Sorry it’s kind of dating related, you all give such good advice. How do you all deal with conflict with men/in relationships? Me and my man are having issues with conflict, because whenever either of us does something which annoys/upsets the other, we accept the others apology verbally, but don’t put the forgiveness in to action, which then drags it on. This is what I’ve taken from my reflection on the situation today anyway 
Yesterday we had a tiny disagreement which due to both of us not accepting eachothers apologies became a huge deal. Backstory is, he’s going to a festival for the weekend and I’m seeing a friend on the Saturday. We can see eachother Monday for a few hours and then I’m going away for a week.
He referred to a friend he was going to the festival with as ‘the girl you don’t like’. I said no, she’s the girl who I’ve met once and have a bad first impression of because she was rude to me, don’t frame this as a me problem. He understood and apologised. I felt upset by the comment even after the apology and made a comment about how he doesn’t invite me to some things I’d like to go to. I know in hindsight that was an unreasonable comment because they booked before we met but I just felt a bit meh because he was going with a mixed group of people from different friend groups, and I know had the tables been turned I’d have offered him to come with me and my mates.
He then got visually irritated by me saying that, and my reaction then is to freak out and be like aaa are you okay do you hate me?! Over and over because I hate fighting and it triggers some trauma in me. He can happily leave an argument and go to sleep, go to work etc without a conclusion, whereas I don’t like things to drag out so would rather sort it, say sorry and be back to normal. He left mine still in a bit of a mood, which was making me feel anxious so then I googled the presale and text him saying I checked and it was when we were together and I felt left out but it’s fine let’s get over it. This was a bad move because if someone checked up on what i said I’d be so pissed off, and he did get them before we got together. He told me he’s disappointed I don’t trust him, and I fully apologised for doing that and acknowledged what id done wasn’t good and that I do trust him. He spoke to me a bit via text, but coldly. Then he just didn’t reply or say a word for 13 hours. I googled when the festival finished and gave him a ring, just to see he was alright because we normally talk all through the day so it’s a long time to go, and I felt anxious which was ruining my night. My call went through on no caller I’d, I realised this straight away and turned my caller id on, and rang back so he’d know it was me. He took this as me checking up on him hiding my name and refused to talk to me on the phone, he messaged reassurance but wouldn’t hear me out so didn’t know my reason. I was drunk and knew he was pissed off at me so I was begging for him to just speak to me and tell me everything is okay which he wouldn’t.
We spoke this morning and he said he didn’t think it was weird that he said nothing and he didn’t want to speak to me last night. I know that his normal non argument self wouldn’t just say nothing for all them hours, and he was still pissed off. He was being quite snidey at some points of the call and when I said shall I let you go he was like yes please in a tone that made it feel like I was a huge burden. Having a DMC with your girlfriend for 45 minutes when you’re supposed to be having fun is a burden, but the chain reaction that came from was the fact he didn’t accept my apology and stayed in a mood with me for literally 24 hours.
Sorry for this big ramble but it’s the same if he does something which upsets me, but I go over and over and over the same issue until he’s stressed and upset because he doesn’t know what he can do to make it better. This is also exactly how I feel when he does his version. He wants to go silent and that then stresses and upsets me. I know he loves me and I love him so much too I just really want to fix this one aspect of the relationship because it’s the only issue I’d say we have
Yesterday we had a tiny disagreement which due to both of us not accepting eachothers apologies became a huge deal. Backstory is, he’s going to a festival for the weekend and I’m seeing a friend on the Saturday. We can see eachother Monday for a few hours and then I’m going away for a week.
He referred to a friend he was going to the festival with as ‘the girl you don’t like’. I said no, she’s the girl who I’ve met once and have a bad first impression of because she was rude to me, don’t frame this as a me problem. He understood and apologised. I felt upset by the comment even after the apology and made a comment about how he doesn’t invite me to some things I’d like to go to. I know in hindsight that was an unreasonable comment because they booked before we met but I just felt a bit meh because he was going with a mixed group of people from different friend groups, and I know had the tables been turned I’d have offered him to come with me and my mates.
He then got visually irritated by me saying that, and my reaction then is to freak out and be like aaa are you okay do you hate me?! Over and over because I hate fighting and it triggers some trauma in me. He can happily leave an argument and go to sleep, go to work etc without a conclusion, whereas I don’t like things to drag out so would rather sort it, say sorry and be back to normal. He left mine still in a bit of a mood, which was making me feel anxious so then I googled the presale and text him saying I checked and it was when we were together and I felt left out but it’s fine let’s get over it. This was a bad move because if someone checked up on what i said I’d be so pissed off, and he did get them before we got together. He told me he’s disappointed I don’t trust him, and I fully apologised for doing that and acknowledged what id done wasn’t good and that I do trust him. He spoke to me a bit via text, but coldly. Then he just didn’t reply or say a word for 13 hours. I googled when the festival finished and gave him a ring, just to see he was alright because we normally talk all through the day so it’s a long time to go, and I felt anxious which was ruining my night. My call went through on no caller I’d, I realised this straight away and turned my caller id on, and rang back so he’d know it was me. He took this as me checking up on him hiding my name and refused to talk to me on the phone, he messaged reassurance but wouldn’t hear me out so didn’t know my reason. I was drunk and knew he was pissed off at me so I was begging for him to just speak to me and tell me everything is okay which he wouldn’t.
We spoke this morning and he said he didn’t think it was weird that he said nothing and he didn’t want to speak to me last night. I know that his normal non argument self wouldn’t just say nothing for all them hours, and he was still pissed off. He was being quite snidey at some points of the call and when I said shall I let you go he was like yes please in a tone that made it feel like I was a huge burden. Having a DMC with your girlfriend for 45 minutes when you’re supposed to be having fun is a burden, but the chain reaction that came from was the fact he didn’t accept my apology and stayed in a mood with me for literally 24 hours.
Sorry for this big ramble but it’s the same if he does something which upsets me, but I go over and over and over the same issue until he’s stressed and upset because he doesn’t know what he can do to make it better. This is also exactly how I feel when he does his version. He wants to go silent and that then stresses and upsets me. I know he loves me and I love him so much too I just really want to fix this one aspect of the relationship because it’s the only issue I’d say we have
Im not bothered he was with her, he wouldn't cheat on me. I think it just upsets me when he does things which he knows will upset me, in the same way he probably feels annoyed when i do things which i know will upset him. We need to deal with conflict as a couple still instead of being 2 separate people only thinking of themselves
I’d go out for dates with him but I’m not sure I can see it going further romantically. (Sorry thinking out loud lol)
we used to go out for nights out when we was younger so we know each other well! A blast from the past. Im keeping my options well and truly open though.
