he took that long just to ask how I am?I’m not ready yet
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It’s like watching a baby take its first steps. 🥲 He’s still recovering from the effort this took.
I only have Hinge but have a rule that I don't even consider people that don't match with a message attached that's related to what I've written in my profile, so Mr HowRU wouldn't stand a chance the poor bastard
So I met he-who-asks-nothing-about-me again last night. This is probably the 7th time we’ve met. I couldn’t help but ask a “how was your day” - it just comes naturally, surely that’s just a polite thing to say to someone. He wittered on and on for 10 minutes then I remembered my mission.
So from then, I made a point not to ask questions. I still made conversation, obviously, but talked about myself or my stories etc. and you know what? It was miles better. Hey, I’m old enough and ugly enough to know and admit where I might be going wrong. Perhaps I’m too fixated on peppering them with conversation and firing questions and paranoid about not talking about myself. Maybe this is a reflection on my approach, as when I chatted about me, he did engage to be fair to him.
Something to think about for me anyway!
So from then, I made a point not to ask questions. I still made conversation, obviously, but talked about myself or my stories etc. and you know what? It was miles better. Hey, I’m old enough and ugly enough to know and admit where I might be going wrong. Perhaps I’m too fixated on peppering them with conversation and firing questions and paranoid about not talking about myself. Maybe this is a reflection on my approach, as when I chatted about me, he did engage to be fair to him.
Something to think about for me anyway!
7 dates is good going, so you must like each other! I’m glad the dynamics improved for the better and you still want to see him. Dating is a constant learning process, especially about ourselves. It’s good to recognise where we can adjust things (as long as it’s reasonable and not bending over backwards to please an hole
). Hope it continues to get better and keep us posted! x
@Sprottish Was he asking questions to prompt you to start speaking about yourself or were you doing it because you’d already pre-decided that was the approach you were taking? Does he know that the reason you wanted to knock it on the head was because of the question thing?
ETA: raging that my little party hat is off-centre.
ETA: raging that my little party hat is off-centre.
@Sprottish I'm puzzled as to why 7 dates in you've not addressed this with him tbh? There must be a reason you keep persisting him plus to have gone on 7 dates you must be talking about something!
I mean, he still didn’t actually ask me anything directly but I don’t know if I’m over thinking it. Conversations with my mates don’t consist of direct questions, but this guy is supposed to be wanting to get to know me. I am usually paranoid about talking about myself but I just went for it, and he did show some interest and prompted conversation but still, it would be nice for someone to not be completely lazy and actually have an interest in me, my thoughts and opinions.@Sprottish Was he asking questions to prompt you to start speaking about yourself or were you doing it because you’d already pre-decided that was the approach you were taking? Does he know that the reason you wanted to knock it on the head was because of the question thing?
ETA: raging that my little party hat is off-centre.
Good point, perhaps he was making more effort because I had told him I wasn’t feeling it
. To be honest, I’m not over enamoured by him. He has a lot of traits I like (got his sh*t together, ambitious, self sufficient, busy life) but also a lot of things I REALLY don’t like but am trying to be open minded (I’m a fierce labour supporter and he is definitely not only a Tory but very anti-labour.) I try to not write off different political opinions right away any more but I can tell this is going to be an obstacle. He’s quite flashy too, and im a bit of scruff.
He is also 100% against having children, and I’m indifferent to the idea - as in, I don’t have a burning desire, but I haven’t written the idea off. I really did think I wanted to knock it on the head yesterday, I thought last night would be the final nail in the coffin and I could let him know in person. I’ve got to have a think! I just don’t feel blown away by him at all. There’s a fine line between settling for something, and having your expectations that something better is round the corner thanks to the ease of these bloody apps.
ALSO, the guy who gave me one word answers text the next day apologising for his short responses as he was busy all day. Paranoid he found my post
taking on board my own lessons from yesterday I replied in a less “interrogatory” firing questions manner and again, he’s a bit more engaging. Maybe these guys have got it right and chatting about yourself is the way to go, and I’m just prickly waiting for them to interview me. Anyway, I’ve agreed to meet him next weekend for a drink!
Sorry, missed this in the rambling in my last post!
Honestly, I think I made a rod for my own back for firing questions at him constantly for the first 4 dates or so. My go to is just ask them about family, uni, work, friends, childhood, if in doubt, ask something about them. It would be my advice to anyone to fill any first date silences! Now I’m rethinking that approach, as I think it just sets the precedent that they are going to expect to be able to talk about themselves.
