Dating after lockdown #18 Show me your c*ck and I will block
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This article is so good! I loved the part where they talk about not looking for validation. A lot of hard work is required to achieve this mindset and be comfortable, but it’s amazing and so worth it. I’m currently going through a rough patch and I’m honestly so glad I don’t have relationship problems adding up to that. The very idea of going out with someone I don’t know well seems repulsive to me at the moment (so not in the spirit of this thread, sorry!).@TillyMiffin - that’s amazing
further to my recent blip ladies i can heartily recommend this article:
These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving
“I find that I have more confidence and security within myself.”www.buzzfeednews.com
and also these tracee ellis ross quotes because what a queen:
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going to take her advice and make myself a beautiful meal tonightx
The quote is
as well! What’s the meal going to be?
I was so embarrassed. I wish I’d have screenshot what he said. It was along the lines of ‘what a great opening message, so different to the one word messages I usually get, however at this juncture my name is Richard’This is bloody hilarious
then he blocked me
it is, isn’t it?! just what i needed to read todayThis article is so good! I loved the part where they talk about not looking for validation. A lot of hard work is required to achieve this mindset and be comfortable, but it’s amazing and so worth it. I’m currently going through a rough patch and I’m honestly so glad I don’t have relationship problems adding up to that. The very idea of going out with someone I don’t know well seems repulsive to me at the moment (so not in the spirit of this thread, sorry!).
The quote is
going with a chicken teriyaki stir-fry and a nice class of white, with a podcast for mood music
That sounds lovely!it is, isn’t it?! just what i needed to read today
going with a chicken teriyaki stir-fry and a nice class of white, with a podcast for mood music
Hahahah actual laugh out loud. It’s worth joining the apps for the sheer laugh you get outta em sometimes lolI was so embarrassed. I wish I’d have screenshot what he said. It was along the lines of ‘what a great opening message, so different to the one word messages I usually get, however at this juncture my name is Richard’
It’s not normal to want to end your relationship every month is it? I’m blaming hormones but I don’t know if there’s more to it.
I posted at the time but the backstory is we met in 2019.. We were amazing and then he had a slump into depression that he hid from me. It broke my heart but we got through it each time but I keep having moments of ‘Do I want this anymore?’ He knows that I have these wobbles but I can’t stop them from happening. Sometimes it feels like there’s always one thing or another going on with him but he still expects me to sit and wait around for him to sort whatever the problem is.
He can be an amazing person and I do love him but I feel like each time something has cropped up I’ve closed off that little bit more. Last night I ended up telling him to just text me when he’s sorted himself out and wants to see me but I haven’t heard anything from him.
No point to this really I just wanted to get it out somewhere that isn’t to my friends.
I posted at the time but the backstory is we met in 2019.. We were amazing and then he had a slump into depression that he hid from me. It broke my heart but we got through it each time but I keep having moments of ‘Do I want this anymore?’ He knows that I have these wobbles but I can’t stop them from happening. Sometimes it feels like there’s always one thing or another going on with him but he still expects me to sit and wait around for him to sort whatever the problem is.
He can be an amazing person and I do love him but I feel like each time something has cropped up I’ve closed off that little bit more. Last night I ended up telling him to just text me when he’s sorted himself out and wants to see me but I haven’t heard anything from him.
No point to this really I just wanted to get it out somewhere that isn’t to my friends.
The ‘sometimes it feels like there’s always something going on with him and I’m expected to wait’ bit I can so relate to. Felt like that with my ex, like he was always dealing with something that he wouldn’t properly let me in on so I couldn’t help or be there for him just had to hang around waiting. It’s a bit soul destroying tbh if it goes on for too long. I did the opposite to you and ended up trying to be a fixer which tbh just drove him away more and made him shut off from me but it was so frustrating being expected to just watch and do nothing. Admire you telling him to sort himself out first
I remember this at the start of the threads and honestly if you are still having these feelings maybe it’s not the right relationship or maybe you both need to communicate better.
It really is hard to give advice when you don’t know both people and how the relationship is day to day.
