Oh goodness! This gave me a light chuckle as it really confirms that we never know what men really think! How are you feeling about his response? Do you still want to meet up with him?I've messaged him to cancel. You're all right that option 2 makes sense. It feels wrong to be anything other than cheerful/friendly, so wanted to keep it light. But re-reading it, it sounds way too friendlyOops. But at least it's done.
"Hey! Hope you're having a good day. I think we've probably both reached the same conclusion over the past week. Totally understand if it's too late for tomorrow, but I'd like to cancel my [X] subscription, can you sort? x"
EDIT: duck. Sorry, me again and his response has confused me.
Well.... not exactly the same conclusion! I've had a very busy week and been working days and nights. But I understand if its the conclusion you've come to, I needed a few more adventures and a bit more time to know for sure. I can cancel the subscription, of course, but would still like to see you tomorrow if thats ok x
Dating after lockdown #19 Opened Tinder. Saw “👉🏻👌🏻 ?”. Closed Tinder.
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Yes, I still want to see him because I'm mad about him.
Don't. He is playing with you: "needed a few more adventures"??? Please.Yes, I still want to see him because I'm mad about him.
He is simply trying to keep you warm. Don't be his toy.
I don’t get good vibes from this sorry. These men never go quietly, he can feel you slipping away and now you’ve sent a dignified, firm text he’s just tryna claw you back.
“A few more adventures” also makes me suss, it’s all fun-related and non-commital, and in line with the fact that he’s looking for anything serious. I’m sure he does wanna see you, but it doesn’t change anything
@Mr Sparkle It looks pretty clear to me. He wants to carry on shagging around having adventures and has no intention of making any kind of commitment to you. He’s packaged that message up in some very flowery language that’s designed to confuse and manipulate you, but that’s ultimately what he’s saying.
It’s great that he’s managed to make time in his busy week to update his dating profile though. Priorities and all that..
It’s great that he’s managed to make time in his busy week to update his dating profile though. Priorities and all that..
Thanks lads, it really does feel like breadcrumbing. Haha @ThreeSteaksPam you're so right, it would've taken two seconds to say "I'm thinking about things, can we speak on Friday".
His response just made me feel guilty for a couple of minutes and now I've spoken to my sis/BIL and feel better. Wtf is this
His response just made me feel guilty for a couple of minutes and now I've spoken to my sis/BIL and feel better. Wtf is this
There really is no need to feel guilty.
You are respecting yourself by drawing and enforcing a boundary. Well done! Maybe you can treat yourself to something nice?
@Mr Sparkle that’s so crappy of him. He’s had time to update his dating profile he’s definitely had the time to be in touch with you.
I honestly don’t know how we navigate this modern dating.
I honestly don’t know how we navigate this modern dating.
The worst thing is enforcing your boundaries NEVER feels good at the time. You’re guaranteed to get back a confusing and manipulative response and suddenly you’re questioning everything. Why are they like this? Why can’t they just bleeping hold their hands up and let us walk away when they clearly don’t want us. It’s the ultimate prize for them - push us to the edge and see if they can claw us back one last time.
@Mr Sparkle he knows you’ve had enough and now he’s scrambling. I guarantee that if you go back and politely tell him to get tae duck he’ll definitely gaslight and confuse you some more, but in a few weeks time you will be soooo glad you did. I promise
@Mr Sparkle he knows you’ve had enough and now he’s scrambling. I guarantee that if you go back and politely tell him to get tae duck he’ll definitely gaslight and confuse you some more, but in a few weeks time you will be soooo glad you did. I promise
What the hell does “needed a few more adventures and a bit more time to know for sure” mean?! That he wanted to go and shag around a bit before he committed to you, or he wanted to test drive the girlfriend experience with you some more before deciding? Either way that is a shady sentence.I've messaged him to cancel. You're all right that option 2 makes sense. It feels wrong to be anything other than cheerful/friendly, so wanted to keep it light. But re-reading it, it sounds way too friendly
"Hey! Hope you're having a good day. I think we've probably both reached the same conclusion over the past week. Totally understand if it's too late for tomorrow, but I'd like to cancel my [X] subscription, can you sort? x"
EDIT: duck. Sorry, me again and his response has confused me.