I think this is the reason he’s so keen to always see me again and why I’m indifferent. I’ll be honest, I’ve not been overly excited to meet him each time, but I think in my attempts to be open minded I’m dragging it out a bit. Our last meeting I did have a conversation about it, I told him he showed no interest which he totally didn’t understand as he said it was always him persuing the next date (which is true), at this point was when I thought oh I give up.
You’re right, I think I need to be better at figuring out whether it’s for me or not.
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@Sprottish I just think that if curiosity, self awareness and to some extent empathy don’t come naturally to someone, to the point that it doesn’t occur to them to ask questions and show an interest in someone they’re dating until they’re physically told to do so, that’s a pretty big red flag. He might be able to assume the role of “interested and engaging” for a bit now you’ve told him it’s bothering you, but he will revert to type eventually and you’ll be on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories once more because that’s just who he is. I don’t know, I just don’t get a good feeling about him at all.
No you are totally right! This time 24 hours ago I’d sigh when he text, really debated wriggling out of seeing him, and had told him I think we should call it a day, so I really shouldn’t be pleased that he managed to engage in a normal conversation@Sprottish I just think that if curiosity, self awareness and to some extent empathy don’t come naturally to someone, to the point that it doesn’t occur to them to ask questions and show an interest in someone they’re dating until they’re physically told to do so, that’s a pretty big red flag. He might be able to assume the role of “interested and engaging” for a bit now you’ve told him it’s bothering you, but he will revert to type eventually and you’ll be on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories once more because that’s just who he is. I don’t know, I just don’t get a good feeling about him at all.
Man, the bar is so low, isn’t it!
Thanks for always giving me clarity ladies
Where are all the decent, lovely men? I work for a private health clinic and a long existing patient has been in for the first time in over a year and he is the most lovely man. He’s a very successful man but isn’t flash with it (not that that is overly important but he has his tit together), he’s very complimentary and not in a creepy way, he asks lots of questions and is interested in and listens to your answer, he’s easy to chat to and has lots of stories but doesn’t make it about himself, has kids and is absolutely besotted with them but lives his life too, easy on the eye but not a standout stunner if that makes sense, just an absolute gent. Sadly, not for him but us lovely single ladies, he’s happily married, but as soon as he left I asked my boss where are all the men like him? Is he a dying breed and these men have all been snapped up, or are they still out there but just difficult to find.
Sorry, no reason for this post, just a rant after zero possibilities on the apps and chatting with this guy for 30 minutes makes me think it’s hopeless
Sorry, no reason for this post, just a rant after zero possibilities on the apps and chatting with this guy for 30 minutes makes me think it’s hopeless
I love that you are still trying with him but I just feel that you will be telling us the same about him in a month's time. It's ok to say do you know what you are a decent guy but you are not right for me and walk away. Personally i view these kind of men as time wasters, no spark, no heart or f**ny flutters with them just nice guys to fill a boring evening with. Thing is now I'd rather spend that time with myself doing things I want to do rather than sitting across from a man that doesn't excite me. I hope you figure it out and do what is best for you ultimately.No you are totally right! This time 24 hours ago I’d sigh when he text, really debated wriggling out of seeing him, and had told him I think we should call it a day, so I really shouldn’t be pleased that he managed to engage in a normal conversation
Man, the bar is so low, isn’t it!
Thanks for always giving me clarity ladies
Just a little update from moi ..I'm the chatty queen at the mo...currently have a head teacher, medical sales guy, it consultant x2, an engineer and a warehouse person and 2x soldiers on the go! I know right ?! Like buses ! Have no plans to meet any of them at the mo but it is nice to have some chatty friends and so far all have been very friendly and dare I say nice!
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Get you @Bagpuss7 and practically gasping in amazement at not one but is it six chatty "nice" guys. Flipping heck
Haha & the blase "I have no plans to meet any of them" Bagpuss is the one to watch I reckon.i know?! SIX?!
@Bagpuss7 - share the love you lucky thing! i’ll be selfless and take one of the soldiers
8 but who's countingGet you @Bagpuss7 and practically gasping in amazement at not one but is it six chatty "nice" guys. Flipping heck
Haha & the blase "I have no plans to meet any of them" Bagpuss is the one to watch I reckon.
@Bagpuss7 is the true playboy of this thread and i absolutely love it.bagpuss can you teach a seminar or something? i’ll take notes!
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