I think you should be honest and tell him what is going on in your life.
Sounds almost like the Tinder Swindler...I was expecting you to say he started to ask her for money! He sounds dodgy, your friend had a lucky escape by the sounds of it xMen looooove using us for free therapy. My friend went on this amazing first date with a guy who told her on the night that he was moving to Sweden the following weekSeemed suss to me, I just don't see why you'd splash out on a lavish date days before you leave the country? Unless you wanted to ensure you had someone to visit you that is, and more importantly a guaranteed shag while you were away. He offered to buy her a plane ticket to visit him the next month which she was blown away by... But it all seemed a bit lovebomby to me tbh. Like they barely knew eachother, and he shouldn't really have been dating in the first place. I mean who willingly enters into a LDR unless the distance works to their advantage. She was super excited though so I didn't say anything.
She did visit him but things eventually ended, basically because he starting calling her all the time moaning about work and having meltdowns about really stressful days he had. She told him that he needed to chill tf out with it because it was really overwhelming for her and they were only seeing each other at that point. Obviously he didn't like that and things eventually fizzled, after which she realised he was just using her for emotional labour. He obviously thought he could buy a girlfriend experience for the price of a plane ticket every few months.
For me the decider was him buying her another plane ticket without asking, for a weekend when she already had plans. Clearly if he's not even consulting her then the 'relationship' (of sorts) that they have is all about what works for and what she can do for him, and he likely had another girl to offer it to - if not several - that he had on the go already
. I knew in my soul he wouldn't be dating anyone else because we were messaging all the time, going on really extravagant dates and he's a dr so works quite a lot, but still
. The month after we made it official. Maybe if you go out for drinks or something bring it up then, so it can be done more jovially? I think the pressure of sitting down formally to ask these things makes the situation worse, so if it can happen whilst tipsy it takes that edge off.Literally this. And I loose because I’m a naturally caring person. I like to make sure someone is ok, say good morning, if they ate, if they drove home safely. And that comes across as being keen and they hate that. I’d have to put on an act of being a careless person and that just isn’t me
Hope you’re ok! Or as ok as can be in this situation. Tbh if it’s been a couple of months, and it sounds like everything’s being going really well too, I would 100% reach out to him for support if you want it from him. At this point if he’s not willing to give it (which I’m sure he would be) then that’s enough of an indicator that he isn’t really serious anyway. But there’s no harm in also putting exclusivity feelers out as well, even if you do it in a kind of vague way (which is what I’d do cos I’m tit at being direct!)
I'm very much the same, the guy I started dating last month is now on holiday for month. He's in Sri Lanka now and with all the civil unrest etc I just worry and want to make sure he's alive without coming across like a right loony!
That’s totally understandable your worried though! Though I think they do like having someone who cares when they are wanting to build a relationship. So it is a good tester of how they take it too. He’d probably appreciate you checking in or I’d think so anyway
Gonna plan a fun evening for myself this coming week seeing as no ones biting
?” immediately closed tinder.that sounds like a good plan. i’ve just made plans with a friend to go to a new portuguese restaurant that’s opened near us, so looking forward to a fun evening too. the apps really are awful right now.Randomly decided I wanted to go on a date, just have fun and get dressed up so have been actively trying on the apps today and just? Zero responses or dead ones, nothing fun or exciting. I just want a bit of something!!
For crying out loud!! These tales are what’s stopping me creating a profile again!reopened my tinder for the first time in weeks, saw a message from a guy who (honestly) i must have matched with in a moment of complete weakness. the full content of the message is “
to ask the question again: WHY MEN?
that sounds like a good plan. i’ve just made plans with a friend to go to a new portuguese restaurant that’s opened near us, so looking forward to a fun evening too. the apps really are awful right now.
Well, I guess it’s his problem too if you are in a relationship! Some me time is always necessary, being together does not makes you one single person, but you are stronger together and can deal with problems much more effectively. You have your right to count on him and his support, shouldn’t be a one way thing. As women, we are often taught to do the emotional labour for all the people around us ourselves, but it’s so wrong and so draining.I remember you mentioning him I think, I thought of you when I posted! It is quite frustrating,I can’t believe someone you hadn’t even met was using you to offload on.,, it’s one thing having a stranger listen to you (like on here!) where they can take it or leave it but in a dating scenario that’s just super weird! Yeah you’re right - I think a lot of myreaction is rooted in the totally unfounded insecurity about my job being so much ‘worse’ than his, like if I moan about work it’s quite inconsequential stuff (although in this case it was actually a safety issue) so I’m already primed before I’ve even started to feel like it’s not worth telling him about, which is my problem not his. But he could try a bit harder
I agree, it’s a huge red flag, doesn’t get redder than this. If they are ready to offload on you at this stage, it’s only going to get worse as the time passes. Now if I saw something like that, I’d run for the heels! A big part of being an adult is taking the responsibility for your actions and dealing with your problems yourself (or with a therapist who gets paid for it!).This is why I believe people going through too much while they are single should stay single until they’ve got a few things sorted in their life so someone else isn’t having to have it on their shoulders too. Even been there myself had to take time out as I wouldn’t of wanted my issues to of become someone else’s. (Unfortunately that time out has lasted a lot longer than I expected) I get everyone needs support and it’s nice to give your support but draining when it’s all you ever talk about and if it’s not a husband/serious relationship abit of a red flag!
On top of being creepy and inappropriate, this is also incredibly cringey. Just imagine being a grown-ass man and writing like a horny 18-year-old. Just ewww. Garbage took itself out!the full content of the message is “
We all have these meh days every once in a while!
reopened my tinder for the first time in weeks, saw a message from a guy who (honestly) i must have matched with in a moment of complete weakness. the full content of the message is “
to ask the question again: WHY MEN?
that sounds like a good plan. i’ve just made plans with a friend to go to a new portuguese restaurant that’s opened near us, so looking forward to a fun evening too. the apps really are awful right now.
It really does sum up online dating, doesn't it? ?”. Closed Tinder.omg what an honour!!I want to nominate this for a thread title!
Dating after lockdown #19 Opened Tinder. Saw “
Acting half his age as if he’s a teenage boy who’s just got Snapchat for the first time and can’t hold back his excitement lolomg what an honour!!
it absolutely does sadly, and that “man” was THIRTY-FOUR YEARS OLD.
Yesssss lolI want to nominate this for a thread title!
Dating after lockdown #19 Opened Tinder. Saw “
I’m going to need a glass of wine before I re download hinge I think! And any belters are getting put on here for us ladies to laugh at