I would be keen on the lack of care from not responding when things are tough but that’s me
Good vibes!it is, isn’t it?! just what i needed to read today
going with a chicken teriyaki stir-fry and a nice class of white, with a podcast for mood music
On that topic, yesterday I started my first bullet journal, got a bunch of pens and stencils, even did some drawings which I liked so much. I was addicted to these things when I was younger, but I haven't done it since before uni which was a long time ago! The evening flew by without a single thought, mind blown lol!
This sounds amazing!going with a chicken teriyaki stir-fry and a nice class of white, with a podcast for mood music
That’s funny, but in all honestly he overreacted. No need to block. Did he really expect you, a complete stranger, to remember his name after seeing it once? Why men…I was so embarrassed. I wish I’d have screenshot what he said. It was along the lines of ‘what a great opening message, so different to the one word messages I usually get, however at this juncture my name is Richard’
Little relationship rant here sorry
Not to be sexist at all… but anyone find men are VERY good at letting you listen to all their venting/problems but only in the mood to do the same for you now and then?
Mine acknowledges and is always grateful for me listening to him going on about stuff whether it’s work family whatever… and also acknowledges he isn’t as good at it (his words) but today I just wanted a little moan and his response is just to be flippant and try and be funny. Like my default setting is wanting to have a joke so I guess maybe he thinks that’s what I want but I feel like on the rare occasion I just want to feel listened to, give me a bit back
Not to be sexist at all… but anyone find men are VERY good at letting you listen to all their venting/problems but only in the mood to do the same for you now and then?
Mine acknowledges and is always grateful for me listening to him going on about stuff whether it’s work family whatever… and also acknowledges he isn’t as good at it (his words) but today I just wanted a little moan and his response is just to be flippant and try and be funny. Like my default setting is wanting to have a joke so I guess maybe he thinks that’s what I want but I feel like on the rare occasion I just want to feel listened to, give me a bit back
Jeez, this is so true, nothing sexist about that. They are also hilariously good at sensing your empathy - been there myself. I once ended up as a free therapist for someone I never met, he complained to me about everything from his mother to his bitchy ex to his lack of sleep before I realised what was going on and blocked him. I say duck that, we don’t need this negativity! Seeing this is your actual partner, I think you need to have a talk with him and explain your position. You totally deserve being equally listened to!Little relationship rant here sorry
Not to be sexist at all… but anyone find men are VERY good at letting you listen to all their venting/problems but only in the mood to do the same for you now and then?
Mine acknowledges and is always grateful for me listening to him going on about stuff whether it’s work family whatever… and also acknowledges he isn’t as good at it (his words) but today I just wanted a little moan and his response is just to be flippant and try and be funny. Like my default setting is wanting to have a joke so I guess maybe he thinks that’s what I want but I feel like on the rare occasion I just want to feel listened to, give me a bit back
I remember you mentioning him I think, I thought of you when I posted! It is quite frustrating,I can’t believe someone you hadn’t even met was using you to offload on.,, it’s one thing having a stranger listen to you (like on here!) where they can take it or leave it but in a dating scenario that’s just super weird! Yeah you’re right - I think a lot of myreaction is rooted in the totally unfounded insecurity about my job being so much ‘worse’ than his, like if I moan about work it’s quite inconsequential stuff (although in this case it was actually a safety issue) so I’m already primed before I’ve even started to feel like it’s not worth telling him about, which is my problem not his. But he could try a bit harder
So just doing a little late night swiping as you do...and came across this gem. 'Steve' sounds such a gent! Where do I sign 
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Oh wow is that Colin firth?So just doing a little late night swiping as you do...and came across this gem. 'Steve' sounds such a gent! Where do I sign
This is why I believe people going through too much while they are single should stay single until they’ve got a few things sorted in their life so someone else isn’t having to have it on their shoulders too. Even been there myself had to take time out as I wouldn’t of wanted my issues to of become someone else’s. (Unfortunately that time out has lasted a lot longer than I expected
) I get everyone needs support and it’s nice to give your support but draining when it’s all you ever talk about and if it’s not a husband/serious relationship abit of a red flag!
Morning all, how's everyone doing?
I'm feeling like it's getting to the point where I need to have a bit of an exclusivity/"where are we at" talk with the guy I'm seeing.
Partly because I'm having a really rough time personally with some family news at the moment and would really like to be able to call this guy up for a hug and a cry (he's aware of the situation), but feel like I can't/shouldn't because we're not at that point yet.