Well.... not exactly the same conclusion! I've had a very busy week and been working days and nights. But I understand if its the conclusion you've come to, I needed a few more adventures and a bit more time to know for sure. I can cancel the subscription, of course, but would still like to see you tomorrow if thats ok x
This message has made me angry on your behalf - it is a deliberate mind duck. It says I’ve been too busy to prioritise you, you’ve jumped to a conclusion prematurely, I still want to see you despite that but I’m still not sure what I want.
@Mr Sparkle It looks pretty clear to me. He wants to carry onshagging aroundhaving adventures and has no intention of making any kind of commitment to you. He’s packaged that message up in some very flowery language that’s designed to confuse and manipulate you, but that’s ultimately what he’s saying.
It’s great that he’s managed to make time in his busy week to update his dating profile though. Priorities and all that..
it makes me lol how they use these fancy words to dress up ‘I just want a sh*g’ lol if sleeping around is his idea of adventures he’s got a tit empty life lolI wholly agree! I’d probably have to quote it back at him with a few ??? and see what he said next. He’s either implying the shagging around a bit more scenario or dicking about over committing - and hoping it’s enough to keep you on the hook
do not see him tomorrow.Yes, I still want to see him because I'm mad about him.
that response makes me want to take whatever he was delivering and chuck it in his face. calling shagging around “adventures” doesn’t make it sound all cute and whimsical
he is absolutely breadcrumbing you. close the door
in his face. he likes knowing that you’re there and giving you just enough hope that you’ll still be around - don’t give them that satisfaction. what an absolute tool.
What gets me is do these men actually think their going to find someone who will be up for a man who doesn’t want anything serious and just wants sex! It’s like in their minds theirs plenty of girls out there so sod it.. all of us girls on tattle don’t want that, what girls do want that? They’ll be in for a shock when months go by and they’ve had no action or female attention because no girl wants to know a guy who won’t commit. Yes they do commit if they meet someone who they can’t imagine loosing but that’s not often because their so pig headed they think there’s always something better out there. Adventures thoughI wholly agree! I’d probably have to quote it back at him with a few ??? and see what he said next. He’s either implying the shagging around a bit more scenario or dicking about over committing - and hoping it’s enough to keep you on the hook
they’ll end up old and lonely carrying on like this. And look back at the flurry of decent women they’ve turned down And regret taking anything seriously.I’d tell him to take an adventure to the sti clinic lol. She deserves better! Never settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole damn cakedo not see him tomorrow.
that response makes me want to take whatever he was delivering and chuck it in his face. calling shagging around “adventures” doesn’t make it sound all cute and whimsical
he is absolutely breadcrumbing you. close the door
in his face. he likes knowing that you’re there and giving you just enough hope that you’ll still be around - don’t give them that satisfaction. what an absolute tool.
I’m so sick of these tossersWhen your on your break at work already feeling abit crappy about your empty love life then the busker outside starts singing ‘hero’
I say I give up but I can’t let go of the hope I’m abit of a romantic lolYeah, the more I think about that message the angrier I am.
The adventure part I think does refer to plans with me as he was due to join me on a little adventure I'm taking next month, rather than sleeping around. But then I remember the fact that he updated his dating profile before updating me and... Yeah, who knows.
The adventure part I think does refer to plans with me as he was due to join me on a little adventure I'm taking next month, rather than sleeping around. But then I remember the fact that he updated his dating profile before updating me and... Yeah, who knows.
I’d ask about the updating profile thing tbh. Just say well I thought it was a rational assumption that you’d reached a certain conclusion given you updated your dating profile but
I remember a conversation early in my app days with a guy that was going fine and then suddenly wanted to know when I’d last had sex. I didn’t answer (but it was only a couple of days before 
) and threw it back so then said he’d not had any action for months. He then asked me if I liked my 
being filled up?
I did ask if hehad considered whether being sexually violent in his messages might have something to do with it, gave him time to read and unmatched.
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex but it still needs to be a respectful exchange/experience. Like do they actually think that kind of language to a stranger is flirtatious? It’s like they’ve forgotten they can be nice, get their leg over and everyone can part ways happy if they’re just NORMAL about the whole thing. No need to be sexually aggressive, no need to make out it’s more than it is. As if we don’t know what they’re doing! It’s the extremes that are exhausting.
) and threw it back so then said he’d not had any action for months. He then asked me if I liked my being filled up? I did ask if hehad considered whether being sexually violent in his messages might have something to do with it, gave him time to read and unmatched.
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex but it still needs to be a respectful exchange/experience. Like do they actually think that kind of language to a stranger is flirtatious? It’s like they’ve forgotten they can be nice, get their leg over and everyone can part ways happy if they’re just NORMAL about the whole thing. No need to be sexually aggressive, no need to make out it’s more than it is. As if we don’t know what they’re doing! It’s the extremes that are exhausting.
You’re so right! I despair! A lot of these guys don’t actually get much action, they blend into the crowd on these apps. But they think they have all these women to explore. It’s deluded! Take the guy who recently almost had a date in the bag with me, but let slip how horny he is and, bam, I walked. He’d only had one date in 2 years (he wasn’t unattractive in the least, just fairly average looking) and he utterly f%#*ed up his opportunity because hisWhat gets me is do these men actually think their going to find someone who will be up for a man who doesn’t want anything serious and just wants sex! It’s like in their minds theirs plenty of girls out there so sod it.. all of us girls on tattle don’t want that, what girls do want that? They’ll be in for a shock when months go by and they’ve had no action or female attention because no girl wants to know a guy who won’t commit. Yes they do commit if they meet someone who they can’t imagine loosing but that’s not often because their so pig headed they think there’s always something better out there. Adventures though
did the thinking/talking. Classic example of a man who could ill afford to make the mistake… but he still did it!There are women who will give them just a shag though; casual sex is rife. Some do it because it’s exactly what they want, which is fair enough, and others get caught in a trap. By all means sleep with men when you want to, but having sex, even regularly with a man, does not equal a relationship. If we’re honest, many women make that mistake. It’s nothing new. We’ve just got to keep going and hope we eventually bump into someone who does want to settle down.
I think you’re well within your rights to ask ‘what is it about me and the time we’ve spent together that still means you have doubts or are unsure?
It feels like you enjoy the relationship experience but are afraid of a label.
Equally do you realise that not speaking to me but finding time whilst “working days and nights” to update your dating profile sends a pretty conclusive message about your priorities?’
I’d love to see how he tries to wriggle off that hook!
Ultimately this is a tit situation - you want to be in a relationship with him, he’s taking it so far but refusing to fully commit whilst not really explaining why. You’ve tried to set a boundary and he’s tried to play mind games so you’ll feel guilty and allow him to continue his dithering, enjoy a trip away with you, all the while making no effort to meet your need for clarity over commitment.
I hate it when men say they’re not looking for anything serious/ a relationship / just looking for fun as though being in a relationship is a hellish state, void of enjoyment or amusement. Either they’ve been in relationships with the wrong people or what they mean is they want to continue to play the field.
So why not just say “I am not ready for any kind of commitment, I want to focus on myself and my needs/wants before anything else, I want to keep my options open and be able to shag other women as and when the chance presents itself but I’d like to see you when I feel like it.” The reason why is that many women who have gone to the effort of joining a dating site are looking for more than that and if they’re honest they won’t get any dates.
Modern dating really can be toxic and deeply depressing.
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