I keep wanting to tell him how I'm feeling but holding back because he's really reserved in that sense, and my personal situation is so sensitive and horrible currently that I couldn't deal with it if his response to the suggestion of exclusivity is anything other than an enthusiastic "yes please".
So for that reason I think I should hold off and keep a distance for a bit? Does that sound sensible and like what you guys would do in this situation? We last saw each other when he left my flat on Monday morning and we've only exchanged a few texts since, so he doesn't know I've been a mess this week.
I'm feeling like it's getting to the point where I need to have a bit of an exclusivity/"where are we at" talk with the guy I'm seeing.
Partly because I'm having a really rough time personally with some family news at the moment and would really like to be able to call this guy up for a hug and a cry (he's aware of the situation), but feel like I can't/shouldn't because we're not at that point yet.
I keep wanting to tell him how I'm feeling but holding back because he's really reserved in that sense, and my personal situation is so sensitive and horrible currently that I couldn't deal with it if his response to the suggestion of exclusivity is anything other than an enthusiastic "yes please".
So for that reason I think I should hold off and keep a distance for a bit? Does that sound sensible and like what you guys would do in this situation? We last saw each other when he left my flat on Monday morning and we've only exchanged a few texts since, so he doesn't know I've been a mess this week.
How long have you been dating for? Do you think he is still dating other people?
I think sometimes its so easy to work yourself up in your head about things and he's probably bobbing along blissfully unaware. If this is someone you want something more with you should be made to feel comfortable to tell him whatever you want and the same from him to you. I don't think distancing yourself from him will have the desired effect. I am assuming you want him to come to you, but thinking of it from the opposite perspective, if someone you're casually dating starts to give you the cold shoulder, it might make him go the complete other way thinking you're no longer interested.
I will just leave this gem here for you all to enjoy.
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Men looooove using us for free therapy. My friend went on this amazing first date with a guy who told her on the night that he was moving to Sweden the following week 
Seemed suss to me, I just don't see why you'd splash out on a lavish date days before you leave the country? Unless you wanted to ensure you had someone to visit you that is, and more importantly a guaranteed shag while you were away. He offered to buy her a plane ticket to visit him the next month which she was blown away by... But it all seemed a bit lovebomby to me tbh. Like they barely knew eachother, and he shouldn't really have been dating in the first place. I mean who willingly enters into a LDR unless the distance works to their advantage. She was super excited though so I didn't say anything.
She did visit him but things eventually ended, basically because he starting calling her all the time moaning about work and having meltdowns about really stressful days he had. She told him that he needed to chill tf out with it because it was really overwhelming for her and they were only seeing each other at that point. Obviously he didn't like that and things eventually fizzled, after which she realised he was just using her for emotional labour. He obviously thought he could buy a girlfriend experience for the price of a plane ticket every few months.
For me the decider was him buying her another plane ticket without asking, for a weekend when she already had plans. Clearly if he's not even consulting her then the 'relationship' (of sorts) that they have is all about what works for and what she can do for him, and he likely had another girl to offer it to - if not several - that he had on the go already
Seemed suss to me, I just don't see why you'd splash out on a lavish date days before you leave the country? Unless you wanted to ensure you had someone to visit you that is, and more importantly a guaranteed shag while you were away. He offered to buy her a plane ticket to visit him the next month which she was blown away by... But it all seemed a bit lovebomby to me tbh. Like they barely knew eachother, and he shouldn't really have been dating in the first place. I mean who willingly enters into a LDR unless the distance works to their advantage. She was super excited though so I didn't say anything.She did visit him but things eventually ended, basically because he starting calling her all the time moaning about work and having meltdowns about really stressful days he had. She told him that he needed to chill tf out with it because it was really overwhelming for her and they were only seeing each other at that point. Obviously he didn't like that and things eventually fizzled, after which she realised he was just using her for emotional labour. He obviously thought he could buy a girlfriend experience for the price of a plane ticket every few months.
For me the decider was him buying her another plane ticket without asking, for a weekend when she already had plans. Clearly if he's not even consulting her then the 'relationship' (of sorts) that they have is all about what works for and what she can do for him, and he likely had another girl to offer it to - if not several - that he had on the go already
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